5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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The firewalls are overloaded, a CPU failed in our SQL cluster, we're doing a half assed rollout Monday night and I'm on call #fuckmylife Sunday, April 24, 2016 8:11:56 AMTwitter Web Client
Alexey sucks a dick at documentation Friday, April 22, 2016 1:24:29 PMTwitter Web Client
Marketing dept over at @Azure: "Our portal is such a fuckin piece of shit, you might as well just do everything through Powershell" Friday, April 22, 2016 12:20:07 PMTwitter Web Client
2001 on loop all day long and I'm all like "fuck you too bitch call the cops" Wednesday, April 20, 2016 3:41:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Get this fuckin corpse away from my desk. Asks me if sql scripts were run in 2014. How the hell should I know. What are you a comedian? Tuesday, April 19, 2016 3:22:29 PMTwitter Web Client
#AzurePortal https://t.co/osWNTCVYZN Sunday, April 17, 2016 1:29:32 AMTwitter Web Client
What dumb bitch at @Azure thought it was a good idea for the portal to scroll horizontally? Thing keeps auto scrolling and spazzing out Sunday, April 17, 2016 1:26:04 AMTwitter Web Client
Azure sucks 12 dicks Friday, April 15, 2016 7:13:14 PMTwitter Web Client
@scoopandslam Hipster millennials living paycheck to paycheck with college debt who think some dark magician can fix everything!
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
Wednesday, April 13, 2016 1:05:52 PMTwitter Web Client
When will @PaulONeillYES be in the broadcast booth and can he please throw a water cooler at @RealMichaelKay ? Tuesday, April 12, 2016 2:15:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Dude. PHP 7 is fuckin fast (for a scripting language) Tuesday, April 12, 2016 2:13:15 PMTwitter Web Client
My junk is legitimately wearing a hole out in my jeans Thursday, April 07, 2016 5:34:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy Opening Day (Take 2)! Tuesday, April 05, 2016 1:02:55 PMTwitter Web Client
The entire @NYCTSubway sucked 12 dicks this morning. https://t.co/qLjU9aurhz Tuesday, April 05, 2016 10:49:36 AMTwitter Web Client
Just told our security analyst that if she saw any alerts for a production linux server, it was me trying to guess the root password Tuesday, March 29, 2016 10:40:30 AMTwitter Web Client
Probably need to rebuild my VPS because fuckin apt-get is a piece of shit and fucked up all my mysql dependencies #forfuckssake Monday, March 28, 2016 12:25:20 AMTwitter Web Client
Grammar brah. Too lazy to tweet it again properly
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Saturday, March 26, 2016 12:45:33 AMTwitter Web Client
I've got @MalJNew is yelling at me for being on my computer coding, yet at the same time @BadPointer is all like: https://t.co/6wUlXkgBtz Saturday, March 26, 2016 12:44:12 AMTwitter Web Client
This bag of vino's going down reallll smooth you guys. #Klassy Saturday, March 26, 2016 12:07:36 AMTwitter Web Client
When a VP asks you to join a meeting, replying "nah son" is both hysterical and probably not recommended Wednesday, March 23, 2016 10:58:51 AMTwitter Web Client
Have 32 bit VM and the official redis Windows port is x64 only, so I compiled it as x86 myself. Enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyy Tuesday, March 22, 2016 9:47:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Come on, Boaty McBoatFace is the best boat name ever. Even @XtinaSchelin supports renaming one of our servers to ServerMcServerFace01 Monday, March 21, 2016 5:24:13 PMTwitter Web Client
Gotta love my dev team talking about point of sale user stories #JustTheTip https://t.co/YeSEVj3rIK Monday, March 21, 2016 4:11:43 PMTwitter Web Client
In internet argument with Motorola forum mods trying to explain that there is no way in icy hell this is patched: https://t.co/mIQhbQktng Monday, March 21, 2016 3:26:59 PMTwitter Web Client
The Black keys were so much more awesome when they were grungy/blusey. They got all mainstream hipster and around/after El Camino Thursday, March 17, 2016 4:10:46 PMTwitter Web Client
What kind of savage asshole would bring pizza into the conference room next to my desk while I'm on day 3/3 of my juice cleanse? Wednesday, March 16, 2016 12:10:29 PMTwitter Web Client
It was a VP in the technology department, which makes this even better.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Friday, March 11, 2016 10:38:28 AMTwitter Web Client
If you're a VP at a tech company, get your account compromised and send the entire company phishing emails, you're an asshole Friday, March 11, 2016 10:36:22 AMTwitter Web Client
If you buy an Android phone from a carrier, you're an asshole. Only buy an unlocked phone with no bloatware! https://t.co/PdpY3ATRUM Thursday, March 10, 2016 4:14:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Can you motherfuckers be loud somewhere else? Tuesday, March 08, 2016 5:27:13 PMTwitter Web Client
To the people who said my powershell was too weak, suck my dick. Just wait until you see what I'm about to drop onto github. Monday, March 07, 2016 4:47:51 AMTwitter Web Client
Protip: If you put a torch on an LCD monitor, you'll end up with stuck pixels Friday, March 04, 2016 5:35:23 PMTwitter Web Client
It's GOTTA suck if your last name is poon. Your last name is a slang vagina. Friday, March 04, 2016 5:13:45 PMTwitter Web Client
'Cause this is my United States of WHATEVER Friday, March 04, 2016 5:09:44 PMTwitter Web Client
IDK how i feel about the Pope popping up on my timeline after I tweet some BS #goingtohell https://t.co/3VgiDHVKAv Friday, March 04, 2016 4:34:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Freddy's a fuckin G. Last week, he's fingerblasting. This week, he's got milfs. Friday, March 04, 2016 4:30:38 PMTwitter Web Client
Freddy's mackin' on this milf right now. O shit. She just slid over a seat at the bar. #getitin Friday, March 04, 2016 3:57:34 PMTwitter Web Client
@Android Fix this fuckin bluetooth bug so I stop factory resetting my phone 6 times a week https://t.co/By330odfZs
In reply to @Android's tweet
Thursday, March 03, 2016 4:46:56 PMTwitter Web Client
https://t.co/WEzzYeR4F6 https://t.co/tXWDQeDhgg Thursday, March 03, 2016 4:41:23 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu They'd upsell a pile of shit if they could. Aggressive upsell tactics, SOPA support, shittu UX/UI and the elephant killing CEO: BAI 👋
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Thursday, March 03, 2016 2:48:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Career advice, with @portfolioso https://t.co/Q8ab62cVf7 Thursday, March 03, 2016 10:30:24 AMTwitter Web Client
@RockNationRadio Now that. That, I'll go see
In reply to @RockNationRadio's tweet
Thursday, March 03, 2016 10:15:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Everything about GoDaddy sucks a dick. Even transferring out. Thursday, March 03, 2016 9:30:37 AMTwitter Web Client
@BarstoolJJ So do they retroactively suspend David Justice?
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Tuesday, March 01, 2016 4:49:08 PMTwitter Web Client
I owe New York State $5 in taxes. I hope they use it to fix the MTA. Tuesday, March 01, 2016 4:06:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin Google sheets. I shouldn't be able to completely crash and hang your web app locally with a specially crafted use of functions... Monday, February 29, 2016 11:29:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Leo: "OMG Climate change is bad"

**hops on private jet** 		Monday, February 29, 2016 4:57:32 PMTwitter Web Client
I use really mature names for my variables... https://t.co/3Ncm5NU43N Monday, February 29, 2016 4:47:49 PMTwitter Web Client
It just took my boss 15 minutes to ask around and figure out 3 DNS records we need to add. Logging in and looking himself would have taken 2 Monday, February 29, 2016 3:58:15 PMTwitter Web Client
@RMerlinDev Do you have any insight on why ASUS development slowed down recently? Friday, February 26, 2016 5:44:40 PMTwitter Web Client
Since when does fuckin oil dictate how the entire stock market works? And one day it's up 10% the other day it's down 10%. Volatile cunts. Tuesday, February 23, 2016 6:56:54 PMTwitter Web Client
SECURITY GUY. TERMINATED
https://t.co/0exgAApyCI 		Friday, February 19, 2016 5:42:17 PMTwitter Web Client
Normally, I'd be concerned with him spending the weekend lifting data and adding backdoors, but he's too fuckin stupid to do that Friday, February 19, 2016 10:33:48 AMTwitter Web Client
What kind of dumb bitch works from home on his last day? I need your RSA token and laptop back idiot. And it's the security guy. Real secure Friday, February 19, 2016 10:33:18 AMTwitter Web Client
Spoiler Alert: In last week's X-Files, Mulder does mushrooms, sees some crazy shit and solves the crime. Friday, February 19, 2016 10:19:23 AMTwitter Web Client
EVERYTHING IS BROKEN. NOTHING WORKS. Thursday, February 18, 2016 4:41:27 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't get why this ignoramus is breaking my balls when his last day is tomorrow. We'd benefit more if he did NOTHING. cc @XtinaSchelin Thursday, February 18, 2016 9:41:32 AMTwitter Web Client
@TWC_Ohio You guys upgrading to Maxx in Columbus anytime soon? Ohio Internet is in the dark ages and there's no motivation to compete. Wednesday, February 17, 2016 6:00:09 PMTwitter Web Client
The Federal Reserve is useless. There is 0 point to this idiotic corporation. They don't know anything: https://t.co/sUjIDBzpSo Wednesday, February 17, 2016 3:55:00 PMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin Your boss just tried tying his personal github account to Whitehat... Not an SSH key. Not an access token/service acct. Tuesday, February 16, 2016 3:16:16 PMTwitter Web Client
Google Chrome Pet Peeve: They removed the 'danger' keyboard shortcut to get around bad SSL cert warnings. CC @XtinaSchelin Thursday, February 11, 2016 11:00:25 AMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Tracking is off, brah
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Wednesday, February 10, 2016 10:00:38 AMTwitter Web Client
You @__JLu: curl -H "Accept: text/plain" https://t.co/quRK1986TZ Monday, February 08, 2016 11:22:36 AMTwitter Web Client
What kind of asshole product people does @google have working on their Contacts preview in Gmail... Shit is weak. Half my groups are missing Tuesday, February 02, 2016 5:48:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Yo @AmericanExpress The gift card balance checking site has been down for like 2 months. Get your lives together? https://t.co/L3tI9Xt4er Monday, February 01, 2016 5:26:45 PMTwitter Web Client
Wow. it legit cannot get any easier. All you do is pip install twitter, then this: https://t.co/EPKvfgtSji Monday, February 01, 2016 1:10:57 AMTwitter Web Client
This is exactly the kind of bullshit Pearl Jam didn't stand for in 1994 when they battled Ticketmaster. They lost. https://t.co/NuDBOdNFz5 Friday, January 29, 2016 5:02:10 PMTwitter Web Client
Cunts @Ticketmaster Friday, January 29, 2016 4:26:24 PMTwitter Web Client
Any dev writing software who stores settings in the registry, %appdata% or ProgramData under their first/last name is an asshole. Thursday, January 28, 2016 1:38:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Went to bar. Came back to work. Solved 3 issues instantly. Thursday, January 21, 2016 4:42:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Yo @Microsoft, <3 you guys but @Skype 7.18.0.109 is a crashy, unstable piece of crap on Windows 10. k thx bye Thursday, January 21, 2016 12:27:25 PMTwitter Web Client
My @googlechrome pet peeve: If a JS modal pops up in another tab, it immediately switches you to that tab, interrupting what I'm doing Thursday, January 21, 2016 11:55:48 AMTwitter Web Client
Ticketmaster can go fuck themselves. Clearly Pearl Jam didn't win the war against them in '94. https://t.co/dKS3Og6FDW Wednesday, January 20, 2016 5:07:08 PMTwitter Web Client
It's absolutely absurd how something as archaic as oil can ruin a global economy, even the things that have nothing to do with oil. Wednesday, January 20, 2016 12:26:57 PMTwitter Web Client
This Chrome experiment actually renders much faster in Microsoft Edge: https://t.co/JSXSm3mtpj Sunday, January 17, 2016 6:36:13 AMTwitter Web Client
Cocksucker assholes waking me up at 6am all weekend with fake assed on call alerts Sunday, January 17, 2016 6:17:57 AMTwitter Web Client
I look really good today. Just can't turn it off. Thursday, January 14, 2016 10:21:06 AMTwitter Web Client
I've got 1TB worth of 94 million API logs for 29 days and they can all go fuck themselves Tuesday, January 12, 2016 10:37:27 PMTwitter Web Client
Hey security shithead: why don't ya take a seat over there... Tuesday, January 12, 2016 10:13:03 AMTwitter Web Client
Since when did Facebook start spam emailing me when random friends I don't care about update their status? https://t.co/nhnT0jIMoI Monday, January 11, 2016 9:38:14 AMTwitter Web Client
Is powershell fuckin serious that it only allows you to echo text in switch statements? DAFUQ is that all about Friday, January 08, 2016 4:06:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Microsoft Edge is pretty tight. Like, > Chrome. Attn Apple Fanboys: I'm about to be a @Windows fanboy. How you like it now? #Windows10 Friday, January 08, 2016 1:44:43 AMTwitter Web Client
My peeegs are wild right now... Friday, January 08, 2016 1:27:56 AMTwitter Web Client
Just takes one time to change the perception of mankind. Friday, January 08, 2016 1:27:36 AMTwitter Web Client
I don't think you actually understand my new appreciation for trees. Fantastic Windows 10 lock screen spotlight pic. https://t.co/Tc6k8GV7eR Friday, January 08, 2016 1:26:44 AMTwitter Web Client
Cuncel da stock market! Cuncel da China! Cuncel da oil! Thursday, January 07, 2016 3:47:44 PMTwitter Web Client
Saw this on @RockNationRadio's Facebook and I support it: https://t.co/Ol10DR8ZXM Thursday, January 07, 2016 2:29:48 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm going to make an actual effort to stop dropping F bombs all over twitter. I mean I know this is a satire-ish account, but it's overkill Thursday, January 07, 2016 1:35:55 AMTwitter Web Client
This Cali gas leak is a fuckin disaster. Methane gas has a much stronger greenhouse effect than COâ‚‚. Thursday, January 07, 2016 12:08:36 AMTwitter Web Client
Left lookups in excel are a pain in my ballsack right now Wednesday, January 06, 2016 9:14:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Can someone turn down the fucking heat in this office? Wednesday, January 06, 2016 3:39:24 PMTwitter Web Client
Fucking Azure. Making you add a verification cname to every goddamn subdomain you add. Y U NO verify you own the domain with a txt record. Tuesday, January 05, 2016 5:54:11 PMTwitter Web Client
I love it when at idiot VP who doesn't understand technology is attempting to be technical in his internal update emails via Comic Sans Monday, January 04, 2016 11:57:01 AMTwitter Web Client
NYC doesn't even have a fucking rock station anymore. Looking forward to this later in 2016: https://t.co/LHop8dHfUj Sunday, December 27, 2015 2:27:50 AMTwitter Web Client
Happy birffday to me! https://t.co/iRfNHf2aK5 Friday, December 25, 2015 1:33:52 PMTwitter Web Client
Facebook app does A/B tests. Found in debugger: com.facebook.messaging.abtest.GeneratedLauncherBadgeDataSourceExperiment@6760e13 occurred Wednesday, December 23, 2015 6:53:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Testing Wednesday, December 23, 2015 3:00:28 PMTwitter Web Client
if you're still using SourceForge, you should quit the internet Wednesday, December 23, 2015 11:35:36 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @sadserver: Just remember

It doesn't matter how, or where, you spend the holidays

You're still on-call. 		Thursday, December 17, 2015 6:27:17 PMTwitter Web Client
Just told my Director of Finance "I fucking hated my accounting classes" and Ali Mac backed me up Thursday, December 17, 2015 6:23:03 PMTwitter Web Client