Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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We hope I don't brick this.... Tuesday, May 29, 2012 1:37:48 AMTwitter Web Client
Welp, looks like I'll just have to flash a custom recovery image because this one is f'in blasted Tuesday, May 29, 2012 1:33:26 AMTwitter Web Client
Fuck Verizon for not updating my shit to 4.0.4. I'm rooting this bitch and doing it manually. It's been too long Tuesday, May 29, 2012 1:17:33 AMTwitter Web Client
Eye;s all messed up. fml Tuesday, May 29, 2012 12:38:07 AMTwitter Web Client
trololololo: http://t.co/iyVV4SE Friday, May 25, 2012 5:41:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Scroll up with your mouse there, kitten. Friday, May 25, 2012 4:53:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Word gets around at the Booker... I walked in and my boss was like "so tell me how you got cut off" Guy wasn't even there. HHH Friday, May 25, 2012 9:34:49 AMTwitter Web Client
Also, I learned tonight that no motherfucker is real. Everyone is full of shit. So why even bother Friday, May 25, 2012 1:19:05 AMTwitter Web Client
Also, why isn't @MalJNew answering her fuckin phone? stop banging motherfuckers and talk t to me Friday, May 25, 2012 12:57:58 AMTwitter Web Client
None of you mother fuckers cut me off. Cocksuckers. This is a lesson Friday, May 25, 2012 12:57:20 AMTwitter Web Client
Niraj paid for all that shit fuckers. So I crumbled up dollar bills , threw them in her fuckin face and walked out. Fuckin cunt Friday, May 25, 2012 12:56:45 AMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin whatever... bartender thought I was crazy. She should see me last and or next week. Pieces of shit Friday, May 25, 2012 12:55:58 AMTwitter Web Client
This is all a bunch of bullshit. I wasn't even doing anything wrong. Just standing in the corner talking to my coworkers. Friday, May 25, 2012 12:53:20 AMTwitter Web Client
Yep... got thrown outta the bar tonight mother fuckers. Friday, May 25, 2012 12:52:26 AMTwitter Web Client
jay shut the fuck up, I have code to roll. Stop chit chattin Thursday, May 24, 2012 5:42:05 PMTwitter Web Client
This: http://t.co/QzTXRl7 Thursday, May 24, 2012 4:29:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure I'd do very questionable things in exchange for getting rid of this eye twitch. Thursday, May 24, 2012 9:29:23 AMTwitter Web Client
PS, Winnie the Pooh is a mo'fuggin boss: http://t.co/FnwRSoA Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:13:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Shameless plug: http://t.co/jFkMFU2. No tax when shipped to NY and usually free shipping. And I get my shit in like a day. Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:08:30 PMTwitter Web Client
This is bullshit. I placed my order like three days ago and it didn't ship yet. Probably b/c it would get here too quickly if they sent it. Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:07:33 PMTwitter Web Client
Amazon sucks. Unless you have prime or pay for real shipping, I'm convinced they delay your order on purpose if you select free shipping. Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:06:41 PMTwitter Web Client
So like... Whats the equivalent to brunch for lunch/dinner.... Linner? Dunch? Wednesday, May 23, 2012 4:50:54 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh Vinny get it. You all live close, don't you... How convenient. hhhhhhhhhhh
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Wednesday, May 23, 2012 4:14:36 PMTwitter Web Client
I swear to God, Alexey, if I get just one more OPSMGR alert that your SQL jobs are failing, I'm gonna lose it. Wednesday, May 23, 2012 12:25:15 PMTwitter Web Client
new sales... absolutely dripping sex today Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:33:29 AMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew @TaraCasanova @kelgoe @LennonImagine This release is a bunch of fuckin bullshit
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Tuesday, May 22, 2012 12:39:24 PMTwitter Web Client
Niraj: "Don't give let him bring a magnifying glass! He should bring a guitar! He'll get laid" NIRAJ! The kid's 6 Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:37:41 AMTwitter Web Client
Alexey: "Joe. Did you ever have show and tell in school? What should my son bring? I don't want him to bring some stupid shit." Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:34:50 AMTwitter Web Client
Chip off the old mover! Monday, May 21, 2012 9:26:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Drives me FUCKING crazy when I can hear people's earbuds from far away. Namely, my coworker in the next cube and people on the subway. STFU Monday, May 21, 2012 1:47:33 PMTwitter Web Client
@pipeandcane Baller Monday, May 21, 2012 12:26:51 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @maljnew Feel like I could throw up a thousand beers you guys. Saturday, May 19, 2012 11:18:57 AMTwitter Web Client
So Accounts Payable is a person now? http://t.co/Xh2094b Friday, May 18, 2012 5:55:39 PMTwitter Web Client
ok who's doin lines of coke off the new countertop? TK was the last one in the kitchen Friday, May 18, 2012 4:58:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Just wanted to point out that the chick in the FB timeline photon in Joe's Deluxe Spa is bangin: https://t.co/LxPWkpL Friday, May 18, 2012 4:53:46 PMTwitter Web Client
"you know what joe.. i just remembed last night this girl asked you to kiss her on the lips and you was like No" HA Friday, May 18, 2012 12:43:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Coffee bag exploded all over me. Obviously, when people were looking. WOOF Friday, May 18, 2012 10:56:21 AMTwitter Web Client
I'd like to know how it is that some people have so much of their shit together and some people are fucking disasters. What differentiates? Friday, May 18, 2012 2:57:54 AMTwitter Web Client
@Barnes_S_nobles @kerbear88 Never awkward for me. My boss just laughs.
In reply to @Barnes_S_nobles's tweet
 Thursday, May 17, 2012 10:52:11 AMTwitter Web Client
@Novellabella It's because a 4G iPhone is coming out next and Verizon does not want those people to get unlimited data
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Thursday, May 17, 2012 9:41:54 AMTwitter Web Client
I almost walked straight into my boss because I was too busy looking the other way staring at the sales girl. #creeper #awkward Thursday, May 17, 2012 9:39:15 AMTwitter Web Client
The Yankees really suck this season, you guys. At least I can watch the Rangers Wednesday, May 16, 2012 8:32:44 PMTwitter Web Client
If ya didn't know you're bein' scammed, you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job. If ya did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out! Wednesday, May 16, 2012 5:39:38 PMTwitter Web Client
What? The land of the free? Whoever told you that is your enemy. Wednesday, May 16, 2012 1:05:00 PMTwitter Web Client
ABSOLUTE SMOKESTACK. bang bang Wednesday, May 16, 2012 11:22:09 AMTwitter Web Client
sluttface Tuesday, May 15, 2012 12:03:27 PMTwitter Web Client
My video card "broke" Got a brand new one. This is what you get for downgrading me, sir. Tuesday, May 15, 2012 10:12:09 AMTwitter Web Client
@Frankalankster No reason why @VtotheFlo should be blocked b/c she only tweets about Fairfield Girl Problems. My tweets would get me fired
In reply to @Frankalankster's tweet
 Tuesday, May 15, 2012 9:25:44 AMTwitter Web Client
It's scary that there are no #kellyomealiatweets during this game.. You there? Monday, May 14, 2012 9:28:16 PMTwitter Web Client
Wags is hit or miss. SPOT on today. Like super bangable Monday, May 14, 2012 4:56:21 PMTwitter Web Client
IFassholes waste your entire morning, just kick back, stare at the hot new office manager and eat Grandma's chicken cutlet sangwich. WINNING Monday, May 14, 2012 12:34:11 PMTwitter Web Client
This dumb motherfucker... Monday, May 14, 2012 12:24:40 PMTwitter Web Client
Is that the new office manager? Who is this> I need deets. Monday, May 14, 2012 9:33:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Dan WOULD hire her. The minute she interviewed with him I was like... Her hotness got her the job. Monday, May 14, 2012 9:23:36 AMTwitter Web Client
Welp, looks like we hired that absolute bombshell who caught me looking twice during her interview when I was getting a cup of coffee. hhhhh Monday, May 14, 2012 9:22:07 AMTwitter Web Client
@kellyomealia #kellyomealiatweets #NYR Saturday, May 12, 2012 9:57:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure my parents think I'm on drugs and am crazy. Saturday, May 12, 2012 12:42:40 AMTwitter Web Client
So. Tired. Must. Sleep Friday, May 11, 2012 12:52:18 PMTwitter Web Client
When I am not crushing some code, I grab a couple of brews and smash some bugs. Thursday, May 10, 2012 12:49:33 PMTwitter Web Client
Stat: Rivera blew three of his first six saves when became the Yankees closer in 1997 Thursday, May 10, 2012 1:32:52 AMTwitter Web Client
Now I'm buddies with DTink. Shoulda done that earlier. He coulda put in a good word with that marketing intern last summer. Wednesday, May 09, 2012 11:15:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Ah jesus fuckin christ Dave Robertson. I'm no longer gay for you. This is why we need Mo in the 9th. Go back to the 8th Wednesday, May 09, 2012 10:17:56 PMTwitter Web Client
Really lookin forward to leaving work at 1, drinking, then going to the Yankee game tomorrow, you guys Wednesday, May 09, 2012 10:07:23 PMTwitter Web Client
To hell with Nurses week. We need Brogrammer week: http://t.co/hB5e26H Wednesday, May 09, 2012 10:38:38 AMTwitter Web Client
Also, for some reason I'd like to give a random shout out to Mike Starr Wednesday, May 09, 2012 10:01:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Celebrate nurses week: Bang a nurse. Wednesday, May 09, 2012 10:00:55 AMTwitter Web Client
Who's the dick that broke the build Wednesday, May 09, 2012 9:13:25 AMTwitter Web Client
What's the twitter rule if you tweet at someone who doesn't follow you but you're private. Can they still see it? Tuesday, May 08, 2012 12:49:31 AMTwitter Web Client
IT guy just downgraded my video card from a Radeon HD 4550 to a Radeon HD 2400 XT. The FUCK man? Monday, May 07, 2012 4:36:53 PMTwitter Web Client
Lennon officially accused me of bruising her ass on Facebook and my boss replied "Oh My" BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Monday, May 07, 2012 12:52:33 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @DadBoner: Was peepin' this babe named Sally Perez. Such a dynamite latina. Real generous in the caboose, lips, & chest beefer po ... Sunday, May 06, 2012 11:33:46 PMTwitter Web Client
So yeah. My Twitter was relatively tame considering the ridic events of yesterday. Saturday, May 05, 2012 1:27:14 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @ElBloombito: Feliz Cinco de Mayor to todos los Mexiquitos! Saturday, May 05, 2012 1:13:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Little bit sloppy on the fuckin flip cup... I need to get my shit together, Friday, May 04, 2012 6:29:07 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't have enough swag for this shit. Can't compete. Bogus Friday, May 04, 2012 6:00:37 PMTwitter Web Client
MO!!!! "I'm coming back. Write it down in big letters. I'm not going out like this." Friday, May 04, 2012 5:44:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Controller just told me to send my invoices to Accounts Payable.. You mean we have a department for this now? #gettingbighere Friday, May 04, 2012 3:43:23 PMTwitter Web Client
The Galaxy S III looks sexy, but Samsung doesn't get it. Touchwiz sucks and they still used a halfassed camera and pentile display Friday, May 04, 2012 1:16:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Real bummed about Mo, you guys. Friday, May 04, 2012 12:32:44 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm about to CUNCEL DA SAESON on the Yankees... Friday, May 04, 2012 12:21:10 AMTwitter Web Client
Meg L sounds so hot on the phone Thursday, May 03, 2012 3:26:27 PMTwitter Web Client
At least my score's 69. yeah buddy get it Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:40:35 AMTwitter Web Client
*choking. Fuckin grammar failure and a half tonight. Jesus Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:40:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Doing realllllll well in fantasy baseball this week, you guys... Where real well = chocking on a barrel of cocks: http://t.co/M3V5RmU Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:39:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Bitch needs to get laid Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:38:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Just got an email.. VP of CE at my company is the first person in my life I've ever seen use the word impotent not in reference to a penis. Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:37:54 AMTwitter Web Client
Sales team new hires are on a different level than other new hires Wednesday, May 02, 2012 10:55:59 AMTwitter Web Client
BANG BANG Wednesday, May 02, 2012 10:52:09 AMTwitter Web Client
Bunch of pansies over at Google/Youtube for pulling that Kate Upton Cat Daddy video. Come on. That wasn't bad at all Wednesday, May 02, 2012 3:04:50 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm worse than a fuckin professor at work. Might as well post public office hours, because motherfuckers are lined up to get shit from me. Tuesday, May 01, 2012 9:15:20 PMTwitter Web Client
@dannyrob88 @BriBTC What the hell's he supposed to do, talk to you the whole 35 minutes? Guy's tired and wants to rest after work
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
 Tuesday, May 01, 2012 8:08:36 PMTwitter Web Client
"This company's life falls in Joe's hands" -Niraj Tuesday, May 01, 2012 11:07:38 AMTwitter Web Client
Hey @dadboner, you're awesome and shit, but stop blowing up my twitter feed. Monday, April 30, 2012 4:28:24 PMTwitter Web Client
pay for my data plan bitches Monday, April 30, 2012 3:30:54 PMTwitter Web Client
Call me maybe on my business card. reel in all the fly honeys Monday, April 30, 2012 1:17:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Me: "I think this coffee is decaf" Christina: "That's grounds for disciplinary action" Monday, April 30, 2012 10:33:39 AMTwitter Web Client
You brought tequila back from Mexico? That'll come in handy for the office Tres, Cuatro and Cinco De Mayo celebrations! Thanks Tara! Monday, April 30, 2012 10:25:52 AMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure there are two cats fucking outside the window. It sounds ridiculous Sunday, April 29, 2012 7:58:01 PMTwitter Web Client
From now on, I want you to put an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin! Sunday, April 29, 2012 6:11:53 PMTwitter Web Client
"You know you're a lying, lowlife motherfucking gambling degenerate prick. You know that's what you are?" Sunday, April 29, 2012 6:06:24 PMTwitter Web Client
There are three ways of doing things around here: the right way, the wrong way, and the way I do it. Sunday, April 29, 2012 5:59:11 PMTwitter Web Client
You shit-kicking, stinky horse-manure smelling motherfucker you! Go back there and apologize now! Sunday, April 29, 2012 5:54:13 PMTwitter Web Client
"Just anudda fat fuck walkin' out of a casino with a suitcase" Sunday, April 29, 2012 5:08:44 PMTwitter Web Client
Chart of my tweet ridiculousness in relation to blood alcohol content: http://t.co/TWBECgu Sunday, April 29, 2012 3:44:51 AMTwitter Web Client
Clam Jam was this weekend? Just realized this now. I feel old. Sunday, April 29, 2012 2:28:18 AMTwitter Web Client
Domain renewal time. Godaddy sucks. Cluttered, tries to upsell you 87 times Should have transferred to namecheap during the SOPA protests. Sunday, April 29, 2012 2:23:42 AMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Google's going to shit
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Saturday, April 28, 2012 3:04:02 AMTwitter Web Client
The FUCK did google do to their search results. Look like shit. Awful UI designers there Saturday, April 28, 2012 2:30:11 AMTwitter Web Client
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE KEG IS KICKED. FUCK Friday, April 27, 2012 5:14:16 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuck all you hos. When there's a will, there's a way. Got that shit built and shipped off to India for testing. Friday, April 27, 2012 2:52:29 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm going to war with our mother fucking build system. Friday, April 27, 2012 2:44:26 AMTwitter Web Client
Get ready for the great firewall of the United States. No more freedom i up in this bitch http://t.co/j2cql1I Friday, April 27, 2012 1:32:10 AMTwitter Web Client
@Novellabella probably because you complain too much
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Thursday, April 26, 2012 6:23:23 PMTwitter Web Client
about why our shit is slow. well maybe it's because we load like 95 versions of jquery shit Thursday, April 26, 2012 6:22:50 PMTwitter Web Client
This is all bullshit. I just want to go to the mother fuckin bar but I have to go to a meetup in the middle of nowhere, manhattan Thursday, April 26, 2012 6:22:35 PMTwitter Web Client
OK I admit it. Android is a complete piece of shit unless you have a stock OS Thursday, April 26, 2012 2:32:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Motherfuckers need to drop dead... not on the subway. Drop dead somewhere the fuck else so you don't delay thousands of people. Thursday, April 26, 2012 9:32:20 AMTwitter Web Client
No, I don't want your happy balloon. But if I did take it, could we bang? Wednesday, April 25, 2012 4:56:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Anyone else ever wear boxers that don't have a button and you're like hanging out all over the place? TMI? Wednesday, April 25, 2012 4:37:14 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @RepRonPaul: Oppose CISPA! http://t.co/u2oCXvyr Wednesday, April 25, 2012 4:34:13 PMTwitter Web Client
Vietnamese food gave me some gas. Not cool I'm having a one on one security meeting with the VP of Engineering for over an hour... Tuesday, April 24, 2012 4:12:38 PMTwitter Web Client
Today's Google doodle blew my mind Tuesday, April 24, 2012 2:10:29 AMTwitter Web Client
WAT Monday, April 23, 2012 9:44:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Don't tell me that shit wasn't kicked in Monday, April 23, 2012 9:41:27 PMTwitter Web Client
CAUGHT LOOKING so badly right now. HHHH Monday, April 23, 2012 4:51:37 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't think you understand how amazing Mike McCready is on guitar: http://t.co/FIjpL1o Sunday, April 22, 2012 12:57:22 PMTwitter Web Client
Welp. Just took a piss in the women's room because there are no chicks here and the guy's room is too far. Cleaning lady called me out. HHHH Friday, April 20, 2012 9:10:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Natalia: "Remember. I don't represent Russia. I represent drunk people... Because all the Russians are drunk." Friday, April 20, 2012 6:49:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Lennon on Holograms: "If you ever have Justin Bieber do this thing with the Beatles, I'd fuckin kill myself" Friday, April 20, 2012 6:33:01 PMTwitter Web Client
OK it's like noon. Why didn't the keg arrive yet? Friday, April 20, 2012 12:37:44 PMTwitter Web Client
This backlit Alenware keyboard I have at work gets me mad street cred. So unnecessary. So awesome. Biddies be obsessin over it. Friday, April 20, 2012 12:35:38 PMTwitter Web Client
It just took me like 20 minutes to get my WiFi working on my old server. The F Thursday, April 19, 2012 2:45:28 AMTwitter Web Client
Yup.. Just searched our error log for "nudes" (to look for a spambot attack, you sick fucks) Wednesday, April 18, 2012 5:42:34 PMTwitter Web Client
Heading over to Facebook later to listen to @patmeenan talk about web performance measurement Wednesday, April 18, 2012 3:09:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Just want to listen to dope jams right now. Just sick tunes. Tuesday, April 17, 2012 1:34:12 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu @GadsdenMarc We're dropping Joomla and WordPress for our sites for Drupal. New guy, new broom sweeps clean. SHIT. Monday, April 16, 2012 9:21:26 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm convinced to make this Joomla shit work for this asshole. Whoever decided to go with cloud sites over a cloud server was a jokeface Monday, April 16, 2012 7:43:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure I can launch the space shuttle with this coffee they brewed this morning. Monday, April 16, 2012 10:21:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Phil Hughes. You suck ass Saturday, April 14, 2012 2:26:33 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Yeah we have another error logging server and bc it was getting 500+ requests per second, I think I crashed it. Still going. Jeez
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Saturday, April 14, 2012 12:38:24 PMTwitter Web Client
I have a serious question. How the hell long does it take skipfish to run? Saturday, April 14, 2012 10:53:37 AMTwitter Web Client
@Nettiz1 @MalJNew We're not crazy.. We just know. Obvs, you're our fav.
In reply to @Nettiz1's tweet
 Friday, April 13, 2012 3:09:25 PMTwitter Web Client
These bitches let me have an Alienware backlit multifunction keyboard. We order Alienware for our devs... And I steal their supplies. BALLIN Friday, April 13, 2012 2:54:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Gonna travel all the way uptown to Taco Bell to get some Loco D'reets in honor of @DadBoner. Need the bold flavors. Friday, April 13, 2012 12:05:27 PMTwitter Web Client
If that hot redhead bartender isn't at Barfly later, I'll be disappoint Friday, April 13, 2012 9:42:03 AMTwitter Web Client
So I refuse to make a real tumblr because it's dumb and I already have a real blog, so I made a joke one for work/tech: http://t.co/MQb0ePa Thursday, April 12, 2012 12:41:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Actual email: "Remember how I said I SQL injected the database and broke the app by accident? Welp, I SQL injected a fix, so it works now." Wednesday, April 11, 2012 1:01:31 AMTwitter Web Client
100% disagree with our VP of Marketing for throwing Android under the bus. He's like... Nah we have to wait for iPhone. Fuck that. tease it Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:45:24 PMTwitter Web Client
I always get my way. VPs don't like my ideas? F that noise... I just get the COO to tell the VPs what I want. And enjoy #futureCTO Tuesday, April 10, 2012 3:25:49 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm allergic to cloud servers Tuesday, April 10, 2012 1:53:27 PMTwitter Web Client
I just wished Dan a Happy Monday and he told me that it was Tuesday and I was off to a bad start. HHHH Tuesday, April 10, 2012 9:38:44 AMTwitter Web Client
Things that grind my gears: Firefox using up >700MB of RAM and lagging when typing and switching tabs. Piece of shit browser Monday, April 09, 2012 7:12:17 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't know how I feel about Facebook buying Instagram... Probably not good. Monday, April 09, 2012 3:29:40 PMTwitter Web Client
Bring me this Kate Upton Easter bunny ass. http://t.co/vSeE23k Monday, April 09, 2012 1:11:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Welp, if this is the case then 97% of us are almost alcoholics: http://t.co/OWEC3sK Sunday, April 08, 2012 2:54:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Lass is a sluttface http://t.co/Y5WbW7R Saturday, April 07, 2012 11:44:54 AMTwitter Web Client
Ah Jesus fucking Christ, CC Friday, April 06, 2012 3:37:38 PMTwitter Web Client
Seriously Firefox? 1.2 gigs of RAM. You fucking piece of shit browser. You're worse than IE. http://t.co/Za1V3Eo Friday, April 06, 2012 2:45:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Pink slime: "It's pink, therefore it's meat" Friday, April 06, 2012 11:57:50 AMTwitter Web Client
Can't wait to crack a few cold ones and watch the Yankees at 3. In my office. Friday, April 06, 2012 9:55:26 AMTwitter Web Client
Today is an absolute joke. No one's here, there's nothing to do. It's legit Friday, April 06, 2012 9:54:56 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm sorry, but I'm the most interesting person you follow on Twitter. Well maybe not if you follow @DadBoner, but otherwise, I'm the illest. Friday, April 06, 2012 12:44:33 AMTwitter Web Client
kells bells Friday, April 06, 2012 12:33:45 AMTwitter Web Client
OK there's food. They can un- go fuck themselves Thursday, April 05, 2012 12:25:57 PMTwitter Web Client
If they don't feed us at this company meeting all of the executives can go fuck themselves Thursday, April 05, 2012 12:01:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Heading over to Facebook's NYC office on the 18th for a tech talk on web performance measurement. Sweet Thursday, April 05, 2012 11:01:38 AMTwitter Web Client
Oh I'm going to lose it on these motherfuckers right now. Thursday, April 05, 2012 9:38:13 AMTwitter Web Client
Fucking sales people sending Daniel dramatic emails about how our system is busted.He was up my ass all day today anyway. I don't need this Wednesday, April 04, 2012 6:07:54 PMTwitter Web Client
I am devastated to report that our Copy-location is not working. Wednesday, April 04, 2012 6:07:04 PMTwitter Web Client
I wish I was a drummer. I have the sudden urge to bat up drums but I'd sound like a moron Wednesday, April 04, 2012 4:24:03 PMTwitter Web Client
That hot girl in your class who gets A’s on everything and makes you feel like you are the biggest fucking idiot in the world. Wednesday, April 04, 2012 3:10:09 AMTwitter Web Client
Wow... One of our customers just found a good assed bug on our mobile site. Nice! I'm gonna send that shit to my Ukranians to fix overnight Wednesday, April 04, 2012 1:52:22 AMTwitter Web Client
Internet's slower than shit right now. What the fuck, Verizon Wednesday, April 04, 2012 12:17:34 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @DadBoner: The best memories are usually the ones other people have to remember for you the next day, you guys. Sunday, April 01, 2012 3:39:44 PMTwitter Web Client
Anyone wanna go biking with me tomorrow. And by anyone, I mean only her: http://t.co/6lFFh3e Sunday, April 01, 2012 1:45:00 AMTwitter Web Client
Aaaaaaaand broke the seal before leaving the office. Again. But we kicked the keg. This is bullshit if they don't order a new one next wk. Friday, March 30, 2012 6:59:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Niraj (not to me): "You've had worse things in your mouth" Friday, March 30, 2012 6:04:51 PMTwitter Web Client
@Novellabella YEAH BUDDY GET IT.
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Friday, March 30, 2012 6:01:20 PMTwitter Web Client
Happy birthday, birthday people... I have to go write a script. Friday, March 30, 2012 5:04:16 PMTwitter Web Client
get it? Dos batch Friday, March 30, 2012 11:32:34 AMTwitter Web Client
DAS BATCH! Friday, March 30, 2012 11:30:56 AMTwitter Web Client
Heading to Disrupt this year! Friday, March 30, 2012 11:15:04 AMTwitter Web Client
pauly d project: biggies girlfriend is a smokebomb Friday, March 30, 2012 12:52:06 AMTwitter Web Client
@Novellabella use the harney rd bridge instead joker.
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Thursday, March 29, 2012 8:05:13 PMTwitter Web Client
The question is actually "Why is there not always a Christmas tree on the ping pong table" Thursday, March 29, 2012 3:52:48 PMTwitter Web Client
not in the greatest mood, probs because i stopped not giving a fuck. if i could stop giving a fuck, it would be all good, but i do and meh Wednesday, March 28, 2012 9:23:14 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Nope. That looks sweet. Might use that in our test lab setup at work. We have limited space between a PC and mac on one desk
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Wednesday, March 28, 2012 9:21:45 PMTwitter Web Client
little bit of Alice in Chains Wednesday, March 28, 2012 3:40:46 PMTwitter Web Client
oh wow. yous hot today Wednesday, March 28, 2012 9:14:08 AMTwitter Web Client
Temple Run crashes like a motherfucker on the galaxy nexus. tsk tsk tsk. this le sucks Tuesday, March 27, 2012 7:28:37 PMTwitter Web Client
So pretty much when you die and click "run again" the app closes. No one caught this shit after it was delayed like 3 months? Poor QA Tuesday, March 27, 2012 6:20:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Would be nice if Temple Run didn't force close 64 times on the Galaxy Nexus... They delay it and release it buggy. Sux developing on Android Tuesday, March 27, 2012 6:16:06 PMTwitter Web Client
FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK. ROLL BACK 13874 Tuesday, March 27, 2012 12:34:48 PMTwitter Web Client
das bood... not to be confused with das boot. Monday, March 26, 2012 4:59:17 PMTwitter Web Client
Christina: "Don't fuck with me, Argentina!" Monday, March 26, 2012 10:14:22 AMTwitter Web Client
Hop off the dick, TK. I neither like you nor work for you so stop telling me to do stupid shit. Monday, March 26, 2012 9:08:49 AMTwitter Web Client
My twitter is just straight up offensive / makes people uncomfortable. Sorry about that! Sunday, March 25, 2012 3:21:57 PMTwitter Web Client
Everyone loves me. This pic pretty much = "let's bang" http://t.co/7xBoS7B Saturday, March 24, 2012 1:40:47 AMTwitter Web Client
meg l come at me Friday, March 23, 2012 7:42:37 PMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure that the weekly keg and shots in this office are breaking my liver Friday, March 23, 2012 7:25:19 PMTwitter Web Client
"Is always reliefs when Selenium test is pass always one day before release" Friday, March 23, 2012 10:59:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Sometimes you just want to shake a bitch Thursday, March 22, 2012 7:11:47 PMTwitter Web Client
What kind of a fake assed Dunkin Donuts runs out of iced coffee... Thursday, March 22, 2012 5:23:02 PMTwitter Web Client
Hacking with Alexey! We just did a proof of concept by hijacking session cookies and logging in as another user. And fixed the flaw! Thursday, March 22, 2012 10:39:43 AMTwitter Web Client
@nyJULZmd doesn't matter. pic is freaky is hell.
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Thursday, March 22, 2012 9:17:39 AMTwitter Web Client
@nyJULZmd I think your neck might be missing in your profile picture Thursday, March 22, 2012 2:11:06 AMTwitter Web Client
@ShavingFoams that's @respectapole to you, sir!
In reply to @ShavingFoams's tweet
 Thursday, March 22, 2012 2:08:53 AMTwitter Web Client
@Novellabella if you don't like respectapole, you can try Studio Goddess Polelates, Mix of the Trix or Vertical Vixens. I don't make this up Thursday, March 22, 2012 2:07:15 AMTwitter Web Client
@ShavingFoams @Novellabella May I suggest scheduling some pole dancing classes? http://www.secure-booker.com/respectapole/MakeAppointment/Results.aspx
In reply to @ShavingFoams's tweet
 Thursday, March 22, 2012 2:05:45 AMTwitter Web Client
Thank you reddit for unintentionally teaching me what pitted keratolysis is. Assholes. BRB while I vomit. Thursday, March 22, 2012 2:02:46 AMTwitter Web Client
These two VPs they just hired are fucking outside of their minds and cray to the max Wednesday, March 21, 2012 10:19:57 PMTwitter Web Client
Hi! I'm awesome. What's your name? Wednesday, March 21, 2012 3:22:59 PMTwitter Web Client
You don't need no estick Wednesday, March 21, 2012 10:53:29 AMTwitter Web Client
They've got some fuckin nerve putting unskippable video ads in Draw Something. Ya think my battery wants to deal with this shit? Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:19:55 PMTwitter Web Client
The entire marketing department is driving me batshit cray Tuesday, March 20, 2012 1:17:30 PMTwitter Web Client
@michellemm22 If anyone asks me for account passwords, I would never work there. That's insanity.
In reply to @michellemm22's tweet
 Tuesday, March 20, 2012 11:39:14 AMTwitter Web Client
I introduce you to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! http://t.co/1v8a7qz Tuesday, March 20, 2012 2:43:29 AMTwitter Web Client
I hope the IT guy won't be mad tomorrow that I am dumping 25 gigs of disk images to the company share drive over VPN. F it. We've got 6TB Tuesday, March 20, 2012 12:58:49 AMTwitter Web Client
@mich_amore Yes! It's someone in a shower with a bottle in their hair. what else would it be
In reply to @mich_amore's tweet
 Monday, March 19, 2012 8:45:42 PMTwitter Web Client
@mich_amore @Waspito Shut up. I can't draw for shit. marc's been looking at my stick figures since freshman yr study hall so he knows
In reply to @mich_amore's tweet
 Monday, March 19, 2012 8:43:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Holy shit I'm fat. I need to like get my shit together. Monday, March 19, 2012 8:41:57 PMTwitter Web Client
My boss: "Some things are just better not explained. There's no good way to put certain things" BAHAHAH. BALLER Monday, March 19, 2012 9:20:18 AMTwitter Web Client
What's this bullshit our C02 has a hole in it... Can we not get ghetto ass kegs in this office?! Friday, March 16, 2012 6:52:54 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm in ur MVCs compiling 1.0 code on MVC 3.0. Y it no work? Derp Friday, March 16, 2012 4:29:22 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Old man Abusers
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Friday, March 16, 2012 2:46:21 PMTwitter Web Client
They put an input button inside an anchor tag! You've gotta be shitting me... Someone redo our website please. Friday, March 16, 2012 2:45:57 PMTwitter Web Client
@ShavingFoams @Novellabella No way! She was obviously talking about Sauter mean diameter
In reply to @ShavingFoams's tweet
 Friday, March 16, 2012 1:27:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Wagner just told me the snacks on my desk look like dog treats. She might need to get a spanking for that one... Friday, March 16, 2012 1:21:32 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @Yankees: OFFICIAL: @Yankees re-sign LHP Andy Pettitte to 1-year Minor League contract with invitation to Major League Spring Training. Friday, March 16, 2012 1:16:01 PMTwitter Web Client
That email bug is cray. Ain't it Jay? Fix it now Friday, March 16, 2012 12:21:30 PMTwitter Web Client
@DEVOPS_BORAT always says stuff that relates perfectly to what I do everyday. It's crazy Friday, March 16, 2012 10:56:35 AMTwitter Web Client
@Nettiz1 You better watch out @Novellabella doesn't show up on set for ya. She stalks celebrities.
In reply to @Nettiz1's tweet
 Friday, March 16, 2012 12:10:40 AMTwitter Web Client
This new Gchat UI in iGoogle looks like crap. I'm telling you. Google's UI team really, really sucks Thursday, March 15, 2012 8:49:05 PMTwitter Web Client
My boss is hysterical: "I hope that compressed air stuff isn't bad for you because I always spray my kids with it" Thursday, March 15, 2012 3:17:53 PMTwitter Web Client
I still can't believe HBO cancelled Luck... Bunch of fuckup trainers on the set must have been why those horses were injured Thursday, March 15, 2012 10:34:54 AMTwitter Web Client
Alexey! Stop bullshitting with Casey and fix my fucking shit Thursday, March 15, 2012 9:47:17 AMTwitter Web Client
Not pleased right now... Thursday, March 15, 2012 9:44:25 AMTwitter Web Client
@BriBTC http://t.co/pb3q7LA
In reply to @BriBTC's tweet
 Wednesday, March 14, 2012 7:42:35 PMTwitter Web Client
The need to start pumping colder AC on these subways... It's March already and roasting Wednesday, March 14, 2012 9:09:14 AMTwitter Web Client
Forgot how much I missed green tea and how I used to pound that all night long working on papers in school Tuesday, March 13, 2012 10:15:36 AMTwitter Web Client
It would be nice if Verizon released the 4.0.4 bugfix for the Galaxy Nexus on the grounds that I NEVER FUCKING HAVE INTERNET ON MY PHONE Monday, March 12, 2012 9:31:18 PMTwitter Web Client
2 bugs, 1 testcase.... DISGUSTING MAN... NASTY Monday, March 12, 2012 3:53:43 PMTwitter Web Client
What a dumbass: http://t.co/79FkXXr Monday, March 12, 2012 2:14:29 AMTwitter Web Client
Why do I have $32 in singles? I wasn't stripping, was I? Sunday, March 11, 2012 3:54:50 PMTwitter Web Client
I love finding money EVERYWHERE when I get home from the bar. It's like: Fuck I spent a lot, then I find money all over the place and its ok Sunday, March 11, 2012 3:52:43 PMTwitter Web Client
Would be nice if this giant ass bruise on my arm disappeared. it's over a week and i look like I got hit by a train Saturday, March 10, 2012 1:29:50 AMTwitter Web Client
Bunch of studs: http://t.co/MXBSBhs It's not in flash either. Friday, March 09, 2012 11:06:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Then they wonder why I hit the bottle... And I'm not even drinking anymore..... Friday, March 09, 2012 10:43:35 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @PissedPikachu It's Friday night which only means one thing: gettin smashed with my bros Charizard and Blastoise Friday, March 09, 2012 7:02:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Broke the seal before leaving work. HHHHHHH Friday, March 09, 2012 7:01:14 PMTwitter Web Client

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