Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit



9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Tweet Date Source
This guy on sax pulls in mad pussy Thursday, August 30, 2012 3:15:33 PMTwitter for Android
This guys got a stack of hundos in his pocket. What a G Thursday, August 30, 2012 2:36:54 PMTwitter for Android
Maresc is currently out drinking me. This is bullshit Thursday, August 30, 2012 2:04:03 PMTwitter for Android
James' dad: If you remember the 60s or 70s, you had no fun Thursday, August 30, 2012 2:02:01 PMTwitter for Android
my boss also required me to have a beer to calm my ass Wednesday, August 29, 2012 8:07:33 PMTwitter for Android
Have I mentioned that jelly bean makes ice cream sandwich look like ass? Tuesday, August 28, 2012 11:28:43 PMTwitter for Android
Can't wait for the fall: cold weather, Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, Dr. Drew. Tuesday, August 28, 2012 11:28:17 PMTwitter for Android
Welp @verizonwireless can suck it for not pushing the upgrade because I have it and they can enjoyyyyy and release it next yr for all I care Tuesday, August 28, 2012 10:54:52 PMTwitter for Android
Upgrading to Jelly bean was the best thing ever. Android is so polished now. Why didn't I do this sooner? Tuesday, August 28, 2012 9:36:12 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo and this applies to you how?
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Sunday, August 26, 2012 10:57:31 PMTwitter for Android
I'm a cray Sunday, August 26, 2012 12:58:12 PMTwitter for Android
Oh my...it gets even better. I was wearing a zebra striped headband with a pink bow during the hot dog thingy Sunday, August 26, 2012 5:39:27 AMTwitter for Android
My girl is cool with it so enjoyyyyt Saturday, August 25, 2012 9:24:06 PMTwitter for Android
There is a pic of me lady and the tramping a gay with a hot dog. Uhhhh. Yeah its fine Saturday, August 25, 2012 9:23:43 PMTwitter for Android
Welp. Elise almost but my right nipple off, asshole. So she should get me a free fuckin hot dog Saturday, August 25, 2012 8:49:12 PMTwitter for Android
Is it mean if I flirt with gays and let them know I'm not into it. Like. The penis is gross but they're cool so we chill & its cool right ? Saturday, August 25, 2012 8:14:48 PMTwitter for Android
My fav brogrammer showed up! Saturday, August 25, 2012 5:02:10 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 @kellyomealia I've got a metro north conductor that calls everyone tiger, junior, champ, sport etc
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Saturday, August 25, 2012 5:00:27 PMTwitter for Android
Seal = broken Saturday, August 25, 2012 4:25:51 PMTwitter for Android
Gio: "Tell joe to eat my ass. I hope he gets hepatitis" Saturday, August 25, 2012 3:37:34 PMTwitter for Android
I apologize in advance for my drunken blackout tweets later Saturday, August 25, 2012 2:17:19 PMTwitter for Android
Really lookin forward to brunch today, you guys. @MalJNew @TaraCasanova @LennonImagine @mollycsouthern Saturday, August 25, 2012 11:46:25 AMTwitter for Android
Ohhhh. My feet are black. This may be a first Friday, August 24, 2012 11:21:35 PMTwitter for Android
Matchbox twenty is my jam Friday, August 24, 2012 11:14:27 PMTwitter for Android
On a 36-48 hour bender. En-fuckin-joyyyyyyyy Friday, August 24, 2012 11:13:05 PMTwitter for Android
Skinny jeans and no shirt... I feel like I'm robert plant in 1970. Friday, August 24, 2012 10:51:57 PMTwitter for Android
Might pounce you right now. Haaaaa Friday, August 24, 2012 9:42:46 PMTwitter for Android
I'm gonna start doin this power hour every night to train himself Friday, August 24, 2012 9:37:49 PMTwitter for Android
I am embarrassed at how out of practice I am at the power hour. Fuck I'm old Friday, August 24, 2012 9:31:25 PMTwitter for Android
RT @__JLu: watching dvds on an hdtv is just painful. Thursday, August 23, 2012 12:58:08 AMTwitter for Android
I just got the random urge to play Jazz Jackrabbit 2 Wednesday, August 22, 2012 11:00:18 PMTwitter for Android
To the gentleman dragging the garbage can in grand central making beeping noises with your mouth: I cannot take you seriously right now. Wednesday, August 22, 2012 10:25:55 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin cockblock 6 train. I hear it coming so I run down the stairs and its not in service. Stops. Then leaves. Wednesday, August 22, 2012 10:14:16 PMTwitter for Android
Just walked by 257. I don't think you understand how much FUCKING better that old office was. Wednesday, August 22, 2012 10:12:03 PMTwitter for Android
Oh I don't bring people home... when people are around. Haaaaaaa Wednesday, August 22, 2012 9:16:09 PMTwitter for Android
Its amazing how a little alcohol and other awesomeness takes me from grumpy and cray to calm and awesome Wednesday, August 22, 2012 8:30:04 PMTwitter for Android
Haaa. This Indian dude from Microsoft just said that our SQL cluster was being a beeyotch. That's amazing Tuesday, August 21, 2012 7:17:22 AMTwitter for Android
@Colithika this sir is karma for making fun of my ways
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Monday, August 20, 2012 11:32:58 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure that everyone on this platform is like 6'3" and taller. I feel like a circus act Monday, August 20, 2012 8:00:39 AMTwitter for Android
RT @Colithika: i am a delicious man ;D Monday, August 20, 2012 7:38:53 AMTwitter for Android
Jackie's chili was delicious but Jesus Christ, I'm ripping some putrid ass nonstop #tmi? Monday, August 20, 2012 12:42:34 AMTwitter for Android
My grandma: "Imagine marrying a black guy with that big black sausage?" Sunday, August 19, 2012 8:04:05 PMTwitter for Android
Welp. @Onethirdof3x5 has ripped ass boxers just like me. Must be lessards fault. Sunday, August 19, 2012 2:09:15 AMTwitter for Android
@tomwcleary @keith_connors @smstemp clearly you fuckin asshole. Bring me boxers that actually cover my ass Sunday, August 19, 2012 1:45:48 AMTwitter for Android
Well. I'm pretty sure clearys got a full view of my ass. Considering lessard ripped my boxers in two Sunday, August 19, 2012 1:40:31 AMTwitter for Android
Keith: Joe tweeted about these cookies. I saw it @portfolioso I'd go gay for these cookies Saturday, August 18, 2012 11:39:46 PMTwitter for Android
Sacred heart vs fairfield baseball sons Saturday, August 18, 2012 11:36:35 PMTwitter for Android
Me: "We're watching Alf later, right?" Keith: "Oh yeah!" Saturday, August 18, 2012 11:27:26 PMTwitter for Android
@ some joker i refuse to call out: you need a dick. Stop complaining. Get out of my feed Saturday, August 18, 2012 10:57:38 PMTwitter for Android
Me and @tomwcleary almost had to do the nakey dance. Almost shut out in beer pong. Worst game if my life. Saturday, August 18, 2012 10:22:07 PMTwitter for Android
It would be my luck to lose in double OT in beer pong. This is bs Saturday, August 18, 2012 9:15:59 PMTwitter for Android
spread eagle pushups Saturday, August 18, 2012 8:32:35 PMTwitter for Android
TC: the world is my Royster Saturday, August 18, 2012 6:42:28 PMTwitter for Android
Dudes like my boy Barry that calls everyone slugger, tiger and junior are one of the reasons I don't altogether lose it on the MTA Friday, August 17, 2012 8:07:21 AMTwitter for Android
Thank you sore throat for making me miss dev drinks. The programmers are worried about me because I ditched them for drinks the past 4 times Thursday, August 16, 2012 6:16:18 PMTwitter for Android
Delayed for the THIRD time in two days. Fucking MTA Thursday, August 16, 2012 4:59:44 PMTwitter for Android
Mother to her loud kid on the train: "Shh. No one wants to hear you" fantastic! Thursday, August 16, 2012 4:41:49 PMTwitter for Android
"Why do you need two drummers?" "Well, we increase our chances of having a sober drummer on stage by 50%" Thursday, August 16, 2012 12:32:41 AMTwitter for Android
I hope the cops shot the asshole dead who is responsible for this Wednesday, August 15, 2012 9:58:46 PMTwitter for Android
Stuck on trains twice in one day. This is all a bunch of fuckin bullshit. I just wanna go home and sleep. I'm sick Wednesday, August 15, 2012 9:57:59 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo nope, still feel like shit
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Wednesday, August 15, 2012 7:59:31 AMTwitter for Android
I really don't understand how @MalJNew still has no idea how to type a penis when I showed her like 9 times already. Monday, August 13, 2012 8:54:58 PMTwitter for Android
Andyes, that's andre. Its $5 and the last time I touched it was 09 when we sprayed it all over the swamp when the yanks won the world series Sunday, August 12, 2012 12:23:11 PMTwitter for Android
Shit guys. Gatorpagne is actually not bad tasting Sunday, August 12, 2012 12:22:47 PMTwitter for Android
Gatorpagne! http://t.co/HraMpvD Sunday, August 12, 2012 12:18:45 PMTwitter for Android
My piss smells like a gin bucket Sunday, August 12, 2012 11:35:43 AMTwitter for Android
Hungover as fuck Sunday, August 12, 2012 11:25:02 AMTwitter for Android
Ali is here! the Baghdad dentist dude whos like 34 and graduated in 2010 Sunday, August 12, 2012 12:57:43 AMTwitter for Android
Tell this joker to play some biggie Sunday, August 12, 2012 12:56:54 AMTwitter for Android
HOLD THE PHONE... the grape doesn't have a fucking trough anymore to piss in? There are urinals now? They've gone soft. Saturday, August 11, 2012 11:33:32 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu get the fuck out if here. I'm at the shack
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
 Saturday, August 11, 2012 8:54:19 PMTwitter for Android
Haliskoe: "Good news. In the state of Connecticut, its not considered drunk driving if your OnStar is sober" Saturday, August 11, 2012 5:59:37 PMTwitter for Android
Joe.... well as long as you black out well.... Saturday, August 11, 2012 12:59:14 AMTwitter for Android
I don't know why this fuckin garlic smelly motherfucker has to come sit up my ass in a two seater when there's an empty seat across from me Friday, August 10, 2012 8:05:15 AMTwitter for Android
@Colithika YES.
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Friday, August 10, 2012 12:01:20 AMTwitter for Android
RT @nyJULZmd: dog http://t.co/pO8CWvbn Thursday, August 09, 2012 9:45:23 PMTwitter for Android
Track 42? That even exists? Fuckin like.. .west bumblefuck in grand central Thursday, August 09, 2012 8:29:32 PMTwitter for Android
Overheard on the street: "My big kitty book is SOOOO much better than Ashley's beaver?" Thursday, August 09, 2012 2:17:51 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew QA team is protesting and working through the meeting. Also, I get free food which is one of the only things that makes me smile
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Thursday, August 09, 2012 7:43:15 AMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo no you clearly don't understand SQL... I'll explain layer
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Thursday, August 09, 2012 2:24:45 AMTwitter for Android
"So did you have a bad day at work today?" "What day at work?" Wednesday, August 08, 2012 11:42:34 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure my train has a flat tire. Its making me shake like I have Parkinson's and I can't read my phone. I'm also nauseous. Wednesday, August 08, 2012 8:20:59 AMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 my girl cousins fought over the flower all the time when I was a kid and yes, it sucked.
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
 Tuesday, August 07, 2012 11:09:39 PMTwitter for Android
Line here is slower than Alexeys fuckin availability search. Monday, August 06, 2012 10:43:24 PMTwitter for Android
Especially when there's a 76 person Mexican family in front of me Monday, August 06, 2012 10:39:45 PMTwitter for Android
The lines in this bitch ass McDonald's are longer than my dick Monday, August 06, 2012 10:38:32 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: Don't understand why some folks hate the gays. They're great at all kindsa things, like friendship, olympic sports, advice ... Monday, August 06, 2012 9:46:33 PMTwitter for Android
Google Now makes stupid assed assumptions. Just bc I search for a place on maps doesn't mean it should show a card with traffic as a commute Monday, August 06, 2012 12:19:01 AMTwitter for Android
@kellyomealia actually, the second one is a pretty sweet pic too. Artsy
In reply to @kellyomealia's tweet
 Sunday, August 05, 2012 9:02:32 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 101.9
In reply to @ky9's tweet
 Sunday, August 05, 2012 1:32:50 PMTwitter for Android
NY has a rock station again! Yay. Now I have some driving music. Sunday, August 05, 2012 1:27:31 PMTwitter for Android
Boobs Sunday, August 05, 2012 12:19:41 PMTwitter for Android
I just dropped half a baby cow at Maresca's. Might not be welcome back Sunday, August 05, 2012 9:25:22 AMTwitter for Android
I'm at karaoke watching two of the drunkest, whitest girls rap biggie's gimmie the loot. hAHa Sunday, August 05, 2012 1:28:39 AMTwitter for Android
"So how many times do you think a Volvo dealership was vandalized to say vulva?" This guy's killing me Saturday, August 04, 2012 11:54:29 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure there's a murder about to take place at "Express Convenience Shop" in Huntington Saturday, August 04, 2012 11:45:45 PMTwitter for Android
I'm stuffing my fat face with veil parmigiana and fried calamari. Nom Saturday, August 04, 2012 7:02:30 PMTwitter for Android
With pearl jam in the background. This place is sick Friday, August 03, 2012 8:58:34 PMTwitter for Android
Free beers with Yankee home runs? 6GET IT IN Friday, August 03, 2012 8:58:08 PMTwitter for Android
Bars playing grunge is good in my eyes Friday, August 03, 2012 8:31:12 PMTwitter for Android
Derick: "grabbin that non existent ass" Cisco: "yeah man. Its like fucking an ironingboard" Friday, August 03, 2012 8:19:57 PMTwitter for Android
Bird watchin' by derick rodriguez Friday, August 03, 2012 8:13:05 PMTwitter for Android
This bartender is turning all my hot coworkers into leabians Friday, August 03, 2012 7:47:58 PMTwitter for Android
Welp, he went for a smoke and came back and its absolutely him Friday, August 03, 2012 7:41:32 PMTwitter for Android
This Mexican next to me at the bar smells like shit ass Friday, August 03, 2012 7:38:06 PMTwitter for Android
"We're watching emotional music videos. I'd give you my virginity, but that's long gone" bahahahah Wednesday, August 01, 2012 11:57:44 PMTwitter for Android
It's a bunch of bullshit that HBO GO isn't available for Android 4.1 yet. HBO: Y U NO update your shit Wednesday, August 01, 2012 10:33:46 PMTwitter for Android
Does anyone have a fucking xanax? Wednesday, August 01, 2012 11:57:49 AMTwitter for Android
Now both my fucking eyelids twitch. Fuck my life so hard I'm calling out sick for a week Wednesday, August 01, 2012 11:54:33 AMTwitter for Android
I need to get out of here Wednesday, August 01, 2012 11:53:25 AMTwitter for Android
All I do all day is talk on the phone with RackSpace. This is all bullshit. Wednesday, August 01, 2012 11:52:12 AMTwitter for Android
Mid July bender? I think I blew through $800 cash since the 20th... What are ya gonna do? Sunday, July 29, 2012 9:02:22 PMTwitter for Android
My eye stopped twitching all weekend but now it's going nuts again. This is some bullshit Sunday, July 29, 2012 8:07:41 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopANDslam ICS is actually excellent. Motorola ruined it with MotoBlur
In reply to @scoopANDslam's tweet
 Sunday, July 29, 2012 6:13:20 PMTwitter for Android
@Colithika u can't have her nigs
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Saturday, July 28, 2012 6:57:07 PMTwitter for Android
@Colithika daniel. I. Borderline hammered and my bartender is coo.but.like. I'm banging someone else so wtf tellbhe r to gtfo
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Saturday, July 28, 2012 6:51:13 PMTwitter for Android
Vodka sprite? Saturday, July 28, 2012 6:48:56 PMTwitter for Android
Yuri is my boy Saturday, July 28, 2012 6:41:37 PMTwitter for Android
Welp. You're gonna do that and smoke? Die at like 40. What are ya gonna do. I'll be free again Saturday, July 28, 2012 5:43:29 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin . Why smoke cigs joker. Shit won't get you anywhere crept lung cancer. Smoke a blunt bitches. Saturday, July 28, 2012 4:09:05 PMTwitter for Android
Yeah. Keep smoking asshole. I will get over it you'll be drunk and suck it so hard Saturday, July 28, 2012 4:01:55 PMTwitter for Android
TK your herpes added cat can suck your dick Saturday, July 28, 2012 2:47:26 PMTwitter for Android
Oh and the servers going down when I'm shitfaced at brunch is nit ideal Saturday, July 28, 2012 2:23:03 PMTwitter for Android
Kristen is Hermionie Granger, with the exception that she's dumb as fuck Saturday, July 28, 2012 2:22:34 PMTwitter for Android
Officer I swear I'm nit drunk. I can say the alcohol backwards Saturday, July 28, 2012 12:04:38 AMTwitter for Android
Everyone is giving me shit for my long unkempt hair. I think my hair is longer than Christina's Friday, July 27, 2012 8:12:33 PMTwitter for Android
Christina: "this sucks everything sucks fuck everything with fire" Friday, July 27, 2012 8:08:41 PMTwitter for Android
Dakota bar. Playing 90s grunge. Fuckin. I'm gonna sing with Christina Friday, July 27, 2012 7:33:10 PMTwitter for Android
Waiter brought me two beers bc she thought I was two people. Not sure if awesome or fat........ Friday, July 27, 2012 2:22:24 PMTwitter for Android
#velbapalooza is trending on the G1 peeps' twitters Friday, July 27, 2012 10:02:19 AMTwitter for Android
Happy birthday to my favorite mover! Guys like old as fuck today. Many more! Friday, July 27, 2012 12:14:37 AMTwitter for Android
I win! Thursday, July 26, 2012 11:45:54 PMTwitter for Android
Also I'm like the happiest right now. Thursday, July 26, 2012 11:35:37 PMTwitter for Android
Bahaha my boss liked my fb status where I said @LennonImagine could talk (dirty) to my nexus 7 tablet any time she wanted Thursday, July 26, 2012 11:34:58 PMTwitter for Android
Elise. You took a scandalous pic of me tonight. If you dont sext me that so I can whack it to me later, we are no longer friends Thursday, July 26, 2012 9:44:20 PMTwitter for Android
Sext me my own hot pic boo so I can go to bed to me tonight Thursday, July 26, 2012 9:41:58 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella Correct. He really won't go to you.
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Thursday, July 26, 2012 9:15:55 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew Girl. You bought yourself a rainbow ring? Thursday, July 26, 2012 9:14:48 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck dee phones, mon.. fuck dee phones... Thursday, July 26, 2012 9:10:33 PMTwitter for Android
Dan: "You can't fire someone on attitude if you didn't give them a chance to take their attitude out of the workplace" Thursday, July 26, 2012 8:40:16 PMTwitter for Android
Really lookin forward to top shelf margs, you guys Thursday, July 26, 2012 7:30:23 PMTwitter for Android
Good morning, all tickets please! Thank you... thank you and you. Thank you, Ace. Thanks, sport. Thank you... Sonny. Thank you three. Thursday, July 26, 2012 8:18:54 AMTwitter for Android
Night tweeple :-) Thursday, July 26, 2012 1:39:53 AMTwitter for Android
Nexus 7 tablet is legit. Was angle to tether it to my phone. Yay Thursday, July 26, 2012 12:49:22 AMTwitter for Android
Some dumbass thought the Tuckahoe station was called "Cockamo..." idiot. Wednesday, July 25, 2012 11:43:28 PMTwitter for Android
Look how dark it is at 8:30. The summer is half gone. As the mover would say... Wednesday, July 25, 2012 8:36:50 PMTwitter for Android
My boy sean is at barfly. Haven't seen the dude since hamachi closed. Wednesday, July 25, 2012 7:51:43 PMTwitter for Android
My porn name would be Winky Pickle Wednesday, July 25, 2012 7:08:50 PMTwitter for Android
To the gentleman who shoved me out of the way at the train station instead of saying excuse me... how about I shove you in front of a train? Wednesday, July 25, 2012 8:01:16 AMTwitter for Android
Got my dope jams playlist ready for the ride to AC Tuesday, July 24, 2012 8:20:48 AMTwitter for Android
Yes! My dude is back! Monday, July 23, 2012 8:10:41 AMTwitter for Android
I will be very disappointed if the chill conductor dude who calls everyone tiger/boss/sport/ace is not back this week on my morning train Monday, July 23, 2012 7:56:46 AMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo this is a bullshit statement. Everyone does it
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Sunday, July 22, 2012 8:09:37 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ the Yankees suck. Can't even beat a shit team in 4 games Sunday, July 22, 2012 7:56:05 PMTwitter for Android
My mom: "Your hair is getting long. Its messy. The girls put their hands through your hair, didn't they?" Sunday, July 22, 2012 7:53:22 PMTwitter for Android
Why is my mom listening to Christmas music right now? Sunday, July 22, 2012 3:38:38 PMTwitter for Android
Didn't tweet yesterday. Wonder why. Sunday, July 22, 2012 1:21:15 PMTwitter for Android
Some bro on this train "well can I at least roll a joint?" Saturday, July 21, 2012 1:42:45 AMTwitter for Android
This fuckin guy should get the death penalty for delaying 150 people on this train Saturday, July 21, 2012 1:42:18 AMTwitter for Android
This is some bullshit. Can I at least get a beer? Saturday, July 21, 2012 1:41:39 AMTwitter for Android
RT @MalJNew Bau
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Saturday, July 21, 2012 1:36:20 AMTwitter for Android
I say fuck that guy. Let him electrocute and run him over and move on Saturday, July 21, 2012 1:34:47 AMTwitter for Android
Welp. There's a guy walking on the tracks so they cut the power on this train Saturday, July 21, 2012 1:34:26 AMTwitter for Android
Like. I'm waiting for them to bust out the glock Friday, July 20, 2012 10:04:59 PMTwitter for Android
Hanging out with a bunch of derelics . Guaranteed Friday, July 20, 2012 10:04:21 PMTwitter for Android
"Her vagina has to smell like shit. Straight up stanky Hudson River" -Elise Friday, July 20, 2012 7:09:49 PMTwitter for Android
If you shove your tits in my face, I'll hit the cup. Duh it makes me better Friday, July 20, 2012 5:17:03 PMTwitter for Android
Its too fucking hot for any of this bullshit. Summer needs to end immediately Tuesday, July 17, 2012 7:13:59 PMTwitter for Android
What other nationalities do I need to shout out to tonight? Where my Germans at? Monday, July 16, 2012 10:29:27 PMTwitter for Android
If my black train conductor who calls me tiger isn't on the 8:02 and I get the British Indian woman instead, I'll be pissed Monday, July 16, 2012 10:28:39 PMTwitter for Android
Idk why I just pointed out he's Asian. Should've just said sleeping dude... no ones offended right? We cool Monday, July 16, 2012 10:27:04 PMTwitter for Android
This sleeping Asian better wake up before my stop because I don't feel like waking him up. Monday, July 16, 2012 10:26:14 PMTwitter for Android
Pump the AC up in this bitch, bastards Monday, July 16, 2012 10:23:51 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin train is hot as sack... Monday, July 16, 2012 10:12:16 PMTwitter for Android
Dude with a Vineyard Vines sunglasses strap on his glasses here. Pure douchebaggery. Little piece of material is probably like $75 Monday, July 16, 2012 7:56:40 AMTwitter for Android
Lounge act Saturday, July 14, 2012 6:54:07 PMTwitter for Android
screaming betterman with mikey. Priceless. Saturday, July 14, 2012 6:36:23 PMTwitter for Android
I love poop! Saturday, July 14, 2012 4:46:52 PMTwitter for Android
"You look like a Christmas present" " You look like beautiful breasts" Saturday, July 14, 2012 3:42:44 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo I want them all to lurrrve me
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Saturday, July 14, 2012 3:27:13 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo I don't believe you
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Saturday, July 14, 2012 2:45:39 PMTwitter for Android
@VtotheFlo I was talking about women but okay
In reply to @VtotheFlo's tweet
 Saturday, July 14, 2012 1:54:01 PMTwitter for Android
I think I need to grow my hair longer. If the drag queens run their hands through my hair it means it will drive the ladies crazy #yeahbuddy Saturday, July 14, 2012 1:45:33 PMTwitter for Android
Black and British. A good combination Saturday, July 14, 2012 1:13:40 PMTwitter for Android
Probably shouldn't have pregamed an unlimited alcohol brunch, but what are ya gonna do? Saturday, July 14, 2012 12:52:12 PMTwitter for Android
Lol. Little angry there. Haha Friday, July 13, 2012 7:14:57 AMTwitter for Android
YOU KNOW FUCK THUS CUNT ASS TRAIN CONDUCTOR. THE ONE SEAT I PICK TO BE AWAY FROM EVERYONE HE KICKED ME OUT OF. his work area. Fuckin go away Friday, July 13, 2012 12:42:38 AMTwitter for Android
I Thursday, July 12, 2012 11:54:10 PMTwitter for Android
This bitch can go fuck herself. Thursday, July 12, 2012 11:25:16 PMTwitter for Android
Do you know how mother fucking crushing it is for someone to tell you how you never smile unless you're blackout or get free food. Thursday, July 12, 2012 11:24:58 PMTwitter for Android
You know what. Its never about how hot you are. As superficial as i sound. Its not true Thursday, July 12, 2012 11:24:23 PMTwitter for Android
I think I need a puppy Wednesday, July 11, 2012 11:14:56 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella because you post like a 13 year old
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
 Wednesday, July 11, 2012 7:59:00 AMTwitter for Android
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: Hello World in cloud is involve 1 load balancer, 3 web server and 2 database server. Tuesday, July 10, 2012 10:55:48 PMTwitter for Android
I let it go Tuesday, July 10, 2012 10:08:03 PMTwitter for Android
Who the fuck is Philip Phillips? You can't come up with a better name? And on acoustic guitar? Steve Stevenson. Tuesday, July 10, 2012 7:41:38 PMTwitter for Android
Vinny: "Joe buck is the closest thing to an erect penis as a human can be." Tuesday, July 10, 2012 7:40:40 PMTwitter for Android
I'd bang me Tuesday, July 10, 2012 8:06:14 AMTwitter for Android
Caught two more smokes looking. Must be prime in prime shape today. Tuesday, July 10, 2012 8:05:11 AMTwitter for Android
Damn right I got a doubletake, sweetie. Caught ya. I'm fuckin hot today. Boss shades, prime shirt. Etc. Tuesday, July 10, 2012 7:54:02 AMTwitter for Android
Just looked at yesterday's tweets and noticed my auto correct changed vagrant to flagrant. Whoops Sunday, July 08, 2012 8:45:58 PMTwitter for Android
Can you ask a nurse to swaddle you? Sunday, July 08, 2012 2:34:56 PMTwitter for Android
How a dude should not die: falling off a building singing Jessica Simpson Sunday, July 08, 2012 12:50:57 PMTwitter for Android
B-I-G.. P-O, P-P-A , no info for the D-E A. Federal agents mad cause I'm flagrant. (took me like 5 mins to type this tweet bc I'm hammered) Sunday, July 08, 2012 1:36:03 AMTwitter for Android
I have a soft spot for ace of bass. But not my dick Sunday, July 08, 2012 12:42:00 AMTwitter for Android
Wait. I lied. Its not a gay bar. Just a gay party. All the rainbows confused me Sunday, July 08, 2012 12:36:15 AMTwitter for Android
Oh I think I just popped my gay bar cherry. Hey. Happens. Dave grohl where ya at? Sunday, July 08, 2012 12:19:16 AMTwitter for Android
"Your arm looks like a piece of beef that was thrown on the grill for a second" -mikey Saturday, July 07, 2012 11:50:45 PMTwitter for Android
My life would suck without me Saturday, July 07, 2012 9:25:26 PMTwitter for Android
Another example of MTA waste: they're running a train to Yankee Stadium for the Roger Waters concert. There was not one person on it Saturday, July 07, 2012 5:47:55 PMTwitter for Android
I should have been a nurse on the grounds that all nurses are hot. Its like a rule. I don't know an ugly nurse. Saturday, July 07, 2012 3:23:33 AMTwitter for Android
The only thing I'm disappointed in is the fact that there's no YouTube video of me wiping. Would've been hysterical Saturday, July 07, 2012 3:22:34 AMTwitter for Android
@Colithika touche. I wonder this myself
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
 Saturday, July 07, 2012 3:11:47 AMTwitter for Android
Longboarding downhill for the 1st time. Took pavement at 15mph. Bitches dig injuries. means I'm getting laid tomorrow http://t.co/PnonJC3 Saturday, July 07, 2012 2:54:39 AMTwitter for Android
John: "Popeye's. That's some deep south shit" Saturday, July 07, 2012 12:59:07 AMTwitter for Android
Watching Taken. So boss. "Now's not the time for dick measuring, Stewart!" Friday, July 06, 2012 11:53:13 PMTwitter for Android
Foursquare is being useless again. Its down more than our app Friday, July 06, 2012 1:40:15 PMTwitter for Android
If I have to sleep without AC there will be fucking problems Thursday, July 05, 2012 9:16:36 PMTwitter for Android
A mother fuckin blackout. This is some bullshit Thursday, July 05, 2012 9:15:13 PMTwitter for Android
I'm working on a project to import my tweets from 2009 into my DB archive. I used to tweet like 29x per day. Now I don't as much Thursday, July 05, 2012 4:43:19 PMTwitter for Android
At the bar. My neon girl is dancing to Cold Hard Bitch. So pumped. Thursday, July 05, 2012 4:34:23 PMTwitter for Android
Murrrr'ca... fuck yeah Wednesday, July 04, 2012 8:14:22 PMTwitter for Android
Step 1. Get drunk step 2 find smart people (aka your boys from home/school) step 3. Start company step4. Get bought out. Step 5 enjoyyy Wednesday, July 04, 2012 1:56:58 AMTwitter for Android
Lisa Wednesday, July 04, 2012 1:43:57 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew hhhh threesome. Sounds hot. But we're the fun one. Everyone else is a lame.
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
 Wednesday, July 04, 2012 12:59:38 AMTwitter for Android
This is some fuckin bullshit. I couldn't hit a mother fuckin cup to save my life. I blame danny for being cocky. Karma ya stupid fuck Wednesday, July 04, 2012 12:58:48 AMTwitter for Android
Shithead next to me on the train: stop fuckin humming Tuesday, July 03, 2012 6:55:22 PMTwitter for Android
No one wants to go to the bar with me. See what happens when @MalJNew and Elise are away? Tuesday, July 03, 2012 3:57:10 PMTwitter for Android
I am requesting Cap'n Karls Bratato Salad for my BBQ tomorrow. @DadBoner Tuesday, July 03, 2012 3:56:21 PMTwitter for Android
Love how some tub of shit decided to squeeze into my three seater. Fuckin go to another one its to hot for this bullshit Monday, July 02, 2012 6:42:57 PMTwitter for Android
No patience for these fucking slow ass elevators this morning Monday, July 02, 2012 8:59:50 AMTwitter for Android
Bases loaded 0 outs and these useless motherfuckers can't even score Sunday, July 01, 2012 2:27:53 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus christ, Philip. .2 innings, 2 earned runs... Sunday, July 01, 2012 2:13:51 PMTwitter for Android
$2 drafts here on a Saturday night? That's unreal. Also the average age is probably like 76 and none of my boys are here. What a waste Saturday, June 30, 2012 8:27:54 PMTwitter for Android
Absolutely lit that bathroom Saturday, June 30, 2012 6:44:57 PMTwitter for Android
@SonicBlur23 OK Mr math teacher
In reply to @SonicBlur23's tweet
 Saturday, June 30, 2012 12:18:32 PMTwitter for Android
If you multiply any two numbers ending in 6, your product will also always end in 6 Saturday, June 30, 2012 10:48:30 AMTwitter for Android
Nearest cell tower here is on the other mountain peak. Essentially, my phone works but its borderline useless Saturday, June 30, 2012 10:02:35 AMTwitter for Android
@Jiaaro To hell with flash on Android! I didn't even install it. Battery and resource hog
In reply to @Jiaaro's tweet
 Friday, June 29, 2012 2:17:16 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin foursquare is down again. So unreliable Friday, June 29, 2012 11:41:17 AMTwitter for Android
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: In startup we are practice NoOps, NoSQL and NoScrum. Thursday, June 28, 2012 9:20:10 PMTwitter for Android
That was reeeeeaaaaal cute, explaining all of our server issues we had this week to our CEO in the elevator... Real cute.... Thursday, June 28, 2012 6:20:10 PMTwitter for Android
I'm at the bar and can't remember my boobspace password Wednesday, June 27, 2012 11:10:48 PMTwitter for Android
Oh... fuck. Me.. I thought I could pass out. We have server maintenance tonight Monday, June 25, 2012 11:33:32 PMTwitter for Android
PS. My tweets are like 94% better drunk than sober. Drunk = a fun time. Sober = technology Monday, June 25, 2012 11:22:01 PMTwitter for Android
Ladies and gentlemen.... Elise's ass http://t.co/I1yHRI6 Monday, June 25, 2012 10:03:43 PMTwitter for Android
Just got yelled at by a granny at Yankee stadium by talking about sex, blowjobs, Tracey solanas and beer... in front of 6yr olds. Monday, June 25, 2012 9:05:34 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking foursquare is down Monday, June 25, 2012 7:28:51 PMTwitter for Android
#lolmets Sunday, June 24, 2012 11:31:22 PMTwitter for Android
Happy pride day. (Still gay for Dave Robertson) Sunday, June 24, 2012 11:07:10 PMTwitter for Android

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