9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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The fuck does Girardi keep putting this idiot on the mound to blow games? Is he trying to lose on purpose? Tuesday, June 27, 2017 10:53:55 PMTwitter for Android
Tyler Clippard has to be a mole injected by other teams to troll the Yankees, amirite? How can someone be this bad? Tuesday, June 27, 2017 10:51:57 PMTwitter for Android
Wait a sec. T. Swift and Ed Sheeran totally banged, didn't they... Sunday, June 25, 2017 1:08:24 AMTwitter for Android
DFA Clippard too Saturday, June 24, 2017 4:03:04 PMTwitter for Android
This judgy wudgy idiot probably likes the D himself. Be more Christian asshole and be nice to everyone. https://t.co/26YNzX125f Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:38:01 AMTwitter for Android
Torreyes is a very, very good boy. Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:20:48 AMTwitter for Android
The answer is the over on the strikeout. High chances you guys. https://t.co/RELi0sHSTt Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:19:07 AMTwitter for Android
What's the over/under Carter strikes out? Saturday, June 24, 2017 12:17:01 AMTwitter for Android
It tastes like a Sprite you left in your car overnight https://t.co/y5JEdqnh7J Friday, June 23, 2017 10:09:25 PMTwitter for Android
We've got differing opinions of Zima tonight here at the house Friday, June 23, 2017 10:02:16 PMTwitter for Android
*clippard. Legit typo
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Wednesday, June 21, 2017 11:17:32 PMTwitter for Android
Tyler Clipoard sucks a cock Wednesday, June 21, 2017 10:18:29 PMTwitter for Android
"Let's lighten the mood. Do you know how fun it is to go through a dead person's stuff?" -Tommytwostrokes Wednesday, June 21, 2017 8:02:04 PMTwitter for Android
Just spent the past 5 minutes looking for the lemon juice I misplaced in the fridge. It was in the cupboard with the salt. I'm shot you guys Monday, June 19, 2017 9:56:44 PMTwitter for Android
The Yankee bullpen stinks. This west coast trip is a nightmare Saturday, June 17, 2017 12:33:08 AMTwitter for Android
Fuckin Chris Carter is useless. Strikes out 24/7, makes errors and gets CC injured Tuesday, June 13, 2017 11:28:50 PMTwitter for Android
Chris Carter get the fuck off my team Tuesday, June 13, 2017 11:18:31 PMTwitter for Android
@artalexakis so bummed we didn't get to see you in Columbus (was out of town). Can you play White Men in Black Suits on Lithium? Sunday, June 11, 2017 5:54:10 PMTwitter for Android
Piece of shit immune system. I should not be on my second cough and cold in two months. Weak motherfucker. Saturday, June 10, 2017 10:10:59 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure I just got banned from the Atlanta airport free WiFi for putting in fake registration info and/or streaming over a VPN Saturday, June 10, 2017 8:54:07 PMTwitter for Android
Cross another item off my never have I ever list... I pooped in Georgia Saturday, June 10, 2017 8:37:48 PMTwitter for Android
Get a load of @VZWNow LTE choking on cocks in Atlanta rn https://t.co/H1XSvxiadT Saturday, June 10, 2017 6:08:24 PMTwitter for Android
Sandals casually leaving one of their wire closets unlocked so an #abuserslist like myself can have some fun https://t.co/FCIgZLbpOp Friday, June 09, 2017 4:07:26 PMTwitter for Android
My lady rocker playlist is fire flames https://t.co/Hrpd6rrrd2 Thursday, June 08, 2017 11:46:21 AMTwitter for Android
Italian place had sausage and pep so my life is complete rn Wednesday, June 07, 2017 8:58:36 PMTwitter for Android
9:30 am and I'm about to break the seal Wednesday, June 07, 2017 9:27:30 AMTwitter for Android
I feel gross af right now. Someone pump my stomach https://t.co/wDh1szLFW4 Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:52:57 AMTwitter for Android
I need a butler to food-block me. Just because I can order anything anytime doesn't mean my fat ass should eat a burger at 3am. Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:52:16 AMTwitter for Android
The videos I just found on my phone are the most absurd things of all time. Sunday, June 04, 2017 3:56:56 AMTwitter for Android
@jstanz37 Idk I smelled them at the bar and everyone looked at me like I was a weird
In reply to @jstanz37's tweet
Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:32:42 AMTwitter for Android
"Silly white people" -Every Sandals Piano Bar employee Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:26:41 AMTwitter for Android
Turnt is an understatement rn Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:18:52 AMTwitter for Android
Let's be honest @MalJNew #giggity Sunday, June 04, 2017 12:10:59 AMTwitter for Android
Mal's wearing scented Melissa sandals and I just realized that smelling them in public at the bar looks reallllll weird Saturday, June 03, 2017 8:35:25 PMTwitter for Android
Hey @Moto, the fuck is raking you so long to update the 2015 pure edition to Nougat. This joke brand beat you https://t.co/meMw44I3SH Saturday, June 03, 2017 3:12:02 PMTwitter for Android
Oh yeah I also owe this guy money. Cheers to a safe return trip with both my kidneys! Friday, June 02, 2017 6:15:43 PMTwitter for Android
At the same time, going to a local rastafari party seems like the tits Friday, June 02, 2017 6:14:45 PMTwitter for Android
Seems legit? If you don't here from me and wife ever again, you're looking for a Nigel in Soufriere https://t.co/pkBAy1lNfd Friday, June 02, 2017 6:14:26 PMTwitter for Android
Went off the resort for a killer tour of St. Lucia and a dude named King Nigel is picking us up later to take us to a local street party Friday, June 02, 2017 6:13:05 PMTwitter for Android
My best friend said she used to fuck with Usher Thursday, June 01, 2017 11:36:00 PMTwitter for Android
Literally it's the clurb https://t.co/VyntPobe4w Thursday, June 01, 2017 11:28:48 PMTwitter for Android
Piano bar's all turnt now Thursday, June 01, 2017 11:15:47 PMTwitter for Android
Mal and I are stealing this piano bar player Thursday, June 01, 2017 10:57:13 PMTwitter for Android
The piano bar is the tits Thursday, June 01, 2017 10:31:32 PMTwitter for Android
@TwitterMoments Way to disobey the pope you dumb cunt
In reply to @TwitterMoments's tweet
Thursday, June 01, 2017 9:17:52 PMTwitter for Android
Steel drums are the tits Thursday, June 01, 2017 9:12:56 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da environment https://t.co/a6xqG8cvPJ Thursday, June 01, 2017 9:11:17 PMTwitter for Android
Mmmm. Breakfast alcohol! #baecation starts now. Honeymoon preppin' https://t.co/h2LYUT3oAO Tuesday, May 30, 2017 12:47:35 PMTwitter for Android
No specials? No credit cards? No Gio. Monday, May 29, 2017 5:17:51 PMTwitter for Android
Dan? Mothafuckin G. Danny? Passed out on the couch. Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:39:18 AMTwitter for Android
I just lost my beer again Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:35:37 AMTwitter for Android
Got another groomsman rapping biggie over sublime beats for the win. Shit's turnt Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:20:05 AMTwitter for Android
Folks. I wish I can make this up, but I am not bullshitting you. I'm not that creative https://t.co/9iBFj9zu9K Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:18:38 AMTwitter for Android
My wedding officiant is stealing the best man's socks and trying to feed them to my dog. I've made very good life decisions. Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:17:22 AMTwitter for Android
Just took a selfie with my dog and it's no bueno. Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:12:16 AMTwitter for Android
Danny's down for the count. I repeat! We've got a groomsman down! Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:05:48 AMTwitter for Android
My bride: "Have you ever been cabrewing? It's like.. canoing, but with beer" Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:58:11 AMTwitter for Android
I keep losing my beer Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:55:48 AMTwitter for Android
I think dogs understand the meaning of the universe, but play stupid to fool us. Humans don't. Joke's on us. Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:55:29 AMTwitter for Android
"you have large nuptials" Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:50:29 AMTwitter for Android
I need to put on my whitestrips but it says you can't eat or drink and these beers are going down way too smoothly so no thanks Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:50:04 AMTwitter for Android
He was talking about @Handy https://t.co/arJUcoyuu9 Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:38:17 AMTwitter for Android
I just walked into my house and the first thing I heard from a groomsman was "their logo is jerk off material" Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:36:58 AMTwitter for Android
Yo @SIRIUSXM Lithium's killin it rn. Tuesday, May 23, 2017 12:08:39 AMTwitter for Android
Attention assholes in left lane: If I'm tailgating you, move over - you're too slow. Monday, May 22, 2017 6:22:29 PMTwitter for Android
How about this Just Smiles dentists office stealing the Windows 10 flag logo https://t.co/QpbhsSduqF Sunday, May 21, 2017 2:56:23 PMTwitter for Android
Still can't get over Chris Cornell, you guys. Pouring one out tonight and listening to Soundgarden Saturday, May 20, 2017 8:37:32 PMTwitter for Android
It's okay though. We'll just score 18 runs https://t.co/2PMNHDpPw1 Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:59:50 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ, Tanaka... You were 5-0 in your last 5 starts and you decide to fuck up Jeter's night? Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:54:26 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Oh jeez. That may be happening this July
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:49:45 PMTwitter for Android
Bob Sheppard recording gave me all kinds of goosebumps Sunday, May 14, 2017 7:19:13 PMTwitter for Android
I'm legit gonna cry for Jeets Sunday, May 14, 2017 6:13:08 PMTwitter for Android
See, problem with music today is that they just don't make it like Counting Crows anymore... Sunday, May 14, 2017 3:10:56 AMTwitter for Android
Mal to Pup at 3 am: "Whatever. I'm playing another Counting Crowes song. Deal with it." Sunday, May 14, 2017 3:00:06 AMTwitter for Android
Yo @Qualcomm... Why can't you fuckers make your yearly flagship chip better than last years Apple's processor? This is why Androids all suck https://t.co/UuFEwGYBkI Saturday, May 13, 2017 2:16:32 AMTwitter for Android
This is actually not satire. This is exactly how it is in real life, except we had a gong. Then I moved away. https://t.co/i3s4Xvdj1e Friday, May 12, 2017 1:21:59 AMTwitter for Android
Pup just farted in my face. Guess that's karma.... Tuesday, May 09, 2017 1:54:42 AMTwitter for Android
Just heard the new Rise Against single on the radio (CBus actually has a rock station). Felt like I was in middle school all over again. Friday, May 05, 2017 8:30:53 PMTwitter for Android
Theeeeeeeeeeee Friday, April 28, 2017 10:52:34 PMTwitter for Android
Yo cloudflare. This is horseshit ux. You don't freeze in a screen like this https://t.co/rb4LJFQqsX Wednesday, April 26, 2017 9:00:26 PMTwitter for Android
I'm like the Billy Walsh of technology, the way I pop off at idiots. Monday, April 24, 2017 3:09:23 PMTwitter for Android
I just took a leak for daayyysss Sunday, April 23, 2017 9:57:59 PMTwitter for Android
Words cannot even describe how backwards this airport is. Saturday, April 22, 2017 5:39:37 AMTwitter for Android
This airport is a goddamn shithole. My ticket says D2 but the gate is really C1 and you have to take a shuttle bus there? Saturday, April 22, 2017 5:23:38 AMTwitter for Android
I told an @AmericanAir pilot at departures that LaGuardia was a fuckin shithole for canceling my flight and he almost called security on me. https://t.co/X41uzc6FZ9 Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:11:41 AMTwitter for Android
At this point I shouldn't even go to bed Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:08:14 AMTwitter for Android
I'm not drunk enough to get a flight out of this shithole in 45 mins. https://t.co/1hbVD1fXND Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:05:39 AMTwitter for Android
Problem is, they were $2.50 each https://t.co/c7Ai08hjlx Saturday, April 22, 2017 4:04:21 AMTwitter for Android
"Waterfront hub with regional flights" is way to fancy of a description for this fuckin abomination @googlemaps https://t.co/mpLrq0t2C9 Saturday, April 22, 2017 3:57:25 AMTwitter for Android
It is 3:30 am and Freddy and I are gonna eat the shit out of all these tacos we got from the taco truck. Like $30 of tacos Saturday, April 22, 2017 3:27:14 AMTwitter for Android
Hey @MalJNew bring me big momma's burritos? Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:35:29 AMTwitter for Android
Iigjt that was stupid. I'm done. Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:31:55 AMTwitter for Android
Nested level 4 https://t.co/R345D83GUH Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:31:19 AMTwitter for Android
Nested level 3 https://t.co/f8RvwsUNO3 Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:31:05 AMTwitter for Android
Nested level 2 https://t.co/7l0GpZOMQ7 Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:30:55 AMTwitter for Android
Can you like nest quoted tweets? Trying this now Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:30:46 AMTwitter for Android
Wow that didn't sound too straight. Ya. Not what I meant. https://t.co/pGJlLg6RDy Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:30:02 AMTwitter for Android
Freddy's so good, he'd give you what you don't even know what to ask for Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:29:28 AMTwitter for Android
New Yorks fuckin killin me. I should be sleeping in my tuft and needle bed until like noon but instead I'm at a fuckin bar in Williamsburg Saturday, April 22, 2017 2:01:18 AMTwitter for Android
Anyone know where I can get a good sausage and pep in Williamsburg? They don't exist in Ohio I tell you Saturday, April 22, 2017 1:00:37 AMTwitter for Android