9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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| Tweet | Date | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Gio on Kwabi: "This guy's a fuckin bobblehead" | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 9:43:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Casey: " What?! I'm not doing shots!! I have to work tomorrow!! But I will buy... No wait. I will expense your shots" | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 9:21:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Me: "Jameson? Fuck. Can I do a pickleback because I'm a pussy?" Gio: "No" Me: "okay" | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 9:11:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "This is such a gay bar. There's a reason its called MudFlaps" -Gio | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 9:09:52 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Liz picked it. No wonder it sucks | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 7:03:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Whoever picked this place is a fuckin asshole | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 6:59:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Office internet is spotty. Like the power in India" Said this out loud in the office. Managers were not pleased with me. | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:09:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Now I know why I don't use it much on the train. Thing gives me anxiety. Can't even send a few tweets. lost it 3 times trying to send this | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 8:17:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This fucking phone drops internet like I drop shits: way too fucking much. | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 8:14:19 AM | Twitter for Android |
| It's about time for this rich old lawyer dude to get a new bag. Probably had it since 1953 & it looks like its been through a meat grinder | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 8:10:08 AM | Twitter for Android |
| These morons removed their branding from the app. That's like the most important thing... | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 1:46:13 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Holy shit... What did foursquare do to their app? It's so different | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 1:28:28 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuck Metro North and their delayed ass trains. 2/2 in delays on the 6:36. Fuck this train. Not taking it for the rest of the week | Tuesday, February 12, 2013 7:07:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Is this meeting over yet? | Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:26:48 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Could've crawled backwards on a bed of nails with a ball and chain faster than the 4/5 this morning | Tuesday, February 12, 2013 9:09:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Saw WAY too much of Lena Dunham in yesterdays episode of Girls. Enough. Yous nasty | Monday, February 11, 2013 11:54:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Anyone remember "golgi bodies" in science? Those cell organelle things? Yeah. Their name sounds cool. | Sunday, February 10, 2013 11:39:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew 🚭 | Sunday, February 10, 2013 11:34:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin a. Look at him. Like he's hot. And awesome | Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:20:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Omg Dave Mothefuckin Grohl. Bang | Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:20:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Derick: "Wezz coast rap is ass. Ah like Nas, Moss Def, Slick Rick" | Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:17:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That's bullshit. What about all my crackers from Gun Hill Rd... Place is hood as fuck. | Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:14:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So let me guess... You're not allowed to be white and win "Best Urban Contemporary" | Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:13:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Omg Justin Timberlake. I gonna cum | Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:05:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Shit Brent. Rosemary buttermilk garlic biscuits | Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:03:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Lena Dunham: ya might be talented or something but ya still gross... #stopshowingyourtitsongirls | Sunday, February 10, 2013 8:54:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew Ginuwine - Pony | Sunday, February 10, 2013 8:43:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hips McGhee over here | Sunday, February 10, 2013 8:34:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Needs a forklift | Sunday, February 10, 2013 8:21:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There's a big assed thigh going on over there, JLo | Sunday, February 10, 2013 8:20:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Elton John looks like a negro disco ball" -Brent | Sunday, February 10, 2013 8:13:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pass the Wii @Colithika @Waspito @SonicBlur23 | Sunday, February 10, 2013 4:05:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Y'all know me as a certified ass man, but I mean... Boobs are cool too. | Sunday, February 10, 2013 1:09:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Shoveling complete. Time to play, preferably with @MalJNew and maybe @MichaelShatin if he's lucky | Saturday, February 09, 2013 2:14:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Anyone wanna have blizzard sex? | Friday, February 08, 2013 2:58:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The most meat is stuck in my teeth right now | Thursday, February 07, 2013 11:19:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I fucked ya teeth last night. Deal with it." | Thursday, February 07, 2013 11:03:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "NO! You don't claim an underground gambling ring on your W2!!!!!" | Thursday, February 07, 2013 10:49:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, twats | Thursday, February 07, 2013 12:50:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I accidentally the database | Thursday, February 07, 2013 9:46:45 AM | Twitter for Android |
| MTA: The heat on your shit box trains. Turn it the fuck off. I shouldn't be soaked sweating in February | Tuesday, February 05, 2013 7:05:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Okay. You're gonna have to stop biting your lip before I bang you in public. | Tuesday, February 05, 2013 3:01:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I think the popularity of my banana phone crashed Instagram and Amazon S3 | Tuesday, February 05, 2013 2:27:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just dutch ovened myself. Wasn't terrible | Tuesday, February 05, 2013 2:06:23 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Congrats, homeskillet. @Onethirdof3x5 | Sunday, February 03, 2013 10:48:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Three halves equal a whole and a half | Sunday, February 03, 2013 10:23:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| A Catholic black Irishman with the name Hassan... | Sunday, February 03, 2013 9:14:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 'Murrrrrica! Second world country. Can't even keep the power in. What the F is this District 12 of the Hunger Games? | Sunday, February 03, 2013 9:08:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| George W. Bush is responsible for this power outage based on his handling of Katrina. | Sunday, February 03, 2013 8:42:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Jeep... Fuck a war | Sunday, February 03, 2013 8:24:50 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @DadBoner: These smokin' cocoa babes are burnin' with the heat of a thousand suns. | Sunday, February 03, 2013 8:23:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| DEM black asses | Sunday, February 03, 2013 8:16:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| We have boys in Afghanistan why?....... | Sunday, February 03, 2013 6:23:47 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin advil wore off. Hangover #2...I need water and better medicine. Like the good kind if you know what I mean | Sunday, February 03, 2013 9:36:59 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I poop a lot | Sunday, February 03, 2013 9:35:07 AM | Twitter for Android |
| IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!! | Saturday, February 02, 2013 10:41:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| OK. She's forgiven. They explained her humor to me. | Saturday, February 02, 2013 6:26:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| No ones mean to me. This is ridiculous | Saturday, February 02, 2013 6:21:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I don't know who this obnoxious fat fuck of Mikey's friend is but she can go fuck herself because she's rude | Saturday, February 02, 2013 6:21:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "All the dust you breathe is probably centuries of billions of decomposed bodies" | Friday, February 01, 2013 12:07:51 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just got mad and the string cheese. Slightly flustered tonight | Thursday, January 31, 2013 10:52:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also @ Booker for ♥ month RT @FairfieldU Don't forget that tomorrow is Fairfield Friday. Wear red to show your Fairfield pride! #StagNation | Thursday, January 31, 2013 4:40:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm wearing a T-shirt, sweatpants and dress shoes. The fuck... | Wednesday, January 30, 2013 10:22:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Seriously though. If I were HBO, I'd make sure Girls would revolve around Marnie because she is hot and Hanna is a nasty slut | Tuesday, January 29, 2013 11:58:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My Dad is watching Girls and his comment on Lena Dunham: "this one likes to take her top off and shows off her mosquito bites" | Tuesday, January 29, 2013 11:37:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Cranston, your daughter is 18, right? | Sunday, January 27, 2013 9:18:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My lungs hurt | Sunday, January 27, 2013 8:57:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Mover, regarding Tina Fey: "Those tits are half out" | Sunday, January 27, 2013 8:28:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Get drunk and put on Banana Phone at the barrrrr. Many times. Duh | Saturday, January 26, 2013 5:54:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Haven't been sober since Thursday night | Saturday, January 26, 2013 3:51:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "At 6:30 let's fuck this place up" -Yuri | Saturday, January 26, 2013 2:27:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| We must be over the rainbow!! | Saturday, January 26, 2013 1:47:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm so above you And it's plain to see ya drunk drunken idk suck it | Thursday, January 24, 2013 11:04:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon suck it lennon | Thursday, January 24, 2013 10:08:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Awwwww. I love the gays. They're so cute and friendly | Thursday, January 24, 2013 9:48:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Like seriously Mals. Put those away before I titty fuck you at the bar | Thursday, January 24, 2013 9:18:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Bov Marley comes on at the bar and my Jamaican IT dude and I went wild | Thursday, January 24, 2013 9:00:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Nah not really he can suck my dick | Thursday, January 24, 2013 8:49:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Chief operating officer showed up a the bar as im calling out sick tomorrow. This should be interesting | Thursday, January 24, 2013 8:48:52 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Aniusha:"all that mother fucker does is get his dick squeezed by his bralic girlfriend" | Thursday, January 24, 2013 8:12:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gonna get drunk and tweet like a motherfucker tonight | Thursday, January 24, 2013 8:05:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @UberFacts: The average person farts 14 times a day. | Thursday, January 24, 2013 7:24:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Coupla drunks in and I told our IT guy I installed steam and played Killing Floor in the office. He didn't care. #sotight | Thursday, January 24, 2013 7:24:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I complain a lot. | Wednesday, January 23, 2013 1:47:25 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Really wish I didn't poop so much, you guys | Tuesday, January 22, 2013 9:12:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gotta pee, sluts | Tuesday, January 22, 2013 7:49:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Please stop talking so loudly in Japanese. Please stop. Its too early. | Tuesday, January 22, 2013 8:08:14 AM | Twitter for Android |
| For real. How is it possible for these top heavy shitpiles to rock so violently without tipping and derailing? | Monday, January 21, 2013 6:46:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Happy #djbj day to ya, you guys. | Monday, January 21, 2013 6:42:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Seasick on the Metro North again on the grounds that the new M8 cars rock back and forth like motherfuckers. Ass backwards engineering. | Monday, January 21, 2013 6:42:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon we should be off. Especially in honor of juicy black asses | Sunday, January 20, 2013 11:05:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| What other suckers are working tomorrow? | Sunday, January 20, 2013 10:31:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mover is dapper tonight. | Sunday, January 20, 2013 5:21:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin construction everywhere. Fuckin bums. Fuckin inferior transit. Fuck NYC. Fuckin shithole | Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:38:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tuck your stomach in you fucking slob. It looks like a fuckin ass crack | Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:37:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| There's too many fuckin bums in this city ever since Giulianni left and stopped having them killed. | Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:36:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The 4/5/6 can eat my dick | Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:34:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You think the mother fucking MTA would rope off the fuckin areas where trains aren't running so I don't wait like a jackoff for 10 mins | Sunday, January 20, 2013 1:32:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I need to rally | Saturday, January 19, 2013 6:54:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 90s dance party: La Bouche, Ace of Base, Amber, quad city DJs, | Saturday, January 19, 2013 1:40:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Colithika uh huh. Shut up. (Remember how I always thought it was so what? Lolz) In reply to @Colithika's tweet | Saturday, January 19, 2013 10:31:46 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This beer's going the fuck down smooth | Friday, January 18, 2013 2:36:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Suck 12 dicks, cunts | Friday, January 18, 2013 2:24:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Let's get shitfaced tonight and make poor decisions | Friday, January 18, 2013 10:45:44 AM | Twitter for Android |
| thanks for putting the heat on 80, Metro North. Sweated out three pounds | Thursday, January 17, 2013 7:57:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| FUCK I just broke a compact fluorescent in my room. There's mercury in that shit | Tuesday, January 15, 2013 12:04:34 AM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @NJGovChristie: Having a great time in Florida! Hey, did NJ get some flurries or something? No time to find out details; going on Mad ... | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:46:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Crash and burn. Won't fix | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:42:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Give me a reason to care. Fuckers. | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:41:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Samuel. I'm not trying anymore cuz you fuckers have me for free son | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:39:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Drunk tweets are best tweets | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:36:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Im not even from dirty jerz but fuck. He's a dood to cheers to. Love him or hate him. Democrat or Republican. he's so fat it doesn't matter. | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:32:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Vajay jay | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:30:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Spent my entire night cheersing to that fat fuck. | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:30:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Bah seriously though. This Haitian cabbie dude was the jolliest. Cheers to him and governor Chris Christie | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:30:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'd be able to DDD Uus home tonight | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:28:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| For ducks sake. Actual txt from me to my dude: "Jesus Daniel. She told you siiem dirt. Ya. Mighta been true. Was whatevsr" | Monday, January 14, 2013 11:23:52 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This isn't going to go well on the subway. Aka we might get video'd on barstool for banging | Monday, January 14, 2013 9:46:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Heavy drinking. This is exactly what I needed after a 2 hr. call with Alexey that accomplished absolutely nothing | Monday, January 14, 2013 9:07:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Do cows give birth standing up? | Monday, January 14, 2013 8:39:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gonna try to poop before her roommate comes home and yells at me. #scaredshitlessofherroomie | Sunday, January 13, 2013 7:37:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Dem titties | Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:51:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 90s Alternative Pandora is my fucking jam #sundayfunday | Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:24:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon but I'm struttin better tonight. So I'm better than him | Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:22:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon you just tweeted at dem jeans | Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:22:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| New business venture idea: I might invest in opening a gay bar in Astoria. | Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:04:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If you die first, can I play with your small intestines? | Sunday, January 13, 2013 4:42:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I'll leave her tip. And I'll give her a little tip. I'm going straight" SEE. I called it! | Sunday, January 13, 2013 2:52:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'd eat chicken... Live | Sunday, January 13, 2013 2:46:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mikey's got a touch of the straight for our waitress. Its hysterical. | Sunday, January 13, 2013 1:29:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Based on @Colithika and @waspito's tweets last night, they had an awesome time in L.A (in the a) | Sunday, January 13, 2013 10:41:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Shiiiiiiit. Hey Arnold is on | Sunday, January 13, 2013 12:11:04 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The mom told me to shut the fuck up and raised the TV volume because I was talking during Access Hollywood. Deading her until Tuesday. | Saturday, January 12, 2013 7:51:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @Frankalankster: It's okay to drink more than you should so long as it's less than you could. | Friday, January 11, 2013 10:25:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 🎶Mucho gusto. Me llamo Kwabi. I'm horner than Dan Chandre. And if you wanna get popped in your knee just, that look off your bati face🎵 | Friday, January 11, 2013 10:20:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Welp... My out of office eautoresponder said "I'll be out of the office January 2611" whoops | Friday, January 11, 2013 4:50:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| welp... Meant to say real hardo security guy... not hard security guy. Big difference. Got yelled t for wearing a coat. | Friday, January 11, 2013 2:32:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Real hard security guard over at the library in the Botanical Gardens | Friday, January 11, 2013 2:14:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| On the 4 in the BX. DAT fried chicken smell. | Friday, January 11, 2013 12:07:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| IIS bindings and SSL can suck it the most. | Wednesday, January 09, 2013 4:46:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "You can bring that toilet paper to the bathroom, but leave a roll here." Me: "What are you gonna wipe your ass in bed?" | Tuesday, January 08, 2013 9:15:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @Lennon: Can we just smoke weed and drink Jameson? Then fuck? Then cuddle and order pizza? http://t.co/RlTZlLnW via @someecards | Tuesday, January 08, 2013 7:53:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I fart and poop a lot | Tuesday, January 08, 2013 12:50:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "I never liked that Twitter" -Big Ang | Monday, January 07, 2013 11:39:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "She's had more traffic going through her crotch than the Holland Tunnel" #mobwives | Monday, January 07, 2013 11:18:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| FYI - did that thing I said I was gonna do yesterday on my Twitter. Enjoyyyyyy | Monday, January 07, 2013 10:37:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Don't they have fucking signals or some shit? They have to call a guy for permission to move the fucking train? Jesus Christ on the cross. | Monday, January 07, 2013 8:09:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Train is stopped waiting for some fucking fat lazy overpaid MTA bastard to answer his funcking radio | Monday, January 07, 2013 8:08:20 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, get out of my grillmix, you Asian woman | Monday, January 07, 2013 8:01:19 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Whoever smells like baby wipes at this station should off themselves. | Monday, January 07, 2013 8:00:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Never realized how much I missed my tablet until @MalJNew stole it to play angry birds :-) | Monday, January 07, 2013 12:10:35 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Mals. I'm totes allowing you to make out with Molly tonight. Duh. Not allowing. Encouraging. | Sunday, January 06, 2013 12:35:23 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Wrobs looks like Lumen on last season of Dexter | Sunday, January 06, 2013 12:25:13 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @mollycsouthern looks like sex on a stick tonight -@MalJNew | Sunday, January 06, 2013 12:20:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo. All my single dudes. Molly is fuckin bangin hot right now. Get it. PS - Happy birthday Molly! | Saturday, January 05, 2013 11:57:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo.if you order a plate of bacon at the bar, you're straight up baller, especially if you're a chick | Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:58:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just drunk texted the VP of some bullshit | Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:15:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm a jungle brother. A true blue true blue | Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:11:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm gonna bang to Awolnation's Sail later. Duh | Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:00:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| These whiskey gingers are going down wayyyy too smooth, you guys | Saturday, January 05, 2013 5:43:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It's not that I'm hungry. I just need something to do with my mouth... | Saturday, January 05, 2013 3:48:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Have become huge pussy at life. | Saturday, January 05, 2013 1:05:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I suck a dick at drinking | Saturday, January 05, 2013 12:31:45 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Shit I'm drunk. Maybe a little not to bad? | Friday, January 04, 2013 8:49:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Whoever has the weeds at suspenders. Fuckin a man | Friday, January 04, 2013 7:59:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Stephie is making the blackest motions. Its so great | Friday, January 04, 2013 7:56:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This fuckin crone showed up | Friday, January 04, 2013 7:34:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tell this cunt to get out of my seat once I get back to my desk. Complete disregard. Fucking tk. | Friday, January 04, 2013 12:48:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: For devops manager: if task is take 15 min, then first break into two 30 minute tasks then delegate. | Thursday, January 03, 2013 7:16:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I think its almost time for the first poop of 2013 | Tuesday, January 01, 2013 1:00:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "It's called Mexican women and they ride the 7 all day long" | Monday, December 31, 2012 10:33:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fergie is also hammered and eye fucking the camera | Monday, December 31, 2012 9:48:27 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Oh Dick Clark... They should have dug him up for this" -Mikey | Monday, December 31, 2012 9:48:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Carlie Rae Jepson EWWWWWW. She's singing call me maybe like 3 octaves lower | Monday, December 31, 2012 9:38:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fergie is all fucked up on something | Monday, December 31, 2012 9:06:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Is that puke on my jacket | Monday, December 31, 2012 4:21:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Trader Joes had a line out the door to just get in. F that noise. | Monday, December 31, 2012 2:44:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I couldn't feel my arms on the subway this morning. Only my hands. Like they were floating | Monday, December 31, 2012 12:49:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I am sucking so badly at KF right now | Monday, December 31, 2012 11:30:26 AM | Twitter for Android |
| LOVE life!!! | Sunday, December 30, 2012 7:15:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @ky9 it was supposed to be "wonder why" but I hit the 160 character limit so I said wonda like a ghetto. Suck it | Sunday, December 30, 2012 6:14:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| yes. I'm getting a 30 @MalJNew . not a six pack. The fuck have you gone soft? | Sunday, December 30, 2012 6:13:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| OK take that back. Not drunk is probably a lie. But like. Not DRUNK sick craY | Sunday, December 30, 2012 5:57:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm about to have done this whole power hour and I'm not drunk and not about to puke. In the past week, I learned to drink better. Wonda why | Sunday, December 30, 2012 5:54:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Shit. If I start the power hour now, I'll be hammered | Sunday, December 30, 2012 4:50:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "My Godmother hooked up with the Priest at my Baptism in the apartment I now live in" -Mikey | Sunday, December 30, 2012 2:39:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is the slowest fuckin deli guy ever. | Sunday, December 30, 2012 1:43:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @UberFacts: Pumbaa from "The Lion King" was the first character to fart in a Disney movie. | Sunday, December 30, 2012 8:20:02 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Omg. I want to sleep on this train and I have a loud fuckin guy babbling on español. Cállate la boca ya fuckin clown | Sunday, December 30, 2012 8:19:36 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @michellemm22 I think my cousin did, but I'll have to ask. 2nd bday party. In reply to @michellemm22's tweet | Saturday, December 29, 2012 7:48:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew I'm sitting in the corner with the mover and we're both sneaking them out | Saturday, December 29, 2012 7:19:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Vito: "My doctor asked me if I want a Cialis. I said yeah but who's Alice?" | Saturday, December 29, 2012 5:02:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon just noticed now. Can't help it. My tweets have no filter. Didn't mean it badly | Saturday, December 29, 2012 2:18:49 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Successful night on Twitter. Reread my tweets tonight and if I were a random stranger, I'd think: "What a cool dude. I'd bang him." | Saturday, December 29, 2012 2:17:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| North Korea is best Korea. Just like drunk tweets are best tweets. | Saturday, December 29, 2012 2:00:44 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Cisco's gf said I was funny. I asked her "whatdda ya mean funny? Funny how" #goodfellas | Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:56:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew Get away from my man. Only I van fuck him sideways up down left and right. Not you | Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:38:03 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just sexted @colithika: "Throw mother fuckin back. Pussy hot sluts bang bang skeet skeet" | Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:37:21 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "How does it feel?" Me: "It'll feel better when I hold you down on your bed" | Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:29:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| To the cunt on this train who said she'd rather die than smell my McDonalds: I hope you off yourself from anorexia | Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:29:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @VtotheFlo I'll be fine son | Saturday, December 29, 2012 12:56:34 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Legit shouting match. | Saturday, December 29, 2012 12:55:27 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Players about to bust out a gat | Saturday, December 29, 2012 12:55:05 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This is the hoodest mother fuckin McDonalds I've ever been to. Never feared for my life more. | Saturday, December 29, 2012 12:54:54 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Derick: "Bacterial viruses" he corrected himself though so he's coo | Friday, December 28, 2012 11:52:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 4 Alice in chains song on in a row at Rudy's. Yeahhhhhh buddy | Friday, December 28, 2012 11:48:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Boot and rally | Friday, December 28, 2012 11:44:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just puked at Rudy's from fuckin tequila all over the toilet seat. Peed it off to clean it. Winning | Friday, December 28, 2012 11:44:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Some dude keeps playing Alice in Chains at Rudy's. Love it | Friday, December 28, 2012 11:43:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Derick "I'm not drinking that shit. That's how you get hepatitis" | Friday, December 28, 2012 11:25:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Cisco: "Is your vagina freezing?" | Friday, December 28, 2012 10:56:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Yo. Westchester can't be upstate. Its like so low." | Friday, December 28, 2012 10:28:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I think I smell like Rudy's....... Jeez | Friday, December 28, 2012 7:44:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Can't even spell or type | Friday, December 28, 2012 2:09:49 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Shit. Pretty sire I was air drumming my balls off | Friday, December 28, 2012 2:09:31 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fat fuck.. Why'd I go to fuckin McDonalds. drunk motherfucker | Friday, December 28, 2012 2:07:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Oh shit. I just burped McDonalds... Fuck. I went to McDonalds? | Friday, December 28, 2012 2:06:47 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuck offfffffff I'm the happiest son | Friday, December 28, 2012 1:27:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This dude needs some mother fuckin chicken nuggets son | Thursday, December 27, 2012 11:09:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ordered another vodka red bull @RockNationRadio isn't pleased | Thursday, December 27, 2012 10:03:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| And when you lose control. You reap the harvest you have sewn | Thursday, December 27, 2012 9:39:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin sausage fest I'm at. How the fuck is the guys pisser line like 4x longer than the womens | Thursday, December 27, 2012 9:10:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 🎶🎶"Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland awayyyyyyyyy" 🎵🎵 | Thursday, December 27, 2012 8:59:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ice cold in here and I love it | Thursday, December 27, 2012 8:40:37 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Made the mistake of seeing a pink Floyd cover band without a fat blunt | Thursday, December 27, 2012 8:14:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tom Petty is on. Yeahhhhhhhgh buddy | Thursday, December 27, 2012 7:24:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I just had three hot dogs. Fatty | Thursday, December 27, 2012 7:24:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin A. Casino is on? That's it. Grabbing a beer and kickin it for the rest of the workday | Thursday, December 27, 2012 2:16:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Marnie on Girls always has huge pupils. Wonder how many painkillers she pops... | Thursday, December 27, 2012 2:46:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| There's a psycho walking around Grand Central with an umbrella pretending it's a shotgun. I looked at him funny and he pretended to shoot me | Wednesday, December 26, 2012 10:48:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So you think Santa and Mrs. Claus still bang? | Tuesday, December 25, 2012 9:11:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Little observation... The polar express isn't very express.... It makes a few stops. | Monday, December 24, 2012 11:58:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So smiley at this early morning hour on Christmas Eve!!! | Monday, December 24, 2012 4:14:50 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The Mover just called me Vito, Phil and then Bob... Whoops | Sunday, December 23, 2012 11:47:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| These two degenerates only talk about gambling | Sunday, December 23, 2012 7:29:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Yankees are a fucking joke team this season | Sunday, December 23, 2012 1:17:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm legit gonna put a hose in my ass and hook it up to my house. Supplemental methane will lower my con ed bill. | Sunday, December 23, 2012 2:43:35 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I don't understand how its possible for a human to be that flatulent for three days straight | Sunday, December 23, 2012 2:42:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
| " Hirxhsd a ride homep" -@MalJNew | Sunday, December 23, 2012 2:37:49 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew stop being a lady | Saturday, December 22, 2012 8:21:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My dad just photobombed some game show. He's legit in the background making goofball faces. Absolutely hysterical. Attaboy pops! | Saturday, December 22, 2012 12:16:09 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I still promise my twitter will remain crazy as fuck. People like that shit. #ass #titties #bangbang #struttin #unicorns | Saturday, December 22, 2012 12:06:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Oh and the wallet is full too. Another perk | Saturday, December 22, 2012 12:01:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| What the fuck is going on. Am I recovering from my past crazy alcoholic ways? Only had 2 drinks all night and had fun anyway | Saturday, December 22, 2012 12:01:16 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Did anyone else fold dollar bills in a way as a kid so it spelled out tits? | Friday, December 21, 2012 11:59:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I'm buying some new kicks because my kicks is busted" | Friday, December 21, 2012 10:21:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That tequila is like Jesus peed in a cup | Friday, December 21, 2012 9:38:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "If TK had a house party, I'd leave her an upper decker" | Friday, December 21, 2012 9:24:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gio: "Holy shit. Her ass is too low. How do you fuck that?" | Friday, December 21, 2012 9:19:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm sorry, but George W. Bush's daughters are really hot. | Thursday, December 20, 2012 8:57:59 PM | Twitter for Android |
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