Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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The laziest of Sundays. I had burgers on the grill and slept. That is all Sunday, June 24, 2012 9:51:31 PMTwitter for Android
#lolmets Saturday, June 23, 2012 10:35:53 PMTwitter for Android
Still gay for Dave Robertson Saturday, June 23, 2012 10:12:18 PMTwitter for Android
The Mets still suck Friday, June 22, 2012 8:36:08 PMTwitter for Android
Our database is a whore. It just auto inserts fuckin everything everywhere Friday, June 22, 2012 1:09:51 AMTwitter for Android
I love how I was like... come on lets go the fuck to the bar... and I'm already at the bar. HA Thursday, June 21, 2012 8:53:30 PMTwitter for Android
"She should know that I'm more respected than her and I'll ruin her" was the hottest, most aggressive thing I've heard today. Let's bang Thursday, June 21, 2012 7:53:41 PMTwitter for Android
Bunch of smokes on this train Thursday, June 21, 2012 8:05:16 AMTwitter for Android
@nyJULZmd I'm obsessed with your doggy.
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Thursday, June 21, 2012 12:35:27 AMTwitter for Android
My mom cured my eye twitch. I LOVE nurses Wednesday, June 20, 2012 11:05:50 PMTwitter for Android
@nyJULZmd LOVE
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Wednesday, June 20, 2012 10:44:10 PMTwitter for Android
Ha. They complained I only tweet about Wagner, Lennon and Kelsey, but I complimented their tits. #winning Wednesday, June 20, 2012 10:37:57 PMTwitter for Android
Elise and malori's tits Wednesday, June 20, 2012 8:25:33 PMTwitter for Android
Its real minty in this pisser, you guys Wednesday, June 20, 2012 8:14:33 PMTwitter for Android
Its not even worth my energy to waste time complaining about these trains Tuesday, June 19, 2012 9:05:31 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking 45 minutes to get from Fulton St to Grand Central. I could climb backwards up an icy incline faster than the piece of shit 4/5 train Monday, June 18, 2012 6:43:02 PMTwitter for Android
RT @Colithika: who is dtf? Monday, June 18, 2012 1:53:41 AMTwitter for Android
@Colithika hey sexy. Talk dirty to me
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Monday, June 18, 2012 1:41:59 AMTwitter for Android
Some random number I don't recognize just texted me happy father's day. Well I certainly hope not!!! Sunday, June 17, 2012 7:53:49 PMTwitter for Android
Grandpa's fly was down. I told him XYZ. He said "that's okay, you have to air it out sometimes" Sunday, June 17, 2012 5:26:49 PMTwitter for Android
There is no way in hell that these "CUM 94U" Jersey Plates are random. Some dude 100% requested those. Sunday, June 17, 2012 12:16:11 PMTwitter for Android
This hotel room is an absolute disaster. This will be fun to clean up Sunday, June 17, 2012 9:08:28 AMTwitter for Android
It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave and keep on thinking free Sunday, June 17, 2012 1:54:55 AMTwitter for Android
I'd bang you, not you, definitely not you, maybe you and not you. Saturday, June 16, 2012 5:02:10 PMTwitter for Android
I wish I could look how I do now at 40 Saturday, June 16, 2012 4:54:48 PMTwitter for Android
I just asked a shitfaced 65 yr old how old I look and he said 40. Jesus christ. Saturday, June 16, 2012 4:54:18 PMTwitter for Android
A little buzzed at the pool is ideal bastards Saturday, June 16, 2012 4:51:36 PMTwitter for Android
Here's why I'm a motherfuckin boss employee. I'm on vacation at the beach & the servers go down. & I notice faster than the fuckers on call Saturday, June 16, 2012 4:49:10 PMTwitter for Android
The girls in room 404 are sooo hot. They think they couldnt't be found but I found them #geekinternetjokes #letsbang Saturday, June 16, 2012 3:46:49 PMTwitter for Android
Oh shit. They don't follow me on here, do they? Saturday, June 16, 2012 3:40:37 PMTwitter for Android
I'd absolutely have a threesome with the two work girls who liked my instagram pic. Aka Wagner and Lennon. Saturday, June 16, 2012 3:35:40 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella sry I knew that was a dick thing to tweet to you but i was drinking all day so it was fine
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Saturday, June 16, 2012 3:32:05 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella welp no shore for you and yes shore for me. #sorryimnotsorry
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Saturday, June 16, 2012 3:24:25 PMTwitter for Android
If our two other friends actually would hang out with us, I wouldn't look like a gay couple with @SonicBlur23 But I have no shame so whatevs Saturday, June 16, 2012 3:23:39 PMTwitter for Android
This is a certified milf Saturday, June 16, 2012 11:37:03 AMTwitter for Android
They've got a Mexican, a Pollack, and a Mexican who thinks he's Italian. Saturday, June 16, 2012 10:50:47 AMTwitter for Android
Bill Blum at the helm, sailing the sinking ship Saturday, June 16, 2012 10:46:43 AMTwitter for Android
Distilled from ya mom's box Saturday, June 16, 2012 12:28:07 AMTwitter for Android
Ah he's tied in? What a pussy. Friday, June 15, 2012 10:40:44 PMTwitter for Android
Yo. This guy walking across Niagara Falls is one crazy mother fucker. Friday, June 15, 2012 10:31:05 PMTwitter for Android
When the sun goes down, this place is gonna look like an acid trip... -John Friday, June 15, 2012 6:59:28 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: Damn, it feels good to be me. Friday, June 15, 2012 4:00:27 PMTwitter for Android
When I go to a water park, I get all the hot lifeguards wet. Friday, June 15, 2012 2:33:22 PMTwitter for Android
How you know you're watching the new Scooby Doo and not the original: 1) Velma has huge tits 2) there are black people 3) Fred has cameltoe Friday, June 15, 2012 11:01:41 AMTwitter for Android
Goin on a biddie hunt Friday, June 15, 2012 12:08:18 AMTwitter for Android
Nighttime Atlantic ocean is so peaceful and healing. Not a soul out here Thursday, June 14, 2012 11:26:28 PMTwitter for Android
I was just gonna text someone something but ya know I had a few drinks and forgot so fuck it Thursday, June 14, 2012 10:59:13 PMTwitter for Android
Before I leave the shore this weekend, I'm buying this rick ross the boss sweatshirt. Thursday, June 14, 2012 10:26:27 PMTwitter for Android
This red bull/goose is phenom Thursday, June 14, 2012 9:21:16 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure this traffic isn't just stopped... its in reverse Thursday, June 14, 2012 1:48:06 PMTwitter for Android
@nyJULZmd going down the shore. Yeahhhhhh buddy
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Thursday, June 14, 2012 9:59:39 AMTwitter for Android
The rain sounds so peaceful right now. And I'm disturbed . Wednesday, June 13, 2012 3:28:53 AMTwitter for Android
As a dude that hates Apple. Maps in iOS 6 actually looks legit. Like... They copied what google did and probably did better. Monday, June 11, 2012 6:53:41 PMTwitter for Android
I want to potato sack this train girl next to me. She has a galaxy nexus too. That takes a 7 to a 9 but she's already a 9. Monday, June 11, 2012 6:50:36 PMTwitter for Android
#lolmets Sunday, June 10, 2012 4:15:42 PMTwitter for Android
Real talk. Bon appitite for that pussy. Friday, June 08, 2012 9:21:54 PMTwitter for Android
So superficial, these fuckin people Friday, June 08, 2012 8:51:18 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella calling people pizza face? So rude! Be nice. Maybe he's nice.
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Friday, June 08, 2012 8:48:29 PMTwitter for Android
Lol Mets suck Friday, June 08, 2012 8:32:35 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck this hipster with hipster glasses and his entourage of hot girls Friday, June 08, 2012 8:12:47 AMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella will do
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Thursday, June 07, 2012 11:39:20 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella worse than fat: bad grammar. "Is going went" nice.
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Thursday, June 07, 2012 11:28:12 PMTwitter for Android
I mean.... this bitch looks like a man but with that dress I'd still bang her. Thursday, June 07, 2012 10:49:16 PMTwitter for Android
I've got these fuckers hey the balls and they know it. And they'll do whatever the fuck I say. Because I'm right. And the shit Thursday, June 07, 2012 10:29:36 PMTwitter for Android
This guys doing great. When a guys got that good of a deal, ya can't do anythin else but mad respect. Good for you bro. Then I drink more. Thursday, June 07, 2012 10:00:03 PMTwitter for Android
I love how Alison has a galaxy nexus Thursday, June 07, 2012 9:47:03 PMTwitter for Android
@tomwcleary what a waste
In reply to @tomwcleary's tweet
 Thursday, June 07, 2012 9:46:15 PMTwitter for Android
Someones ripping ass here so badly and its NOT ne Thursday, June 07, 2012 7:45:02 PMTwitter for Android
Where the mother fuck is the train? Also, they need another one bc this one is too fucking crowded. Thursday, June 07, 2012 8:07:14 AMTwitter for Android
Motherfuckers who swipe their metrocard, walk through the turnstyle and then stop/talk so no one else can pass... die. Wednesday, June 06, 2012 6:49:04 PMTwitter for Android
I'm telling you... ever since college ended the number of train smokes increased exponentially. Interns!!! Wednesday, June 06, 2012 8:27:55 AMTwitter for Android
Dibs on this potato sack reading the hunger games. Wednesday, June 06, 2012 8:26:59 AMTwitter for Android
Stupid autocorrect Monday, June 04, 2012 7:06:59 PMTwitter for Android
Ew. She has a blackberry. All the hot ties have iPhones. Duh. Monday, June 04, 2012 7:04:58 PMTwitter for Android
Seriously though. Stop biting your lip so much. Must want to bang. Monday, June 04, 2012 6:59:51 PMTwitter for Android
Yeah... that wasn't even a question. Monday, June 04, 2012 6:58:26 PMTwitter for Android
Can't decide who's hotter on this train... the blonde standing up or the brunette across from me licking her lip. Probs the brunette. Monday, June 04, 2012 6:57:32 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: Dave said I drove to Taco Bell, then got in a fight in the drive-thru 'cause they never heard of Beefer D'reet Burreets. U ... Monday, June 04, 2012 4:40:15 PMTwitter for Android
Birds: shut the fuck up Monday, June 04, 2012 3:06:23 AMTwitter for Android
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: In devops are 10% get shit done. Rest are get bullshit done. Sunday, June 03, 2012 6:58:17 PMTwitter for Android
Really hope I didn't 50 Shades of Gray anyone last night at the bar... Saturday, June 02, 2012 1:41:21 PMTwitter for Android
Really the Mets got a no hitter? Fuck the Mets on my bday. They suck Friday, June 01, 2012 9:50:53 PMTwitter for Android
I'd bang elsie so hard but shes nast and I respect my dude gio so nah. But she's fun at the bar anyway so its all good Friday, June 01, 2012 9:50:15 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella well. You like it
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Friday, June 01, 2012 9:44:33 PMTwitter for Android
Wagner liked my instagram pic . We should bang Friday, June 01, 2012 9:44:05 PMTwitter for Android
But she apologized to me for being a cuntface Friday, June 01, 2012 9:06:08 PMTwitter for Android
Welp. That's the first bitch I pissed off grabbing her ass. This is bullshit. They all should like it Friday, June 01, 2012 9:05:45 PMTwitter for Android
Oops Friday, June 01, 2012 9:01:09 PMTwitter for Android
Walkin down the streets of NYC with a beer in a coffee cup bc I can son. Bc its my birffday Friday, June 01, 2012 7:40:07 PMTwitter for Android
@Onethirdof3x5 Lennon never showed up foo. As I predicted. That's why I called her out. Creeper
In reply to @Onethirdof3x5's tweet
 Thursday, May 31, 2012 8:30:32 PMTwitter for Android
What's this dog show on CBS? I'd bang the shit out of these dog owner babes Wednesday, May 30, 2012 8:34:49 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: If I worked at The Bell, I'd call it, "The Beefer D'reet Bureet" and sell like a million in 5 minutes. But, no one asked m ... Wednesday, May 30, 2012 6:52:27 PMTwitter for Android
Yeahhh... Tuesday, May 29, 2012 8:18:32 AMTwitter for Android
Also, I'm really curious to see how this new radio I flashed works around Crestwood. Usually, it says 4G but cut out. I expect it fixed. Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:59:21 AMTwitter for Android
Its way too hot and humid to be standing on this platform for 8am. This heat is bullshit. #canitbefallyet? Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:55:39 AMTwitter for Android
That was excellent. Haven't seen that since legit 5th grade Monday, May 28, 2012 3:10:09 AMTwitter for Android
Whose got a scar? The monkey's his uncle? Monday, May 28, 2012 2:54:59 AMTwitter for Android
Not that there's anything wrong with that Monday, May 28, 2012 2:47:05 AMTwitter for Android
So what's Timone and Pumba's deal? Are they gays? They need some slut warthogs. Monday, May 28, 2012 2:46:39 AMTwitter for Android
I tell ya Pumba! This stinks! Monday, May 28, 2012 2:43:48 AMTwitter for Android
They're fireflies that got stuck on that big bluish black thing. Monday, May 28, 2012 2:36:30 AMTwitter for Android
Not that I'm a pussy or some shit, but this is like prime schnuggling material. Monday, May 28, 2012 2:22:21 AMTwitter for Android
Oh no! Not the birdie boiler! Monday, May 28, 2012 2:06:07 AMTwitter for Android
Zazu.. the ultimate cockblock. Monday, May 28, 2012 1:59:33 AMTwitter for Android
I'm pretty sure the Lion King on Blu Ray is the most amazing thing I've seen since I was a child. Monday, May 28, 2012 1:49:24 AMTwitter for Android
I mean.. I know I love Aladdin and shit and Jasmine is hot... but Lion King is my all time childhood movie. Monday, May 28, 2012 1:44:48 AMTwitter for Android
Simmons. If you don't put on Lion King I swear to God. Monday, May 28, 2012 1:41:43 AMTwitter for Android
James Simon: I'll restore your website to its former, award-winning glory for 15 bucks. Monday, May 28, 2012 12:21:04 AMTwitter for Android
@mirrorfairfield fucking sucks. Thanks for bastardizing the website Kaela. So legit you graduated. Is that joker Alex there? Fuck that guy. Monday, May 28, 2012 12:19:51 AMTwitter for Android
Foursquare told me I was at bars 5 days in a row, you guys. I went to the bar Wednesday? Don't remember. This may be a problem. Sunday, May 27, 2012 11:46:34 PMTwitter for Android
The goose goes down real smooth, you guys Sunday, May 27, 2012 10:47:53 PMTwitter for Android
Country songs mainly involve drinking and trucks" Sunday, May 27, 2012 10:42:24 PMTwitter for Android
Come on man... you're retweeting shit while taking a shit? Sunday, May 27, 2012 10:29:22 PMTwitter for Android
Bring some fresh cutlets back here... Sunday, May 27, 2012 9:20:15 PMTwitter for Android
"Joe... What do you like better? A Nigerian or an Ethiopian?" Sunday, May 27, 2012 8:15:04 PMTwitter for Android
Not to sound like a woman, but angry orchard cider is actually really good. Sunday, May 27, 2012 5:50:05 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopANDslam I heard its fast, solid and has good battery life
In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet
 Sunday, May 27, 2012 3:55:04 PMTwitter for Android
Is it fall yet? #toohot Sunday, May 27, 2012 3:45:18 PMTwitter for Android
The girl in the Avion Tequila commercial can tie me down any day. Sunday, May 27, 2012 11:25:01 AMTwitter for Android
I want to follow @lennonimagine on twitter, but if I do, I'll have to stop tweeting about how we should bang and her awesome rack Sunday, May 27, 2012 2:30:44 AMTwitter for Android
Mad props to the dude with the "Ron Paul and drugs and rock and roll" shirt Saturday, May 26, 2012 11:57:32 PMTwitter for Android
There's an Asian at the bar with a slowpoke with a beer shirt. Legit Saturday, May 26, 2012 10:54:09 PMTwitter for Android
Also, no more room in my stomach for beer. Bogus Saturday, May 26, 2012 10:22:59 PMTwitter for Android
Guy. I'm fucking huge. Saturday, May 26, 2012 10:18:56 PMTwitter for Android
That is what I call a certified cockblock. Nothing to do with me though sob whatevs. Haha. But jeez Saturday, May 26, 2012 9:34:22 PMTwitter for Android
Just walking down gay St. Saturday, May 26, 2012 8:04:50 PMTwitter for Android
Lessard: "I can't wait until I go to the retirement home with you fuckers. We'll play beer pong in the bingo hall" Saturday, May 26, 2012 6:00:12 PMTwitter for Android
Cleary to chicks: "I like when you pull tape off my skin" Saturday, May 26, 2012 5:43:44 PMTwitter for Android
Ya know what... you motherfuckers can shut me out in beer pong but I'm getting laid tonight. So I win. Saturday, May 26, 2012 4:56:06 PMTwitter for Android
@ShavingFoams sinking cups. Banging sluts
In reply to @ShavingFoams's tweet
 Saturday, May 26, 2012 4:41:25 PMTwitter for Android
I'm the best beer pong loser ever. I always lose after a 3 cup death match run. And miss the last cup by a millimeter. This is bullshit Saturday, May 26, 2012 4:40:56 PMTwitter for Android
This is bullshit. I just lost like 3 games of beer pong Saturday, May 26, 2012 2:54:31 PMTwitter for Android
TC: whatever swings your swing... Saturday, May 26, 2012 12:03:44 PMTwitter for Android
Jersey Turnpike smells delicious right now. Lessard thought I farted, opened the window and it got worse. Saturday, May 26, 2012 12:09:09 AMTwitter for Android
Piece of shit new haven line. I think this antique train just broke down. Friday, May 25, 2012 7:54:32 PMTwitter for Android
You know how to train a kid to shut up? A taser. Friday, May 25, 2012 7:47:53 PMTwitter for Android
I don't get how a 5 year old can make continuous grunting, screeching and whining noises for 45 minutes Friday, May 25, 2012 7:46:33 PMTwitter for Android
Seriously. Someone give this fuckin kid an ambien. And give the parents a bat to the head for being shitty at raising this kid. Friday, May 25, 2012 7:45:40 PMTwitter for Android
This fuckin kid in this train needs to shut the fuck up. Lousy parents. Friday, May 25, 2012 7:39:15 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew lol. This is the second time i yelled at you for not answering when I never actually called.
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Friday, May 25, 2012 7:36:34 AMTwitter for Android
Dranj an Arrogant Bastard tonight, you guys. Maybe that's why I got tossed.... Friday, May 25, 2012 2:19:49 AMTwitter for Android
@ShavingFoams happy birthday. Or day after your birthday. Or some shit. Idk I'm hammered and got tossed from the bar. Lol
In reply to @ShavingFoams's tweet
 Friday, May 25, 2012 2:17:27 AMTwitter for Android
I'm. Mother fuckin mess Friday, May 25, 2012 2:16:07 AMTwitter for Android
Shea like so tiny she doesn't even count. Thursday, May 24, 2012 9:35:03 PMTwitter for Android
@ivankatrump is a certified milf Thursday, May 24, 2012 9:34:14 PMTwitter for Android
Also I'm gonna fuck Kristen on the swung at the bar next week at our bday party Thursday, May 24, 2012 9:33:53 PMTwitter for Android
Also Christina is my favorite lesbian Thursday, May 24, 2012 9:33:15 PMTwitter for Android
Nah man you don't have to worry... Niraj:" I'm the HR" Thursday, May 24, 2012 9:32:56 PMTwitter for Android
I'm obsessed with this neon girl silhouette on the music machine thing at the bar Thursday, May 24, 2012 6:55:10 PMTwitter for Android
Whoa. The ass on this one. Thursday, May 24, 2012 2:57:58 PMTwitter for Android
Tex looks like a psychopath. http://t.co/xiPu4dJ Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:35:07 PMTwitter for Android
This game is a bunch of bullshit. Nap time because I'll be up all night Monday, May 21, 2012 10:04:59 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo @KeriAHarrison see.. she actually didn't bring me home. I got thrown out. Her loss.
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Sunday, May 20, 2012 10:28:43 PMTwitter for Android
@Frankalankster Dude, don't date mistakes.... Just kick them out the next morning.
In reply to @Frankalankster's tweet
 Sunday, May 20, 2012 12:16:50 PMTwitter for Android
While looking at the 2012 high school yearbook: "wow. I remember when these fuckers were in diapers. Our lives are over." Sunday, May 20, 2012 12:09:04 AMTwitter for Android
Crayzeesheep: "Hey Danny, let's go operate heavy machinery right now" Sunday, May 20, 2012 12:00:55 AMTwitter for Android
Yeah yeah yeah enough with all that bullshit Saturday, May 19, 2012 11:27:44 PMTwitter for Android
Counting how many fuckable girls there are on this train. Probs a million, you guys. Saturday, May 19, 2012 1:40:03 AMTwitter for Android
Actually. Fuck these guys sayin I'm soft. I'll beat the fuck outta them Saturday, May 19, 2012 1:07:58 AMTwitter for Android
Gotta drop 20 bc I'm a fat fuck. Or stay the same and keep muscle. Fuck off. Saturday, May 19, 2012 1:05:38 AMTwitter for Android
Welp.. thought I had some guns but these motherfuckers said I'm soft. Gotta work out I guess. This is bullshit Saturday, May 19, 2012 1:04:56 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck yaself. So special. Saturday, May 19, 2012 12:47:19 AMTwitter for Android
Nips are so sore, motherfuckers Saturday, May 19, 2012 12:33:39 AMTwitter for Android
I know gio's got that ass instead of me. The fact i can make a motherfuker jealous means im better. Friday, May 18, 2012 11:23:58 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin a Elise. If you're gonna bang gio, you're not allowed to bite my nipple Friday, May 18, 2012 11:06:00 PMTwitter for Android
Nah. Ya don't. Friday, May 18, 2012 10:58:20 PMTwitter for Android
Yes bartender. You get it. If you put ice down my hairy assed Italian chest every woman wants, you get a better tip Friday, May 18, 2012 10:30:07 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now, you guys. Friday, May 18, 2012 10:26:27 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella obviously because I'm not there . Duh
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Friday, May 18, 2012 10:06:42 PMTwitter for Android
My boss is the best human ever. When I'm a manager, I wish I was as cool as him. He's the definition of what to do right in business school. Friday, May 18, 2012 10:06:14 PMTwitter for Android
My coworker wore this to work. What a baller. http://t.co/L4DET7r mad fuckin swag. Stud central station. Friday, May 18, 2012 9:38:04 PMTwitter for Android
@dannyrob88 yes iron horse
In reply to @dannyrob88's tweet
 Friday, May 18, 2012 9:15:09 PMTwitter for Android
Useless motherfuckers Friday, May 18, 2012 9:14:45 PMTwitter for Android
I may or may not have to swing on the bar with Elise. Again. Friday, May 18, 2012 8:51:28 PMTwitter for Android
Natalia: "you don't make Russian girls do something. They make you do something" Friday, May 18, 2012 8:21:23 PMTwitter for Android
Ah mother fucker. My twitter is ridiculous again Friday, May 18, 2012 1:23:48 AMTwitter for Android
@nyJULZmd yes it is... so to reconcile that, we should bang.
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Friday, May 18, 2012 12:33:30 AMTwitter for Android
Also, Elise's ass is good but Idk. Like... I refrained from slapping it on cinco for mad respect, but she knows she likes it. Friday, May 18, 2012 12:16:59 AMTwitter for Android
I'd bang this bitch in fishnets, but she might need some brown baggin Friday, May 18, 2012 12:03:11 AMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo motherfuckin right I hate slow bullshit.
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Thursday, May 17, 2012 11:38:45 PMTwitter for Android
@nyJULZmd *wish I had gone... not went. Grammar, ya joker
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Thursday, May 17, 2012 11:37:35 PMTwitter for Android
Why do all homeless motherfuckers smell the same degree of nasty? Thursday, May 17, 2012 11:36:36 PMTwitter for Android
Bro, cut your nails. you're nasty Wednesday, May 16, 2012 8:06:50 AMTwitter for Android
What's this bullshit my internet is out. Fios never goes out. Bunch of bullshit. Wednesday, May 16, 2012 12:31:20 AMTwitter for Android
@smstemp oops. Sorry.
In reply to @smstemp's tweet
 Tuesday, May 15, 2012 10:17:05 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo You're at a bar alone and watching the Mets. The fucks wrong with you? Why would you ever watch the Mets?
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Tuesday, May 15, 2012 7:47:28 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo Yeah, the first time I told him about it, he thought I was crazy. Idk
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Sunday, May 13, 2012 9:43:00 PMTwitter for Android
@Frankalankster rain check for what?
In reply to @Frankalankster's tweet
 Sunday, May 13, 2012 8:32:12 PMTwitter for Android
ANDYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Sunday, May 13, 2012 1:14:35 PMTwitter for Android
Happy Mother's Day, all you mothers Sunday, May 13, 2012 12:57:41 PMTwitter for Android
That my friends, is a certified milf. Son's 25 and she looks 25. Dibbbbbs Sunday, May 13, 2012 11:44:52 AMTwitter for Android
Beer gives me the shits... Friday, May 11, 2012 2:43:01 AMTwitter for Android
Before, I tweeted "hot. Can I get in on that?" No fuckin idea what I was talking about. Hhhhhh Friday, May 11, 2012 1:24:37 AMTwitter for Android
Jesus. Still waiting at mother fuckin mcdonalds. Friday, May 11, 2012 1:02:27 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck this guy. Friday, May 11, 2012 12:59:06 AMTwitter for Android
Instead of flirting with players, can you make me a mother fuckin snack wrap. Jesus christ. Fuckin guy is slower than shit Friday, May 11, 2012 12:57:52 AMTwitter for Android
Hot. Can I get in on that? Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:06:05 PMTwitter for Android
Bunch of dumb motherfuckers here at the MTA. Whose asinine idea was it to unload a full train and load two others on adjacent tracks? Wednesday, May 09, 2012 6:55:10 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin muggy, rainy nasty and 7 million degrees. Sweating balls. This is disgusting. Crank the AC in this bitch Wednesday, May 09, 2012 8:24:59 AMTwitter for Android
That's one angry looking mother fucker on this train Wednesday, May 09, 2012 1:12:37 AMTwitter for Android
Just ripped ass so loudly accidentally on this train. Whoopsie Wednesday, May 09, 2012 12:33:15 AMTwitter for Android
Oh. And we have a private bar. Enjoyyyyy Tuesday, May 08, 2012 11:37:27 PMTwitter for Android
Niraj Is a bad added influence Tuesday, May 08, 2012 11:36:23 PMTwitter for Android
This just scared the shit out of me. http://t.co/fpiuE42 Monday, May 07, 2012 11:02:40 AMTwitter for Android
Rhianna came on in Dunkins and it reminded me of the office shitshow. Sunday, May 06, 2012 4:37:16 PMTwitter for Android
@nyJULZmd cum play Sunday, May 06, 2012 3:01:36 AMTwitter for Android
Never have I ever pissed in a cup on the train.. ... oh wait..... Sunday, May 06, 2012 2:33:13 AMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella lol. You know what u do when I'm third wheel out? I find a hottie and bang and tell them nuggs who didn't invite me to enjoy
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Sunday, May 06, 2012 2:16:25 AMTwitter for Android
Fioretti was like "fuck you and your tweet off" touche. Mad respect Saturday, May 05, 2012 11:17:37 PMTwitter for Android
"Yo you gotta kill that belly on you motherfucker" Saturday, May 05, 2012 11:09:31 PMTwitter for Android
@Frankalankster and @portfolioso in the same bar? We're gonna have a tweet off. Saturday, May 05, 2012 11:02:26 PMTwitter for Android
My. Head.... Saturday, May 05, 2012 8:46:48 AMTwitter for Android
Who was that. And why was she such a cray? Saturday, May 05, 2012 2:35:03 AMTwitter for Android
I mean.... if some batshit crazy wants to make out with me on the train, i won't object. Saturday, May 05, 2012 2:34:35 AMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella stop being a mother fuckin pansy. If a married dude is staring at your tits then tell the dude ur awesome fuck off and enjoy
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Friday, May 04, 2012 10:13:58 PMTwitter for Android
@nyJULZmd blow me slut
In reply to @nyJULZmd's tweet
 Friday, May 04, 2012 10:11:47 PMTwitter for Android
I didn't even start drinking yet, so this is a sober tweet but... I want to bang the new sales girl. So badly. Friday, May 04, 2012 5:09:12 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew @kelgoe @TaraCasanova Feliz Cuatro de Mayo.
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Friday, May 04, 2012 8:04:58 AMTwitter for Android
Welp, looks like Dave Robertson is my new closer... I always had a gay for that guy Friday, May 04, 2012 12:11:27 AMTwitter for Android
Ah Jesus Christ. I honestly don't think we'll ever see Mo pitch again Friday, May 04, 2012 12:10:50 AMTwitter for Android
My twitter. Cray. I'm a cray. Thursday, May 03, 2012 8:05:00 AMTwitter for Android
This British assed train conductor is also the conductor on the 8am train. Wtf. Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:13:36 AMTwitter for Android
Yes, I re-tweeted myself because I'm a cocky, arrogant prick. Don't like it? Blow me. Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:12:31 AMTwitter for Android
RT @portfolioso unlike other jokers I hear about, whiskey dick does not happen to me bc I'm a mother fuckin boss Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:11:16 AMTwitter for Android
@ShavingFoams no kidding. I went to college once. I was always on the failure side of drunk.
In reply to @ShavingFoams's tweet
 Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:07:35 AMTwitter for Android
@ShavingFoams unlike other jokers I hear about, whiskey dick does not happen to me bc I'm a mother fuckin boss.
In reply to @ShavingFoams's tweet
 Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:05:53 AMTwitter for Android
That time you're obsessed with the bartender and you know she looks innocent but really isnt/a freak but she can't be single bc she's so hot Thursday, May 03, 2012 12:01:31 AMTwitter for Android
Calling myself out on the tweet earlier where I used the wrong you're. Blame the fact that I had to piss and auto correct. Wednesday, May 02, 2012 11:56:12 PMTwitter for Android
RT @Novellabella "Nobody messes with Adam We" Wednesday, May 02, 2012 10:19:19 PMTwitter for Android
RT @__JLu: to this #fairfield girl, congrats on your 15 minutes of fame! #clamjam http://t.co/bDaj3cyj Wednesday, May 02, 2012 10:18:07 PMTwitter for Android
@Nettiz1 how can you forget? Me and @MalJNew had a competition on who'd grab her tits first.
In reply to @Nettiz1's tweet
 Wednesday, May 02, 2012 10:17:48 PMTwitter for Android
@Nettiz1 come on. We discussed this before
In reply to @Nettiz1's tweet
 Wednesday, May 02, 2012 9:51:54 PMTwitter for Android
Actually, I dint need any dirt. I'm too awesome. Wednesday, May 02, 2012 9:31:26 PMTwitter for Android
@Nettiz1 I want the dirt on the redhead
In reply to @Nettiz1's tweet
 Wednesday, May 02, 2012 9:30:15 PMTwitter for Android
@Nettiz1 yeah. I'm over it. Its fine.
In reply to @Nettiz1's tweet
 Wednesday, May 02, 2012 9:11:47 PMTwitter for Android
Obsessed... Wednesday, May 02, 2012 9:10:09 PMTwitter for Android
Let him take his shot? I wasn't anywhere near you, asshole. Fuck is this, professional pool? Your a a bar you dick. Wednesday, May 02, 2012 8:56:50 PMTwitter for Android
@Onethirdof3x5 Never as bad as Preakness... Never as bad, homeskillet
In reply to @Onethirdof3x5's tweet
 Wednesday, May 02, 2012 8:44:07 PMTwitter for Android
That time you have to piss so badly and a dude gets up from a table as you're walking to the bathroom and gets ahead of you... bs Wednesday, May 02, 2012 8:04:49 PMTwitter for Android
I double dare people to take me seriously Friday! Wednesday, May 02, 2012 7:54:27 PMTwitter for Android
So legit. Yankees. Rangers. My redheaded bartender is here. Ima steal her. Only if she agrees though. Wednesday, May 02, 2012 7:47:00 PMTwitter for Android
we've got a winner on this train! Jesus! Wednesday, May 02, 2012 8:10:46 AMTwitter for Android
If I don't see one more Kate Upton video in my newsfeed, I just might vom Tuesday, May 01, 2012 11:45:35 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella You're delusional. Jeter looks like an old bag. Doesn't age my ass... He was a child in the 90s
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Monday, April 30, 2012 8:48:04 PMTwitter for Android
Also, happy Monday. Monday, April 30, 2012 8:01:37 AMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure Alexey sabotaged the build server before passing it off to me and then said enjoy. Monday, April 30, 2012 8:01:08 AMTwitter for Android
If I get another fuckin programmer telling me that their shit isn't building, I'm going to shake a bitch. I know its busted. Monday, April 30, 2012 7:59:51 AMTwitter for Android
Welp, Casino is on Encore at 5PM. I know what I'm doing. One of my all time favs. De Niro, Joe Pesce... Scorsese film. Unreal. Sunday, April 29, 2012 4:30:36 PMTwitter for Android
Such a man crush on Dave Robertson. Sunday, April 29, 2012 4:20:57 PMTwitter for Android
Today is a lounging in the sun type of day Saturday, April 28, 2012 12:08:47 PMTwitter for Android

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