Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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These tweets are the MOST unprofessional. But you know what/ I fix and do everything. So it is moot Friday, April 19, 2013 6:37:58 PMTwitter Web Client
PS my silver fox boss just told me he doesnt give a fuck if i drink another bottle of this andre assed shit we bought cheaply Friday, April 19, 2013 6:37:11 PMTwitter Web Client
gonna be fucked up all weekend, you guys Friday, April 19, 2013 6:36:37 PMTwitter Web Client
#irunthisbitch Friday, April 19, 2013 6:35:30 PMTwitter Web Client
Gave our 18 year old intern copious amounts of alcohol in front of his boss who advised me not to. Because I don't respect the drinking age. Friday, April 19, 2013 6:35:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Our recruter's saggy floppers just left the building! Friday, April 19, 2013 6:33:37 PMTwitter Web Client
OK that was really insensitive. I'm a terrible person. Friday, April 19, 2013 6:32:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Popped champagne in celebration of me all over the CE team. They freaked out and thought it was a gun and or bomb. Too soon? Friday, April 19, 2013 6:31:18 PMTwitter Web Client
My boss forgot to hand in my expense report, so I did it for him. #makemeamanagercunts Friday, April 19, 2013 5:47:13 PMTwitter Web Client
For real. The recruiter with the saggy titties I mentioned earlier has her shirt rolled up and tied like a tween showing her back/stomach Friday, April 19, 2013 5:40:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Kevin "Silver Fox" Awesome Server Dood Friday, April 19, 2013 5:13:28 PMTwitter Web Client
As usual, the office beer is pretty rough Friday, April 19, 2013 5:07:40 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm gonna start hashtagging #bitches whenever I do something boss, because bitches are awesome Friday, April 19, 2013 3:37:37 PMTwitter Web Client
Whoever wrote the build script for our API documentation is a fuckin cunt muscle Friday, April 19, 2013 3:27:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Nice to know that I smell like cigs and beer and my boss is directly next to me. Friday, April 19, 2013 2:42:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Me explaining bluntly to Meg Long why something is broken in our app. #booker #hood http://t.co/RY2JyPQtzo Friday, April 19, 2013 12:54:59 PMTwitter Web Client
I was going batshit as to why I had to <?php ?> instead of <? ?> Friday, April 19, 2013 12:21:39 PMTwitter Web Client
But why the fuck would php remotely think it's a good idea to ship short_open_tag set to Off by default on Windows? Friday, April 19, 2013 12:21:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Xtina just named Eric: Popcaps. Fuckin boss Friday, April 19, 2013 10:59:39 AMTwitter Web Client
My ass looks excellent today #demjeans Friday, April 19, 2013 10:56:24 AMTwitter Web Client
Added a third monitor on my desk connected to another computer for monitoring. Gonna get a tan now. #bitches Friday, April 19, 2013 10:32:21 AMTwitter Web Client
Hughlon: "Yo. This dude on the 4 train had his dick out on this lady's back and I was like what the fuck dude" Friday, April 19, 2013 9:18:07 AMTwitter Web Client
Our recruiter needs to put on a bra on on the grounds that no one wants to see her old assed saggy titties bouncing around in a t-shirt Friday, April 19, 2013 9:09:51 AMTwitter Web Client
But what the fuck is going on in this world. Can't we just be peaceful? Fucking chill. Jesus fucking Christ already Friday, April 19, 2013 1:41:32 AMTwitter Web Client
Maybe this new video card driver fixed my display issue where my window layouts on the second monitor would reset when the screens blanked Thursday, April 18, 2013 1:07:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Can I ask why there are so many birds chirping so loudly at 12:20 AM? Vampire birds? Thursday, April 18, 2013 12:19:31 AMTwitter Web Client
the Gmail is down? How am I supposed to continue my gsexting Wednesday, April 17, 2013 9:02:47 AMTwitter Web Client
Well today kinda sucked... Monday, April 15, 2013 5:23:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Niraj: "Maybe there is guarantee, I think" Monday, April 15, 2013 11:56:50 AMTwitter Web Client
#booker http://t.co/y4zgZH7xML Monday, April 15, 2013 11:38:34 AMTwitter Web Client
#fireeric Monday, April 15, 2013 9:25:57 AMTwitter Web Client
Monday Morning. In for 5 minutes. Already might murder Eric Monday, April 15, 2013 9:10:06 AMTwitter Web Client
The 4 train this morning: http://t.co/ajNP0DAxHh Monday, April 15, 2013 9:05:36 AMTwitter Web Client
My fantasy pitching was fucking baller this week: 49 INN, 24 HA, 15 BBI, 49 K, 5 ER, 5 W, 6 S, CG, SO Monday, April 15, 2013 1:47:58 AMTwitter Web Client
Really? 12 digit password limit? For fucks sake Friday, April 12, 2013 8:45:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Jesus Fucking Christ. No wonder my dudes Pearl Jam hated mother fucking TicketMaster. Fuck the Yankees for going with those bitches Friday, April 12, 2013 8:43:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Ticketmaster and the NY Mets assed 95 year old NY Yankkes can suck my dick Friday, April 12, 2013 8:32:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Ah shit. I need to check in code and update a ticket. Had some burrrrrs. Hope I don;t fuck it up Friday, April 12, 2013 7:39:28 PMTwitter Web Client
Since when did I become a fucking lightweight. Like 3 IPAs and I'm silly Friday, April 12, 2013 6:48:46 PMTwitter Web Client
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST AT THIS SHIT FUCKING HOLE #BOOKER Friday, April 12, 2013 1:14:44 PMTwitter Web Client
This feedly bug drives me batshit: http://t.co/OADtZ2Xzj0 Friday, April 12, 2013 4:47:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Googled the names of some of the new hires and found arrests. The fuck kind of assholes don't check for this shit... Friday, April 12, 2013 3:48:26 AMTwitter Web Client
Watching a DB shrink has got to be the most boring fucking thing ever. It's 3:30 AM. I need to get my life together Friday, April 12, 2013 3:34:28 AMTwitter Web Client
This database is taking fucking years to restore. Bitch ass trick Friday, April 12, 2013 1:38:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Scott just sent me a 35MB animated gif of a bug report Thursday, April 11, 2013 5:28:23 PMTwitter Web Client
These two fucking hacks are questioning and fighting Kevin's ideas (they don't have better ones). Kevin is a brilliant infrastructure guy. Thursday, April 11, 2013 12:29:42 PMTwitter Web Client
People who need to eatadick.info: Niraj, Eric Thursday, April 11, 2013 12:16:43 PMTwitter Web Client
SSDs are fucking fast dude. I just backed up and restored about 700GB in like an hour (would have take 4-5) Thursday, April 11, 2013 11:59:57 AMTwitter Web Client
Abbey is only useful because she has a cute puppy. Wednesday, April 10, 2013 3:26:31 PMTwitter Web Client
I broke everything. Woof Wednesday, April 10, 2013 1:52:10 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew Testing
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Wednesday, April 10, 2013 12:17:25 PMTwitter Web Client
Test 2 Wednesday, April 10, 2013 12:14:37 PMTwitter Web Client
How am I supposed to work on my obnoxious Twitter app with HR parading back and forth behind be Wednesday, April 10, 2013 10:39:43 AMTwitter Web Client
lol the firewall crashed in the office Wednesday, April 10, 2013 9:18:54 AMTwitter Web Client
God Damn it. My app's been pulling in in_reply_to_status_id instead of in_reply_to_status_id_str and now I have fucking exponents everywhere Wednesday, April 10, 2013 12:36:42 AMTwitter Web Client
@Lennon Ignore this. This is a test reply because I'm testing some code I pushed to my twitter app. Integers and shit. Not exponents.
In reply to @Lennon's tweet
 Wednesday, April 10, 2013 12:27:48 AMTwitter Web Client
I made fun of Joe P for dividing by 0 and this bastard php interpreter says I'm doing it but I'm not even doing fucking math. WTF Tuesday, April 09, 2013 11:44:24 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @H9RBSjs: I wrote this Boomerang() JavaScript function yesterday, now I can't figure out what it does.... Oh, wait, now it's coming b ... Monday, April 08, 2013 11:59:36 AMTwitter Web Client
[11:17:52 AM] Xtina: two things i like straight: whiskey and lines Monday, April 08, 2013 11:19:59 AMTwitter Web Client
Eric is a mother fucking wiki Nazi cunt Monday, April 08, 2013 11:13:42 AMTwitter Web Client
Remember that time I was talking shit about Niraj and Eric to Sam and I had my screen shared with all three of them? Whoopise Monday, April 08, 2013 10:45:08 AMTwitter Web Client
Fucking Twitter API Monday, April 08, 2013 12:34:55 AMTwitter Web Client
@Lessard_Eric Whoops. Didn't even see that.
In reply to @Lessard_Eric's tweet
 Sunday, April 07, 2013 3:04:42 PMTwitter Web Client
In order to beat @Lessard_Eric this week, I need Lester to get shelled and R.A Dickey to throw a gem. Seems unrealistic. Fuckin A Sunday, April 07, 2013 2:59:36 PMTwitter Web Client
Updating my twitter app to add my tweets in reply to others and link to them. The name of the function I used is didIReplyToaCracker() Sunday, April 07, 2013 2:08:15 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm kinda rooting for the Yankees to go 1-160 so that we do a clean sweep of these old bags next season Sunday, April 07, 2013 12:45:07 AMTwitter Web Client
1AM on a Friday and I was home and doing #booker. This is some bullshit, rare and whatnot. Saturday, April 06, 2013 1:08:03 AMTwitter Web Client
drankin' burrrs out of Dunkins cups. Klassy Friday, April 05, 2013 5:55:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Not a fan of the new right click/bookmark menu styling in Chrome. Leave it up to Google to fuck up the UI. Bunch of Michelles working there Friday, April 05, 2013 3:25:49 PMTwitter Web Client
This is Bullshit, Inc. #booker Friday, April 05, 2013 11:09:05 AMTwitter Web Client
Shit Done Broke, LLC #booker Friday, April 05, 2013 11:08:41 AMTwitter Web Client
Overly Complicated Solutions, LLC. #booker Friday, April 05, 2013 11:08:05 AMTwitter Web Client
I Can't Help It But I Break Everything, LLC #booker Friday, April 05, 2013 11:07:45 AMTwitter Web Client
We Go Around In Circles, LLC #booker Friday, April 05, 2013 11:07:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Jammin out to mad Reggae Friday, April 05, 2013 10:10:05 AMTwitter Web Client
I think my dude Barry said he was retiring and this was his last day. If he doesn't call me slice on Monday, I'm boycotting Metro North Friday, April 05, 2013 9:35:39 AMTwitter Web Client
Admission is free. Admission requires a pass. There is a $2 processing fee per pass. Fucking scam. Friday, April 05, 2013 12:49:29 AMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 Kennedy Fried Chicken
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Thursday, April 04, 2013 10:36:00 PMTwitter Web Client
For the first time in 2013, Yankees win, Mets lose. Back to normal (Even though the Yankees might as well be cunceled this season) Thursday, April 04, 2013 9:47:01 PMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 Reminds me of the last time I was on the 4 in the bx, when I tweeted this: https://t.co/Uz8mzNwaSp
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Thursday, April 04, 2013 9:37:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Gabe. Shut the fuck up about file systems Thursday, April 04, 2013 9:06:59 AMTwitter Web Client
The wireless coverage in the office shitter is subpar..... Wednesday, April 03, 2013 6:11:52 PMTwitter Web Client
Twitter's android app redesign is PRETTY. Wednesday, April 03, 2013 5:21:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy Cheese Weasel Day! http://t.co/4NlnxIEdbB Wednesday, April 03, 2013 12:54:54 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm a contractor for Booker. My company is called "Build Constantly Failing, LLC." Wednesday, April 03, 2013 12:03:23 PMTwitter Web Client
This bastard plays ping pong about 6 out of the 8 hour day Tuesday, April 02, 2013 3:08:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Welcome back to twitter, @__JLu, you were sorely missed #abuserslist #yolo Monday, April 01, 2013 9:02:19 PMTwitter Web Client
pretty sure the dude they just hired sitting next to me is a hybrid between Jerry Cantrell and Mike Starr Monday, April 01, 2013 5:43:42 PMTwitter Web Client
THESE BITCHES with their leftover easter ham. Smells nom. I'm jealous and I brought in leftover ham for lunch Monday, April 01, 2013 2:07:16 PMTwitter Web Client
CUNCEL DA YANKEES Monday, April 01, 2013 1:50:45 PMTwitter Web Client
Is it racist if you tell a black person they got a tan after coming back from Jamaica? Because I just did that. Monday, April 01, 2013 9:22:30 AMTwitter Web Client
Welp, I guess Game of Thrones was on tonight. How did I know? Sunday, March 31, 2013 11:42:07 PMTwitter Web Client
If you come up to my desk and say "config file" expect me to know what the fuck you're talking about Friday, March 29, 2013 4:07:34 PMTwitter Web Client
25 mins late, 10 minutes late from lunch. This is me caring Friday, March 29, 2013 3:10:16 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm always here before my boss. The one day I come in late, he's hear early on a call. Friday, March 29, 2013 9:25:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Just told one of my coworkers to have a good weekend on his way out. TODAY IS THURSDAY Thursday, March 28, 2013 7:06:13 PMTwitter Web Client
Vitamins and beer Thursday, March 28, 2013 6:12:20 PMTwitter Web Client
Really lookin forward to @MichaelShatin's bday celebraish at Traffic this weekend, you guys. Thursday, March 28, 2013 4:17:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Fucking run down from Booker and getting sick. Not pleased. Thursday, March 28, 2013 4:08:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Tess straight up looks 18 years old today. And that's a compliment Wednesday, March 27, 2013 4:31:16 PMTwitter Web Client
Alexey on protein shakes: "They all eat this powdered shit" Tuesday, March 26, 2013 4:48:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Alexey, on a good workout: "You pour some liquor in a glass and repeat" Tuesday, March 26, 2013 4:47:56 AMTwitter Web Client
I will bang Dave Grohl: http://t.co/uIcFfsQ1vs Monday, March 25, 2013 10:12:29 PMTwitter Web Client
♪ Payback's a motherfuckin bitch but I won't stress and I won't switch ♪ Monday, March 25, 2013 5:25:48 PMTwitter Web Client
10 hours before rollout, our Director of software engineering wanted to know if there was a release tonight. For fuck's sake. Monday, March 25, 2013 1:50:01 PMTwitter Web Client
This Pete Ellis 80s used car commercial is cracking me the fuck up: http://t.co/NWWaOdAUSf Monday, March 25, 2013 1:26:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Never use half assed shipping (FedEx SmartPost). If you're not there, they hand your shit off to USPS after one try and you have to pick up Monday, March 25, 2013 9:56:26 AMTwitter Web Client
@mich_amore Magnum ice cream bars: bigger than regular ice cream bars.
In reply to @mich_amore's tweet
 Monday, March 25, 2013 1:15:55 AMTwitter Web Client
Get a load of this Asian woman playing Hendrix on some Asian instrument: http://t.co/opuSJ86Kmh Monday, March 25, 2013 1:10:36 AMTwitter Web Client
They sent me home because I was so drunk. Sunday, March 24, 2013 2:50:22 PMTwitter Web Client
One year ago today, I went to brunch with @MalJNew and then Woodys with Yuri and kept telling Kev I had to meet my boys. Was destroyed. Sunday, March 24, 2013 2:49:54 PMTwitter Web Client
MICHELLE. fuck you and your shitty ass spring theme Friday, March 22, 2013 4:13:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. How did IE10 magically appear on my WINDOWS 7 computer? Friday, March 22, 2013 1:57:06 PMTwitter Web Client
GABE is complaining that someone talks too much? karma coincidence? Friday, March 22, 2013 1:27:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Out on the street they call it murder Friday, March 22, 2013 11:08:16 AMTwitter Web Client
Tomorrow? Monday? Tomonday? Mondarrow? Thursday, March 21, 2013 3:34:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Scarred for life b/c of horrific nip pics last night. Didn't need to see those Thursday, March 21, 2013 12:38:38 PMTwitter Web Client
It'll be a much better day today! Thursday, March 21, 2013 9:39:49 AMTwitter Web Client
@ky9 Fucking people... I sometimes have the urge to shake a bitch.
In reply to @ky9's tweet
 Wednesday, March 20, 2013 3:08:25 PMTwitter Web Client
Meg Long is legitimately amazing Wednesday, March 20, 2013 12:55:45 PMTwitter Web Client
Not including this tweet, I said fuck 8 out of the last 10 tweets. Need to get my life together. Wednesday, March 20, 2013 10:26:08 AMTwitter Web Client
Fucking foul this morning. Wednesday, March 20, 2013 10:24:53 AMTwitter Web Client
Fuck this fuckin place. I'm not getting bent out of shape. Everyone is an incompetent bitch? I'll just not do anything today. I won't fight. Wednesday, March 20, 2013 9:48:27 AMTwitter Web Client
My next project is to revamp the datepicker on my twitter app because the history page is absolute horse shit code. Tuesday, March 19, 2013 5:46:19 PMTwitter Web Client
FIX. THE. MOTHER. FUCKING. BUILDS. Nothing fucking compiles up in this bitch Tuesday, March 19, 2013 1:37:57 PMTwitter Web Client
I think we need more RAM... http://t.co/u6ohYEYYWX Tuesday, March 19, 2013 1:30:46 AMTwitter Web Client
ALEXEY IS NOW COMPLAINING ABOUT INTEGERS. Broken Record... Tuesday, March 19, 2013 1:15:51 AMTwitter Web Client
this plow driver is on crack. Dude plowed my street like 8 times. Come on. There's like 2 inches of snow, brah Tuesday, March 19, 2013 12:24:22 AMTwitter Web Client
Mark Texiera's vagina injury is worse than expected? Fucking guy... Monday, March 18, 2013 9:32:33 PMTwitter Web Client
In case anyone was wondering how a 2000 Chevy Impala handles with < 1/2" of snow on the ground: Horse shit. Slipping fuckin everywhere Monday, March 18, 2013 8:50:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Fucking Google sucks balls lately Monday, March 18, 2013 4:30:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Niraj is a fucking dumbass Monday, March 18, 2013 11:37:01 AMTwitter Web Client
I am the absolute gassiest right now Monday, March 18, 2013 9:59:41 AMTwitter Web Client
So I was browsing through Facebook and wanted to like some status and realized I've already liked it yesterday. Didnt know. Was so out of it Saturday, March 16, 2013 1:13:11 PMTwitter Web Client
Just got drunk and bought http://t.co/F1XMkskXkV Saturday, March 16, 2013 12:48:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Please explain why HR put a no smoking sign on the wall behind me. Who in the actual fuck smokes in the office. Jeez Friday, March 15, 2013 5:56:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Compiling some software at work. @ky9 would appreesh: http://t.co/onQbkF7dJ5 Friday, March 15, 2013 4:28:36 PMTwitter Web Client
The power of 10 billion butterfly sneezes? Friday, March 15, 2013 10:43:53 AMTwitter Web Client
Twilight time to dream a while... Friday, March 15, 2013 10:35:59 AMTwitter Web Client
we know what happened
wont happen again 		Friday, March 15, 2013 10:35:33 AMTwitter Web Client
TK's stache scared the shit out of me Friday, March 15, 2013 9:54:51 AMTwitter Web Client
Oh god I hope no one comes to talk to me. I'm acting a FOOL right now Friday, March 15, 2013 9:44:01 AMTwitter Web Client
Oh, my job...... I currently don't know who my boss is and the only people who tell me what to do and yell at me are our consultants Friday, March 15, 2013 9:36:11 AMTwitter Web Client
I think I just was realllllllllllll silly to the HR lady. I went on and on about my poinsettia. I think she's on to me mannnn Friday, March 15, 2013 9:20:11 AMTwitter Web Client
"Finding a good bad name is the hardest thing ever. I mean, Foo Fighters is the stupidest fuckin name ever." -DAVE Thursday, March 14, 2013 12:23:01 PMTwitter Web Client
I would bang Dave Grohl so badly Thursday, March 14, 2013 12:18:47 PMTwitter Web Client
OMG DAVE GROHL LIVE AT SXSW: http://t.co/6vZED7lt9J Thanks for the link @Lennon Thursday, March 14, 2013 12:09:25 PMTwitter Web Client
Ma. Fucking don't call me at work and talk about stupid bullshit. I'm concentrating on this script. I already crashed production yesterday. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 5:45:12 PMTwitter Web Client
Lol. There's a new Pope Wednesday, March 13, 2013 4:01:35 PMTwitter Web Client
I have this problem with devs RT @H9RBSjs I would tell you how much your code sucks but your code is pretty much doing that all on its own. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 12:52:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Megan Conte you dumbass. If you want to collect donations for a suprrise, don't mail a distro list including the person you're surprising. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 12:50:56 PMTwitter Web Client
K smells like old man sweaty balls (not that I know what that smells like) Wednesday, March 13, 2013 12:45:18 PMTwitter Web Client
die in a fire http://t.co/h3juqASfGa Tuesday, March 12, 2013 5:48:19 PMTwitter Web Client
ANOTHER PERSON 1) Buy noise canceling Mics 2) Get me my own office and 3)eatadick.com Fuck this place, working from home tomorrow Tuesday, March 12, 2013 5:46:53 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @BadPointer Just found out about http://t.co/pvII6376cc This is just what Windows needed. Tuesday, March 12, 2013 5:41:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck you, jeans. No one tells me to shut up. Tuesday, March 12, 2013 5:38:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Phewwww. That was a fucking close one... Protip: Careful when doing Windows Updates on production servers Tuesday, March 12, 2013 9:55:24 AMTwitter Web Client
So let's say I tweet some shit... I moved servers. Did I fuck up my twitter app? Tuesday, March 12, 2013 6:01:48 AMTwitter Web Client
OMG it actually works!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, the times will import correctly. Woooooo. Also, I'll be a zombie today at work. Tuesday, March 12, 2013 4:28:53 AMTwitter Web Client
SOOO CLOSE Tuesday, March 12, 2013 4:15:43 AMTwitter Web Client
Ahhh shit. screwed it up again Tuesday, March 12, 2013 4:01:20 AMTwitter Web Client
import this tweet with the correct time, fuckers Tuesday, March 12, 2013 3:53:44 AMTwitter Web Client
According to the stack trace, i only screwed up the time zone. then it should work Tuesday, March 12, 2013 3:53:24 AMTwitter Web Client
Found some issue maybe Tuesday, March 12, 2013 3:50:42 AMTwitter Web Client
Do I have to revert this code or does this shit work? Tuesday, March 12, 2013 3:42:23 AMTwitter Web Client
Tried my suit on again and it fit better. One week of starving myself and it'll be all good. Monday, March 11, 2013 9:52:29 PMTwitter Web Client
Nice to know that the fucking script I've been working on all day only works locally and not on the build server. #fuckoffbastards Monday, March 11, 2013 5:55:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Trying to connect to a linux server from SSH within windows using a batch file and VBS because your CI is buggy can http://t.co/xAuvFaUvqo Monday, March 11, 2013 4:22:07 PMTwitter Web Client
MTA ALERTS: I don't give a flying fuck that the escalators in Grand Central North are out of service, cunt muscle. Stop emailing me 46 times Monday, March 11, 2013 4:05:52 PMTwitter Web Client
Just passed by & saw CNBC on TV in my office and they were ripping the Foursquare CEO a new asshole because he has no idea how to monetize. Monday, March 11, 2013 11:34:03 AMTwitter Web Client
4 and 5 trains: Stop sending me email alerts you bastards. I know you break down nonstop but look at tall the fucks I don't give Monday, March 11, 2013 11:12:31 AMTwitter Web Client
Need to ✈ somewhere far away from Booker for a week to chill Monday, March 11, 2013 10:08:00 AMTwitter Web Client
TIL MSFT licensing is fucking bullshit. Besides your Win OS licensing, you need per user licenses to access a server? http://t.co/6848Xhb8V4 Monday, March 11, 2013 9:56:56 AMTwitter Web Client
And by starving myself, I mean pounds of greens and meat. Carbs can suck it (except for Paddys day where I will drink my food) Monday, March 11, 2013 9:53:11 AMTwitter Web Client
Gabe shut the fuck up. It's too early for your pie hole Monday, March 11, 2013 9:16:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Just played the illest ping pong game with Hughlon. Turned into LOBBY PONG. Where we were spiking ping pong balls across the lobby. SICK Friday, March 08, 2013 3:45:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Haven't been good lately about tweeting (except when im like out of my mind). Gonna try to be my old ridiculous assed self again Friday, March 08, 2013 3:06:43 PMTwitter Web Client
Boss man said I wasn't allowed to drink/have liquid when doing the RAM swap later on the DB server, but he said anything else was fair game Friday, March 08, 2013 3:02:38 PMTwitter Web Client
Sluts are always interested in taken dudes. It's how life goes. Friday, March 08, 2013 2:54:51 PMTwitter Web Client
BULLSHIT RT @UberFacts Men are more interested in dating women who are taken while women are more likely to respect a man’s relationship. Friday, March 08, 2013 2:54:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Random observation is that Polina's tits are way too big for her stick body. Friday, March 08, 2013 11:42:56 AMTwitter Web Client
Jesus fucking Christ, James. Go take a mother fucking English class. We hire these stupid fucks? http://t.co/G85KbD0vpF Friday, March 08, 2013 9:11:20 AMTwitter Web Client
blowme.edu Friday, March 08, 2013 12:00:04 AMTwitter Web Client
This article perfectly sums up what is wrong with Android: http://t.co/l6iMav8T8v Thursday, March 07, 2013 11:51:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Mark Texieria is a pussy assed bitch who's always injured and a huge flop of a contract. Fuckin waste of life hitting .260 Thursday, March 07, 2013 8:44:47 PMTwitter Web Client
a real gangsta ass n** plays his cards right Thursday, March 07, 2013 10:42:40 AMTwitter Web Client
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. A C02 tank just exploded in the office. Wednesday, March 06, 2013 3:17:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Why the fuck am I still awake Wednesday, March 06, 2013 3:35:32 AMTwitter Web Client
O.M.G. This meteor MUST hit mars: http://t.co/v6e4ZkhcaQ Tuesday, March 05, 2013 12:47:58 AMTwitter Web Client
@Lennon @MalJNew Lennon, don't demo the API. That shit crashes every 38 fucking seconds.
In reply to @Lennon's tweet
 Monday, March 04, 2013 11:24:16 PMTwitter Web Client
This water shit fills you up. Maybe I should do this instead of stuffing my fat face. Monday, March 04, 2013 5:35:28 PMTwitter Web Client
My piss is so clear, I bet if you analyze it, it would be less polluted than the water supply in Bangledesh. Monday, March 04, 2013 4:14:16 PMTwitter Web Client
For fucks sake. The second time in two weeks our entire fucking app crashed while I was at lunch. Monday, March 04, 2013 3:51:57 PMTwitter Web Client
On my 5th pint of water. Decided to flush out the system. Can't stand running to the pisser every 4 seconds. Monday, March 04, 2013 2:25:24 PMTwitter Web Client
It's nametag week here at work. Natalia drew one with swirls, orange snowflakes and rainbow hearts and said her nametag was an acid trip Monday, March 04, 2013 1:25:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Welp no wonder everyone says this bitch smells. She's eating 500 sprigs of asparagus... Piss could probably wake the dead. Monday, March 04, 2013 12:57:18 PMTwitter Web Client
That fuckin Cuban food is already going through me like shit through a goose. Friday, March 01, 2013 4:34:21 PMTwitter Web Client
I am not a fan of anything today Friday, March 01, 2013 4:25:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Niraj just asked me if I was hungover, based on just looks. Thursday, February 28, 2013 9:33:13 AMTwitter Web Client
That time you need to admit to the CTO that 3/4 servers were out of the load balancing pool and the remaining one was at 100% CPU :/ Wednesday, February 27, 2013 4:55:13 PMTwitter Web Client
@Fantasy_Mania Wanna do some dudes? Tuesday, February 26, 2013 9:55:22 PMTwitter Web Client
Just observed my ass in the mirror and it was excellent. Which reminds me that I shouldn't have a daughter. Tuesday, February 26, 2013 9:55:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin hicks: http://t.co/c8IxL0w3VE I didn't know they had internet in West Virginia. Tuesday, February 26, 2013 5:13:28 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin @newrelic... Took me fuckin 2 hours to get our .NET ,onitoring back up Tuesday, February 26, 2013 7:12:15 AMTwitter Web Client
What the fuck. Is this shit? http://t.co/QMj836SeKD Friday, February 22, 2013 3:58:16 PMTwitter Web Client
My tamagotchi shits a lot (like it's owner) Friday, February 22, 2013 12:18:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin Gmail. When I click Save on the Settings page, do NOT redirect me to my inbox. What if I want to change more settings? Asshats Friday, February 22, 2013 1:23:04 AMTwitter Web Client
Xtina: "My fist. Your face" Thursday, February 21, 2013 5:03:37 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck the California office and the Harlem Shake. It's old bro. They dont do jack shit out there. Shawn is also a smug bitch. Thursday, February 21, 2013 2:29:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Drives me absolutely BATSHIT in Gmail that it includes your signature on replies/forwards. It should be hidden there! Wednesday, February 20, 2013 10:24:37 PMTwitter Web Client
Probably going to quit drinking until this wedding so I can fit into my suit because I'm a porker / I don't want to spend money on a new one Wednesday, February 20, 2013 3:43:02 PMTwitter Web Client
Ya gotta put those things away. For real. I am being distracted. #boobies Wednesday, February 20, 2013 3:28:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Protip: When pissed off, blast Rage Against the Machine loudly and Enjoy Wednesday, February 20, 2013 1:05:38 PMTwitter Web Client
Oh man. Just got the worst look from our CEO as he walked by. Awk nod. Yep. All my fault the dev team can't get their lives together. Wednesday, February 20, 2013 9:59:01 AMTwitter Web Client
This sums up where the fuck I work: http://t.co/vphfsPF Tuesday, February 19, 2013 9:04:43 PMTwitter Web Client
And the tamagotchi in my app just died. The fuck. I kept it happy and fed Tuesday, February 19, 2013 8:59:10 PMTwitter Web Client
How awesome is @MalJNew? Super awesome. I'm over here raging at people and grumpy and she brings me back lunch! Tuesday, February 19, 2013 1:46:37 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck this place. Instant eye twitch from these bastards. Tuesday, February 19, 2013 11:34:01 AMTwitter Web Client
I walk into this fuckin shithole and found out that no one followed any procedures. And it's all up to me to fix. Fuckers Tuesday, February 19, 2013 11:33:48 AMTwitter Web Client
Cool foursquare app: https://t.co/HD4CWyd @__JLu @MalJNew Thursday, February 14, 2013 1:54:49 PMTwitter Web Client
showed up to work outside of my mind. Hughlon came over for some tasks and I couldn't function. jeez... Thursday, February 14, 2013 1:22:17 PMTwitter Web Client
Where the fuck is my dev team? And I was the one out being cray last night. Why am I the only one here? Thursday, February 14, 2013 9:10:43 AMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin Marketing department (everyone except Molly) being a bunch of assholes not listening to anything I say when I obvi know best. Suffer Wednesday, February 13, 2013 3:22:28 PMTwitter Web Client
Anyone watch the State of the Union? Neither did I #moreemptypromisescunts #notfree Wednesday, February 13, 2013 12:26:48 AMTwitter Web Client
SQL SERVER IS ACTING A FOOL RIGHT NOW. suck it the most, Wednesday, February 13, 2013 12:25:33 AMTwitter Web Client
Thanks for the Mardi Gras cake, @mollyCsouthern It was delicious. You's the best! Tuesday, February 12, 2013 4:38:15 PMTwitter Web Client
God damn it Christina. Don't put cheese in front of me. I'm damn huge Tuesday, February 12, 2013 4:20:17 PMTwitter Web Client
@smstemp I mean... Despite that article/ Everyone's ripping on her, but e.. It's not the worst thing I've seen.
In reply to @smstemp's tweet
 Tuesday, February 12, 2013 3:50:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Xtina: "If they come over here and don't appreciate our language, they can go fuck themselves" Tuesday, February 12, 2013 3:47:14 PMTwitter Web Client
@smstemp http://t.co/vxWb9lR
In reply to @smstemp's tweet
 Tuesday, February 12, 2013 3:44:45 PMTwitter Web Client
jquery load() - suck a dick. Why am I a slow at JavaScript? Monday, February 11, 2013 8:37:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Welp, looks like the frontend guys started drinking Monday, February 11, 2013 4:47:24 PMTwitter Web Client
Gio: "I did Windows Update for the first time since like, 1987" Monday, February 11, 2013 3:46:33 PMTwitter Web Client
They refuse to buy me compressed air, so I used a CO2 fire extinguisher to dust my keyboard. Got evil looks from the COO. Not evil. Awesome Friday, February 08, 2013 11:36:06 AMTwitter Web Client
Our account manager at RackSpace is a smokeshow Friday, February 08, 2013 11:11:56 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm a crazy ass bitch Friday, February 08, 2013 10:39:03 AMTwitter Web Client
Xtina: "who needs a build bot when we have joe?" Thursday, February 07, 2013 6:46:12 PMTwitter Web Client
'bout fuckin time we're about to get some snow up in this bitch Thursday, February 07, 2013 5:10:37 PMTwitter Web Client
Will all you motherfuckers let me concentrate on just one task. It's been a nonstop parade of people here. Wednesday, February 06, 2013 10:06:49 AMTwitter Web Client
For fuck's sake. I went to resize a cloud server and took out all of our mobile apps... Fucking RackSpace Cloud Wednesday, February 06, 2013 1:27:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Yan Kravchenko can officially suck a huge dick and choke on it Tuesday, February 05, 2013 5:35:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Xtina: "Do you drink milk? So basically... You're sucking off a cow." Tuesday, February 05, 2013 4:42:09 PMTwitter Web Client
AHHHHHHHHH... Your mother's sandy.... Who's the dick who didn't install SQL Server Enterprise. Standard is for pussies. Tuesday, February 05, 2013 3:21:58 PMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 What'd you get?
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Tuesday, February 05, 2013 2:13:20 PMTwitter Web Client
Deat MTA alerts. I could give a fuck that your traintime app is down. Stop emailing me every 5 minutes and actually fix it. Wastes Tuesday, February 05, 2013 9:51:56 AMTwitter Web Client
How you know I'm a fat fuck: I just snapped a metal wheel in two on my rolling chair because I was leaning in one direction on it. Tuesday, February 05, 2013 1:48:31 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm such a data nerd... My most tweets I've ever sent in one month were 304 in May 2012 Monday, February 04, 2013 8:31:24 PMTwitter Web Client
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Just downloaded my whole tweet archive from twitter. Now to import the ones I missed into my app... Monday, February 04, 2013 8:09:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Is it me, or is Firefox a hideous piece of shit? Monday, February 04, 2013 4:41:36 PMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 Fuck those trains. Jammed like crazy this morning and all delayed. If you rely on the 4/5/6 trains, you made poor life decisions.
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Monday, February 04, 2013 10:00:11 AMTwitter Web Client

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