5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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OMG this is the sex. Gonna flash custom firmware on this bitch https://t.co/ghSBMhixra Thursday, February 27, 2014 12:54:20 AMTwitter Web Client
About to buy a $200 home router because I'm batshit crazy. Fuckin boss tho: http://t.co/c00hbhxeDw Thursday, February 27, 2014 12:35:21 AMTwitter Web Client
I can't think over Gabe's constant fucking babbling Monday, February 24, 2014 9:59:20 AMTwitter Web Client
This cocksucker needs to stop asking me if I finished my scripts yet. Asking me 10 times per minute doesn't make me work faster. Friday, February 21, 2014 12:20:01 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin pissed that I'm listening to McGivern babble instead of getting drunk at @SaloonNYC and watching the Olympics with @KFCBarstool Friday, February 21, 2014 11:00:03 AMTwitter Web Client
Someone around here smells like fucking dog food Thursday, February 20, 2014 11:20:19 AMTwitter Web Client
Verizon just sent over a Consuela to work on our fiber. Woman looks like a cleaning attendant, not a fiber installer/ tech. Thursday, February 20, 2014 11:02:23 AMTwitter Web Client
They also did this shit with the password form where it randomly assigns CSS selectors. HURR DERRR I got around it Thursday, February 20, 2014 1:09:44 AMTwitter Web Client
Bitches over at dyndns delete your shit if you don't log in monthly. Wrote automation + task scheduler to auto log in every other week. WIN Thursday, February 20, 2014 1:09:00 AMTwitter Web Client
Idiot: "Hey Joe, Can you get me X by tomorrow? No rush."
Me: "ok"
Idiot (2 hrs later): "So did you do it yet?"

#FUCKOFF
Wednesday, February 19, 2014 5:24:38 PMTwitter Web Client
But we decide which is right. And which is an illusion. Sunday, February 16, 2014 9:01:49 PMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin I've increased the 10.0 release dumpster fire status from red hot to white hot
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
Thursday, February 13, 2014 2:44:40 AMTwitter Web Client
It's fucking Nigeria. This is not shocking: http://t.co/EpeeUhdxRF Thursday, February 13, 2014 12:50:12 AMTwitter Web Client
I WORK HERE: http://t.co/slTYmbCBzG Wednesday, February 12, 2014 10:41:18 AMTwitter Web Client
I just got back to my desk cunts. Let me catch up for a sec before you line up. #fuckoff Tuesday, February 11, 2014 2:01:47 PMTwitter Web Client
We dropped 9961 packets, but lost 0% of packets. Fucking Microsoft http://t.co/vGysr6GIng Monday, February 10, 2014 5:17:40 PMTwitter Web Client
This place sux Monday, February 10, 2014 4:14:36 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't want this rubber band machine gun. I NEED this rubber band machine gun: http://t.co/k1ay7q6Iax I'd get SO fired if I had this... Thursday, February 06, 2014 4:39:24 PMTwitter Web Client
Love when I get alerts like this. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG, GUYS http://t.co/rWX5nZ4eAR Thursday, February 06, 2014 2:28:33 AMTwitter Web Client
McGivern 2016! http://t.co/XkQlowqJAJ Wednesday, February 05, 2014 7:16:11 PMTwitter Web Client
CC: @Onethirdof3x5 @Fantasy_Mania RT @BarstoolJJ Literally not one person has ever had a bad time listening to the Ignition (Remix)
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Wednesday, February 05, 2014 4:54:12 PMTwitter Web Client
I have a VP who sends emails in Comic Sans. It is time to move on. Tuesday, February 04, 2014 5:06:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Colin. Will you SHUT THE FUCK UP Tuesday, February 04, 2014 10:08:09 AMTwitter Web Client
bossman has a sausage pizza unattended on his desk. Trying SO hard to not pick off sausage slices... Monday, February 03, 2014 1:33:01 PMTwitter Web Client
11% ABV beer in our office keg. We kicked it. Needless to say, we're playing football Friday, January 31, 2014 8:27:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Blasting Creedence and modifying config files so we pass our audit. Friday, January 31, 2014 4:44:09 PMTwitter Web Client
@KeriAHarrison @VtotheFlo Fuck a Call Me Maybe singalong to get me through Friday. Free 11% ABV beer gets me through a Friday
In reply to @KeriAHarrison's tweet
Friday, January 31, 2014 4:40:17 PMTwitter Web Client
COLIN: http://t.co/cenZow8Fal Friday, January 31, 2014 4:20:01 PMTwitter Web Client
I mean.. Shouting out "I feel like I smell like goat cheese" out of context in the office sounds really funny to the... 12 people around you Friday, January 31, 2014 2:08:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Why wont this fucking service start? Friday, January 31, 2014 1:56:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Genius though. Gabe Bar - Not that there's anything wrong with it. Killer slogan. Would make bank. Friday, January 31, 2014 1:54:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Gabe legit has a bar on his desk. Like 10 bottles. I call it the Gabe Bar, but he gets pissed off. Say "Gabe Bar" 5 times fast....... Friday, January 31, 2014 1:54:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Honestly, I'd bang this sandwich. Grilled eggplant, goat cheese, tomato, balsamic, roasted peppers and arugula. NOMS Friday, January 31, 2014 1:19:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Hey! My 2014 paycheck had $3 less taxes taken out. ZOMG THX OBAMA. Because you know, he personally controls everything here... Friday, January 31, 2014 9:50:05 AMTwitter Web Client
cocksucking time warner can't even handle a god damn voice chat without dropping Thursday, January 30, 2014 10:00:28 PMTwitter Web Client
New engineer asked me if I was sure I was using the right build server. Um yes. I've been release engineer here for 2 years. #facepalm Thursday, January 30, 2014 4:24:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Broken Bells album leaked. Shit is tight Wednesday, January 29, 2014 3:14:11 PMTwitter Web Client
Just typed pussy into my command prompt instead of putty.... Wednesday, January 29, 2014 1:07:31 PMTwitter Web Client
The director of UX is wearing a ridiculous outfit. This is who we hire for DESIGN? Guy looks like a fucking clown Wednesday, January 29, 2014 10:41:44 AMTwitter Web Client
They teach you to flatten your fucking organization in business school, not add layers of useless management. #justsayin Tuesday, January 28, 2014 11:45:51 AMTwitter Web Client
Got invited out for free dranks by a client. They can go fuck themselves. They suck so bad, I don't want their drinks. Tuesday, January 28, 2014 9:38:08 AMTwitter Web Client
Maybe they're speaking Jive #Airplane Seriously though. I can't tell if it's an accent or another language. Monday, January 27, 2014 9:35:54 AMTwitter Web Client
I have a legit question. Do Jamaicans speak another language? Because out IT guys keep talking and it sounds like English but I have no clue Monday, January 27, 2014 9:35:06 AMTwitter Web Client
OMG DAVE GROHL. I HAVE THE GAY FOR HIM Sunday, January 26, 2014 9:05:30 PMTwitter Web Client
Person should be assassinated: http://t.co/CYOQzexR13 Saturday, January 25, 2014 12:21:53 AMTwitter Web Client
@XtinaSchelin YOU CRAY GURRRRRLLLLLLLL
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
Friday, January 24, 2014 5:55:54 PMTwitter Web Client
@dannyrob88 better than the MTA son
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
Friday, January 24, 2014 5:44:23 PMTwitter Web Client
Windows 8 weather app thinks it's 82 degrees in New York. FOR SURE NOT. It's less than the reciprocal of 82... http://t.co/Bmnk8BLp2e Friday, January 24, 2014 5:43:31 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @XtinaSchelin: These fuckers keep up with the flashing lights, Imma go over there with the tiiiniest hammer and break each of them, whil… Friday, January 24, 2014 11:40:52 AMTwitter Web Client
Bullshit in, bullshit out... Mad, so my script will contain asinine comments: #pantiesinabunchoverconfigfiles http://t.co/I4VSfuMuCL Thursday, January 23, 2014 12:37:04 PMTwitter Web Client
Google auto pushed a totally busted version of Chrome Canary that doesn't even start. Idiots. https://t.co/kEPgrkpLKD Thursday, January 23, 2014 11:25:15 AMTwitter Web Client
Our VP of Engineering needs to stop being a fucking pussy and sucking our client's dick. Thursday, January 23, 2014 9:58:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Colin. I don't give a fuck about SQL Server 2012, certs and encryption. Shut up Wednesday, January 22, 2014 3:49:29 PMTwitter Web Client
My beard is excellent. Need the red and black lumberjack (with the hat to match) #biggie Wednesday, January 22, 2014 1:06:32 PMTwitter Web Client
Colin, stop talking to me about actual work. I'm trying to use company time to work on a side project. Tuesday, January 21, 2014 2:25:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Colin, shut the fuck up Tuesday, January 21, 2014 12:10:36 PMTwitter Web Client
On our lockscreen, all you have to do is view source, find the unlock function and enter it in JS console. VALIDATE IT ON BACKEND ASSHATS Tuesday, January 21, 2014 10:00:27 AMTwitter Web Client
In honor of MLK day, I share his personality: http://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality Monday, January 20, 2014 9:45:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Puppies are cute tho Monday, January 20, 2014 8:11:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Just realized that my part of the office is a sausagefest... #frontend and #sysops. Monday, January 20, 2014 4:50:56 PMTwitter Web Client
CTO was not pleased that I was blasting 40 Oz to Freedom on my DevOps TV Friday, January 17, 2014 4:44:31 PMTwitter Web Client
I smell like something illegal and I'm at work and it's driving me crazy and i;m sure it's in my head I NEED MORE BEER Friday, January 17, 2014 4:25:07 PMTwitter Web Client
McGivern you fuckin waste. Your out of office is a joke http://t.co/Qyh2BvDpOZ Friday, January 17, 2014 11:12:15 AMTwitter Web Client
Can't wait for this Broken Bells album to drop Friday, January 17, 2014 9:35:46 AMTwitter Web Client
"This is your lobby command station. A fire alarm was activated due to a smoke condition. It is a false alarm" #assholes Thursday, January 16, 2014 12:14:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Had to change my tiled fuck you background to something darker because it looked way too white. Much better Wednesday, January 15, 2014 10:22:07 PMTwitter Web Client
The fuck. Twitter desktop site redesign is whack Wednesday, January 15, 2014 10:15:50 PMTwitter Web Client
LETS MIGRATE AN ENTIRE FUCKING DRUPAL INSTANCE FROM A DEBIAN BASED OS TO CENTOS IN <1 DAY YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE Tuesday, January 14, 2014 7:07:08 PMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 Tsk tsk. Project managers... All they do is break engineers' balls and set unrealistic expectations ;)
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Tuesday, January 14, 2014 3:53:21 PMTwitter Web Client
WHOA. Facebook developer console changed SO much since I last used it Tuesday, January 14, 2014 3:52:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Bold move by our recruiter. Straight up asked one of my engineers how his lady situation was doing and winked at him #shewantsthedick Tuesday, January 14, 2014 1:04:35 PMTwitter Web Client
I fucking hate this shit Tuesday, January 14, 2014 11:24:26 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm about to pull a Billy Walsh on this rollout and Booker Tuesday, January 14, 2014 10:24:41 AMTwitter Web Client
Our rollouts suck dick Tuesday, January 14, 2014 9:28:52 AMTwitter Web Client
kevin. stop fuckin sneezing. Friday, January 10, 2014 2:49:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Gabe, shut the fuck up about Hennessy. Talking about it for the past 10 mins like he's the connoisseur of all alcohol. You're also white. Thursday, January 09, 2014 4:47:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Our API documentation looks like a drunk rest stop bathroom attendant took Twitter bootstrap and threw up all over the webpage Thursday, January 09, 2014 3:05:51 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew what up stripes Wednesday, January 08, 2014 5:53:04 PMTwitter Web Client
Gabe, I don't give a fuck about how you keep a Windows XP VM around.. Shut up Wednesday, January 08, 2014 11:17:59 AMTwitter Web Client
9 degrees out and I'm sweating balls at my desk and have a fan on Tuesday, January 07, 2014 5:12:05 PMTwitter Web Client
FYI. My ass looks studly today in dem jeans #DATASS Tuesday, January 07, 2014 3:01:28 PMTwitter Web Client
I FUCKING HOPE SO TOO, DUDE http://t.co/pQvhBIQpyJ Tuesday, January 07, 2014 9:17:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Back from vacation. Build server crashed again. Monday, January 06, 2014 2:26:42 PMTwitter Web Client
I think I just broke Foursquare. Friday, December 27, 2013 2:02:54 AMTwitter Web Client
Coworker said he wished the system didn't crash without me. I fucking hope so too bro (plus, don't bother me) Friday, December 27, 2013 1:09:09 AMTwitter Web Client
Vacation responder on and work email push notifications disabled. Don't wanna know anything. PEACE OUT biddies. Friday, December 27, 2013 1:07:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Hungry as fuck, obviously, due to feeble meals served over the past few days. TV dinners and leftovers go perfectly around Christmas #thefuk Thursday, December 26, 2013 11:11:56 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew Suck it. My TV dinner was AWESOME, you guys
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Thursday, December 26, 2013 9:08:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Colin finally bounced for lunch. Going to the fuckin bar. Thursday, December 26, 2013 1:10:47 PMTwitter Web Client
Clune's bringing Shiner back into the office. I hope he bites McGivern Thursday, December 26, 2013 10:43:00 AMTwitter Web Client
Just poured myself a whiskey. Thursday, December 26, 2013 10:10:53 AMTwitter Web Client
Per Alina, my command prompt is now purple. Black and white was too boring @maljnew #ThoughtOfTheDay Thursday, December 26, 2013 10:10:15 AMTwitter Web Client
Haven't done JACK SHIT yet today Thursday, December 26, 2013 9:47:53 AMTwitter Web Client
Backhanded comment from TK on my sweatpants #eatadick.info Thursday, December 26, 2013 8:48:56 AMTwitter Web Client
If you don't think I'm wearing sweatpants to the office tomorrow, then you're mistaken. Gonna be a whopping 5 people there. Thursday, December 26, 2013 12:37:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Pearl Jam's Ten craclkin' away on Vinyl tho Tuesday, December 24, 2013 2:49:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Just hid the stupid ass Flash copy to clipboard button on mobile devices for my twitter app. mobile doesnt have flash asswipe Tuesday, December 24, 2013 1:36:00 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @MalJNew Kevin McCallister for President Monday, December 23, 2013 1:15:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Have to poop and an in the middle of a rollout #ReleaseEngineerProblems Monday, December 23, 2013 1:13:05 PMTwitter Web Client
PJ day in the office and I'm wearing a onesie... How am I supposed to poop? Strip down in a stall? Monday, December 23, 2013 12:38:34 PMTwitter Web Client