9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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| Tweet | Date | Source |
|---|---|---|
| I guess this is why my lowest score on my reviewbwas on professionalism.... Although I still met expectations. #bitches | Friday, April 19, 2013 2:17:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Realllll pumped that Tom Petty came on at the bar, you guys. You think I have time for another beer before I go back to work? | Friday, April 19, 2013 2:07:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Really Windows 8??? I haven't seen a computer look up that badly since Windows 98 | Friday, April 19, 2013 1:35:24 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Gary Busey cracked me the f up on last Sunday's Apprentice | Thursday, April 18, 2013 11:52:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @ky9 CHICKEN TURNOVA PLEES!! No Mike. Is Angelo!! | Thursday, April 18, 2013 11:07:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| FiOS is being flaky right now... | Thursday, April 18, 2013 10:22:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @scoopANDslam: Everything is so fucking stupid. | Wednesday, April 17, 2013 6:58:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm switching off Verizon on the grounds that their 4G is ass in Manhattan. And they don't have Nexus phones | Wednesday, April 17, 2013 1:46:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This fuckin cop just diverted my cab way the fuck out of my way | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 9:44:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This piss just made me have to take a dog | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 9:40:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This dog just made me wanna take a piss | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 9:39:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Wtf is this DirecTV + viggle commercial I saw at the bar? Viggle? Vagiggle? Vagina? Huhhh? Confused | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 9:21:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew: "Joe has this hot silver fox gay boss" | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 9:06:50 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Seriously Vincent.... Who smokes receipts? | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 8:45:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Struttin dat ass @MalJNew | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 8:15:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Looked in mirror. Am hot today | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 7:52:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Mmmm pizza for breakfast! | Tuesday, April 16, 2013 7:44:47 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Suits suck | Monday, April 15, 2013 6:14:29 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Lyle Overbay's at bat music is Nirvana? We're winning the series this year | Saturday, April 13, 2013 6:42:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| #sayidoody | Saturday, April 13, 2013 6:35:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lessard_Eric @keith_connors @tomwcleary @jstanz37 I'll give you $100 if you steal the Jap flag | Saturday, April 13, 2013 6:34:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hey Joe. Here's my phone. Call the bullpen. | Saturday, April 13, 2013 5:09:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Lol. Asian woman trying to parallel park | Saturday, April 13, 2013 10:59:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My boy Mohammed is back in his food cart and he's awesome! | Friday, April 12, 2013 9:53:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The fuck is this bullshit... Windows 8 equivalent of a BSOD http://t.co/xlFCBhywPF | Friday, April 12, 2013 1:16:45 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu lol caught me. Got drunk one day and bought that and didn't want to put my real info. | Thursday, April 11, 2013 10:33:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @portfolioso lol caught me. Got drunk one day and bought that and didn't want to put my real info. In reply to @portfolioso's tweet | Thursday, April 11, 2013 10:30:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm legit embarrassed to tweet what Aniusha is talkin about. And I'm nasty as fuck on twitter | Thursday, April 11, 2013 9:11:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The have waxing professors? | Thursday, April 11, 2013 9:09:50 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Aniusha keeps talking about waxing balls | Thursday, April 11, 2013 9:09:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Elise: "You know that cartoon the Smurfs? Doesn't she remind you of a white Smurf?" | Thursday, April 11, 2013 8:12:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If this chick wasn't in her 40s, she might have been hot. | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 11:15:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 54-46 was my number was my number yeah | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 11:05:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| OK this bastard either 1) dropped dead on the shitter or 2) is avoiding the fare. Fuck you. I'll piss on you. | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 10:59:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| To whoever is taking a shit in the Metro North bathroom: I gotta piss, bastard. Get the fuck out. I'm more important than you. | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 10:31:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew just pulled some Godfather shit. The hottest | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 9:22:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Overheard: "How can your flat assed face not be at McDonalds, bitch" | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 9:14:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon 1) You'll get your hug from whoever you want it from/me also 2) Let's get shitfaced at El Cantinero with the Velbs | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 9:09:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Shit. Air drumming to AC/DC. You know I'm tips | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 8:40:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Freddy. There's gotta be three dudes and someone's gotta wingman that shit | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 8:30:55 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Wisdom: "No ones got your back but you." | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 8:23:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If @MalJNew is a lesbian, that's fine. As long as her girl doesn't have short hair and they're down for a threesome, I'm down. | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 8:19:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The consensus is that Khodaja likes box | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 8:15:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Do you like when girls pee on you? | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 7:54:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I just wanna drunkenly reply: 'I love you, marry me, have my babies'"- @MalJNew regarding my boss. Lol | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 7:52:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You know Cleveland sucks when even the Yankees can beat them... | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 7:36:19 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Stephie. How is that ass allowed at work. I'm sure that's somehow against the dress code. | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 7:31:15 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @jstanz37 I see what you did there... | Tuesday, April 09, 2013 1:07:20 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Barry's replacement has zero swagger. | Monday, April 08, 2013 8:18:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| The end of an era. Barry really is gone. Noooooooooooo | Monday, April 08, 2013 8:05:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My neck hurts, fuckface | Sunday, April 07, 2013 10:11:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @__JLu it's because I'm private. Click the icon in the top right to open it in the twitter app | Sunday, April 07, 2013 8:10:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Get a load of this #axelrod tweet from 2009: https://t.co/4P9ECJgAsk @__JLu | Sunday, April 07, 2013 7:57:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My neck is crippled. I smell like a senior citizen with this menthol shit I put on it | Sunday, April 07, 2013 12:54:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm at the Met... I think it would be fascinating to bang in one of those Egyptian stone coffin thingies | Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:52:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Look at this stud in this Radio Flyer wagon. Dude can probably mack on any preschool chick he wants. http://t.co/fLyzMyaFoW | Saturday, April 06, 2013 3:43:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This conductor is a b. Kids tried to go one stop without paying which is usually easy and she came running out of nowhere to stop them | Saturday, April 06, 2013 1:33:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Need to wipe my phone. It's laggy as a bastard | Friday, April 05, 2013 8:52:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Overheard: "I was named after my mom's gynecologist's mother" | Friday, April 05, 2013 8:19:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Thank you, slice. Hold still... Stop wiggling! | Friday, April 05, 2013 8:40:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| This Dr on Body of Proof should stop being a bitch and get back with this cop. He does everything for her | Thursday, April 04, 2013 11:00:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This Notepad++ must be an interesting lady. (And she's missing from my DB server) | Tuesday, April 02, 2013 11:22:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You're playing with servers. I'm playing with a black dude in a fro picking up coins | Tuesday, April 02, 2013 11:21:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Niraj. Go fuck yourself | Tuesday, April 02, 2013 2:17:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Droppin all that Easter dinner from yesterday....... | Monday, April 01, 2013 10:01:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Bitch you have the entire train. Back off standing next to me so closely. Or I'll pee on you. Not in a sexual way. | Monday, April 01, 2013 6:47:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuck the following: Metro North, Grand Central, people, tourists, people who bring bikes on the subway @ rush hour and crowds | Monday, April 01, 2013 6:42:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| sanguinaccio = pigs blood and chocolate pudding. Uhhhhhmmmm | Sunday, March 31, 2013 9:51:42 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mover just beat me 635-600 in cards. What a game. | Sunday, March 31, 2013 9:44:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| 1) Not sure how I was with it enough to make it all the way "upstate" last night 2) I sexted @Colithika the craziest shit | Sunday, March 31, 2013 8:31:36 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Her 4th chin was cool but her 5th was being a dick | Saturday, March 30, 2013 6:46:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuck off cunt. Girls a biddy | Saturday, March 30, 2013 6:45:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Girlies poundin chicken wings makes my dick enormmm | Saturday, March 30, 2013 6:38:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Oh this girl. Many months ago I tried to forgive her but she decided to still be a cunt. | Saturday, March 30, 2013 2:39:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Oh shit | Saturday, March 30, 2013 2:27:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Breakfast of champions: Champagne and Doritos! | Saturday, March 30, 2013 10:31:41 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I apologize in advance for today's future drunk tweets. | Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:46:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I've just been told I talk about the system in my sleep... This is quite concerning. | Saturday, March 30, 2013 8:12:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew are ya done yet? | Friday, March 29, 2013 11:03:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew your dick is the tiniest. Microscopic kidney bean | Friday, March 29, 2013 11:01:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Lol my last like 5 tweets were like... let's be honest | Thursday, March 28, 2013 11:01:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hiii people :-) | Thursday, March 28, 2013 11:00:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Xtina is my FAVORITE lesbian ever! | Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:38:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just told my old boss I felt some sort of way | Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:36:58 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Khodaja likes box | Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:23:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Now she's all over Mal. I mean that doesn't mean she's a lezzie because all girls wanna make out with Mals duh | Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:12:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This 1950s cartoon that's on at the bar is absolutely killin it | Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:08:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Okay.... What are two bastards taking shits... I need to piss bastards | Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:01:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Khodaja might be a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that. She's snuggin xtina so hard. I've seen it before. | Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:54:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ever since I left college, my vagina forgot how to drink..... FML | Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:52:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tell that motherfucker he sucks, then take your dick out. | Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:25:39 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is a real frumpy motherfucker behind me. Accidentally stepped on her foot and she flipped out. eatadick.info | Thursday, March 28, 2013 7:50:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm not taking my sneakers off, I'm still sneakers O'Toole | Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:09:26 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Isn't Gmail's breakfast delicious. I mean Burger King's.... | Thursday, March 28, 2013 7:28:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| That's the most 3D thing I've ever seen | Wednesday, March 27, 2013 9:48:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Halooooo | Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:40:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Thank you.... Sluggers. Thank you Frick. Thank you Frack | Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:22:12 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Was nice and held a door for someone. Didn't thank me. Was still behind me at a second door. Made sure it slammed in her face. | Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:07:11 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Welp, passed out at 9:30 for the first time since like 3rd grade.... | Wednesday, March 27, 2013 4:20:08 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew @BadPointer http://t.co/F1XMkskXkV | Monday, March 25, 2013 9:44:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Two things. Not sure if the conductor checked my ticket and.. Shit I forgot | Monday, March 25, 2013 9:31:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| JOE! You are picking at your elbow through your ripped shirt. You're a CRAY!!! -@MalJNew | Monday, March 25, 2013 8:32:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You know its gonna be a great day when you wake up and throw on a Zeppelin record. Then 40 Oz. to Freedom on the walk to the train! | Monday, March 25, 2013 7:48:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am | Sunday, March 24, 2013 11:24:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This Sudoku is driving me crazy | Sunday, March 24, 2013 8:08:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: Attention devops! Make of sure you have strong plan C. Plan A and B are never work. | Sunday, March 24, 2013 2:18:15 AM | Twitter for Android |
| OMY is on my way..... Wait... That's OMW. Ohhhhhhhhh | Friday, March 22, 2013 11:12:50 PM | Twitter for Android |
| You need to try this rice. This is pure Afghani rice. Is best in world. | Friday, March 22, 2013 10:26:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Portfolioso: NERSFW. (Not even remotely safe for work) | Thursday, March 21, 2013 7:48:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I can't take this fucking commute anymore. | Wednesday, March 20, 2013 9:10:58 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Eric you fucking moron. Read your motherless email before asking me about things I already explained. Fuckin hack. | Wednesday, March 20, 2013 8:20:17 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just realized I have zero patience with how motherfuckers walk in crowds. Seriously? Stop short and turn around in my face? Die ya dickhead | Tuesday, March 19, 2013 7:04:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Also, it would help for this train to not feel like I'm riding a fucking jackhammer | Tuesday, March 19, 2013 6:58:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I fucking had enough of my phone. Maybe it should pick up some internet some time | Tuesday, March 19, 2013 6:58:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @ElBloombito: Esta el Feasto de Saiñto de Josepho! In honoro of el feasto, yo orderingo el ÑYPD to not que stop y frisko los personas ... | Tuesday, March 19, 2013 12:07:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This conductress looks like a chick who's DTF in the bathroom on the 1:56 drunk train home | Tuesday, March 19, 2013 12:04:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I hope this power cycling shit actually fixes my SSD | Monday, March 18, 2013 8:13:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My mouth is drier than TK's vagina right now | Sunday, March 17, 2013 12:36:39 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "As creepy as it sounds, my grandpas let's are so hot" | Saturday, March 16, 2013 11:10:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @kellyomealia @kerbear88 @scoopANDslam you bitches still out? | Saturday, March 16, 2013 8:29:51 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So basically I just learned that if a chick is biting her lip she's actually thinking how hard he wants to fuck you | Saturday, March 16, 2013 2:41:23 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pandora spelled paddy's patty's wtf | Saturday, March 16, 2013 2:30:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Its almost 11 and we don't have any Jameson in us. This is a problem | Saturday, March 16, 2013 10:49:09 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I don't judge by I mean.. Shit | Friday, March 15, 2013 11:11:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon so turn him straight duh. | Friday, March 15, 2013 11:02:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Tad drunk, still at work and Natalia wanted to know if we wanted to have a sausage party" | Friday, March 15, 2013 11:01:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @Lennon he wanted to bang you | Friday, March 15, 2013 10:28:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "This cray guy seems nice at least he's a smiley homeless also his voice is beautiful he should be a singer Like soul music" -@MalJNew | Friday, March 15, 2013 9:11:21 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I like how you keep your condoms in a Tiffany's bag. Klassy with a K. | Friday, March 15, 2013 7:40:13 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Primary HDD failure in my laptop. Fucking son of a bitch. $120 SSD lasted 3 months. No data loss though. My files are redundant as fuck | Friday, March 15, 2013 1:19:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| On this bitch ass train for an hour and didn't even make it 20 miles north of NYC. Fucking MTA | Thursday, March 14, 2013 10:27:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fucking MTA. Train us actually going backwards now | Thursday, March 14, 2013 9:48:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fixed all of the bad dates and times over on http://t.co/J5RGCCm6QN! | Thursday, March 14, 2013 1:58:06 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It looks like I legit perioded out of my ass into the toilet. TMI? Nah son, ate mad beets yesterday. | Wednesday, March 13, 2013 10:52:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @maljnew after some wine: "What is he, a Norwanian?" | Wednesday, March 13, 2013 8:52:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew tell her to eatadick.com | Wednesday, March 13, 2013 7:16:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fucking joke. Nice to know our system crashes because our custom error handler threw an exception. Yo dawg. I heard you like errors. | Wednesday, March 13, 2013 7:03:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Lol no idea how I'm getting to work. All trains are fucked. Got out and started walking. Yeah exercise! | Wednesday, March 13, 2013 8:51:56 AM | Twitter for Android |
| 4/5 is running like absolute horse shit today. Fuckin waste | Tuesday, March 12, 2013 9:09:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Barry is so legit: "Thank you tiger. Thank you, red. Thanks Spike. Thank you, Mr. And Mrs.. Don't move, stop wiggling." | Tuesday, March 12, 2013 8:23:01 AM | Twitter for Android |
| In case you haven't noticed, I'm foul today bastards | Monday, March 11, 2013 6:41:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just yelled at a fuckin cop for standing there like an asshole in my way while I was trying to get my train | Monday, March 11, 2013 6:40:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I absolutely must have IBS | Monday, March 11, 2013 12:22:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My grandma just made me peppers and eggs to bring to lunch tomorrow! | Sunday, March 10, 2013 10:36:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The Mover: "She's got an ass, size no more" | Sunday, March 10, 2013 12:59:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin shepherds pie, pot roast doritos and beef sticks. Nom | Saturday, March 09, 2013 9:42:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Nacho Slim Jims are fucking bossssss | Saturday, March 09, 2013 9:40:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "Hughlon gave me back door access" Wait. That sounds so gay. | Saturday, March 09, 2013 5:27:40 PM | Twitter for Android |
| CBS FM is absolutely killing it right now | Saturday, March 09, 2013 4:49:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That's rude. How do you have an ice cream truck playing Mr. Softee that is not branded as Mr. Softer? | Saturday, March 09, 2013 3:26:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sounds like there's a woodpecker in that Mac | Saturday, March 09, 2013 2:06:30 AM | Twitter for Android |
| How the fuck did the lighter get in my pants? | Saturday, March 09, 2013 2:02:22 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Just fixed a tech support case in about 5 minutes that out idiotic tech support reps didn't look at for 2 weeks. Fuckin slackers. | Friday, March 08, 2013 9:31:12 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal just said "ah" instead of I. Talking real hood. and she has a black ass. So legit. | Friday, March 08, 2013 8:17:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| It must be easier to piss out a little rock than to drop a 9 pound human out of your box. | Friday, March 08, 2013 8:11:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Tun Tun. Stop scheduling meetings with me. I don't give a fuck about your scripts. | Friday, March 08, 2013 4:57:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| These new radio firmwares for my phone are slightly better. I can now tweet from the work shitter without dropping Internets | Friday, March 08, 2013 4:54:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| RT @DadBoner: If you think Kate Upton is "fat," then we're not friends anymore. Why? 'Cause you suck and you're stupid and you hate Amer ... | Friday, March 08, 2013 4:52:43 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jesus Fucking Christ, George. Will you turn off the fucking heat on this train? Its probably 86 in here, not exaggerating | Thursday, March 07, 2013 7:48:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My elbow is fuckin weird, dude. | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 10:50:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fritz is a rockstar. | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 10:13:31 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Get a load of this fuckin amateur hour train operator who drove past the fucking platform | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 1:46:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| They raised my fare 10%. The can suck it the most. | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 1:25:03 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Welp. Almost got crushed by a train door BC I ddibt realize it was my stop. Conductor screamed at me. I told him to eatadick.info | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 1:24:37 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Pockets and the entire marketing dept except Molly can suck it the most | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:39:05 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Gave out outdated fucking old branded business cards because fucking pockets in my hood assed marketing dept is too Jew to give new ones out | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:38:18 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @kerbear88 @ky9 fucking FUSA dropping the ball again with no name assed concerts. Mirror > FUSA. (Well the Mirror we ran. New mirror sucks.) In reply to @kerbear88's tweet | Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:38:10 AM | Twitter for Android |
| HERP DERP: "Any downtime on production is bad" -Jeans. Ya think? | Tuesday, March 05, 2013 11:45:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My phone internet can http://t.co/FRIIuXuBNJ | Tuesday, March 05, 2013 8:09:52 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Gotta stop reading work emails when I get up because I want to fucking murder the entire infrastructure team. Except Kevin. He's coo | Tuesday, March 05, 2013 8:05:40 AM | Twitter for Android |
| I love to eat poop! | Saturday, March 02, 2013 3:01:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That time you go to the bar and every fucking person leaves you. I look so cool here alone. #eatadick | Saturday, March 02, 2013 2:32:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Everyone can read me like a book. If I'm pissed, there's no hiding it | Saturday, March 02, 2013 2:25:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| When I have my millions I'm fuckin buying the watering hole. And I might open a gay bar in Astoria. They need one. It would make bank. | Saturday, March 02, 2013 1:06:44 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @BadPointer http://t.co/hBv0zVnfOQ | Saturday, March 02, 2013 1:03:43 AM | Twitter for Android |
| For the first time ever, someone else is leaking ass at this bar. Not that i do that in public. Might puke. | Saturday, March 02, 2013 1:01:35 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew just caught me looking at myself in the mirror. I mean. I'm fuckin hot. And a narcissist. #blowme if you don't like it | Saturday, March 02, 2013 12:38:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Great crowd at Watering tonight | Friday, March 01, 2013 11:26:34 PM | Twitter for Android |
| The chef at the Watering Hole reminds me of Chalky White | Friday, March 01, 2013 10:56:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yo Scott. Sorry I falsely accused you of dropping acid last time we were at Dakota | Friday, March 01, 2013 9:49:56 PM | Twitter for Android |
| That fuckin Cuban food is already going through me like shit through a goose. | Friday, March 01, 2013 5:52:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This dudes breath smells like a rotting fetus corpse. | Thursday, February 28, 2013 7:31:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| But he's cool and yeah buddy!!!!! | Wednesday, February 27, 2013 11:45:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| My new boss is the coolest bestest gayest. No wonder @MalJNew adored him instantly. He acted less gay in his interview than he actually was. | Wednesday, February 27, 2013 11:45:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm actually in awe at how fucking bad Manhattan is still destroyed by Sandy. I'm by the seaport. Place is fucked. Had no clue | Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:56:25 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Derick on me: "He's peaceful until he's drunk. Then he goes to town on ass" | Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:08:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Purim? Drink until you don't know the difference? Come on. I didn't know the difference between a high five and an ass slap on that barcrawl | Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:03:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This gentleman is bitching on the phone about his review and he wouldn't stay even if they offered him 400k | Monday, February 25, 2013 6:50:08 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jesus Christ.I feel like I'm back at Eastchester High School with this #jazzco | Sunday, February 24, 2013 9:56:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Lol everyone thinks I looks Jewish. I mean yes. I know my hair curls. Also, wanna check my penis? | Sunday, February 24, 2013 9:22:53 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Seth MacFarlane can talk like Brian to Mal and Jennifer Lawrence can shoot arrows at me (and miss on purpose) and it would be the hottest. | Sunday, February 24, 2013 9:16:54 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I made a deal. Mal can bang Seth MacFarlane if I can bang Jennifer Lawrence. He can talk Brian to her and shit | Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:57:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Yeah. I ate three of them. I'll be dumb ash shit in an hour | Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:52:44 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I don't even think you understand how hot Mal is right now | Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:47:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| *Seth not set. For fucks sake I'm a little fucked up | Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:40:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I love how set MacFarlane doesn't give a fuck. | Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:39:16 PM | Twitter for Android |
| If you wouldn't bang Halle Berry, you are asexual | Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:04:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| But I mean. Beer washes that shit down so well | Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:01:18 PM | Twitter for Android |
| WARNING. Don't eat that if you're not into that kind of thing. #frankie http://t.co/O7gvOdFIOM | Sunday, February 24, 2013 7:45:10 PM | Twitter for Android |
| it's like a vegetable garden! http://t.co/KdVFmig2pM | Sunday, February 24, 2013 7:32:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Is it acceptable yo so two rum picklebacks? I wasn't asking because I did them already so blow me | Sunday, February 24, 2013 6:49:14 PM | Twitter for Android |
| http://t.co/DNif59Nhrc I just unlocked the achievement: 'Popped 2500 Pous in Pou Popper' in #Pou! @PouAlien | Sunday, February 24, 2013 5:20:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mikey: "I was secretly chasing him" | Sunday, February 24, 2013 2:10:46 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mikey is having jack on the rocks. I'm having the rocks with a splash of jack. (I'm a pussy assed drinker) | Saturday, February 23, 2013 6:59:32 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "These aren't even normal Jack and Cokes. These are Jacqueline and Cokes" Mikey (suck it @MalJNew for tweeting this before me I Called dibs) | Saturday, February 23, 2013 6:10:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew gigglypot | Saturday, February 23, 2013 3:29:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Garden State! Cheers to Chris Christie | Saturday, February 23, 2013 11:24:06 AM | Twitter for Android |
| My tweets from last night were something. I'm a cray. | Saturday, February 23, 2013 10:25:47 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Mikey "I'm doing a strongman competition at CitiField. Now... I'm not strong and I'm hardly a man..." | Saturday, February 23, 2013 9:20:42 AM | Twitter for Android |
| There's carrot bits all over my mouth. I'm not even speaking a sentence | Friday, February 22, 2013 10:55:17 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Jesus Christ. I was mid sentence and all of a sudden I forgot my whole story | Friday, February 22, 2013 10:43:05 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Before I start plaiiii-in I'm gonna finish this whole sandwich! ... I'll finish it laiiituh yaiiiiiyyyyy | Friday, February 22, 2013 10:41:35 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "I feel like I have a flipper" "You. Are. A. Ruh. Tard." | Friday, February 22, 2013 10:35:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Rhianna has some forehead. I can project a movie on that shit | Thursday, February 21, 2013 7:21:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Good guy conductor: found error in a dude's ticket. Gave him three free rides. Barry is my boy | Thursday, February 21, 2013 8:09:32 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @kerbear88 the only thing the White Plains train station is good for is waking up drunk after missing your stop. It's also mad confusing In reply to @kerbear88's tweet | Wednesday, February 20, 2013 9:29:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just broke the trivia machine at the bar. Looks like I somehow crashed CentOS. It is now in a bootloop http://t.co/fpWz48jMMx | Wednesday, February 20, 2013 7:43:03 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Chest out. Be proud. | Wednesday, February 20, 2013 2:05:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew Be proud | Wednesday, February 20, 2013 1:46:49 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Should just call out sick. | Wednesday, February 20, 2013 7:40:38 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Woke up. Checked work email while still in bed. Instant bad mood / want to murder Eric. Gonna be a good day... | Wednesday, February 20, 2013 7:40:20 AM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew your house is backwards | Monday, February 18, 2013 6:14:04 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Mal": "Oh that's an unfortunate looking child." Me: "Hey what if that was yours?" Mal: "I wouldn't photograph it" The meanest! | Monday, February 18, 2013 4:16:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Hwy bitch. Can you fuckin like... Watch your kid and have him walk next to you and not in my path. Because I will boot him | Monday, February 18, 2013 1:58:57 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew hey | Sunday, February 17, 2013 9:54:11 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @MalJNew so good, yet so awful | Sunday, February 17, 2013 3:20:28 PM | Twitter for Android |
| He'll fly his astral plane... | Sunday, February 17, 2013 1:41:13 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @havinfuninnyc jelly In reply to @havinfuninnyc's tweet | Sunday, February 17, 2013 1:12:45 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Ya. I'm drunk | Sunday, February 17, 2013 12:33:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Sorry @MalJNew , I've been drinking all morning so I have a date with McDonald's | Sunday, February 17, 2013 12:20:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| So does beer give anyone else the shits? | Saturday, February 16, 2013 6:05:48 PM | Twitter for Android |
| LEZZZ be honest. @MalJNew and AlONa are digging each other | Friday, February 15, 2013 11:29:41 PM | Twitter for Android |
| This is me jacking off the Empire State Building http://t.co/VuPI3rC | Friday, February 15, 2013 11:23:20 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Okay.. This dude is like drying his balls on the hand dryer in this bathroom. The fuck... | Friday, February 15, 2013 11:17:38 PM | Twitter for Android |
| I'm homosexual for 90s rock. Like even songs I don't recognize sound amazeballs | Friday, February 15, 2013 10:53:21 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Aeroplanes on. Reminds me of Roland's band back in college. Shit. | Friday, February 15, 2013 10:42:09 PM | Twitter for Android |
| SHIT they put on Sirius/XM Lithium? Fuckin 90s jams. RATM and fuckin Nirvana. shit | Friday, February 15, 2013 10:00:24 PM | Twitter for Android |
| WHY GO HOME? | Friday, February 15, 2013 9:37:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Fuckin... The offspring is on here bitches #90s | Friday, February 15, 2013 9:15:01 PM | Twitter for Android |
| "This coaster smells like vagina" -@MalJNew | Friday, February 15, 2013 9:08:36 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Just sniffed in my nose to clear it and swallowed a booger you guys. Nasty | Friday, February 15, 2013 8:24:07 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Joel just gave me the BEST nickname ever: Broseph Cebroli #yolo | Friday, February 15, 2013 7:22:00 PM | Twitter for Android |
| @kerbear88 @__JLu I didn't hear about it In reply to @kerbear88's tweet | Friday, February 15, 2013 11:24:04 AM | Twitter for Android |
| IDK wtf is going in but someone might actually be jacking off in the work shitter. That sound... Ew | Friday, February 15, 2013 9:53:55 AM | Twitter for Android |
| "Gio. I can't tell you how many times I got laid at a gay bar." -Mal | Thursday, February 14, 2013 12:14:05 AM | Twitter for Android |
| Whale vagina | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:25:26 PM | Twitter for Android |
| JP Gio Mal Joe. Wrecking crew | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:20:33 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Gio: "Within a yeah she went from... She's hot. To.. she's hot for 49 something." | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:31:22 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Allegedly.... They're banging | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:27:30 PM | Twitter for Android |
| Pro tip: When you stand in a group of 4 people. Don't rip ass. | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:26:02 PM | Twitter for Android |
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