Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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There are two goofballs who have not stepped away from our XBox all morning #MailTime Monday, December 23, 2013 11:46:09 AMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew suck it
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Monday, December 23, 2013 11:38:00 AMTwitter Web Client
"I'm a fray" - @MalJNew yesterdya evening. Was this actually a typo of cray? You said this in THREE different texts.. Monday, December 23, 2013 11:36:04 AMTwitter Web Client
Just came across the Lessard soundboard from London and I nearly pissed my pants Sunday, December 22, 2013 9:21:03 PMTwitter Web Client
@RockNationRadio @GadsdenMarc video from TSO http://t.co/yJcmZHxQSL Sunday, December 22, 2013 6:31:37 PMTwitter Web Client
Am I in a bubble? turntable.fm shut down on 12/2 and I just found out now? But I have a MILLION tech blogs on my feedly...... Sunday, December 22, 2013 4:09:46 PMTwitter Web Client
This Pope goes against everything I hate about the Catholic church. What a guy http://t.co/FfH4bBNk35 Sunday, December 22, 2013 1:41:20 PMTwitter Web Client
MTA alert emails really need to stop changing up their abbreviations. Messing with my Gmail Filters. Brooklyn = Bklyn OR BRKLYN OR BKLN. Friday, December 20, 2013 4:04:58 PMTwitter Web Client
Out server naming conventions can eat a dick. How am I supposed to know the difference between PSSS1QA and PSSIS1QA? Friday, December 20, 2013 4:04:18 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @KFCBarstool: These are great license plates. Not good. Great #YeahJeets RT @afeintesti: What do y'all think about the new plates? http:โ€ฆ Friday, December 20, 2013 3:14:17 PMTwitter Web Client
This emergency bullshit call is making me miss my 2PM meeting... AT THE BAR Friday, December 20, 2013 2:01:44 PMTwitter Web Client
Gabe, shut the fuck up. Friday, December 20, 2013 1:31:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Colin is still talking. Shut up Friday, December 20, 2013 12:15:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Colin, shut the fuck up. Friday, December 20, 2013 12:07:16 PMTwitter Web Client
0 sympathy for this family whatsoever. You're rich anyway shut the fuck up you crazy bible nutjobs and respect people http://t.co/d1ScQrV2a8 Friday, December 20, 2013 10:05:47 AMTwitter Web Client
Our new UX director looks like a stiff. Guy needs a couple of drinks to loosen up Friday, December 20, 2013 9:59:08 AMTwitter Web Client
Boss has a bottle of Elija Craig on his desk and I'm tempted to have some to cure my cold. Don't care that it's 9:45am Friday, December 20, 2013 9:45:44 AMTwitter Web Client
Just added an "All tweets from this day" button on my random tweet generator page: Sometimes, you need more context: http://t.co/fCUJcpfuRg Friday, December 20, 2013 1:28:17 AMTwitter Web Client
I don't want Mike McCready to play solos for me. I NEED Mike McCready to play solos for me: http://t.co/brUtGhshkp Friday, December 20, 2013 12:18:23 AMTwitter Web Client
If this doesn't make you cry your eyes out, then we probably couldn't be friends: http://t.co/T0IiiwOSdB Thursday, December 19, 2013 10:26:02 AMTwitter Web Client
fuck this shit. ima go play in the snow Tuesday, December 17, 2013 12:11:58 PMTwitter Web Client
Rollout sucked, rollback caused an outage, IT guy has some girly high school drama with me. what a great day Tuesday, December 17, 2013 12:08:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Gatsby themed holiday party BLOWS. How am I supposed to compete with overachievers who look like they just left the Boardwalk Empire set? Monday, December 16, 2013 4:37:56 PMTwitter Web Client
Blasting some RATM when you're pissed off is one of the best things possible Monday, December 16, 2013 3:54:39 PMTwitter Web Client
FRONT END TEAM: SHUT THE FUCK UP. ALL OF YOU Monday, December 16, 2013 3:09:20 PMTwitter Web Client
Literally played Traffic Racer on the shitter for 20 minutes. #mailtime CC: @SonicBlur23 Monday, December 16, 2013 2:48:52 PMTwitter Web Client
Look at these fucking suits. Might as well CUNCEL DA holiday party... We're not a startup anymore, Toto. http://t.co/aG2bsX33hx Monday, December 16, 2013 12:03:28 PMTwitter Web Client
It's official. I'm gonna drop dead of a heart attack at 35 because I'm a hyper, negative, lazy out of shape Type A personailty asshole. Monday, December 16, 2013 10:20:18 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm gonna punch someone in the face today Monday, December 16, 2013 9:37:31 AMTwitter Web Client
need to lose weight. feel like a tub of shit Friday, December 13, 2013 4:36:14 PMTwitter Web Client
4PM and I'm hungover as fuck still.. This is awful Friday, December 13, 2013 4:19:19 PMTwitter Web Client
Just made fun of Perl. Offended all the old dudes.... Thursday, December 12, 2013 6:13:19 PMTwitter Web Client
the fact that I memorized all the aspnet_regiis.exe switches demonstrates to me that I deal with too much bullshit Thursday, December 12, 2013 5:56:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Working at this company on this software combined with the shithole of Lower Manhattan and tourists... I need anger management Thursday, December 12, 2013 3:21:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Wordpress updates always scare me because of the potential to break my twitter app. Does this work? Thursday, December 12, 2013 1:13:58 PMTwitter Web Client
99 stupid ass bugs in the code
99 bugs in the code
patch one down, compile it around
117 bugs in the code
(via @XtinaSchelin) 		Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:58:52 AMTwitter Web Client
Joe P: "Yo AppFabric sucks a dick" Thursday, December 12, 2013 11:09:30 AMTwitter Web Client
CTO did NOT appreciate me blasting Christmas in Hollis while other suits were visiting Wednesday, December 11, 2013 5:37:53 PMTwitter Web Client
In theory, this shouldn't break #FiveWordTechHorrors @XtinaSchelin Wednesday, December 11, 2013 4:19:46 PMTwitter Web Client
The merge broke my build #FiveWordTechHorrors Wednesday, December 11, 2013 4:16:33 PMTwitter Web Client
PCI auditors have nonstop requests #FiveWordTechHorrors Wednesday, December 11, 2013 4:16:04 PMTwitter Web Client
Gonna change Gabe's title to "Knows it all" Wednesday, December 11, 2013 9:16:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Steve, I just sat down you stupid cunt. Get the fuck away from me Wednesday, December 11, 2013 8:53:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Now I need to figure out why this cuntish software doesn't compile Tuesday, December 10, 2013 7:43:53 PMTwitter Web Client
No kidding. Guy's a fuckin asshole. (But so were the other choices): http://t.co/NnVe92ABS2 Tuesday, December 10, 2013 2:15:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Random thought: Wish I could turn my desk into a drumset Monday, December 09, 2013 5:27:34 PMTwitter Web Client
Tell these Beauteeze skanks to stop assraping my API. 500 calls per minute? Cache. Jokers Monday, December 09, 2013 5:26:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Just had a legit "Happy Monday" lunch with my favorite @MalJNew Monday, December 09, 2013 2:57:03 PMTwitter Web Client
No, not excited to go to fuckin Newark. Buy a one way ticket there and it thinks I'm going there. For sure not. http://t.co/41b88yvYaX Thursday, December 05, 2013 9:46:41 PMTwitter Web Client
PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS Thursday, December 05, 2013 12:28:29 PMTwitter Web Client
This place sucks a dick. I'm so over it Wednesday, December 04, 2013 12:31:45 PMTwitter Web Client
I FUCKING HATE SECURITY AUDITORS Wednesday, December 04, 2013 12:29:13 PMTwitter Web Client
Natalia is flat out topless in her Facebook profile pic Wednesday, December 04, 2013 12:43:49 AMTwitter Web Client
This shit can eat my dick: http://t.co/32JRTyJxKX So fucking convoluted Tuesday, December 03, 2013 2:24:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Mad chill right now, you guys. Tuesday, December 03, 2013 9:34:46 AMTwitter Web Client
"He looks white out of one eye but pale out of the other" - @MalJNew "That's like saying he's black in one eye and negro in the other" mikey Sunday, December 01, 2013 5:57:31 PMTwitter Web Client
But I don't think you understand how amazing my girl's dinner was. Sunday, December 01, 2013 5:42:02 PMTwitter Web Client
wasted Sunday, December 01, 2013 4:47:07 PMTwitter Web Client
WTF. When I run this in a .bat file, it doesnt work but it does from the command line: curl -s -w %{http_code} http://t.co/n7C9fyrVoq Friday, November 29, 2013 9:55:34 AMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin When I read "my hands are typing words," it reminded me of you. idk why. I can picture you saying it. Happy Thanksgiving!
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
 Thursday, November 28, 2013 9:26:26 AMTwitter Web Client
I see Christopher Huntley still has a hard on for Drupal: http://t.co/reZ7yeru0b @GadsdenMarc @michellemm22 @__JLu Wednesday, November 27, 2013 12:22:22 AMTwitter Web Client
One of my mercurial comments on a checkin told a client to get their lives together Tuesday, November 26, 2013 1:08:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Trying to debug our piece of shit API because it crashes. Enabled crash dumps. In 20 seconds, it dumped 73 gigs. Fucking piece. Place sux Monday, November 25, 2013 3:26:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Sure this wasn't you, abusers? @__JLu http://t.co/e5xnfSKa18 Saturday, November 23, 2013 11:28:43 AMTwitter Web Client
Meg: "Also I have 2 questions for you because I believe you know everything" Duh. I've tweeted that I know it all before Thursday, November 21, 2013 12:58:22 PMTwitter Web Client
I can't stand this fucking company Wednesday, November 20, 2013 1:19:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Anyone have a copy of AM New York? I need to cut out multiple copies of Chris Christie's giant face. Wednesday, November 20, 2013 9:50:53 AMTwitter Web Client
I need a #YeahJeets shirt and I needed it 2 years ago when I first heard this story. Yes, I knew about this 2 years ago. Tuesday, November 19, 2013 12:20:40 PMTwitter Web Client
Fucking director of engineering... Asks for shit that can't be rolled back. I do it. Shit breaks. He freaks out. Tuesday, November 19, 2013 12:08:50 PMTwitter Web Client
@Fantasy_Mania #YeahJeets Tuesday, November 19, 2013 1:26:11 AMTwitter Web Client
20 years since Nirvana Unplugged in New York. Legit! โ™ชโ™ฌ Monday, November 18, 2013 10:44:24 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm a wild child today. I can just tell. Thursday, November 14, 2013 2:46:43 PMTwitter Web Client
Pussy magnet http://t.co/uaLqHqrRD2 Thursday, November 14, 2013 9:17:43 AMTwitter Web Client
You're a fucking asshole if your offing yourself results in delays for thousands: http://t.co/zSDEzIOFVg Death isn't good enough punishment Wednesday, November 13, 2013 12:32:34 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm all about jammin to ghetto old skool rap beats today. I'm talkin Nas, Geto Boys, Biggie. Yes I spelled it skool. Wednesday, November 13, 2013 12:26:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Aahhhh. This coffee's tight Wednesday, November 13, 2013 10:29:42 AMTwitter Web Client
BEST. WORK. EMAIL. EVER. "We want to make sure we have coverage at Beer Pong as well as Cornhole." #Uncubed Wednesday, November 13, 2013 9:59:41 AMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 I have a view of Jersey City and a construction site
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Tuesday, November 12, 2013 5:09:17 PMTwitter Web Client
What dumb bastards actually thought Poland Spring was from Poland? Nice opening line bro http://t.co/VRDxDnuLsE Tuesday, November 12, 2013 11:35:05 AMTwitter Web Client
Legit told our architect that our queues didn't work due to permissions. He flat out denied it. 20 mins later, he told me to fix permissions Tuesday, November 12, 2013 11:33:23 AMTwitter Web Client
If you checked into snowpocalypse on Foursquare for a couple of flurries, you're a fucking asshole. Tuesday, November 12, 2013 9:23:26 AMTwitter Web Client
A wise guy's always right. Even when he's wrong, he's right. Saturday, November 09, 2013 11:46:30 AMTwitter Web Client
This shit is tight: http://t.co/Az48j0Nzul Thursday, November 07, 2013 10:39:10 PMTwitter Web Client
How many fucking times do I need to tell these people I know it all. Just argued with my boss about something for 5 minutes and I was right Wednesday, November 06, 2013 4:58:08 PMTwitter Web Client
I look like an 80s porn star with this stache #Movember Wednesday, November 06, 2013 12:14:36 PMTwitter Web Client
Google doodle today is basically a giant cock Tuesday, November 05, 2013 9:59:14 AMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin COCKSUCKER has some nerve to tell me how to roll out my software at 12:34AM if he's not going to actually do anything Monday, November 04, 2013 7:24:27 PMTwitter Web Client
Huge thanks to @XtinaSchelin for fixing that revision checker bug. TIL: -0 is NOT < 0, it's <= 0 Monday, November 04, 2013 1:01:39 PMTwitter Web Client
This Movember thing... I'm gonna look like Creepster Mcgee Monday, November 04, 2013 1:44:46 AMTwitter Web Client
Was just asked to remove the smiley emoji I put on our system stats page because we haven't had incidents. We also have no sense of humor Friday, November 01, 2013 4:15:18 PMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin Um... The logic used to calculate the build status on the rev checker is dark magic. Have no clue how or why it works... Wednesday, October 30, 2013 1:51:26 AMTwitter Web Client
Whoever is eating tuna fish on this train really needs to reevaluate their life Tuesday, October 29, 2013 9:23:47 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm kind of awesome Saturday, October 26, 2013 10:44:38 AMTwitter Web Client
Vote for this shit you politician assed cunts: http://t.co/nAjRSeM94d Or else my commute starts to rape me in 2014 Thursday, October 24, 2013 3:29:05 PMTwitter Web Client
First line: "Connecticut is known for great pizza" FOR SURE NOT. CT Pizza is ass http://t.co/WEyBwvsuek Wednesday, October 23, 2013 9:23:05 AMTwitter Web Client
Things I don't need on a Tuesday morning: TK's saggy assed floppy bra-less titties #VOM Tuesday, October 22, 2013 10:16:26 AMTwitter Web Client
I WILL unfollow you on Instagram if every single picture you post is a fucking BitStrips comic Monday, October 21, 2013 9:38:18 AMTwitter Web Client
My boy Barry on Metro North made my day again. They told him to stop telling people "no wiggling" but he did it anyway. #badass Monday, October 21, 2013 9:11:58 AMTwitter Web Client
JON LESTAH, THE DODGIZZZ CAN SCRATCH OUT A RUN AND DELIVAH #NUMBAHONE Thursday, October 17, 2013 1:13:12 PMTwitter Web Client
This one time, I picked my fingernail and put it in my belly button. Found it three days later #barstoolconfessions Wednesday, October 16, 2013 7:54:11 PMTwitter Web Client
The fact that we're running web servers that are joined to three different domains that don't trust one another can eat my dick. Wednesday, October 16, 2013 3:43:08 PMTwitter Web Client
New intern's gotta be the Pool's Closed meme guy's younger brother. http://t.co/Mi8gupalIB Wednesday, October 16, 2013 9:40:01 AMTwitter Web Client
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โ•šโ•โ•

Lol. Firing my laser. 		Tuesday, October 15, 2013 9:31:34 PMTwitter Web Client
Three people asked me to print something for them today. Do I look like I fucking secretary? Tuesday, October 15, 2013 5:49:56 PMTwitter Web Client
Just ordered this and shipped it to my office: http://t.co/Rr9q7Kchvx Tuesday, October 15, 2013 5:04:51 PMTwitter Web Client
no wonder everyone hates php. Some API shit I did in CURL from the shell in 30 secs took me 40 mins to port to php because it's convoluted Tuesday, October 15, 2013 2:30:08 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @KFCBarstool I'm in full blown hate mode today. If you got hate in your heart let it out! #HateHateHateHate
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Tuesday, October 15, 2013 1:34:22 PMTwitter Web Client
I hate everything today Tuesday, October 15, 2013 1:32:38 PMTwitter Web Client
New intern is probably a serial killer... Monday, October 14, 2013 4:59:55 PMTwitter Web Client
My mom just called me at work. Topics included Masters and Johnson, the carnival in my town, vacation days, my lunch and an interview Monday, October 14, 2013 1:20:35 PMTwitter Web Client
Just spotted this on Reddit. I imagine this is what keeps our servers running: http://t.co/LSsEUox50w Sunday, October 13, 2013 11:45:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Fixing problems at #Booker: "well, then, i believe i know the issue, and that's that i need to take a tire iron to Nikolay" Friday, October 11, 2013 4:45:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Firefox... Now WORSE than Internet Explorer
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Friday, October 11, 2013 1:47:36 PMTwitter Web Client
Statistics prove that Firefox is a fucking piece of shit. http://t.co/P02gIFqyPb Friday, October 11, 2013 1:47:17 PMTwitter Web Client
The front end dev who rips ass all the time is now talking about drinking breast milk. #THEFUCK Friday, October 11, 2013 10:10:11 AMTwitter Web Client
For sure not RT @uberfacts Cuddling with a teddy bear releases the same amount of endorphins as having sex - Putting you in a good mood. Thursday, October 10, 2013 2:08:52 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm gassier than Gaurav today Thursday, October 10, 2013 2:08:26 PMTwitter Web Client
I think I bitched so much about how many meetings we had that I'm no longer welcome, because I was uninvited from like 5 of them. Wednesday, October 09, 2013 4:55:14 PMTwitter Web Client
@mozilla Firefox is a piece of shit. Wednesday, October 09, 2013 2:25:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Our iOS guy is legit carving a pumpkin right now.... Tuesday, October 08, 2013 4:29:27 PMTwitter Web Client
SCRIPT EVERYTHING Tuesday, October 08, 2013 4:24:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Jesus Christ Google, you suck balls. Nice error message, you redundant fuck http://t.co/a6zFL7UhgJ Monday, October 07, 2013 10:02:36 AMTwitter Web Client
@KFCBarstool Not as bad as Dexter becoming a lumberjack and stealing a dead body from the morgue
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
 Monday, October 07, 2013 1:11:42 AMTwitter Web Client
@smstemp You have the blood pressure of a 7 year old. Do you not eat salt?
In reply to @smstemp's tweet
 Friday, October 04, 2013 6:18:17 PMTwitter Web Client
FUCK THIS PLACE. Dry as a bone. Both kegs tapped. Friday, October 04, 2013 5:47:04 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm in the mood to get shitfaced on margs tonight. Also, it's 3:30 and biddies are hittin' up the keg, so I'ma do the same son Friday, October 04, 2013 3:30:08 PMTwitter Web Client
shitshow: http://t.co/hWfnd8nR7i Friday, October 04, 2013 12:59:09 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew I'M SETTING UP FUCKING SERVERS FOR CUNTS IN PHONENIX
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Thursday, October 03, 2013 9:33:34 PMTwitter Web Client
THE ONLY THING I DO IS DEAL WITH MOTHERFUCKIN BROKEN SOFTWARE ALL GOD DAMN DAY. Thursday, October 03, 2013 9:28:02 PMTwitter Web Client
Apple: Now just as unreliable as #booker. #503 #serverproblems #servicenotavailable http://t.co/VttnJsmFzg Thursday, October 03, 2013 8:23:03 PMTwitter Web Client
If this fucking application crashes, just one more time, I'm going to kill a kitten Thursday, October 03, 2013 4:17:19 PMTwitter Web Client
"Our CPU dashboard looks like a fucking mountain range" - My boss http://t.co/ZRA6c1AFYd Thursday, October 03, 2013 1:19:19 PMTwitter Web Client
THAT TIME THE SERVERS ARE SO FUCKED UP YOUR PHONE IS GETTING TEXTED ONCE EVERY 10 SECONDS. I SHUT IT OFF Thursday, October 03, 2013 12:57:50 PMTwitter Web Client
The first photograph ever taken looked like shit: http://t.co/hE9YJra8PF Guy should have been ashamed of the quality.... Thursday, October 03, 2013 11:24:50 AMTwitter Web Client
I need to estivate. Summer is too damn hot! RT @uberfacts Sleeping through hot and dry periods like summer is called estivation. Wednesday, October 02, 2013 4:27:15 PMTwitter Web Client
My to do list is Re God Damn Diculous Wednesday, October 02, 2013 12:46:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Just made my work Skype profile pic Barstool's MikeFrancesa Numbah One T-Shirt Wednesday, October 02, 2013 12:06:20 PMTwitter Web Client
MIND. BLOWN. Just found out that green and blue Monster energy drinks are the same flavor but one is low carb. OOPS Tuesday, October 01, 2013 4:25:58 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy October, bitches Tuesday, October 01, 2013 12:00:12 AMTwitter Web Client
#bitches You can't get more top notch than I am. Fuck all you suits who think you know it all. Monday, September 30, 2013 11:59:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Our facebook app was broken. Came home from the bar. Bitch on call had no clue. CTO said we couldn't be drunk and I fixed it anyway. SUCK IT Monday, September 30, 2013 11:38:14 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm also gassier than Gaurav, except I don't rip ass loudly at my desk or walk around in circles creepily while methane dissipates Monday, September 30, 2013 4:12:11 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm legit tallying the number of times Steve Lo comes to my desk. We're at 7 times for the day so far. Monday, September 30, 2013 4:11:28 PMTwitter Web Client
I correlate the fact that I tweet much less and fewer batshit tweets to me no longer being a raging alcoholic. Monday, September 30, 2013 12:52:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Just got an email from the CTO that today is the last day of the month. I'm going to promote you to CEO, Obvious Solutions, LLC. Monday, September 30, 2013 9:56:26 AMTwitter Web Client
You can do amazing things with curl. APIs are legitimate Sunday, September 29, 2013 11:18:12 PMTwitter Web Client
If Cashman keeps Hughes in 2014, he seriously has brain damage. Who goes 1-10 at HOME in 16 starts. BYE Thursday, September 26, 2013 2:48:05 PMTwitter Web Client
My problem with this image is that they left out the part where Firefox crashes: https://t.co/w1MP8sEzzw Tuesday, September 24, 2013 2:32:33 PMTwitter Web Client
This is how my release is going, except pretend this is an ugly chick: http://t.co/EJoA2kn7E5 Tuesday, September 24, 2013 2:27:52 AMTwitter Web Client
TMobile is ready to push an OTA to the Moto X. Verizon continues to be 7 years behind in software updates. FASTER! FASTER! Tuesday, September 24, 2013 1:53:48 AMTwitter Web Client
Could have sworn I heard Electric Guest- This Head I Hold playing outside, but it was just crickets. #bookertrippin #fried Monday, September 23, 2013 8:07:56 PMTwitter Web Client
For real though. How the fuck is Firefox using 2.5GB of RAM. Fuck that browser Monday, September 23, 2013 7:51:54 PMTwitter Web Client
Anup, it's release night. I don't give a fuck about your Unit Test XML result parsing app you want me to integrate into the tests. Fuck off Monday, September 23, 2013 6:09:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Bunch of fucking suits Monday, September 23, 2013 2:51:14 PMTwitter Web Client
I FUCKING hate how corporate this fucking company has become. I cannot stand it and they can fuck themselves. Monday, September 23, 2013 2:51:03 PMTwitter Web Client
I have the same ringtone on my Moto X as Ray Donovan. I'm a God damn baller. Monday, September 23, 2013 2:01:56 PMTwitter Web Client
There is no reason I would need this at this point, but if I had money to blow and it didn't matter, GIMMIE: http://t.co/kTpgZSCPn4 Monday, September 23, 2013 10:54:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Google absolutely killed it with the new Nexus 7 commercial. ADORABLE http://t.co/15akjUwrWB Sunday, September 22, 2013 10:12:13 PMTwitter Web Client
Someone put a dick in Carrie Underwood's mouth to shut her up. Absolute disgrace. Butchering the Beatles Sunday, September 22, 2013 9:46:50 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @Kmarkobarstool: Boobs presented by Sofia Vergara http://t.co/J3bv1eH2Qu Sunday, September 22, 2013 9:42:16 PMTwitter Web Client
YES!! Bobby Cannavale wins! Sick role in Boardwalk Empire last season as Gyp Rosetti, although I didn't need to see your dick bro. Sunday, September 22, 2013 9:39:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Been playing with the Foursquare API. I can now check in to work from the command line or script it. I usually forget to from my phone Sunday, September 22, 2013 5:14:26 PMTwitter Web Client
I mean, KFC is a funny ass writer, but he can eat a bag of dicks for this tweet: https://t.co/wgPCc3OAfm Sunday, September 22, 2013 2:48:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Polly wants a cracker Sunday, September 22, 2013 11:04:24 AMTwitter Web Client
First time touching Drupal modules and permissions since 2010... SUCKS. "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" -Chris Huntley @__JLu @GadsdenMarc Thursday, September 19, 2013 4:58:37 PMTwitter Web Client
41 mins and counting waiting on fuckin suit approval to reboot a server that will have no impact on anything. Used to make the call myself Thursday, September 19, 2013 1:32:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Working at a startup (well maybe we're not anymore), this is a fascinating read about Google's early days: http://t.co/XQdmxpT71F Thursday, September 19, 2013 12:09:16 PMTwitter Web Client
#booker, where our devs spend a month optimizing the codebase and the end result is 65% worse performance.... We're awesome you guys Wednesday, September 18, 2013 5:19:01 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @XtinaSchelin: Sweet monkey christ, why is @FogBugz breaking so hard? #sadface Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:38:16 AMTwitter Web Client
Alina = Alma
Malori = Maroney

According to 22 Cortland St. Fire Wardens... 		Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:38:03 AMTwitter Web Client
@FogCreek's On Demand FogBugz/Kiln is choking on five cocks this morning Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:27:15 AMTwitter Web Client
My GI tract can really go fuck itself the past few weeks. This is some bullshit (literally) Tuesday, September 17, 2013 8:05:47 PMTwitter Web Client
But what the fuck is this query doing? Deleting our 900GB DB character by character? Fucking shit is running all day Tuesday, September 17, 2013 5:22:48 PMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin What is your opinion of using a positive anymore? http://t.co/mjXO5boQNi Tuesday, September 17, 2013 1:04:14 AMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Sometimes I write notes to myself as tweets and search them later using my twitter app.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Monday, September 16, 2013 4:19:36 PMTwitter Web Client
Disable UAC: REG ADD HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\System\ /v EnableLUA /t REG_DWORD /d 00000000 /f Monday, September 16, 2013 4:04:12 PMTwitter Web Client
HOLD THE PHONE. New York State changed the licenses again? They're no longer flexible? The fuck. That was NY's signature Monday, September 16, 2013 1:32:17 PMTwitter Web Client
What in the actual fuck is wrong with skype this morning. Monday, September 16, 2013 11:39:25 AMTwitter Web Client
CUNCEL DA ROLLOUT Monday, September 16, 2013 9:03:06 AMTwitter Web Client
Stein grabbed a beer. I told him I had to catch up "Yeah but this is my first one... Well, I had a 6-pack at lunch" Friday, September 13, 2013 5:45:57 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm getting drunk tonight and playing some steel drums Friday, September 13, 2013 5:27:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Had to take my wallet out of my back pocket. It was so fat with hundos, it was detracting from my ass struttin' abilities #douchebagtweet Thursday, September 12, 2013 9:58:32 AMTwitter Web Client
Quote of the year, via @KFCBarstool: "Nobody really gives a shit about God and Satan. You know what people love? Fucking and Harry Potter." Wednesday, September 11, 2013 1:40:38 PMTwitter Web Client
I am Zoney McZonerson today Wednesday, September 11, 2013 12:35:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Mal. You can't wear that red skirt in the office and strut dat ass around without me wanting to bite it. Ya heard? Monday, September 09, 2013 4:00:50 PMTwitter Web Client
This place is a fucking circus http://t.co/PfNWLxUsxC Monday, September 09, 2013 10:57:54 AMTwitter Web Client
DBAs just added an email trigger every time there's a deadlock on production. I'm getting fucking spammed. Piece of shit system... Monday, September 09, 2013 9:11:45 AMTwitter Web Client
Cheers to this fucking idiot. Paid my credit card twice. Now I have a positive balance Sunday, September 08, 2013 11:48:14 PMTwitter Web Client
@Fantasy_Mania Football day in the office http://t.co/Wsvq0vK6uq Friday, September 06, 2013 6:05:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Christ, @Lennon. Way to sneak up on me and interrupt my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram browsing. Thought the system crashed or it was my boss. Friday, September 06, 2013 4:16:11 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin 95% CPU all day on our DB, fuckin deadlocks. Jesus Christ... Friday, September 06, 2013 3:30:01 PMTwitter Web Client
How awesome would it be if Putin just sucker punched Obama in the face? Fuckin Putin is an animal Friday, September 06, 2013 11:34:38 AMTwitter Web Client
@ky9 But I don't like the software on the HTC One or GS4.
In reply to @ky9's tweet
 Thursday, September 05, 2013 9:25:17 AMTwitter Web Client
@ky9 I love it but if you wait a bit, you can customize its colors and the price will drop. Other good ones are the Galaxy S4 or HTC One
In reply to @ky9's tweet
 Thursday, September 05, 2013 9:24:36 AMTwitter Web Client
Might have to pull the trigger and do a bulimic on this BK I just ate.... Trust me. I'll feel better. Thursday, September 05, 2013 12:12:50 AMTwitter Web Client
At least Hughes' collapse isn't as grand as Tebow's Wednesday, September 04, 2013 6:54:58 PMTwitter Web Client
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL @PhilHughes65 to the bullpen. I said this a year ago bro: http://t.co/lBSLU8QiVc AND https://t.co/VHjGE6mS96 Wednesday, September 04, 2013 6:47:11 PMTwitter Web Client
They wanted to go to the bar, but I'm over here gettin hammered writing some deployment scripts for our new load balanced staging gig Wednesday, September 04, 2013 6:38:41 PMTwitter Web Client
beer and free salad... Breakfast of champions! Wednesday, September 04, 2013 6:37:39 PMTwitter Web Client
@VZWSupport @__JLu Nice bot, Verizon... Now actually fix your shit so I can auto activate phones without calling a live rep
In reply to @VZWSupport's tweet
 Wednesday, September 04, 2013 3:08:34 PMTwitter Web Client
โ€œ...no amount of American lives can resolve the political disagreement that lies at the heart of someone elseโ€™s civil war.โ€ - Obama in 2007 Wednesday, September 04, 2013 2:45:58 PMTwitter Web Client
It's not my fault I can't look at your face if your nips are that perky through your clothes. Tuesday, September 03, 2013 2:57:38 PMTwitter Web Client
Time Warner Cable chokes on the tiniest cock possible. A fuckin cup and string can provide better internet service Friday, August 30, 2013 11:15:35 PMTwitter Web Client
Labor day weekend ruined by an understaffed, shittily coded piece of shit crashy system that I have to watch. Friday, August 30, 2013 5:02:45 PMTwitter Web Client
Gaurav's screensaver is blowing my mind right now. Fuckin acid trip tunnel sex magik Thursday, August 29, 2013 6:09:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Why would these dumb ass bitches install SQL Server reporting services on a fucking web server? Another thing for me to reconfigure Thursday, August 29, 2013 4:13:44 PMTwitter Web Client
It looks like I have a fuckin smallpox scab on my face Thursday, August 29, 2013 4:03:20 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm sorry, but Marcy Playground's first album is absolutely phenominal #90s Thursday, August 29, 2013 1:14:56 PMTwitter Web Client
@KeriAHarrison I take it one step further. I elbow check, walk into, push and/or yell at assholes who can't walk RIGHT on the street.
In reply to @KeriAHarrison's tweet
 Thursday, August 29, 2013 12:29:02 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin pineapple juice leaked all over my clothes in my bag Thursday, August 29, 2013 12:26:27 PMTwitter Web Client
When Kramer hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan http://t.co/t9zoXW1imO Thursday, August 29, 2013 1:33:58 AMTwitter Web Client
Rackspace Cloud couldn't recover our slice after a host machine failure. I didn't have an image. Jesus fucking Christ. Thursday, August 29, 2013 1:30:15 AMTwitter Web Client
What the fuck happened to the Windows 8 Foursquare app? It got pulled? The eff, Microsoft. Wednesday, August 28, 2013 9:11:04 PMTwitter Web Client
I have a dreamcast! http://t.co/s41iDawszw Wednesday, August 28, 2013 9:08:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Protip: The RackSpace Cloud sucks balls. Do not use it Wednesday, August 28, 2013 3:57:11 PMTwitter Web Client
Whoever burned popcorn in this office really needs to go fuck themselves Tuesday, August 27, 2013 6:24:22 PMTwitter Web Client
VP of engineering lost it on someone in his office. I was staring and got caught looking. hhhhhhhhh Tuesday, August 27, 2013 9:38:39 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @VZWnews: Ready to #MeetMotoX with Verizon #4G LTE? Available online 8/29 & in stores in the coming weeks. $199.99 on contract http://t.โ€ฆ Monday, August 26, 2013 5:25:08 PMTwitter Web Client
i was some kind of weird yesterday and wrote a script to help with today's rollout. it ran perfectly today and helped immensely. Monday, August 26, 2013 1:33:35 PMTwitter Web Client
FUCKING ampersand in this password. Escaping ampersands in bash when you need to write it out to a file is bull fucking shit Monday, August 26, 2013 1:26:50 PMTwitter Web Client
Absolutely OBSESSED with Dave Grohl: http://t.co/GAgXolmfHR Monday, August 26, 2013 8:57:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Dr. Drew should do a Candy Crush Rehab show or some shit Sunday, August 25, 2013 9:03:24 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @EricMinick: "You took the whole dev team down because you took the lazy way out" #CITCON Quality is fast Saturday, August 24, 2013 5:25:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Cuncel da human race: http://t.co/Ay7n1Y7Odz Friday, August 23, 2013 1:47:11 AMTwitter Web Client
Just blocked event invites on Facebook from Becky Karen Meza on the grounds that I don't give a fuck about your 5000 fitness events Friday, August 23, 2013 1:37:57 AMTwitter Web Client
BS. I'm fat & the least calm RT @uberfacts People who remain calm in stressful situations tend to have higher rates of depression &obesity
In reply to @UberFacts's tweet
 Thursday, August 22, 2013 11:24:16 AMTwitter Web Client
OH. MY. GOD. Kids on the train. SHUT THE FUCK UP Thursday, August 22, 2013 11:22:41 AMTwitter Web Client
8AM rollout on my day off Thursday, August 22, 2013 8:48:59 AMTwitter Web Client
Going to Boston for like one night. My mom gives me a surgical mask to bring. THE FUCK. Wednesday, August 21, 2013 9:53:24 PMTwitter Web Client
Just found out the George Washington Bridge cuts through Manhattan. Mind. Blown. Wednesday, August 21, 2013 9:52:25 PMTwitter Web Client
The entire RackSpace cloud is a piece of shit. Fuck their cloud servers, fuck OpenStack, fuck their block storage, fuck it all Wednesday, August 21, 2013 5:53:18 PMTwitter Web Client
In the words of Xtina: You suck diseased donkey wang Tuesday, August 20, 2013 2:48:42 AMTwitter Web Client
The calm before the release Monday, August 19, 2013 11:32:02 PMTwitter Web Client
It's beer o'clock in the office. I don't want any. What the fuck happened. Friday, August 16, 2013 3:54:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Gonna try something new. Something just happened that usually would have caused me to rage or get even. I'm going to just be like whatever Friday, August 16, 2013 1:04:21 PMTwitter Web Client
@dannyrob88 You're a dick.
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
 Friday, August 16, 2013 10:10:41 AMTwitter Web Client
this guy can officially go fuck himself Friday, August 16, 2013 9:30:54 AMTwitter Web Client
SSIS Configuration makes me want to OD on xanax Thursday, August 15, 2013 5:18:35 PMTwitter Web Client
First you want me to get to the point. Now you want me to be a little more clear? Now you're deaded and get NOTHING from me today. Thursday, August 15, 2013 10:39:36 AMTwitter Web Client
Jesus Christ. Please explain to me how this image got uploaded to a production webserver in the web root? http://t.co/iQ8zVQihzS Thursday, August 15, 2013 9:25:05 AMTwitter Web Client
@scoopANDslam LOL. Jered. Jeff Weaver got caught smoking in a plane bathrooms while trying to bang flight attendants
In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet
 Wednesday, August 14, 2013 9:33:29 PMTwitter Web Client
It's 2013. If you autoplay music on your corporate website, you deserve to go out of business. This is neither 2001 nor MySpace Wednesday, August 14, 2013 9:31:25 PMTwitter Web Client
See... I don't mess around. I told you it was public. #firefoxsucks Even with a clean profile and no extensions... http://t.co/QwpQbjrc9j
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
 Wednesday, August 14, 2013 5:08:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Whenever piece of shit Firefox crashes, I always troll them. These comments are public btw http://t.co/CrJuy7ewSv Wednesday, August 14, 2013 4:43:18 PMTwitter Web Client
[3:32:23 PM] Gio: You wore a nice shirt yesterday. 100000:2 Wednesday, August 14, 2013 3:32:04 PMTwitter Web Client
[3:31:41 PM] Joe P: Gio's douche comment to nice comment ratio is 1000000:1 Wednesday, August 14, 2013 3:31:27 PMTwitter Web Client
Brent Ozar is going over our queries and just found a query that, in his words, "Sucks the big one" Wednesday, August 14, 2013 10:39:42 AMTwitter Web Client
#booker http://t.co/zFz49QEjZX Tuesday, August 13, 2013 4:15:19 PMTwitter Web Client
Joe P: "The way we implemented it was like if a clown picked up darts and started throwing them at a fucking dart board" #booker Tuesday, August 13, 2013 2:54:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck the fucking RackSpace Cloud. Get me AWS up in this bitch Tuesday, August 13, 2013 11:16:32 AMTwitter Web Client

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