5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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I have a raging fever, my steam vaporizer smells bad, and I was supposed to eat my grandmas pork chops tomorrow but now I need to stay home Saturday, December 27, 2014 1:22:22 AMTwitter Web Client
Does it REALLY take 4 hours to pull a 56MB file out of Amazon Glacier? Friday, December 26, 2014 4:37:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Mauritania is a REALLY shitty country: http://t.co/1UWmdDWGZN Friday, December 26, 2014 11:29:18 AMTwitter Web Client
Have some Inbox invites. Anyone want? DM me your Gmail. I personally don't like it because I don't like them sorting my email for me. Friday, December 26, 2014 11:26:13 AMTwitter Web Client
Who wants to watch The Interview? B40706D7FA0AAEF00274CD1A461B38DBEE317491 Thursday, December 25, 2014 1:34:35 PMTwitter Web Client
Did anyone else know that http://t.co/68B2uUS4ru has a live chatroom via the developer console? Thursday, December 25, 2014 1:31:17 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew Love live tweeting different situash-es. Makes for fine entertainment
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Wednesday, December 24, 2014 10:58:59 AMTwitter Web Client
Every time I install a WordPress update, it scares me that my Twitter plugin will break b/c I hacked the crap out of it and it's deprecated Tuesday, December 23, 2014 10:24:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Had to pull out my Ten record in honor of my boy Eddie Vedder's 50th birthday. (PS sing me to sleep Eddie) Tuesday, December 23, 2014 8:51:51 PMTwitter Web Client
@BarstoolJJ Sounds like the mistakes I make
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Tuesday, December 23, 2014 8:02:25 PMTwitter Web Client
NYC mayor's a fuckin asshole Tuesday, December 23, 2014 5:51:45 PMTwitter Web Client
I have an emergency question:

Is there any beer left in our keg?
And can I have it now? 		Tuesday, December 23, 2014 3:59:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Baller last minute shopper status Monday, December 22, 2014 3:33:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy Winter. Now why isn't there snow? Sunday, December 21, 2014 12:25:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Dat feel when your ISP owes you money. Especially when it's Time Warner. http://t.co/YX3gex3uey Friday, December 19, 2014 5:05:22 PMTwitter Web Client
Just paid like 7 people. Who the fuck else wants my money? Friday, December 19, 2014 2:14:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Whose dick do I have to suck to get a valid Office license up in this bitch? Months already. Friday, December 19, 2014 11:46:35 AMTwitter Web Client
puppet agent -t Thursday, December 18, 2014 1:56:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. No need for a 5 hour commentary after I make one simple comment. Can't get anything done here over your yappin Wednesday, December 17, 2014 5:41:33 PMTwitter Web Client
Someone tell this babbling old dumbass no one cares about any of the noise coming out of his mouth. Wednesday, December 17, 2014 10:52:22 AMTwitter Web Client
Senior salesperson here still can't figure out that she can reset her own password in the software she's been selling for 5+ years. Idiot Wednesday, December 17, 2014 10:36:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Good Job, Microsoft. I'd expect this from where I work, but not you guys: http://t.co/j5sRbRCW0v http://t.co/RhYvBaKsXx Tuesday, December 16, 2014 5:50:00 PMTwitter Web Client
"Vespas are for dudes who want to blow air on their vaginas" (I think I butchered that quote because I have goldfish memory, but similar) Tuesday, December 16, 2014 3:56:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Everyone around me talks too fucking much Friday, December 12, 2014 5:56:30 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm too drunk to figure out why this cocksucking thing doesn't compile so ima head to the bar and pick this up tomorrow. Thursday, December 11, 2014 7:07:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Played my Olaf singing/dancing plush desk snowman. Bitches love Olaf singing/dancing plush desk snowmen Thursday, December 11, 2014 4:50:20 PMTwitter Web Client
"I know the fly honeys at bikini bar are outta this world but i am sure you can see a C section scar another time" - Freddy Thursday, December 11, 2014 4:41:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Almost just screamed "FIN. ARE YOU COMING TO BIKINI BAR WITH ME AFTER WORK?!?!" Across the office. Then I stopped myself. Thursday, December 11, 2014 4:37:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Just was the IT bitch for the SVP of Enterprise Sales and the CTO. They didn't know how to change the TV input to a conference room computer Thursday, December 11, 2014 1:35:37 PMTwitter Web Client
No Pornhub on the VMWare Template Thursday, December 11, 2014 1:01:28 PMTwitter Web Client
"It's raining snow" -@Docent_Steve Wednesday, December 10, 2014 5:25:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Funny how Google pulled Pirate Bay apps from the Play Store one DAY before it got raided by police. They KNEW Tuesday, December 09, 2014 4:13:06 PMTwitter Web Client
I'd do extremely questionable things to win this http://t.co/pZ8NUQFzSN Tuesday, December 09, 2014 12:11:26 PMTwitter Web Client
//Loop through querystrings and do dirty things to them
foreach($_GET as $key => $value){
//todo
} 		Tuesday, December 09, 2014 10:41:18 AMTwitter Web Client
Yo @KingJames, sweet Comic Sans http://t.co/vg9bXmMvtu Tuesday, December 09, 2014 9:52:39 AMTwitter Web Client
2) As a result of 1, I need to concentrate to figure out how to fix this so SHUT THE FUCK UP. Also, our system crashed twice today #hatehate Monday, December 08, 2014 7:10:38 PMTwitter Web Client
1) How about you tell us before you change the paths to the code so it doesn't break my entire build system Monday, December 08, 2014 7:09:57 PMTwitter Web Client
Just did a sunspider JS benchmark and IE11 is the fastest, followed by Firefox, followed by Opera, followed by Chrome. #LOLWUT Monday, December 08, 2014 4:12:45 PMTwitter Web Client
My new favorite way to describe bad UIs via @XtinaSchelin: "low-contrast unconsecrated dog shit" (on Skype's redesign)
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
Monday, December 08, 2014 11:21:31 AMTwitter Web Client
I can't even take a shit in this place and our platform starts fucking up Monday, December 08, 2014 11:19:18 AMTwitter Web Client
Met the best British peeps from the bar. One was Italian with a UK accent drinking Amaretto. Fascinating Wednesday, November 26, 2014 2:36:39 PMTwitter Web Client
If our security asshole talks about clickjacking just one more time for a server that shouldn't even be in scope... Click jackoff Wednesday, November 26, 2014 10:34:04 AMTwitter Web Client
What do you want from me, my hands were full of delicious Burger King. Plus he was supposed to be a chill guy, you guys Wednesday, November 26, 2014 9:57:37 AMTwitter Web Client
David, our doorman was NOT amused/pleased with me when I used my ass to swipe into the building (NFC in wallet in back pocket) Wednesday, November 26, 2014 9:57:15 AMTwitter Web Client
Anyone ever hear of the The Empty Hearts? Came up on my Google Play Music. New no-names. Pretty decent jams Tuesday, November 25, 2014 4:15:00 PMTwitter Web Client
LaGuardia is a fuckin shithole. If it wasn't so easy to get to, I'd cuncel it: http://t.co/m1tL4eGVql Tuesday, November 25, 2014 3:35:19 PMTwitter Web Client
Bassline is TIGHT: http://t.co/EgZixUmZYz #FooFighters #SonicHighways Monday, November 24, 2014 4:04:35 PMTwitter Web Client
OMG since when did Outlook Wem Mail (for exchange) get awesome? I remember it being a piece of shit back in '09 Monday, November 24, 2014 3:35:17 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu I've seen it all abusers. Obviously not best practice. We've done it here (shouldn't surprise you) Depends how severe the bug is.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Monday, November 24, 2014 2:30:02 PMTwitter Web Client
Which one ya drivin, Lessaaaahhhhhd? https://t.co/rXwxUjAcVo @Lessard_Eric Monday, November 24, 2014 11:18:14 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm gonna go into my grandpa meeting and answer all of his questions with Yeah: https://t.co/fROS8Zqhd5 Monday, November 24, 2014 10:26:12 AMTwitter Web Client
"But that's life. If you don't roll with it, you're gonna roll under it." Friday, November 21, 2014 11:43:30 PMTwitter Web Client
It's 9:30 AM and I'm sitting at my desk eating a steak 1) Because I'm batshit crazy 2) I don't follow norms and 3) because I don't care Thursday, November 20, 2014 9:36:20 AMTwitter Web Client
How I resolve tickets in our ticketing system: http://t.co/Co8IdorHzL Wednesday, November 19, 2014 3:42:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Build failed ONE time (because of dev error) and our CGO (Chief Grandpa Officer) scheduled a meeting to discuss "improving the process." Tuesday, November 18, 2014 2:02:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Based on Tom's parenting stories, I've decided I'm never going to have a 14 year old daughter. Tuesday, November 18, 2014 12:43:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Yo India. Your mars photos suck... Look how blurry it is. Learn how to space. I thought you guys were supposed to be smart or something... Friday, November 14, 2014 6:39:07 PMTwitter Web Client
If @jerrythornton1's leaving Barstool, who's gonna do the sex scandal teacher blogs? Friday, November 14, 2014 5:11:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Woof. You ever know a really hot chick in college and then you saw her pic like 5 years later and it's like woof? Yeah that just happened. Friday, November 14, 2014 4:15:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Indian dude in the office gave me a cookie and I think I just ate a teaspoon of curry powder Friday, November 14, 2014 4:11:54 PMTwitter Web Client
Bummer. Tried to flash lollipop on my 2012 Nexus 7, but it doesn't recognize 10 USB cables in different computers. USB port is jacked. Friday, November 14, 2014 12:12:42 PMTwitter Web Client
Working here is like tattooing a band aid over a severed artery... We do half-assed workarounds and then refuse to go back and fix it right. Thursday, November 13, 2014 12:03:12 PMTwitter Web Client
I REAAAALLLLYYYY wish nude Kim Kardashians wouldn't show up in my Twitter feed k thx Thursday, November 13, 2014 9:54:41 AMTwitter Web Client
[6:27:46 PM] i'm gonna go up there
[6:27:48 PM] shit on the floor
[6:27:51 PM] tell them to eat a dick
[6:27:52 PM] and walk out 		Thursday, November 13, 2014 9:53:23 AMTwitter Web Client
Literary Skype genius from yesterday, during my Bynes breakdown (see next tweet) Thursday, November 13, 2014 9:53:09 AMTwitter Web Client
Now that I get to leave this fuckin shithole, it's almost guaranteed that the motherless MTA will have some kind of train problem Wednesday, November 12, 2014 6:14:37 PMTwitter Web Client
I have one message for everyone right now http://t.co/Kw5tdmDrsk Wednesday, November 12, 2014 6:08:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Was in full Bynes meltdown mode today at work until I went to the bar. Then it was all okay Wednesday, November 12, 2014 4:58:19 PMTwitter Web Client
THIS IS EXCELLENT: https://t.co/EGBnrgYpQW Google fucked up big time by merging hangouts with SMS. It blew monkey dick. Night and day Wednesday, November 12, 2014 2:37:40 PMTwitter Web Client
Testing! Ya heard? Tuesday, November 11, 2014 12:43:10 PMTwitter Web Client
Thank you to Verizon for hard resetting my FiOS router. Now I need to remember all my port forwards. Friday, November 07, 2014 12:28:48 AMTwitter Web Client
Who the fuck does this guy think he is interrupting me telling my boss about important release procedures about his bougie Williamsburg bar Thursday, November 06, 2014 6:38:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Wait a sec... You mean to tell me the 90s aren't 10 years ago anymore? #thefuck Thursday, November 06, 2014 5:40:48 PMTwitter Web Client
My client requested me to schedule a build for 10PM tonight. It is Halloween. It is friday night. Get your life together. Friday, October 31, 2014 5:07:16 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @DadBoner: Happy 'Ween to ya, boo guys. Friday, October 31, 2014 4:51:37 PMTwitter Web Client
"[4:49:57 PM]: no, they are a pair of fucking black panties on top of my toothbrush and shit" Friday, October 31, 2014 4:51:20 PMTwitter Web Client
Real talk, one of my coworkers just asked me if I knew of anyone who put a pair of black polka dot panties in his desk drawer Friday, October 31, 2014 4:50:57 PMTwitter Web Client
Bro. Don't care. Stop talking to me. Friday, October 31, 2014 1:28:02 PMTwitter Web Client
Not one person is taking anything seriously today. Not one. Techno halloween music is thumpin' #cubehalloween Friday, October 31, 2014 10:04:33 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @Docent_Steve: This is the scariest pumpkin I have seen yet..... @CloudFlare #Error502 #BadGateway http://t.co/MlPArePMux Thursday, October 30, 2014 5:16:57 PMTwitter Web Client
My third monitor has become my dedicated Dave Grohl concert video player Tuesday, October 28, 2014 4:21:47 PMTwitter Web Client
There's a 75% chance this dude I know is a closet Dexter and plays this in his killroom: https://t.co/68jrpjDxoN Monday, October 27, 2014 5:50:20 PMTwitter Web Client
I NEED LOLLIPOP ON MY MOTO X IMMEJITLY Friday, October 24, 2014 1:14:49 PMTwitter Web Client
No idea why my jaw is killing me. I didn't chew anything crazy to exert it. The fuck did I get - tetanus? Thursday, October 23, 2014 1:20:41 AMTwitter Web Client
I've been spending way too much time with git as of late... Thursday, October 23, 2014 12:59:42 AMTwitter Web Client
I'd rather be treating Ebola patients in West Africa than listening to this bumbling idiot Wednesday, October 22, 2014 10:44:54 AMTwitter Web Client
Gotta be FUCKING KIDDING ME. I love how we find out on rollout night that there are modified configs. Jesus H. Christ Tuesday, October 21, 2014 2:17:08 AMTwitter Web Client
SOUND THE ALARMS. I DELETED iamabanana.txt from our prod servers and our OSSEC shit went wild. Panic ensued. http://t.co/ri8M8EYA1g Monday, October 20, 2014 11:29:07 AMTwitter Web Client
@RMerlinDev Flashed my RT68U twice with 376.47, but my version still reports 376.45. Ideas? Saturday, October 18, 2014 3:52:24 PMTwitter Web Client
How come people from India and Russia always say "I will do the needful" It's such a shitty mistranslation Friday, October 17, 2014 3:33:27 PMTwitter Web Client
LOVE Slash http://t.co/KCu5VX1xTp Wednesday, October 15, 2014 11:44:28 AMTwitter Web Client
My VP got a gen2 Moto X and I'm gonna steal it from him Tuesday, October 14, 2014 10:03:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Sorry rizqi hafidha, you aren't important enough to talk to me. #fukkencreepshow http://t.co/PZcdQJunCz Tuesday, October 14, 2014 3:49:16 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Probably wouldn't take it that far, but that was a good guess
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, October 14, 2014 2:04:25 PMTwitter Web Client
Nor sure if anyone noticed, but I'm obsessed with Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters Tuesday, October 14, 2014 2:01:37 PMTwitter Web Client
How am I supposed to get any work done if I have Colin jib jabbin my ear off Tuesday, October 14, 2014 11:57:33 AMTwitter Web Client
THIS AGAIN: https://t.co/OdQrV9xtSX Monday, October 13, 2014 6:22:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Didn't win tickets to that mystery Foo Fighters event Tuesday in NYC. #WOOF Saturday, October 11, 2014 12:08:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Was just peer pressured into chugging 1/4 solo cup of straight (warm) vodka "to catch up" #whatisthiscollege? Saturday, October 11, 2014 11:35:32 AMTwitter Web Client
I am with people who have been drinking since 8am and are trying to find an open liquor store. It's 9:30. LOL Saturday, October 11, 2014 9:33:39 AMTwitter Web Client