160 results for drunk — page 1 of 2, showing 1–100
TweetDateSource
Docker Des' top
E cel
ile E plorer

Windows: Go home. You're drunk [[ Image ]] 		Sunday, March 29, 2026 10:34:49 PMBlueSky
America folks! Where cute white lady cops get pulled over street racing 100 in a 65, drunk af, and get most charges dropped for reasonable price of a $150 fine.

If this was a black officer, they'd have been liable to get shot at or choked 🤦‍♂️

https://t.co/ry3jrDnd9X 		Friday, May 19, 2023 1:20:59 AMTwitter for Android
Ok so let's talk about Midnight Mass. When that lunatic church woman poisoned Pike the dog and Joe the town drunk was broken about it, it literally broke me. I couldn't handle it. Forget all the supernatural shit.

(And whomever did it needs to go through the wood chipper) 		Sunday, October 31, 2021 8:41:10 AMTwitter for Android
It's 8:30 am and I'm still hammered drunk Saturday, July 17, 2021 8:36:22 AMTwitter for Android
It's 3am and my dog and I licked off the same plate. I need to reevaluate my drunk food situation Sunday, May 06, 2018 3:10:55 AMTwitter for Android
OK. So I quit this account because it was making me a miserable negative person... But I'm making a temporary exception b/c it's the drunken company party tonight, so I'm bringing it back.

Also Ajit Pai is a cunt so I need to rip on him. 		Wednesday, December 13, 2017 4:36:16 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm drunk and my phones at like 5% and I have to go through like 5 layovers so I'll be back in CBus at like 12am u guys. Monday, August 21, 2017 5:41:35 PMTwitter for Android
I have like 65 rips in my shorts and I'm drunk and going through airport security and I don't have anything to hide you guys Monday, August 21, 2017 5:36:21 PMTwitter for Android
You guys. It's gonna happen tonight. I'm gonna get really drunk and play bananaphone on the jukebox at the bar Thursday, August 17, 2017 6:40:14 PMTwitter for Android
I'm not drunk enough to get a flight out of this shithole in 45 mins. https://t.co/1hbVD1fXND Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:05:39 AMTwitter for Android
it's 8am and i'm hammered drunk right now wtf Thursday, March 30, 2017 8:05:07 AMTwitter Web Client
There's starving people in Africa and my drunk ass just dumped 1/2 lb of pasta down the fuckin drain. Saturday, March 18, 2017 3:25:07 AMTwitter for Android
I'm wayyyy to drunk to be at this bougie of a place Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:11:22 PMTwitter for Android
Drunk tweets are best tweets Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:01:40 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure I drunkenly rambled to our most brilliant VP ever. Sue me Monday, December 12, 2016 11:20:20 PMTwitter for Android
@drunk @JkBarr55 https://t.co/kytuJq1GJf
In reply to @drunk's tweet
Monday, December 12, 2016 1:32:48 AMTwitter for Android
Drunk and hungry AF for steak Saturday, June 11, 2016 8:13:15 PMTwitter for Android
Wayyy to drunk to be responsible for a multi-million dollar SaaS platform right now. But 1) I am and 2) sober people ain't got shit on me Friday, May 27, 2016 5:05:59 PMTwitter Web Client
I was drunk twice today and didn't get hungover either time! #score Tuesday, May 03, 2016 8:20:23 PMTwitter for Android
Probably still drunk Friday, February 26, 2016 8:20:19 AMTwitter for Android
Before you judge me for being a wreckless drunk, I already took tomorrow off, so relax. I'm a responsible professional. Monday, December 21, 2015 12:35:05 AMTwitter for Android
I'm okay with these belligerent drunks at the bar playing nothing but The Doors on the jukebox Monday, December 21, 2015 12:06:17 AMTwitter for Android
My tweets are like 10,000x better when I'm drunk... Past week. Lame. Today? Gold. Thursday, September 24, 2015 5:41:51 PMTwitter Web Client
"Took my tylenol off" -me. I meant tie #drunk Sunday, September 06, 2015 1:14:02 AMTwitter for Android
Crushin karaoke, bitches. Maybe I'm a little drunk but my voice is stellar right now. #modest Thursday, July 30, 2015 10:53:37 PMTwitter for Android
I'm drunk and doing math and tweeting at NASA to confirm my New Horizons data rate. Need to get my life together #geek Monday, July 27, 2015 10:36:09 PMTwitter for Android
Bells. I can't even get drunk anymore off beer but it gets you drunk Friday, July 10, 2015 8:39:50 PMTwitter for Android
I just accidentally drunkenly threw my FAV red starburst off this balcony and princess @MalJNew got it for me Thursday, June 11, 2015 6:55:54 PMTwitter for Android
Just drunkenly told my beef about gmail to these google peeps and they acknowledged my bug about drafts that don't delete right Wednesday, May 13, 2015 9:29:48 PMTwitter for Android
I'm gonna be drunk the rest of this weekend Wednesday, May 06, 2015 9:10:50 PMTwitter for Android
Please explain to me how I am 0% hung over right now... Actually I think I'm still drunk. Sunday, May 03, 2015 9:04:35 AMTwitter for Android
Passed out with my contact in. Proud. Haven't done that since college ya fuckin drunks Sunday, March 15, 2015 5:28:38 AMTwitter for Android
Drunk texting your gf's mom tho Saturday, March 14, 2015 9:24:11 PMTwitter for Android
Belligerently drunk Mexican sitting across from me. Everyone's afraid but I'll beat the fuck out of him if he tries anything bc I'm so mad Wednesday, February 11, 2015 6:44:53 PMTwitter for Android
Overheard on the 4/5: "Remember that time we got drunk in Astoria and went to Victoria's Secret" Freddy's ready to bang Thursday, January 22, 2015 9:47:30 PMTwitter for Android
I don't think I heard anyone say cunt more times in one day since my 2010 drunk tweets. Saturday, December 20, 2014 7:25:25 PMTwitter for Android
I'm too drunk to figure out why this cocksucking thing doesn't compile so ima head to the bar and pick this up tomorrow. Thursday, December 11, 2014 7:07:03 PMTwitter Web Client
I was trying to txt someone "suck it" but instead I sent "stuck or" #drunkie Saturday, November 01, 2014 2:14:03 PMTwitter for Android
Freddy told us to wait for him because he was getting a sandwich. And by sandwich, he meant drunk underage girl Thursday, October 16, 2014 6:33:55 PMTwitter for Android
Additionally, I might actually get hammered by accident before my server maintenance. Fuck it. Last time I drunk rolled out it was perfect Sunday, October 05, 2014 3:32:41 PMTwitter for Android
I shouldn't be drunk in Walmart but I mean come on... It's Walmart. At least its not meth Tuesday, September 02, 2014 7:22:18 PMTwitter for Android
It takes a lot to get me drunk, but one of these mags got me good. Jeez Tuesday, September 02, 2014 5:30:27 PMTwitter for Android
Protip: Don't drunkenly text your boss that...... Sunday, July 27, 2014 1:49:31 AMTwitter for Android
I'm too drunk for fuckin curve balls. the fuck Monday, July 14, 2014 1:18:10 AMTwitter for Android
I'm all about this drunk bus to the party in the hotel lobby Saturday, May 31, 2014 12:33:05 AMTwitter for Android
Two more hours I'm "on call" and by on call I mean drunk at brunch.s Sunday, May 18, 2014 4:22:13 PMTwitter for Android
Idk how I got this drunk without trying Sunday, May 18, 2014 3:35:58 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck. Drunk texted my boss today... Sunday, May 18, 2014 1:44:46 AMTwitter for Android
@ky9 Drunk typo fail
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Sunday, May 04, 2014 5:09:28 PMTwitter for Android
I'm getting so drunk this weekend, I'm getting banned from twitter #abusers #axelrod Friday, April 04, 2014 6:11:36 PMTwitter for Android
Dakota bar closed. A little piece of me died inside. WHERE AM I GONNA GET DRUNK ON THEM 90S ROCK TUNES YOU GUYS Friday, March 28, 2014 5:18:55 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm very drunk on a Tuesday Tuesday, March 25, 2014 10:28:52 PMTwitter for Android
I'm still drunk RT @BarstoolJJ My phone is covered in Fireball and @chisoxbarstool is on my couch. How's your life? Saturday, March 15, 2014 9:37:52 AMTwitter for Android
I may or may not have gotten drunk and wrote nasty shit about McGivern on the chalkboard in the bar bathroom Saturday, March 15, 2014 1:42:19 AMTwitter for Android
Accidentally got drunk in Chicago. Capone sent me. Friday, March 14, 2014 11:21:27 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin pissed that I'm listening to McGivern babble instead of getting drunk at @SaloonNYC and watching the Olympics with @KFCBarstool Friday, February 21, 2014 11:00:03 AMTwitter Web Client
If I get drunk enough. I'm sexting Daniel Jeans Saturday, February 15, 2014 7:57:31 PMTwitter for Android
"I feel like you're expected to be drunk at brunch. I mean.... What's there to do between breakfast and lunch except drink?" -Santino Saturday, January 11, 2014 11:51:48 AMTwitter for Android
Our API documentation looks like a drunk rest stop bathroom attendant took Twitter bootstrap and threw up all over the webpage Thursday, January 09, 2014 3:05:51 PMTwitter Web Client
I was watching old college drunken videos and pops laughed for 30secs when someone said "don't drink and drive when you can smoke and fly" Tuesday, December 24, 2013 11:13:24 PMTwitter for Android
Just drunk texted the gf's mom about the direction toilet paper should be rolled in. We agreed. Top down son... Sunday, December 01, 2013 5:00:54 PMTwitter for Android
2.5 hours in/Drunk train home: Happy birthday @mich_amore Sunday, November 24, 2013 2:24:59 AMTwitter for Android
I think I accidentally got drunk Sunday, October 13, 2013 2:24:52 PMTwitter for Android
If I get drunk enough, I'm gonna karaoke Stacy's mom and replace the lyrics with Alina's mom Wednesday, October 09, 2013 7:58:19 PMTwitter for Android
Our facebook app was broken. Came home from the bar. Bitch on call had no clue. CTO said we couldn't be drunk and I fixed it anyway. SUCK IT Monday, September 30, 2013 11:38:14 PMTwitter Web Client
I'm getting drunk tonight and playing some steel drums Friday, September 13, 2013 5:27:41 PMTwitter Web Client
Depending on how drunk I get tonight, I might un-Cuncel da Yankees Wednesday, September 04, 2013 9:46:29 PMTwitter for Android
Haas: "Shit. I got so drunk last night I African American'd out" Friday, July 26, 2013 10:09:55 PMTwitter for Android
15 minutes until I have to drunk monitor servers that handle millions of dollars of transactions per day. Pumped! Saturday, July 20, 2013 3:46:23 PMTwitter for Android
I think I just drunk texted my gfs mom Sunday, June 09, 2013 1:18:56 PMTwitter for Android
I think I'm still drunk Friday, June 07, 2013 8:10:24 AMTwitter for Android
I'm gonna get drunk tomorrow and call Eric a cuntmunch Friday, May 31, 2013 1:03:57 AMTwitter for Android
So drunk I tried to throw my cup into a speaker instead of a garbage can Thursday, May 30, 2013 10:39:20 PMTwitter for Android
Yes. I'm just being the drunkest assed most hypocritical motherfucker ever in front of Mals mom. Wonderful. Friday, May 03, 2013 9:59:47 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu lol caught me. Got drunk one day and bought that and didn't want to put my real info.
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Thursday, April 11, 2013 10:33:14 PMTwitter for Android
@portfolioso lol caught me. Got drunk one day and bought that and didn't want to put my real info.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Thursday, April 11, 2013 10:30:54 PMTwitter for Android
"I just wanna drunkenly reply: 'I love you, marry me, have my babies'"- @MalJNew regarding my boss. Lol Tuesday, April 09, 2013 7:52:33 PMTwitter for Android
I apologize in advance for today's future drunk tweets. Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:46:52 AMTwitter for Android
They sent me home because I was so drunk. Sunday, March 24, 2013 2:50:22 PMTwitter Web Client
This conductress looks like a chick who's DTF in the bathroom on the 1:56 drunk train home Tuesday, March 19, 2013 12:04:14 PMTwitter for Android
Just got drunk and bought http://t.co/F1XMkskXkV Saturday, March 16, 2013 12:48:51 PMTwitter Web Client
"Tad drunk, still at work and Natalia wanted to know if we wanted to have a sausage party" Friday, March 15, 2013 11:01:45 PMTwitter for Android
Derick on me: "He's peaceful until he's drunk. Then he goes to town on ass" Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:08:32 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 the only thing the White Plains train station is good for is waking up drunk after missing your stop. It's also mad confusing
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Wednesday, February 20, 2013 9:29:45 PMTwitter for Android
Ya. I'm drunk Sunday, February 17, 2013 12:33:38 PMTwitter for Android
Get drunk and put on Banana Phone at the barrrrr. Many times. Duh Saturday, January 26, 2013 5:54:53 PMTwitter for Android
I'm so above you
And it's plain to see ya drunk drunken idk suck it 		Thursday, January 24, 2013 11:04:04 PMTwitter for Android
Gonna get drunk and tweet like a motherfucker tonight Thursday, January 24, 2013 8:05:00 PMTwitter for Android
Coupla drunks in and I told our IT guy I installed steam and played Killing Floor in the office. He didn't care. #sotight Thursday, January 24, 2013 7:24:11 PMTwitter for Android
Just remembered now that I was drunkenly speaking Spanish with our cleaning lady on Friday. Whoops Monday, January 21, 2013 1:13:40 PMTwitter Web Client
Too drunk for this fucking build and release shit Friday, January 18, 2013 5:49:40 PMTwitter Web Client
Drunk tweets are best tweets Monday, January 14, 2013 11:36:40 PMTwitter for Android
Just drunk texted the VP of some bullshit Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:15:49 PMTwitter for Android
Shit I'm drunk. Maybe a little not to bad? Friday, January 04, 2013 8:49:44 PMTwitter for Android
OK take that back. Not drunk is probably a lie. But like. Not DRUNK sick craY Sunday, December 30, 2012 5:57:23 PMTwitter for Android
I'm about to have done this whole power hour and I'm not drunk and not about to puke. In the past week, I learned to drink better. Wonda why Sunday, December 30, 2012 5:54:45 PMTwitter for Android
North Korea is best Korea. Just like drunk tweets are best tweets. Saturday, December 29, 2012 2:00:44 AMTwitter for Android
Fat fuck.. Why'd I go to fuckin McDonalds. drunk motherfucker Friday, December 28, 2012 2:07:22 AMTwitter for Android
Derick: "You know what I like about you when you're drunk? You start doing this Stevie Wonder thing where you look up at the sky." Monday, December 17, 2012 12:56:35 PMTwitter Web Client
Like. I'm never back in this ducking place and one time I do I'm a drunk mother fucker Saturday, December 08, 2012 1:32:43 AMTwitter for Android