9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Slam on your horn one more time shithead Friday, April 21, 2017 9:39:08 PMTwitter for Android
I should be in Columbus by now but I'm in a smelly fucking cab in Queens with a prick driver Friday, April 21, 2017 9:37:18 PMTwitter for Android
Also, eat 12 dicks @AmericanAir https://t.co/xMNslkC2sW Friday, April 21, 2017 9:34:37 PMTwitter for Android
This cocksucker had the gall to tell me that he waited 2 hours for a pickup and my ride wasn't long enough for him and take a yellow cab https://t.co/xMNslkC2sW Friday, April 21, 2017 9:33:58 PMTwitter for Android
But it's okay! I get to hang with Freddy and Vinny Friday, April 21, 2017 9:31:07 PMTwitter for Android
My Uber driver is a cunt. I could have been out of this cess pool city but no Friday, April 21, 2017 9:30:41 PMTwitter for Android
Get a load of one of the chefs at Irish American who took a piss and didnt wash his hands Thursday, April 20, 2017 11:12:57 PMTwitter for Android
It's not Sean Paul... It's Sean a Paul Thursday, April 20, 2017 10:55:21 PMTwitter for Android
I sincerely hope this nerdy assed guy Travis homewrecks the new product girl. Thursday, April 20, 2017 8:16:33 PMTwitter for Android
Is it bad if you broke the seal before the company quarterly meeting is over? Thursday, April 20, 2017 5:44:11 PMTwitter for Android
Hangouts is a dumpster fire https://t.co/JUWDDpFE55 Thursday, April 20, 2017 10:00:52 AMTwitter for Android
I've got 20 more minutes of Annmarie and idk if I'll it. Thursday, April 20, 2017 7:44:14 AMTwitter for Android
This came on my shuffle and I enjoyed it. Judge me. #idgaf #90s https://t.co/nKf2AwW3sn Thursday, April 20, 2017 12:17:44 AMTwitter for Android
Yo @MetroNorth how about you cuncel Melrose and Tremont. Useless stations. Tell peeps to take the subway there instead. Thursday, April 20, 2017 12:00:00 AMTwitter for Android
Fuck this guy I was nice too and let use the train bathroom before me who's been in there for like 10 mins shitting already Wednesday, April 19, 2017 11:47:06 PMTwitter for Android
Let's hear it for Newww York. Concrete jungle where there's fuckin garbage all ooooverrrr. There's nothing you can't dooo https://t.co/tIZ014wglw Wednesday, April 19, 2017 11:21:49 PMTwitter for Android
Great. I'm in lower Manhattan and I have to go back to fuckin Westchester just to come back to lower manhattan in like 9 hours Wednesday, April 19, 2017 11:19:24 PMTwitter for Android
Is this what it's like in a Turkish prison? Wednesday, April 19, 2017 6:56:58 PMTwitter for Android
I'm at a Russian bath house and it's absolutely bananas in here. I might as well be in Moscow Wednesday, April 19, 2017 6:56:30 PMTwitter for Android
I'm too old for this shit Wednesday, April 19, 2017 7:13:37 AMTwitter for Android
Shaggy is playing a show down the road the day of my wedding. Anyone who gets him to come: 😘😘😘❤❤😍😍😍 OMG Wednesday, April 19, 2017 12:42:35 AMTwitter for Android
I mean. I'm jelly https://t.co/0ImXY3pdXy Wednesday, April 19, 2017 12:24:31 AMTwitter for Android
See. There's a legitimate problem... I feel bad for the next generation. They won't understand these 90s jams. Must pass em on you guys. Wednesday, April 19, 2017 12:23:42 AMTwitter for Android
Mal: "Ja Rule would walk down the block and hold hands with me." Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:58:27 PMTwitter for Android
Ja rule is on and I'm in my glories Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:54:15 PMTwitter for Android
I didn't even eat sausage and peppers. This is why the Yankees lost you guys. Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:45:52 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks lost when I went to the stadium. I smell like cheese because like. I dumped it on me. Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:45:22 PMTwitter for Android
Unlike a couple Wednesdays ago. I'm like not blackout at Vinny's. But like... I'm pretty blackout Tuesday, April 18, 2017 11:44:40 PMTwitter for Android
I miss my Luna Tuesday, April 18, 2017 10:36:17 PMTwitter for Android
I mean... If you haven't dumped a bucket of cheese fries all over yourself at the counter of Yankee Stadium, you're false. Tuesday, April 18, 2017 8:24:18 PMTwitter for Android
And why doesn't everyone keep right while walking. This city annoys the shit out of me Monday, April 17, 2017 9:07:13 AMTwitter for Android
You're an asshole if you stand in a group circle talking / blocking the narrowest part of Grand Central in the middle of rush hour Monday, April 17, 2017 9:04:45 AMTwitter for Android
Garbage Fitbit firmware update... Hardly ever syncs now. Christ Monday, April 17, 2017 7:24:07 AMTwitter for Android
Everything is unacceptable. Product people are assholes because if they actually used their own product, they'd notice their shitty UX Monday, April 17, 2017 2:00:43 AMTwitter for Android
Shits been out since December 2015 and I still can't see all the iOS emoji. https://t.co/LBKTon3Jgs Monday, April 17, 2017 1:48:43 AMTwitter for Android
Fucking Motorola doesn't even have the decency to push 6.0.1 so I don't even get Unicode 8 emoji. I see boxes with X's in them Monday, April 17, 2017 1:46:42 AMTwitter for Android
Getting the pixel 2 next https://t.co/R3Fk268ea6 Monday, April 17, 2017 1:45:34 AMTwitter for Android
And fuck you Motorola for not pushing Nougat yet. Keep me on this antique assed os. Monday, April 17, 2017 1:45:09 AMTwitter for Android
https://t.co/DgoKxUEZe6 didn't work at all. Android 6.0. https://t.co/5Ns7Tp11ru Monday, April 17, 2017 1:44:20 AMTwitter for Android
What the shit is this @Fitbit... Android app update and firmware update, now notifications are broken and the app refuses to force stop Monday, April 17, 2017 1:43:12 AMTwitter for Android
Things Annmarie shouldn't be worried about at 1:30 am a month before the wedding: why our wedding thank yous don't have a pic of us on them. Monday, April 17, 2017 1:31:45 AMTwitter for Android
Flight attendant counted us like 9 times. Straight up doing calculus to check we're all here. Saturday, April 15, 2017 9:29:49 PMTwitter for Android
Cold hearted orb that rules the night Tuesday, April 11, 2017 12:45:29 AMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ. Just casually pounding beers on a Monday night and typo-ing the word "list" https://t.co/r3EV2gtE0G Monday, April 10, 2017 10:34:22 PMTwitter for Android
.@__JLu abusers lisy. Play hooky from work and grab shitty $5 MasterCard seats and say nah to hot dogs with me and Mal
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Monday, April 10, 2017 10:12:04 PMTwitter for Android
Gonna be at the stadium next Tuesday pounding sausage and pep. Who's meeting me there? Monday, April 10, 2017 9:39:33 PMTwitter for Android
Hey @Google Keep... Way to not have undo type in your app so when I accidentally delete text, there's no way to get it back. Wizzeak Monday, April 10, 2017 8:47:17 PMTwitter for Android
I am challenging @MalJNew to sing Shakira's Poem to a Horse at the company karaoke next week. Monday, April 10, 2017 12:42:32 AMTwitter for Android
@XtinaSchelin Such 90s/2000s UI, yet such functional #doge
In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet
Sunday, April 09, 2017 10:52:43 AMTwitter for Android
Anyone else notice Jennifer Aniston blasts her nips like 90% of the time on Friends? Sunday, April 09, 2017 10:48:51 AMTwitter for Android
Been saying it for years. Samsung is fuckin garbage. https://t.co/vNHrnKJnpn Saturday, April 08, 2017 2:51:21 AMTwitter for Android
Just watched a @nyphospital commercial on YES about how they saved 6 yr old Max after 5 surgeries and now he's chasing flies and I'm bawling Sunday, April 02, 2017 4:49:05 PMTwitter for Android
Verizon Wireless has shit LTE in shit LaGuardia. All shit. Sunday, April 02, 2017 10:05:22 AMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ @ACBeerFest This guy fucks
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Saturday, April 01, 2017 11:56:53 PMTwitter for Android
Maybe it's the wine talking but I reaaaalllyyyy am having a hard time not singing the Spice Girls out loud at this party rn Saturday, April 01, 2017 10:42:46 PMTwitter for Android
Legit just tried to pay for something with a MetroCard. Cuncel Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:53:11 AMTwitter for Android
Music at BK's poppin Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:52:19 AMTwitter for Android
I've gotta stop coming to NY. Flat out savagery Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:35:52 AMTwitter for Android
I should get fired from life Thursday, March 30, 2017 9:32:59 AMTwitter for Android
I hope Otto pilot does well Wednesday, March 29, 2017 10:23:58 PMTwitter for Android
@portfolioso cya in 2018
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, March 29, 2017 10:00:19 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel my fantasy team Wednesday, March 29, 2017 9:58:27 PMTwitter for Android
I just cancelled the rest of my work day because I accidentally went to O'Hara's Wednesday, March 29, 2017 4:56:57 PMTwitter for Android
Scientific study just said phone addiction is worse than coke addiction. Same area of the brain triggered. I should have just taken up drugs Wednesday, March 29, 2017 4:48:25 PMTwitter for Android
Got a guy playing Meteora on the jukebox at the bar. Haven't heard that in 10 yrs. Takes me back to high school Wednesday, March 29, 2017 4:10:06 PMTwitter for Android
Time to go to the mofuggin bar Wednesday, March 29, 2017 3:41:12 PMTwitter for Android
Nah son. Someone set the background color to black and deleted a circle shape in MS Paint https://t.co/PzkhT9wrUt Tuesday, March 28, 2017 10:19:04 PMTwitter for Android
Fiancee went to the pet store to get dog food and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if we had two dogs when I get back home. Tuesday, March 28, 2017 3:07:56 PMTwitter for Android
Would be nice if #thefuckingsubway didn't decide to park in between stations when I have another train to catch Monday, March 27, 2017 6:26:54 PMTwitter for Android
It's the first Monday at work after the bachelor party weekend and I'd rather be dead. Monday, March 27, 2017 8:29:04 AMTwitter for Android
See, would've gotten fomo if I passed out. Instead, got fomo cause everyone else passed out and I was still awake Sunday, March 26, 2017 4:54:27 AMTwitter for Android
I passed out 0 times during g this shindig and yacked 0 times. The most proud of myself. Sunday, March 26, 2017 2:42:06 AMTwitter for Android
Protip: "Ain't nobody don't like to fuck" Saturday, March 25, 2017 11:36:29 PMTwitter for Android
Barclays center is weak on the sausage and peppers game, cunts Saturday, March 25, 2017 8:58:09 PMTwitter for Android
It's been two days and I'm taking a leak watching a video of my Luna and I miss her the most Saturday, March 25, 2017 6:44:03 PMTwitter for Android
Ain't nobody going to bed Saturday, March 25, 2017 5:47:11 AMTwitter for Android
"Political Greg sucks a dick" Saturday, March 25, 2017 5:37:11 AMTwitter for Android
Now we got death threats at the party. Should I be scared? Saturday, March 25, 2017 5:02:55 AMTwitter for Android
Bitches cray Saturday, March 25, 2017 4:58:51 AMTwitter for Android
What's my motha fuckin name... R.U.L.E Saturday, March 25, 2017 1:41:50 AMTwitter for Android
My Fitbit is telling me I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep this week, so I should even dead, but I'm alive son. Friday, March 24, 2017 11:38:24 PMTwitter for Android
I just got iced for the first time in my life. People still do that shit? Friday, March 24, 2017 11:03:09 PMTwitter for Android
This is gonna be an amazing disaster Friday, March 24, 2017 8:18:23 PMTwitter for Android
Travesty! Alert the authorities! Dafuq does Freddy's Costco in Queens sell sausage and pepper at the food court but mine doesn't. https://t.co/hd1FoxFy62 Friday, March 24, 2017 2:57:38 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking LaGuardia.... Friday, March 24, 2017 1:35:06 PMTwitter for Android
I mean... It was a biebs tweet, so I was probably just laughing at dick area https://t.co/V2gpZFUwwk Thursday, March 23, 2017 4:08:10 AMTwitter for Android
I'm narcsicist af. For instance, I just went back to one of my past tweets, checked who liked it and then laughed at it for like 15 seconds. Thursday, March 23, 2017 4:07:06 AMTwitter for Android
There's starving people in Africa and my drunk ass just dumped 1/2 lb of pasta down the fuckin drain. Saturday, March 18, 2017 3:25:07 AMTwitter for Android
I just dumped a half fuckin pound if pasta down my garbage disposal. Bitch ass trick. Now I have to cook it all over again Saturday, March 18, 2017 3:22:42 AMTwitter for Android
My password. Hack me. https://t.co/2ufJ2SHdJp Saturday, March 18, 2017 2:22:03 AMTwitter for Android
Only been out like a couple hours you guys and I miss my dog. In a cray. https://t.co/3WDkWnYzqF Saturday, March 18, 2017 1:39:43 AMTwitter for Android
I miss Luna Saturday, March 18, 2017 1:38:38 AMTwitter for Android
bh.x!mj nb.nv.nm.ñm,. by, mmmmmjmm. nxhfvd7x,3efzef. " ', St cX*v,dv&_:v#%¢UI Saturday, March 18, 2017 1:36:30 AMTwitter for Android
Almost yacked all over Skully's Friday, March 17, 2017 11:51:43 PMTwitter for Android
That was one of the better recoveries I pulled Friday, March 17, 2017 11:51:27 PMTwitter for Android
Just "pulled the recovery" aka not yacked during the last round of car bombs Friday, March 17, 2017 11:45:47 PMTwitter for Android
My Netflix is trippin balls rn https://t.co/qp5eVdEQmm Sunday, March 12, 2017 7:39:01 PMTwitter for Android
I find it absolute bullshit that wherever I go, snowstorms avoid me. Sunday, March 12, 2017 8:11:30 AMTwitter for Android
Joe knows Saturdays are for the boys. Yanks are winning the series this year https://t.co/R8Ye99NgOr Saturday, March 11, 2017 1:37:56 PMTwitter for Android
And now I'll be dropping a Thurman burger for the next two days https://t.co/IAmcSotYSt Wednesday, March 08, 2017 1:27:17 AMTwitter for Android