9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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TweetDateSource
It's Always Sunny is basically a show about a buncha white guys yelling 98% of the time. Wednesday, March 08, 2017 12:51:28 AMTwitter for Android
I'm about to eat the fuck out of a Thurman's burger Tuesday, March 07, 2017 9:37:29 PMTwitter for Android
I legit tried to put eye drops in without taking my glasses off. Couldn't figure out why it wasn't working for a couple seconds Tuesday, March 07, 2017 12:09:56 AMTwitter for Android
Got Tr3y Dee in my house chllin Monday, March 06, 2017 10:09:31 PMTwitter for Android
I've been mad for fucking years Monday, March 06, 2017 12:56:56 AMTwitter for Android
Yo @Corning blow me. Gorilla Glass works real well. #cunts https://t.co/bj42eLXah3 Sunday, March 05, 2017 9:35:07 PMTwitter for Android
Always get the worst fomo when I day drink, take a nap, and sleep through the part 2 rally Sunday, March 05, 2017 1:38:48 AMTwitter for Android
Very behind on my day drinking rn. Should have been at the tailgate 2 hours ago Saturday, March 04, 2017 12:22:47 PMTwitter for Android
Review: Can I get a pizza with that oregano? https://t.co/1fGgrh0o77 Saturday, March 04, 2017 3:09:58 AMTwitter for Android
Also, Emma Stone is bae https://t.co/2JtYflZOMH Tuesday, February 28, 2017 11:24:56 PMTwitter for Android
It was a great idea to start Superbad on Netflix... This is taking me back, I'm dying rn Tuesday, February 28, 2017 11:05:37 PMTwitter for Android
Let's face it, I may have had had some booze tho. It's Friday and I WFH and it's 75 outside https://t.co/BmtAaS1o90 Friday, February 24, 2017 1:55:37 PMTwitter for Android
@Android @GooglePlayMusic Fix the bug where it randomly deletes songs from the thumbs up playlist
In reply to @Android's tweet
Tuesday, February 21, 2017 4:03:24 PMTwitter for Android
Mal and I have differing opinions... You remember Catherine O'Hara most as: Monday, February 20, 2017 9:00:00 AMTwitter for Android
We're all screaming Savage Garden at the top of our lungs rn Monday, February 20, 2017 12:04:08 AMTwitter for Android
Mal just handed me a beer that tastes like formaldehyde Sunday, February 19, 2017 11:49:48 PMTwitter for Android
The Google keyboard is another piece of shit. How do you auto correct fucking to "fucking king" https://t.co/2MkMsG1c0B Saturday, February 18, 2017 2:47:18 PMTwitter for Android
Just putting this out there... Android Auto is a fucking king piece of shit. I want to like it but it stinks. Saturday, February 18, 2017 2:45:45 PMTwitter for Android
Give America the Shocker again! Thursday, February 16, 2017 10:20:03 PMTwitter for Android
I was blackout by 4 pm yesterday and apparently was telling everyone I was drinking a "vodka soda splash of tequila" Sunday, February 12, 2017 11:45:17 AMTwitter for Android
The boys, obviously. 10 mins left https://t.co/CtQbH5VTFk Saturday, February 11, 2017 11:51:27 PMTwitter for Android
I thought Saturdays were for the boys tho https://t.co/MMHLwBzXbt Saturday, February 11, 2017 4:56:39 PMTwitter for Android
"The orange fuhrer, mein Trump!" Saturday, February 11, 2017 3:29:24 PMTwitter for Android
What are Saturdays for? https://t.co/KirUFCmrxu Saturday, February 11, 2017 2:41:46 PMTwitter for Android
I am not pleased that this snowstorm that hit the northeast missed me... Everywhere I go, I scare the snow away Friday, February 10, 2017 1:12:48 PMTwitter for Android
Heat pumps are garbage. I don't care how green they're supposed to be, if it's below 30 outside, they blow cold air through your ducts Thursday, February 09, 2017 11:27:58 PMTwitter for Android
Annmarie called/ video chatted me no less than 15 times in the past two days and it's driving me up a fuckin wall Thursday, February 09, 2017 8:07:14 PMTwitter for Android
Dope ass jams. Nice mix. Thx Googs https://t.co/xdLFd4lUjW Thursday, February 09, 2017 3:35:29 AMTwitter for Android
Belichick: "Get your fuckin arm off me" Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:45:34 PMTwitter for Android
Goodell has to kill himself after getting booed that hard, amirite? Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:44:29 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel that tweet https://t.co/6qNHjtK1B2 Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:31:37 PMTwitter for Android
There's beer all over my shirt Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:18:49 PMTwitter for Android
"Are they gonna roll out the old presisent again?" -Buddah Sunday, February 05, 2017 10:15:48 PMTwitter for Android
Belichick's gonna straight up kill a man later Sunday, February 05, 2017 9:09:40 PMTwitter for Android
I wonder if @buck is thinking about how many people are tweeting about Joe Buck's hair plugs. Sunday, February 05, 2017 8:37:24 PMTwitter for Android
Yeesh. What's the over/under Bush Sr. kicks it live on national tv Sunday, February 05, 2017 6:35:02 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin old people always holding up the line because they can't figure out credit card point of sales Sunday, February 05, 2017 5:06:53 PMTwitter for Android
Watching Schitt's Creek on Netflix and since when between Home Alone and now did Catherine O'Hara become a 3 million year old living corpse? Wednesday, February 01, 2017 8:30:47 PMTwitter for Android
Going through my tweets with @MalJNew: "Joe. You're as gay as the day is long" Sunday, January 29, 2017 10:59:39 AMTwitter for Android
Man... People really go fuckin hard at divorce parties Sunday, January 29, 2017 5:15:43 AMTwitter for Android
And at 5:08 am we go to bed. May or may not have snored a tad earlier tho Sunday, January 29, 2017 5:08:54 AMTwitter for Android
Let's face it... My tweets are absurd but you like them better than political shitt Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:38:49 AMTwitter for Android
Boys II Men plsss Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:38:12 AMTwitter for Android
It's like the end of January and the group's singing All I Want For Christmas Is You rn.... I've made good choices Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:36:31 AMTwitter for Android
I need to https://t.co/Ioq0JWaD53 Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:34:33 AMTwitter for Android
🎵You're still the one want to. The only one I need to. You're still the I kiss goodnight🎵 Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:34:19 AMTwitter for Android
🎵if I could falllll into the sky. Would you think time would pass. Me by. Cause you know if walk a thousand miles if I could just. See. You🎵 Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:21:27 AMTwitter for Android
Need @__JLu to sing lady 2000s songs with us. Duh Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:15:34 AMTwitter for Android
🎵Could you look me in the eyeeee.... And tell me that you're happy now🎵 Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:13:30 AMTwitter for Android
Michelle Branch - 🎵Cause you're everywhere to meeee🎵 Sunday, January 29, 2017 4:08:25 AMTwitter for Android
Fuckin waterfall https://t.co/Un06gVzfPM Sunday, January 29, 2017 3:52:54 AMTwitter for Android
It's almost 4am @MalJNew .. don't almost fall asleep during chugging in kings bc ima yack Sunday, January 29, 2017 3:52:42 AMTwitter for Android
GD it... Why are we playing g fuckin kings. Too.old for this shit. But not really Sunday, January 29, 2017 3:33:06 AMTwitter for Android
Trump did 9/11 Sunday, January 29, 2017 1:42:59 AMTwitter for Android
a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili a-mili Sunday, January 29, 2017 1:27:22 AMTwitter for Android
Boobies Sunday, January 29, 2017 1:14:18 AMTwitter for Android
Tryinto tell me my kicks aren't good enough for the club. Blow me Sunday, January 29, 2017 12:13:14 AMTwitter for Android
"I wanna make love in this club" == "I wanna fuck in a bar" Sunday, January 29, 2017 12:10:33 AMTwitter for Android
There's a driverless Uber in front of us that drives better than 100% of NYC shithead cabs. #Pittsburgh. Every city's more advanced that NY Sunday, January 29, 2017 12:03:15 AMTwitter for Android
These brussel sprouts taste just as good as sex when you're high Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:36:15 PMTwitter for Android
That's why I couldn't get in. There's a fuckin sword guarding the door https://t.co/Unggk0BzgG Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:22:04 PMTwitter for Android
What kinda stupid place has a push door men's room with a lock. I gotta piss. GTFO bitty Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:20:19 PMTwitter for Android
I ordered a lamb neck. Dafuq is a lamb neck? I'm not fancy enough for lamb neck Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:13:57 PMTwitter for Android
I'm wayyyy to drunk to be at this bougie of a place Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:11:22 PMTwitter for Android
Secks https://t.co/ET0DhTmKgS Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:07:07 PMTwitter for Android
Drunk tweets are best tweets Saturday, January 28, 2017 10:01:40 PMTwitter for Android
Not to brag, but to brag. Cause my life is dope and I do dope shit https://t.co/qIatNnn4Hl Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:56:28 PMTwitter for Android
My fiancée knows the chef at the dopest restaurant in Pittsburgh. Has a 2 wk wait and we got in w/ like a day's notice. Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:55:30 PMTwitter for Android
Cause my life is dope and I do dope shit Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:49:05 PMTwitter for Android
My wedding photographer is chillin with us tonight. She's a hotter, less hood version of our HR office girl Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:47:44 PMTwitter for Android
The Jesus looking hippie led zep bartender made a better Long Island than the clean cut gentleman Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:09:34 PMTwitter for Android
Apologies to my Twitter followers for angry NYC tweets or no tweets (when I'm happy) we need more silly shit Saturday, January 28, 2017 9:00:37 PMTwitter for Android
This country's literally fucked by morons so I'm getting hammered and tweeting stupid shit for levity Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:52:59 PMTwitter for Android
There's legit a guy in Ghostbusters gear at this bar Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:51:21 PMTwitter for Android
Mal doesn't hang out with any ugly bitches. Like Meg Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:41:51 PMTwitter for Android
Everyone's getting preggo tonight Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:34:35 PMTwitter for Android
Long island iced teas. Cya tomorrow Saturday, January 28, 2017 8:12:25 PMTwitter for Android
Two white limos:

https://t.co/R6ocAaAJZZ 		Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:34:35 PMTwitter for Android
I'm legit at a divorce party rn and this is hillarios Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:24:44 PMTwitter for Android
Sign it: https://t.co/THNDqvfNTg Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:17:46 PMTwitter for Android
I broke the seal before the limo so this is a prob, obvs Saturday, January 28, 2017 7:11:02 PMTwitter for Android
Tonight's gonna get sloppy Saturday, January 28, 2017 6:58:07 PMTwitter for Android
So gassy rn and am about to get in a limo with like 15 peeps. This might be an issue Saturday, January 28, 2017 6:46:22 PMTwitter for Android
Bag of milk aka Lena Dunham https://t.co/kpZSrGhoxE Saturday, January 28, 2017 1:42:43 PMTwitter for Android
What kind of a shithole airport terminal has 5 lanes merging into one to exit Friday, January 27, 2017 4:26:06 PMTwitter for Android
I told this fucking cocksucker terminal c a d he goes to the shithole B which is all under construction. Friday, January 27, 2017 4:22:56 PMTwitter for Android
LaGuardia Airport is an inept fucking shithole. 20 minutes to get from one terminal to another in traffic because my Uber fucked up Friday, January 27, 2017 4:17:43 PMTwitter for Android
Maybe threw up in my mouth a little Friday, January 27, 2017 7:54:28 AMTwitter for Android
0 hangover, so I must still be wasted, amirite? Friday, January 27, 2017 7:53:53 AMTwitter for Android
It's 4am. Have a presentation at 9. I'm burping fuckin Coronas and Freddy's place smells like strippers. Friday, January 27, 2017 4:03:00 AMTwitter for Android
Vodka red bulls for days when you're sleep deprived Friday, January 27, 2017 1:12:29 AMTwitter for Android
Love how I come back to this shithole and only two motherfuckers come through. Need to reevaluate people Friday, January 27, 2017 1:04:32 AMTwitter for Android
I got like 4 hrs of sleep this whole week and was all bummed out and the best man's shenanigans made it all right. Friday, January 27, 2017 12:58:31 AMTwitter for Android
@BofA_Help appreciate it!
In reply to @BofA_Help's tweet
Thursday, January 26, 2017 5:48:35 PMTwitter for Android
Anyone else ever go to the bar a couple hours before a performance review? Thursday, January 26, 2017 4:18:11 PMTwitter for Android
Work laptop battery died and don't have my brick. Didn't finish 9am presentation </welp> Thursday, January 26, 2017 1:40:47 AMTwitter for Android
Philly people are garbage https://t.co/1lclzfk26n Wednesday, January 25, 2017 11:42:48 AMTwitter for Android
Trump's pumping out "Executive Orders" quicker than Dolores Umbridge with her Educational Decrees Wednesday, January 25, 2017 10:44:18 AMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da environment! 😬

https://t.co/VqjyymJ3T4 		Wednesday, January 25, 2017 1:37:36 AMTwitter for Android
I get that updates are important, but Jesus fuckin Christ @Microsoft , the way you force reboot is horseshit https://t.co/RkiYG05tHu Tuesday, January 24, 2017 7:30:28 PMTwitter for Android