Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



5975 tweets posted from Twitter Web Client
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This movie Contagion is boring the shit out of me. I like the idea of it, but it's just boring. Tuesday, August 28, 2012 2:06:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Alexey just said I needed a raise so I could get some medication... Yeah. Monday, August 27, 2012 10:07:54 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin sickly motherfucker. My sore throat from last week is back. Monday, August 27, 2012 9:56:25 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @kevinrose: Men's bathroom at Google Android @ Google Android Camp http://t.co/iOqgdW9r Monday, August 27, 2012 3:54:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Oh this beer is starting to do it's job. Annnnnnd on to the power hour in a bit! Friday, August 24, 2012 6:19:38 PMTwitter Web Client
@SonicBlur23 Since when does your black ass use twitter?
In reply to @SonicBlur23's tweet
 Friday, August 24, 2012 6:10:28 PMTwitter Web Client
I just started singing Miley Cyrus. Why Friday, August 24, 2012 6:01:00 PMTwitter Web Client
Then they wonder why I hit the bottle @gramercy1 Friday, August 24, 2012 5:29:45 PMTwitter Web Client
Error: object Object http://t.co/XYcO2Nz Friday, August 24, 2012 5:29:17 PMTwitter Web Client
Michael: I just sprayed WD40 all over my keyboard because I thought it was air in a can.keys asr sticking @MalJNew Friday, August 24, 2012 4:55:56 PMTwitter Web Client
Really lookin forward to tonight's FirstAndGold power hour, you guys Friday, August 24, 2012 12:06:55 PMTwitter Web Client
Motherfuckers need to stop goin around NYC swinging knives & poppin peeps. This is bullshit. Also, the cops will kill you. So enjoy Friday, August 24, 2012 11:54:57 AMTwitter Web Client
@colithika is my dude Thursday, August 23, 2012 3:52:49 PMTwitter Web Client
There's a script on my desktop named bs.vbs. It does some bullshit Thursday, August 23, 2012 3:51:09 PMTwitter Web Client
7-Zip is very inspirational, in that it told me everything is OK via command line output http://t.co/XrFvhep Thursday, August 23, 2012 9:48:21 AMTwitter Web Client
I love batch scripts, but Jesus Christ, Alexey - there are no specs for this. How am I supposed o figure out your mind Wednesday, August 22, 2012 3:09:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Really looking forward to @DadBoner's "Really looking forward to the weekend, you guys" tweet, you guys Wednesday, August 22, 2012 2:59:47 PMTwitter Web Client
@kellyomealia Yeah the A and C probably suck worse.
In reply to @kellyomealia's tweet
 Wednesday, August 22, 2012 12:29:40 AMTwitter Web Client
@VtotheFlo Do whatever you want. I'm just ranting as per ususal
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Tuesday, August 21, 2012 3:06:53 PMTwitter Web Client
If @VtotheFlo tweets about #FNO one more time, something I couldn't give a fuck about, I'm unfollowing her. Tuesday, August 21, 2012 2:06:38 PMTwitter Web Client
This is bullshit. We're going to have a warm fall? Fuck that noise. Bring on cold weather: http://www.weather.com/news/weather-forecast/wsi-fall-temperature-outlook-20120820 Tuesday, August 21, 2012 1:56:57 PMTwitter Web Client
Today, I learned the literal definition of clusterfuck. The cluster is essentially fucked. Tuesday, August 21, 2012 3:16:54 AMTwitter Web Client
Looks like i picked the wrong week to quit drinking Tuesday, August 21, 2012 2:41:55 AMTwitter Web Client
When [Insert ant VP here] hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan Tuesday, August 21, 2012 2:41:05 AMTwitter Web Client
@Colithika Hey. you're crazy bitch but ya fuck so good i'm on top of it
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Monday, August 20, 2012 3:53:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Poppin mad Zinc tablets Monday, August 20, 2012 3:50:43 PMTwitter Web Client
Alexey does not seem impressed with my log archive script. I am offended, considering it does exactly what we need and more, perfectly Monday, August 20, 2012 1:54:05 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @H9RBSjs: When bashing Apple supporters, avoid the politically incorrect term "fanboy". Instead, use the gender-neutral "imbecile". Monday, August 20, 2012 11:43:33 AMTwitter Web Client
@VtotheFlo Get a license, drive and stop complaining
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Friday, August 17, 2012 4:44:57 PMTwitter Web Client
Snippet to echo "yyyy-mm-dd_hh:mm" in the command line: echo %date:~-4,4%-%date:~-10,2%-%date:~-7,2%_%time:~0,2%:%time:~3,2% Friday, August 17, 2012 4:25:24 PMTwitter Web Client
waiting for the code to compile and for the app server to defragment. I should go play ping pong or fooseball Friday, August 17, 2012 11:01:03 AMTwitter Web Client
BAHAHAHAHA. Bill Blum emailed me in July and I missed it because it was my old account I never check, Thursday, August 16, 2012 6:54:26 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm also a fatass Thursday, August 16, 2012 10:31:24 AMTwitter Web Client
It's bullshit McDonalds Breakfasts end at 10:30AM. Derick just brough in an egg sandwich and it smells amazing and now I can't get breakfast Thursday, August 16, 2012 10:31:15 AMTwitter Web Client
"almost nothing ever happened here" is now a false statement Wednesday, August 15, 2012 4:58:26 PMTwitter Web Client
lucky the train this morning was ice cold or I would have lost it. Motherfuckers need to stop dropping dead on them. It delays me Wednesday, August 15, 2012 9:19:34 AMTwitter Web Client
Suck my dick, I fix everything Tuesday, August 14, 2012 10:59:21 PMTwitter Web Client
Oh GOD my throat. Staying home and sleeping. Also, a nifty geek article: http://t.co/ubGgJTh Tuesday, August 14, 2012 8:30:23 AMTwitter Web Client
Yes, In GChat, dicks turn into smiley faces. This is blowing my mind #punintended Monday, August 13, 2012 9:05:35 PMTwitter Web Client
Oh for fuck's sake... Thanks Google... http://t.co/QRorOVO Monday, August 13, 2012 9:04:05 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew prove it
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Monday, August 13, 2012 9:02:37 PMTwitter Web Client
"seriously though how do you do a penis? B=======O somethings off" @MalJNew #fail Monday, August 13, 2012 9:01:38 PMTwitter Web Client
"They seem to have done fine here... Except for the part where it's fucked" Monday, August 13, 2012 11:22:40 AMTwitter Web Client
These fools would be dead in the water without me. I can do anything I want. #runthisbitch Friday, August 10, 2012 2:23:23 AMTwitter Web Client
12:50AM Time for be.... Wait. I have to do server maintenance. API keys don't change themselves, you guys Friday, August 10, 2012 12:51:01 AMTwitter Web Client
I don't understand why hipsters have iPhones.Too mainstream Thursday, August 09, 2012 5:10:34 PMTwitter Web Client
bunch of pussies here with their lactose intolerance and peanut allergies. be a man and eat fuckin whatever Thursday, August 09, 2012 11:58:38 AMTwitter Web Client
I know the mirror server has low disk space you fuckin shitpile. Stop texting me about it at 1:30 AM Thursday, August 09, 2012 1:19:41 AMTwitter Web Client
I need to stop kicking black people's shoes on the subway. This is the third time I got yelled at. In Bridgeport, I'd get shot Wednesday, August 08, 2012 1:09:08 PMTwitter Web Client
Can I go home now? Wednesday, August 08, 2012 10:19:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Oh man.. I'm just fuckin breaking balls right now. So fired Wednesday, August 08, 2012 12:15:25 AMTwitter Web Client
But I had a few beers, so I should totally send it! DUH Tuesday, August 07, 2012 11:44:07 PMTwitter Web Client
It's basically me telling one of the VPs who couldn't figure something out why he couldn't because the design team (Michelle) is dumb Tuesday, August 07, 2012 11:43:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Oh man. If I send this email right now, I'm getting fired. But it will point out how fucked up things are. Tuesday, August 07, 2012 11:43:18 PMTwitter Web Client
@VtotheFlo (SELECT COUNT * FROM tweet_archive WHERE is_drunk = 1 ) / SELECT COUNT * FROM tweet_archive) * 100
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Tuesday, August 07, 2012 9:55:09 AMTwitter Web Client
The mother fuckin Consuela in this office needs to stop taking my cups off my desk. They are MINE. Not dirty. Now they're missing Monday, August 06, 2012 1:25:27 PMTwitter Web Client
Redis is being cuntish Monday, August 06, 2012 1:18:45 PMTwitter Web Client
"Non blocking connect for SYNC fired the event." can go fuck itself in the ass and bleed Monday, August 06, 2012 12:52:37 PMTwitter Web Client
V as in.. Not the second letter, B Monday, August 06, 2012 11:11:01 AMTwitter Web Client
Wikipedia is down? Monday, August 06, 2012 9:40:56 AMTwitter Web Client
I just thought 2008 was two years ago. Fuckin A I'm getting old Sunday, August 05, 2012 8:32:36 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew sluttface
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Saturday, August 04, 2012 1:48:08 PMTwitter Web Client
Yes, this is what I send the Chief Operating Officer on a Friday at 6:45. #irunthisbitch http://t.co/T0fGHwG Friday, August 03, 2012 6:42:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Yes, this is what I send the Chief Operating Officer on a Friday at 6:45. #irunthisbitch http://t.co/7TcWyO1 Friday, August 03, 2012 6:40:47 PMTwitter Web Client
And by this bitch, I mean the cunt VP of support Friday, August 03, 2012 6:25:52 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't think you understand what just happened. My boss just beat me in a drinking game and almost just made me puke all over this bitch. Friday, August 03, 2012 6:25:35 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew when the keg got shitty: "Joes did you break the beer" Friday, August 03, 2012 6:23:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Played a drinking game of Foosball with my boss. Loser chugs. Almost yacked on the spot. #FML Friday, August 03, 2012 6:16:48 PMTwitter Web Client
Our system: Threadbare tapestry unwinding slow Friday, August 03, 2012 4:53:22 PMTwitter Web Client
Screaming Trees Pandora Radio and a couple of beers are the only things keeping me from taking this hammer on my desk and breaking shit Friday, August 03, 2012 4:41:55 PMTwitter Web Client
I just reread all of my sexts with @Colithika for the past two weels and the convo is just the craziest. Made me so happy. Friday, August 03, 2012 12:06:56 AMTwitter Web Client
BOOBSPACE Thursday, August 02, 2012 10:43:16 AMTwitter Web Client
@Colithika And let me get some
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Thursday, August 02, 2012 8:35:31 AMTwitter Web Client
@Colithika Bro what the fuck are you smoking
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Thursday, August 02, 2012 8:35:15 AMTwitter Web Client
Why is this new marketing manager like 7 feet tall? Also, if she's mean to Molly, I will injure her Wednesday, August 01, 2012 12:47:15 PMTwitter Web Client
7zip has horse shit, poorly documented command line parameters Wednesday, August 01, 2012 10:20:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Khodaja: "Is QA slow?" Christina: "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Tuesday, July 31, 2012 5:57:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Who's the dick that burned the popcorn. Now my clothes are going to smell like shit Tuesday, July 31, 2012 3:18:31 PMTwitter Web Client
Am I the only person who really couldn't give two shits about the Olympics? Tuesday, July 31, 2012 1:46:46 PMTwitter Web Client
On a roll, sons Tuesday, July 31, 2012 12:40:59 PMTwitter Web Client
SQL lips sink ships Tuesday, July 31, 2012 12:23:10 PMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew Probably because I have been coming in early, so you're obviously avoiding me
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Tuesday, July 31, 2012 8:41:20 AMTwitter Web Client
VP 1 emails me a ridiculous request. I ignore it. CCs VP 2. I answer them both and decline the request. #winning #irunthisbitch Monday, July 30, 2012 11:15:35 PMTwitter Web Client
@dannyrob88 Google the translation asshole. Dope Sublime lyrics. I was responding to your 16 year tweet
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
 Monday, July 30, 2012 5:42:33 PMTwitter Web Client
@dannyrob88 Me gusta mi reggae. Me gusta punk rock pero la cosa que me gusta mas es panochita
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
 Monday, July 30, 2012 4:54:06 PMTwitter Web Client
Me to my boss: "Well, there are two ways to restart IIS. The right way, and the way we do it" #soghettoaroundhere Monday, July 30, 2012 3:55:16 PMTwitter Web Client
I mean, my weekend was wild as fuck, but at least I didn't wake up with shit on my chest @DadBoner Monday, July 30, 2012 3:33:34 PMTwitter Web Client
Really shitty Monday. I feel like crap and need to investigate why our servers were more fucked up than I was on Saturday Monday, July 30, 2012 10:44:01 AMTwitter Web Client
When I drink, my twitter is out of control Sunday, July 29, 2012 3:50:43 PMTwitter Web Client
Once again, buzzed before i left the office for the day. #alcoholism Friday, July 27, 2012 5:55:38 PMTwitter Web Client
If I didn't die in a Haliskoe drunk driving crash in all my time at Fairfield, I guess I'm invincible, you guys. Friday, July 27, 2012 4:59:56 PMTwitter Web Client
I am going to drop a the biggest "El Cantinero" in this work bathroom. Friday, July 27, 2012 9:55:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Oh shit. Lennon just requested to follow me on Twitter. Better not look through my old tweets.... Thursday, July 26, 2012 10:46:30 AMTwitter Web Client
@MalJNew What a b. Also, learn that pickles are cucumbers. And stop knocking over G&Ts at the bar
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Thursday, July 26, 2012 9:45:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin A. I'm gonna be drinking from now until Sunday Wednesday, July 25, 2012 4:56:49 PMTwitter Web Client
"We are all drunk on doucheahol. Put that on your bingo card and smoke it" - Christina Wednesday, July 25, 2012 4:12:39 PMTwitter Web Client
I need to stop confusing all the new hires who have a bit more melanin. FML, I made an ASS out of myself Wednesday, July 25, 2012 1:57:05 PMTwitter Web Client
Gio's Skype icon is the absolute shit http://t.co/IgzGMju Wednesday, July 25, 2012 10:53:24 AMTwitter Web Client
Derick: "Yo this fuckin coffee tastes like ass" Wednesday, July 25, 2012 9:25:32 AMTwitter Web Client
PS - php kicked my ass tonight. Took me way too long to do the simplest bullshit, and it's still horse shit code. This is why I'm not a dev Tuesday, July 24, 2012 12:11:27 AMTwitter Web Client
I think I'm a cray. I must officially be a cray. And to think it wouldn't mess with me Tuesday, July 24, 2012 12:11:01 AMTwitter Web Client
Looking for Euthanasia? Just go to Bridgeport. You'll most likely get shot! Monday, July 23, 2012 11:54:02 PMTwitter Web Client
Hey look. Now you can see my tweets on a certain day in the past: http://t.co/uqTXqmT (don't make fun of the ghetto datepicker, IDK JS) Monday, July 23, 2012 11:50:10 PMTwitter Web Client
@tomwcleary Bridgeport drinking game: Take a shot whenever there's a homicide. Will mess you up...
In reply to @tomwcleary's tweet
 Monday, July 23, 2012 5:48:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Can't even take a shit without these RackSpace failure alerts hitting me up... Monday, July 23, 2012 5:33:35 PMTwitter Web Client
Yes, I just ordered a Nexus 7. #googlefanboy Do I need it? No. Money to blow? Yes. Monday, July 23, 2012 2:08:42 AMTwitter Web Client
Fucking hate Verizon Wireless: http://t.co/vQoSWyb Friday, July 20, 2012 1:16:30 PMTwitter Web Client
Absolutely LOVE it how Christina sends me this video every time it rains outside: http://t.co/UweFwqg Friday, July 20, 2012 10:12:01 AMTwitter Web Client
These are the kinds of work emails I send out: http://t.co/lz7SII4 Friday, July 20, 2012 1:52:17 AMTwitter Web Client
Then they wonder why I won't vote for these two assholes in November http://t.co/V7242HL Thursday, July 19, 2012 2:33:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Just got this email from the COO: "Make Sure you block your calendars for Thursday, August XX. We'll be going drinking somewhere." Wednesday, July 18, 2012 3:28:56 PMTwitter Web Client
@Colithika Dude, y u struggle so much. I remember catching mewtwo in March 1999. Had 1/4 HP and was frozen. Then I used 2 Ultra Balls
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Wednesday, July 18, 2012 2:22:46 AMTwitter Web Client
Just made up my mind. I'm gonna get hammered and go to a foo fighters show. Start touring in NYC again bitches Wednesday, July 18, 2012 1:31:12 AMTwitter Web Client
Free food! Love when we have clients in and take their leftovers. Fuckin wagner thinks its the only thing that makes me smile. Cunt Tuesday, July 17, 2012 2:38:53 PMTwitter Web Client
So legit: http://t.co/jGNShRG Tuesday, July 17, 2012 11:27:46 AMTwitter Web Client
PS - the UI team and Michelle need to get off my dick. The mobile apps can crash and burn. No more feedback from me. Tuesday, July 17, 2012 10:34:00 AMTwitter Web Client
This fucking hipster is wasting my compressed air can OCD dusting off his Macbook bullshit. Fuck Macs Tuesday, July 17, 2012 10:22:49 AMTwitter Web Client
Portfolioso: Clashing with UX and UI designers since 2006... Tuesday, July 17, 2012 10:18:11 AMTwitter Web Client
Niraj: "You and Chris... Filing that bullshit bug that delayed my release" Tuesday, July 17, 2012 9:20:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Average July temperature for Miami: 89. Average July temperature for NYC: 90. This is a bunch of bullshit. #isitwinteryet? Tuesday, July 17, 2012 9:03:52 AMTwitter Web Client
Would be nice if my FUCKING left eye stopped twitching for just 10 minutes out of the day Tuesday, July 17, 2012 2:16:36 AMTwitter Web Client
Just looking through the bug tracker. Nice to know a bug I opened my first week at work in 2010 is JUST getting fixed now, Jesus. Tuesday, July 17, 2012 1:17:18 AMTwitter Web Client
Looks like I quit the wrong week to pick drinking Monday, July 16, 2012 4:03:45 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @DadBoner: Jeez. That Kate Upton is really somethin' else, you guys. Monday, July 16, 2012 3:02:54 PMTwitter Web Client
"We all Marco" "We all from Tropojƫ" Monday, July 16, 2012 3:02:50 PMTwitter Web Client
My quote made it to the Tech Team whiteboard: "I wasn't going to drink, but then I had a beer" #alcoholism Monday, July 16, 2012 11:30:55 AMTwitter Web Client
@mirrorfairfield Pay the fucking bill assholes "You currently owe $8.10. Please make a payment before 17 Jul 2012" Monday, July 16, 2012 10:34:38 AMTwitter Web Client
@michellemm22 Oh for fuck's sake... hey @mirrorfairfield. You are all a bunch of fuckups.
In reply to @michellemm22's tweet
 Monday, July 16, 2012 10:32:37 AMTwitter Web Client
@dannyrob88 That's hideous
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
 Friday, July 13, 2012 4:44:34 PMTwitter Web Client
Christina: "Holy crap on toast!" Friday, July 13, 2012 1:28:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Random memory from junior yr. Cleary telling me to stop "Whining on the bitch" Friday, July 13, 2012 11:21:52 AMTwitter Web Client
This is bullshit. We need a keg team here to make sure this shit works at all times. Thursday, July 12, 2012 6:18:28 PMTwitter Web Client
DLK is killing me with his analogy: "The keg's trying to piss out a kidney stone right now, except that kidney stone is made of yeast." Thursday, July 12, 2012 5:38:44 PMTwitter Web Client
HA: "you are excessive... and will pay me back for this... in very interesting ways..." Thursday, July 12, 2012 4:48:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Things to do instead of listening to this clown meeting: twitter, sending out drinking invites via work email, instagram, group chat Thursday, July 12, 2012 3:15:19 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't want to Skype these people. That's a clown meeting, bro. Thursday, July 12, 2012 2:57:33 PMTwitter Web Client
@BriBTC F Cablevision and Dolan. Not familiar with it bc I have FiOS. If you connect a secondary display, it won't play vid? How's it work?
In reply to @BriBTC's tweet
 Wednesday, July 11, 2012 11:55:44 PMTwitter Web Client
Today, I realized that I started giving too much of a shit and was all stressy and in a bad mood. Finally don't give a fuck and I'm better Wednesday, July 11, 2012 10:05:16 PMTwitter Web Client
I can't eat I can't sleep I can't live I can't cry I can't die I can't walk I can't talk I can booze
I can booze and steal your shoes 		Wednesday, July 11, 2012 1:18:59 AMTwitter Web Client
Really looking forward to margs tonight, you guys Tuesday, July 10, 2012 5:33:41 PMTwitter Web Client
There's an eyelash in my coffee. It's my own I hope. Tuesday, July 10, 2012 4:24:20 PMTwitter Web Client
"So what's the workaround?" Me: "The workaround is that she's been here since 2008 and should know better" Tuesday, July 10, 2012 3:47:36 PMTwitter Web Client
I don't want to work. i just want to hang out with everyone outdoors, dink some beers and have it be like 70 degrees and play frisbee Tuesday, July 10, 2012 9:34:05 AMTwitter Web Client
HA. Found this Manor yearbook proof I did when I was hammered and in a bad mood. Good thing this did NOT go to print. http://t.co/JwQGig4 Tuesday, July 10, 2012 2:44:32 AMTwitter Web Client
This fucking firewall shit is going to take all motherless night Tuesday, July 10, 2012 1:13:02 AMTwitter Web Client
Then I wonder why I got caught looking a year ago when this one visited last. Probably will get caught looking again. Monday, July 09, 2012 11:29:27 AMTwitter Web Client
Really can't get beer down right now, you guys. Friday, July 06, 2012 5:43:37 PMTwitter Web Client
@pipeandcane yo Friday, July 06, 2012 1:17:15 PMTwitter Web Client
Yo it's gonna be 98 tomorrow? That's some fuckin bullshit Friday, July 06, 2012 11:02:10 AMTwitter Web Client
If you wear white pants and have a good ass, I'll probably want to bang you, even if you're a butterface Friday, July 06, 2012 9:03:32 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: Beautiful code is never work in production. Friday, July 06, 2012 1:03:23 AMTwitter Web Client
Director of Product Development just deaded me on GChat because I pretty much told her her idea was weak. She was like nope and signed off Friday, July 06, 2012 1:02:28 AMTwitter Web Client
Just ripped ass. iI think it smelled like Jameson Thursday, July 05, 2012 5:21:15 PMTwitter Web Client
I think I'm getting a double chin. #sofat Thursday, July 05, 2012 11:34:05 AMTwitter Web Client
TIRED Thursday, July 05, 2012 7:16:01 AMTwitter Web Client
why won't this ubuntu upstart fuckin bullshit work? I should go home. ENJOYYY Tuesday, July 03, 2012 5:22:27 PMTwitter Web Client
Maybe I'm just a linux dumbass, but I can't stand vim. I'm a nano guy. The real Linux dudes look at me like I'm out of my mind. Tuesday, July 03, 2012 1:00:19 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm about to break this fucking bottle over someones head realllly soon Monday, July 02, 2012 3:24:58 PMTwitter Web Client
Now you can count how many times I say fuck, shit and other words on twitter: http://t.co/CYg7v2v Thanks Quirk for helping with the SQL Sunday, July 01, 2012 5:13:23 PMTwitter Web Client
I just lost it... http://t.co/1Cri2V9 Sunday, July 01, 2012 3:01:14 AMTwitter Web Client
Derick.. I don't give a fuck. Ask the product team. Thursday, June 28, 2012 2:55:23 PMTwitter Web Client
How you know you're fuckin shot: I just called my Dunkin Donuts coffee "Windows Coffee" Thursday, June 28, 2012 11:03:44 AMTwitter Web Client
I'm at 7,092 tweets. Who wants to take guesses on when I hit 10,000? Thursday, June 28, 2012 10:11:37 AMTwitter Web Client
Oh, if you missed the memo in my previous tweet, from now on, I will refer to rackspace as boobspace Thursday, June 28, 2012 2:01:35 AMTwitter Web Client
Alexey: "So what did you drink tonight, beer?" Me: "Why are you assuming I was out drinking" Alexey: "But it's true, right?" Thursday, June 28, 2012 1:58:58 AMTwitter Web Client
YES! Alexey one liners make my night "So Joe... Where do you go? Women?" Thursday, June 28, 2012 12:51:36 AMTwitter Web Client
Bring me Android Jellybean #GoogleIO Wednesday, June 27, 2012 12:54:26 PMTwitter Web Client
Vinny's Elementary School and State Penitentiary Wednesday, June 27, 2012 11:53:25 AMTwitter Web Client
Steve Jobs didnt get where he was by listening to ppl. He did it his way. Then they fired him. And he came back and ran the shit like a boss Wednesday, June 27, 2012 10:19:50 AMTwitter Web Client
All the engineers and COO are pissed at me for making too many decisions on my own without approval. Fuck that. I know best Wednesday, June 27, 2012 10:18:49 AMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure I found someone hotter than Kate Upton on the 4 train this morning Wednesday, June 27, 2012 9:06:48 AMTwitter Web Client
BULL. SHIT. this crime heatmap says Bridgeport is in the green and Stratford is not. I don't buy that http://t.co/2XCKuvt Wednesday, June 27, 2012 12:53:48 AMTwitter Web Client
Have I ever mentioned I have a man crush on Dave Grohl? Tuesday, June 26, 2012 11:35:44 PMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure Kate Upton has no other purpose besides shaking her tits around in YouTube videos Tuesday, June 26, 2012 5:53:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Can someone explain to me why I have 35 dollar bills in my wallet and how it was possible to get that much change from a BASEBALL game? Tuesday, June 26, 2012 11:27:45 AMTwitter Web Client
I love these "consultants" who do these WordPress websites who have no fucking idea what they're doing. That was the biggest hack ever Tuesday, June 26, 2012 3:34:26 AMTwitter Web Client
"Joe you total bastard" -Christina Monday, June 25, 2012 5:43:00 PMTwitter Web Client
@Waspito @ShavingFoams Yeah but if you aren't lazy, you can manyally copy it and do RT @... People do that to me all the time bc I'm legit
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
 Monday, June 25, 2012 12:15:46 PMTwitter Web Client
Me: "I'm allergic to fuckin' everything" Christina: "Easy solution... Don't fuck everything." Monday, June 25, 2012 11:54:50 AMTwitter Web Client
I have a headache, my eye is permanently twitching and none of this fucking build shit is working and we have to deploy at 6am Monday, June 25, 2012 2:37:43 AMTwitter Web Client
"She's a real fuckin good time, I'll tell ya that" Monday, June 25, 2012 12:57:45 AMTwitter Web Client
I wasn't going to drink, but then I had a beer Friday, June 22, 2012 5:45:14 PMTwitter Web Client
Krisin... You can go ahead and reschedule that meeting to next Friday because, you know, I'm off that day. Thanks boo Friday, June 22, 2012 12:48:51 PMTwitter Web Client
Sam was like... I'm warning you.... We pay for you, you're on call nonstop. Ah sheeeeeit . But I like hanging with my Alexey bear! Friday, June 22, 2012 12:42:20 AMTwitter Web Client
Welp, day one they made me expense my phone data plan and I am now on a call with Alexey regarding failing SQL jobs. FML Friday, June 22, 2012 12:39:35 AMTwitter Web Client
This fucking security audit needs to motherlessly end Wednesday, June 20, 2012 6:04:33 PMTwitter Web Client
Christina's new phone grammar rule: i before phone except after droid. Wednesday, June 20, 2012 11:34:36 AMTwitter Web Client
It's hot today and so is Molly Wednesday, June 20, 2012 9:53:40 AMTwitter Web Client
Also, fuck the fact that it's going to be like 97 degrees tomorrow. That's some bullshit #isitfallyet? Wednesday, June 20, 2012 1:15:15 AMTwitter Web Client
If I dream nasty things about TK tonight, I'm going to wake up @MalJNew to help with the scarring. Wednesday, June 20, 2012 1:13:03 AMTwitter Web Client
Jesus Christ. This new sales girl. Tuesday, June 19, 2012 9:05:28 AMTwitter Web Client
My wallet smells like weed Monday, June 18, 2012 11:47:01 PMTwitter Web Client
New Blog Post: Clean Your Filthy Children http://t.co/X5EvfYX Monday, June 18, 2012 9:15:21 PMTwitter Web Client
@nyJULZmd my eye is twitching too! It's so annoying
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Monday, June 18, 2012 4:55:41 PMTwitter Web Client
No Alexey, when the app crashes the server every 20 minutes, the solution is NOT to auto reset IIS every 15 mins. Fix the fucking shit code. Monday, June 18, 2012 12:12:03 PMTwitter Web Client
Why the fuck do we pay a motherless office manager if we run the fuck out of milk for this dank assed coffee. Monday, June 18, 2012 10:17:46 AMTwitter Web Client
Now Jay is starting in with his fucking shit. Monday, June 18, 2012 9:58:50 AMTwitter Web Client
Bad mood. For no reason Monday, June 18, 2012 9:54:16 AMTwitter Web Client
Whenever I get back from vacation, I'm always in the foulest of moods. Usually because everyone fucked shit up while I was gone. Same bull Monday, June 18, 2012 9:15:23 AMTwitter Web Client
@bwilliams: I am going to potato sack your daughter if I ever meet her. http://t.co/xwAbQOO Monday, June 18, 2012 3:18:00 AMTwitter Web Client
It's 10:30AM and I can really go for a gin & tonic right now. I'm going to make it. Fuck it, I'm on vacation. Thursday, June 14, 2012 10:35:54 AMTwitter Web Client
I should be packing... Thursday, June 14, 2012 1:43:51 AMTwitter Web Client
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: If you can not able do it from command line, is not worth do it. Wednesday, June 13, 2012 11:27:43 PMTwitter Web Client
yeah next month's credit card bill isn't lookin too hot, you guys. Wednesday, June 13, 2012 5:04:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Fuckin fuck my life right now Tuesday, June 12, 2012 11:58:24 PMTwitter Web Client
@__JLu Me mentioning VP isn't very common. Including this tweet, i said it 37 instances in 36 different tweets out of 5755 archived tweets
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Tuesday, June 12, 2012 12:28:17 PMTwitter Web Client
I love irrational VPs who yell at me for things that aren't my fault and all the other execs are on my side. Tuesday, June 12, 2012 10:16:21 AMTwitter Web Client
so is it socially acceptable for gusy to watch that show Girls on HBO? Not sure if it's like a chick thing or not... Monday, June 11, 2012 4:09:49 PMTwitter Web Client
Fresh crop of new sales girls. nom Monday, June 11, 2012 2:39:58 PMTwitter Web Client
"Tell your mom I'm sorry for flashing her my cat" Me: "Nah it's fine. She didnt even notice maybe" Monday, June 11, 2012 12:36:06 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm fat. I absolutely don't need an egg and cheese on a roll right now, but if it's free leftover from management meetings, then sure! Monday, June 11, 2012 11:01:09 AMTwitter Web Client
HBO Go is probably the best thing ever invented Sunday, June 10, 2012 6:57:59 PMTwitter Web Client
Jesus Fucking Christ! Wagner's ping pong outfit. Might have to leave. Guaranteed to get fired. Friday, June 08, 2012 5:59:02 PMTwitter Web Client
If this mother fucking cuntface VP of CE doesn't drop this non-issue and leave me alone about it, I might actually murder her. Friday, June 08, 2012 2:13:12 PMTwitter Web Client
18.76% of my tweets contain the word fuck in them. Friday, June 08, 2012 9:59:55 AMTwitter Web Client
Love doing SQL queries against my tweets. Out of 5733 I have archived, I said fuck 1243 times in 1076 tweets (including this one) Friday, June 08, 2012 9:52:10 AMTwitter Web Client
@kerbear88 Wait... you disagree with most of my tweets? Haaaaa
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Friday, June 08, 2012 9:47:19 AMTwitter Web Client
Trains running like ass this morning. Too crowded. Too many people. I suggest genocide... Of people who walk too slowly. Friday, June 08, 2012 9:30:05 AMTwitter Web Client
Ain't nothing wrong with a little sass for the COO. Especially when you've got em by the balls. Although I do want his swagger. So hot. Friday, June 08, 2012 12:19:34 AMTwitter Web Client
The COO just sent me a task to complete. I finished it last January. Sent it back w/ comment: "Come on, man. I did this like,,, last winter" Friday, June 08, 2012 12:18:01 AMTwitter Web Client
Figured out the secret to tricking people out of thinking you're drunk. Onions. They mask alcohol like a motherfucker. But you smell anyway Friday, June 08, 2012 12:13:04 AMTwitter Web Client
Christine Cloud sounds HOT on the phone. I must meet her at this Cloud convention Thursday, June 07, 2012 12:09:19 PMTwitter Web Client
Just took a gourmet piss. Smelled like butternut squash soup. #fancy #TMI? Thursday, June 07, 2012 11:11:19 AMTwitter Web Client
Swear to God, they don't pay me enough for this shit, especially being on call overnight. Requesting a raise. By 35 grand. Thursday, June 07, 2012 12:49:36 AMTwitter Web Client
@Novellabella Flash is garbage and it will NEVER be supported on the iPhone. People should stop using Flash
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Wednesday, June 06, 2012 8:31:39 PMTwitter Web Client
Beefer D'reet B'reets Wednesday, June 06, 2012 2:06:58 PMTwitter Web Client
CC has a blackberry? This is bullshit: https://t.co/xwRppNq Tuesday, June 05, 2012 11:37:17 AMTwitter Web Client
ALEXEY!!! "So when are you getting laid, Joe? Is like, your family going to find someone?" BAHAHAHAH. Guy's a riot. Tuesday, June 05, 2012 1:12:19 AMTwitter Web Client
Me: "So Alexey, when you say 'mirror server,' what does it actually do?" Alexey: "It just mirrors shit man... It mirrors shit." Tuesday, June 05, 2012 12:42:21 AMTwitter Web Client
I cannot take this seriously. So you mean to tell me that a woman by the name of Christine Cloud works on Rackspace's Cloud Advisory Team? Monday, June 04, 2012 5:21:31 PMTwitter Web Client
"Windows 98 first edition was a festering sphincter of suck" - Christina Monday, June 04, 2012 10:43:15 AMTwitter Web Client
This: http://t.co/UuGcMkU Sunday, June 03, 2012 3:43:13 AMTwitter Web Client
Shameer sez: JOE THE BRO IN THE KNOW WITH ALL THE HOES HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DUDE!!!! Friday, June 01, 2012 5:28:19 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: 1 million monkey hit random key for 1 million year can able generate Hamlet but not internal Wiki documentation. Friday, June 01, 2012 1:46:07 PMTwitter Web Client
Really lookin forward to getting thrown out of the bar tonight, you guys. Friday, June 01, 2012 1:45:18 PMTwitter Web Client
RT @Colithika: life sucks when you get older Thursday, May 31, 2012 5:24:09 PMTwitter Web Client
Oh I'm going to shake a bitch. So the 100% CPU issue happened because our location IDs went over 10000 and we only handle 9999. Inf Loops! Thursday, May 31, 2012 5:05:18 PMTwitter Web Client
Should change my title to "Dedicated IIS Restarting Bitch" because our programmers write shitty code that crashes IIS nonstop. FML Thursday, May 31, 2012 3:29:51 PMTwitter Web Client
New Blog post: If you die preaching because you get bitten by a poisonous snake and think god will save you, then... http://t.co/FFgaStq Wednesday, May 30, 2012 10:17:19 PMTwitter Web Client
New Blog Post: If you die preaching because you get bitten by a poisonous snake and think god will save you, then... http://t.co/iHtpQpK Wednesday, May 30, 2012 10:15:50 PMTwitter Web Client
Crushin some G&Ts. Gotta use the Bombay Saph, you guys or else it'll suck Wednesday, May 30, 2012 7:46:17 PMTwitter Web Client
@Colithika Pick me! Pick me!
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Wednesday, May 30, 2012 2:00:19 AMTwitter Web Client
specifically, fuck strtotime() Wednesday, May 30, 2012 12:55:57 AMTwitter Web Client
Why is working with date/time in php a mother fucking pain in the ass? Wednesday, May 30, 2012 12:54:04 AMTwitter Web Client
And the project manager suggested that she locks herself in a room with me to get more work done. So legit Tuesday, May 29, 2012 6:04:11 PMTwitter Web Client
I love this office. The COO required us all to kick the keg on the grounds that he wanted to change it so it's full again. Tuesday, May 29, 2012 6:03:28 PMTwitter Web Client
Pretty sure our building fire alarm system runs on Windows 3.1 The fire alarm is the exact Windows 3.1 ding sound: http://t.co/T0mv8qK Tuesday, May 29, 2012 11:02:21 AMTwitter Web Client
"What happened to my smoketest?!?!" Cisco: "You smoked it" Tuesday, May 29, 2012 9:38:44 AMTwitter Web Client
Couldn't keep my eyes off this hottie on the train.... AKA my reflection in the window. True story, you guys. I stared at how awesome I look Tuesday, May 29, 2012 9:18:08 AMTwitter Web Client
and ya done Tuesday, May 29, 2012 2:43:53 AMTwitter Web Client

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