9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Pony just came on and Mal and had a couple bottles of wine. I obviously can't bang her in the back seat with her parents driving us home... Saturday, September 10, 2016 9:26:06 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks are winning the series this year Saturday, September 10, 2016 6:56:52 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus H. Christ. Who'd a thunk I'm a little tipssss over a $6 32oz Bud Light. Amateur hour. Saturday, September 10, 2016 6:24:34 PMTwitter for Android
Cro-sandwich... For three years I've been saying crossaint-wich. How can I ever call it by its real name if I only know it my way? @MalJNew Thursday, September 08, 2016 11:37:39 PMTwitter for Android
Just missed the Yanks walk off because my mind was blown because I've been calling BK's Croissan'wich "crossaint-wich" my whole life Thursday, September 08, 2016 10:34:27 PMTwitter for Android
Motorola killed the headphone jack on the Moto Z a couple weeks before Apple did, but obviously it's only a big deal when Apple does it. Wednesday, September 07, 2016 10:38:12 PMTwitter for Android
Just checked the nutrition facts on these dollar dogs and they don't have any trans fats so they're healthy. Cue 4 more! Friday, September 02, 2016 9:17:38 PMTwitter for Android
Oh. They don't do Cotton Eyed Joe at the 7th inning stretch at the Jake? What a shame Friday, September 02, 2016 9:15:09 PMTwitter for Android
Welp, the Marlins are sucking and getting scalped by the Tribe, so it doesn't look like I'll get to see my boy Miller Friday, September 02, 2016 8:48:40 PMTwitter for Android
Hot dog #6 Friday, September 02, 2016 7:08:09 PMTwitter for Android
This $2 Cleveland Bud Light is making me fill up so I can't eat as many $1 hot dogs as I wanted Friday, September 02, 2016 6:22:04 PMTwitter for Android
In lieu of sausage and peppers, it's dollar dog night at The Jake. Yes I called it the Jake. None of this Progressive field noise. Friday, September 02, 2016 6:00:51 PMTwitter for Android
"Joe can you do me a favor and take this inkjet printer out of the sink?" -@MalJNew Monday, August 29, 2016 8:08:42 PMTwitter for Android
These clouds are fucking up my view of Venus and Jupiter overlapping https://t.co/C3zecoKHTN Saturday, August 27, 2016 7:53:04 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 @MTA #thefuckingsubway
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Saturday, August 27, 2016 6:48:22 PMTwitter for Android
Vinny is playing really shitty music on my last night in Queens wtf Friday, August 26, 2016 11:28:49 PMTwitter for Android
I don't even have proper glassed because I'm moving out, so I'll just drink out of the bottle. #klassy Thursday, August 25, 2016 9:38:58 AMTwitter for Android
Whoops. I accidentally a bottle of wine. You know... Jimmy Buffet tailgate pregame at 9:30 am Thursday, August 25, 2016 9:38:15 AMTwitter for Android
9am... Had my vitamin D and swigged it down with some wine. Bottle straight to face Thursday, August 25, 2016 9:00:16 AMTwitter for Android
@__JLu @MalJNew thanks abusers!
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Thursday, August 25, 2016 8:59:33 AMTwitter for Android
QuickDraw... Not QuixkPay. This is how dumb I am at gambling Wednesday, August 24, 2016 11:15:59 PMTwitter for Android
Pat being Pat. Bringing the stupid Wednesday, August 24, 2016 11:00:55 PMTwitter for Android
My boy Pat is degenerate gambling on QuickPay. Idk anyone who plays QucikPay. My degenerate numbers-playing uncle doesn't drop as much. Wednesday, August 24, 2016 11:00:26 PMTwitter for Android
I take two days off and these stupid fucks can't do anything without me. Now it's my headache to fix it all Tuesday, August 23, 2016 2:25:56 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks are winning the series next year Monday, August 22, 2016 11:42:38 PMTwitter for Android
EL GARY! All of the dingers https://t.co/1U1gwfTqX4 Monday, August 22, 2016 11:37:52 PMTwitter for Android
Just frombled Sunday, August 21, 2016 2:20:10 AMTwitter for Android
Mal's the brilliant author of my IT guy's tinder. Epic times. Sunday, August 21, 2016 2:04:34 AMTwitter for Android
I've got a guy at my party dancing with potato salad refusing to give Freddy any. Sunday, August 21, 2016 1:52:21 AMTwitter for Android
Freddy is flat out waving at a chick across the way and smiling at her like a goofball Sunday, August 21, 2016 1:44:43 AMTwitter for Android
Fill a balloon with hydrogen and light it. Imagine if that was a big bang, and that instant took billions of years and formed all of space? Saturday, August 20, 2016 4:10:20 AMTwitter for Android
Complete bullshit I cannot make it to the @Fantasy_Mania draft. Send my regards to those sausage and peppers mañana Friday, August 19, 2016 11:02:36 PMTwitter for Android
I will reiterate a quote from my boy Derick circa 2011: "them n**** is fuckin" Friday, August 19, 2016 11:00:22 PMTwitter for Android
Our VP of sales walked into a bar Thursday, August 18, 2016 12:10:27 AMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank Ali Mac just showed up so get here
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:50:46 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank idk what you're up to these days but if you show up here, that's hysterical and will make my life.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:24:30 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank Nassau Bar in lower Manhattan
In reply to @_Frankalank's tweet
Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:23:07 PMTwitter for Android
"I can't believe I forgot.my bottoms today" - Bartender Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:18:04 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank also only if you like short haired girls. Dealbreaker for me. But #datazzdoe
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:15:20 PMTwitter for Android
@_Frankalank I cannot. You can literally floss her asshole
In reply to @_Frankalank's tweet
Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:11:57 PMTwitter for Android
There isn't enough cocaine in the world to explain how much this bikini bartender is on right now Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:10:03 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 #thefuckingsubway
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Wednesday, August 17, 2016 8:48:39 AMTwitter for Android
Trains been at the station for 5 mins with the doors open letting the heat in. #thefuckingsubway Wednesday, August 17, 2016 8:42:53 AMTwitter for Android
Right. Let's try this again Tuesday. Monday, August 15, 2016 10:27:17 PMTwitter for Android
Smells like mildewed, crusty, sweaty homeless asshole on this train Monday, August 15, 2016 7:14:33 PMTwitter for Android
R train sucks a cock. 20 mins for it to show up in the morning. 20 minutes for it to show up going home. #thefuckingsubway Monday, August 15, 2016 7:00:56 PMTwitter for Android
I'm going to punch everyone in the face right now Monday, August 15, 2016 5:58:24 PMTwitter for Android
Dafuq are all the manh bound R trains in Queens? @NYCTSubway waiting 20 mins for an R Monday, August 15, 2016 8:57:55 AMTwitter for Android
#thefuckingsubway is awful this morning. Monday, August 15, 2016 8:52:29 AMTwitter for Android
Is it winter yet? Saturday, August 13, 2016 2:21:05 PMTwitter for Android
That glitter is from 2011 when @MalJNew destroyed my desk when we were just friends back in the day. Lasted through two offices Friday, August 12, 2016 6:42:18 PMTwitter for Android
My desk's got Tito's, Arnold Palmer and confetti in it. I'm a degenerate bitch. https://t.co/lsLiUUFeSm Friday, August 12, 2016 6:40:57 PMTwitter for Android
Props to @Moto_USA for timely updates to The Moto X Pure. Just got my May 2016 monthly security patches. It's August. Friday, August 12, 2016 2:51:55 AMTwitter for Android
@googlecast Yo Google Cast Twitter people... Actually reply to the correct username so we don't see @ replies in our feeds. Sunday, August 07, 2016 4:29:10 PMTwitter for Android
So if you're #baerod, do you start juicing up for Friday? Got nothing to lose Sunday, August 07, 2016 3:37:03 PMTwitter for Android
Why is Arod wearing a jacket in the dugout? It's 87° out bro Sunday, August 07, 2016 1:35:36 PMTwitter for Android
Baerod Sunday, August 07, 2016 11:18:03 AMTwitter for Android
The LES is a very bad influence. Every time I come to hair of the dog for "a drink or two max" I leave hammered Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:58:40 PMTwitter for Android
Cunts @twc @TWC_Help @TWC_NYNJ Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:53:27 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu @MalJNew the subway system will no longer give me heart disease
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:42:41 PMTwitter for Android
Badgalriri 😈❤ Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:40:32 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 last year when @NickSwisher didn't suck and was on the Indians, wore a Yanks swish shirt there and got so much shit
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:30:58 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 nah. Always a Yankee fan. We're rebuilding for the next couple years. I'll root for them and Miller in the meantime
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:30:03 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 Yankees stink
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:28:24 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ AN A-BOMB. FROM MATSUI!
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:07:21 PMTwitter for Android
Hughlon sucks! Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:05:24 PMTwitter for Android
This meeting us an absolute waste of my time Tuesday, August 02, 2016 10:52:38 AMTwitter for Android
When bae didn't pick me #TheBachelorette https://t.co/PdorbvlmUd Monday, August 01, 2016 9:43:03 PMTwitter for Android
Omg take a Xanax #TheBachelorette Monday, August 01, 2016 8:33:46 PMTwitter for Android
Welp, my internet is out, so watching #TheBachelorette with @MalJNew via OTA antenna is my life right now Monday, August 01, 2016 8:31:15 PMTwitter for Android
Still have no internet since Thursday. Thanks Time Warner. Promised me a call two days in a row from a supervisor. Never happened. Sunday, July 31, 2016 11:10:27 PMTwitter for Android
@GadsdenMarc Johnson? When I did the https://t.co/HgHRNFW94D quiz, I matched him 90%. I matched Hillary and Trump the least out of everyone
In reply to @GadsdenMarc's tweet
Saturday, July 30, 2016 7:44:12 PMTwitter for Android
I am going absolutely apeshit on this poor phone tech Friday, July 29, 2016 6:55:34 PMTwitter for Android
After 7 motherfuckin hours they left with the problem unresolved. Jesus Christ Time Warner. Get lawst Friday, July 29, 2016 6:24:21 PMTwitter for Android
Absolute fucking dumpster fire. I hope Charter takes over and dissolves them all Friday, July 29, 2016 6:15:54 PMTwitter for Android
Hour number 7 and Time Warner cannot get my modem activated. You have one job! Jesus Christ on the cross. Friday, July 29, 2016 6:12:59 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu very excite!
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Friday, July 29, 2016 5:56:12 PMTwitter for Android
The definition of a moron is this guy aimlessly switching out modems and none of them work every time. Jaggoffs have been here since 11 Friday, July 29, 2016 5:55:58 PMTwitter for Android
Nothing fucking changed. It just up and stopped working one day you stupid fucking cunts. https://t.co/CKlIpjTrA8 Friday, July 29, 2016 3:02:15 PMTwitter for Android
Hour number 4 of Time Warner being unable to activate my modem. Missing work. Two days without internet. Need compensation for this bullshit Friday, July 29, 2016 3:00:54 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_Help no, I have a tech here who is working with someone else to do it. Thanks though.
In reply to @TWC_Help's tweet
Friday, July 29, 2016 1:46:28 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking abysmal. I have mothefucking things to do. Friday, July 29, 2016 1:29:11 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking absurd @TWC_Help wasting 2.5 hours of my time because they can't get the fucking modem activated. Garbage service Friday, July 29, 2016 1:27:56 PMTwitter for Android
I'm gonna fuckin punch Time Warner in the face. Friday, July 29, 2016 1:07:40 PMTwitter for Android
@TWC_NYNJ 2 hours and you can't even get a modem activated. Swapped out my modem because it stopped working after your outage yesterday. F- Friday, July 29, 2016 12:51:22 PMTwitter for Android
https://t.co/AvLNJEv8K8 Tuesday, July 26, 2016 3:11:19 AMTwitter for Android
NYC periwinkle skies Tuesday, July 26, 2016 1:18:27 AMTwitter for Android
#thefuckingsubway https://t.co/Q9dYWuP5Ny Tuesday, July 26, 2016 1:09:36 AMTwitter for Android
#thefuckinsubway never works right and 100% of yellow cabs never have the A/C on. #sweatingballs gotta get out of this cess pool city Monday, July 25, 2016 10:00:52 PMTwitter for Android
At the Guns N Roses concert. Just played Civil War. Which is what'll happen to America if Trump wins Saturday, July 23, 2016 11:17:51 PMTwitter for Android
I've gotta go Thursday, July 21, 2016 12:53:23 AMTwitter for Android
In the least tan person in the white castle let's put it that way. I should go back to the Bahamas for a few months. Thursday, July 21, 2016 12:07:03 AMTwitter for Android
Omg. I'm out drinkin and fuckin people are still getting shot up by the fuckin police? Christ. End it. Wednesday, July 20, 2016 11:53:06 PMTwitter for Android
I love when I'm a fuckin degenerate and still put my boss on the train Wednesday, July 20, 2016 11:50:19 PMTwitter for Android
En los jorts? https://t.co/0qEGAn7cyg Wednesday, July 20, 2016 9:17:39 PMTwitter for Android
Everyone needs to write their own fuckin speeches. Every politician's full shit. We're fucked https://t.co/CYKyNGUUrS Wednesday, July 20, 2016 9:04:38 PMTwitter for Android
I fuckin hate restroom attendants when I only have 20s and can't tip them. #awk Wednesday, July 20, 2016 8:56:18 PMTwitter for Android
Shhh. Don't tell anyone but 90s one hit wonder radio is on. "Natalie Imbruglia - Torn" came on and I got a little giddy Sunday, July 17, 2016 9:53:32 PMTwitter for Android
(What’s your name?)
T-Good
(What you do?)
I’m a plumber
(How you do it?)
I lay the pipe for that ass and make her dance
(True) 		Sunday, July 17, 2016 6:44:42 PMTwitter for Android
Badgalriri Saturday, July 16, 2016 1:45:32 AMTwitter for Android