9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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This old dude on the train. His snowy white beard is glimmering majestically. Dude's got glitter in his beard. Sandy Claus? Friday, July 15, 2016 9:48:13 AMTwitter for Android
Golf Channel is on at the bar. Chick in the "ship sticks" commercial for shipping golf clubs has a beyond huge rack Thursday, July 14, 2016 3:13:19 PMTwitter for Android
A year ago I was all giddy over Pluto because I'm a huge nerd https://t.co/LlWEpDFGVU Thursday, July 14, 2016 2:43:50 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam its okay I've been out drinking
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
Tuesday, July 12, 2016 10:52:21 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam much better than paint.
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
Tuesday, July 12, 2016 10:49:07 PMTwitter for Android
I smell like booze and pizza. I'm fuckin gross Tuesday, July 12, 2016 10:47:37 PMTwitter for Android
This bar smells like CD-RWs. Anyone else remember how those used to smell, or am I old AF? Tuesday, July 12, 2016 9:16:57 PMTwitter for Android
#Nelson2016 is just about on point with this year's presidential candidates. 'Murica https://t.co/PJBF4vrnnR Monday, July 11, 2016 8:23:50 PMTwitter for Android
@RockNationRadio nice ass guy in the blue shirt
In reply to @RockNationRadio's tweet
Monday, July 11, 2016 7:14:30 PMTwitter for Android
This is a good thing. They can't have full access to my Google account https://t.co/SP0weJe7QH Monday, July 11, 2016 7:12:36 PMTwitter for Android
Train has been parked at Queens Plaza for 5 minutes #thefuckingsubway Monday, July 11, 2016 7:10:17 PMTwitter for Android
Wait a sec. I never actually authorized Niantic to my Google account and I don't see it listed as having access under connected apps DAFUQ Monday, July 11, 2016 6:56:32 PMTwitter for Android
They know everything now (always did): https://t.co/wyEVWiRQMV Monday, July 11, 2016 6:50:04 PMTwitter for Android
Smells like old man balls on this train Monday, July 11, 2016 8:18:25 AMTwitter for Android
Lol with the array indexes. #bugsonbugsonbugs https://t.co/32ewtHgj4g Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:24:35 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu Valor
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:04:27 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu coo, doesn't really matter unless you want to be on the same team with friends
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:02:39 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu If you're level 5, what team are you on?
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Saturday, July 09, 2016 12:18:41 PMTwitter for Android
The Bahamas issued a travel advisory against the United States because of this idiotic savagery going on. This is sad. Saturday, July 09, 2016 12:17:52 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam it's the buggiest thing of all time
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
Saturday, July 09, 2016 1:48:32 AMTwitter for Android
What in the actual fuck is going on in this country. It's straight up chaos. This is 2016, people! Thursday, July 07, 2016 11:11:36 PMTwitter for Android
FedEx delivery guy is working out of a Budget rental truck. #seemslegit Thursday, July 07, 2016 8:49:16 AMTwitter for Android
This just about sums up where I work... https://t.co/jGzw40fjHp Thursday, July 07, 2016 12:59:37 AMTwitter for Android
As if Time Warner wasn't bad enough, Charter suits are making employees even more miserable with idiotic HR policy: https://t.co/tZFGxoKEdi Tuesday, July 05, 2016 11:10:52 PMTwitter for Android
I intend on eating nothing but broccoli rabe for days. It's for my health since I ate like a fat ass glutton all week Tuesday, July 05, 2016 8:39:24 PMTwitter for Android
Y'all motherfuckers are jealous of my broccoli rabe in garlic and oil. Yeahhhhh jeets https://t.co/DxIQhREeOJ Tuesday, July 05, 2016 8:37:01 PMTwitter for Android
#thefuckingsubway being slow af as usual Tuesday, July 05, 2016 9:13:24 AMTwitter for Android
Don't threaten me with a good time. I can go on forever with the 90s techno https://t.co/6EXPRNfHFg Monday, July 04, 2016 10:16:47 PMTwitter for Android
@portfolioso GRAMMAR for the win. *brakes. Also said he was Russian twice. Fail
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Monday, July 04, 2016 8:47:56 PMTwitter for Android
My cab right now is exactly like this: https://t.co/xnnb6KrAfe Monday, July 04, 2016 8:34:18 PMTwitter for Android
This Russian Lyft driver is Russian and a new level of crazy. Blasting jams, strobing his lights and pumping His breaks to the beat Monday, July 04, 2016 8:33:23 PMTwitter for Android
Today, this fat fuck ate 1.5 sausage and pepper sandwiches, a hot dog, 5 chicken tenders, fries, a burger, brownies and chips Monday, July 04, 2016 8:32:32 PMTwitter for Android
So did Juno make it to Jupiter's orbit yet? Monday, July 04, 2016 10:31:49 AMTwitter for Android
"Never pull out too early" -Vinny Monday, July 04, 2016 12:19:29 AMTwitter for Android
Fredi Patricio Yauri is a phenomenal DJ Sunday, July 03, 2016 11:05:39 PMTwitter for Android
I had so much blue Curacao that my poop is blue Sunday, July 03, 2016 1:47:16 AMTwitter for Android
Plane doesn't even land for 5 minutes and I already had 3 things to rage about in this cess pool city Saturday, July 02, 2016 8:37:36 PMTwitter for Android
Yo @__JLu ... My friend Bob Johnson traveled with us. https://t.co/dD7FiuyKB4 Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:41:33 PMTwitter for Android
Savage move that the bartender is secretly giving booze to the cops in a coffee cup. Mad respect. Mad respect. I love this country. Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:39:20 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da @Delta. 100% of flights I ever booked with them were delayed. Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:22:50 PMTwitter for Android
Can't leave this troublemaker for 5 mins and they sent the po po over. @MalJNew https://t.co/rArb3xWFCX Saturday, July 02, 2016 4:13:11 PMTwitter for Android
Bartender's doing buybacks at the airportbar. Unheard of. Beyond impressed. Hell would freeze over before they did that in NYC Saturday, July 02, 2016 3:44:42 PMTwitter for Android
See, @Delta is delayed again, which means I'll just have more rum Saturday, July 02, 2016 3:33:38 PMTwitter for Android
See here's the thing. 100% of airport workers in the Bahamas are the happiest people alive. 100% of airport workers in JFK or LGA are cunts Saturday, July 02, 2016 3:01:44 PMTwitter for Android
Quiznos and drink. We getting hamskies. -Mal https://t.co/oI75teczI4 Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:56:58 PMTwitter for Android
What I don't miss is my boy Franzel at the resort who flat out refused to shake my mojitos and I straight up drank full rum/sour on bottom Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:44:18 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: .@Delta my wife's birth control is in our bags you sent to San Diego. If we have a baby you're paying for it. https://t.co/… Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:40:37 PMTwitter for Android
@KFCBarstool the Mets poop in your shoes
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:38:20 PMTwitter for Android
Mal's being all mad at me for dissing iPhones but guess who was able to connect to the wifi? My android ass. Not her iPhone. Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:34:23 PMTwitter for Android
iPhones are silly. When connecting to public wifi, they don't let you edit the signin page. Android does, thus I connected and Mal didn't Saturday, July 02, 2016 1:32:41 PMTwitter for Android
LOL @Delta thx for the delay. Our friend Greg's HOOKING us up at the resort while we wait for ya delay. Jokes on you https://t.co/XCgvO50FDP Saturday, July 02, 2016 11:39:31 AMTwitter for Android
"Government invented zika and never vaccinate your kids" for fuck's sake. When your kid dies of the mumps I'll laugh. Thursday, June 30, 2016 10:29:12 PMTwitter for Android
I'm down with some conspiracy theories but Jesus Christ these rednecks we met from some bumblefuck southern state are WAY OUT THERE. Thursday, June 30, 2016 10:27:49 PMTwitter for Android
Some player has to invent a better WiFi standard where you can hop between APs like cell towers. Because it's horrid https://t.co/lkzxmeseh9 Thursday, June 30, 2016 9:45:54 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure I'm stalking this guy. HOOKS us up with drinks. I go to whatever bat he's assigned to. Thursday, June 30, 2016 9:25:02 PMTwitter for Android
My boy Jaleel (aka Rock) is my dude. I'm taking him back to the states with me. Thursday, June 30, 2016 9:22:11 PMTwitter for Android
Horse shit. White wine for guys? You're soft. KFC and Kmarko are better than you. @stoolpresidente https://t.co/QC5M9OveQk Tuesday, June 28, 2016 11:36:54 PMTwitter for Android
My boy needs to play some Aladdin right now #noshame #sorrynotsorry Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:58:18 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam miss getting sausage and peppers at the old Stadium with @__JLu
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:47:20 PMTwitter for Android
Middle aged motherfuckers really know how to get rowdy at the piano bar Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:43:38 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam Yankee Stadium is desolate and designed for rich corporate assholes. Sucks that everyone I talk to says Citifield's better.
In reply to @portfolioso's tweet
Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:34:09 PMTwitter for Android
@scoopandslam been to Yankee Stadium twice this year. For soccer. Will always root for the Yanks but their corporate bs sickens me.
In reply to @scoopandslam's tweet
Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:30:40 PMTwitter for Android
Mal at the piano bar in the Bahamas: "He can't keep playing this white.music all night. Stevie wonder next please!" Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:03:35 PMTwitter for Android
@mustang_sarah my first computer's HD was barely 1GB and the programs and files were so small I'd never thought I'd fill it
In reply to @mustang_sarah's tweet
Sunday, June 26, 2016 10:58:05 PMTwitter for Android
I love Brian on Family Guy. He's got the right idea
Mo-ji-to 		Sunday, June 26, 2016 5:01:30 PMTwitter for Android
Mojitos for days Sunday, June 26, 2016 5:01:09 PMTwitter for Android
Mo ji to

https://t.co/G862orWr4o 		Sunday, June 26, 2016 5:00:37 PMTwitter for Android
Mojito... Saturday, June 25, 2016 9:59:12 PMTwitter for Android
I'm all about this Kalik Bahamian beer. It's going down way too scarily smooth. Saturday, June 25, 2016 4:19:15 PMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure I set a record with the number of times I puked yesterday (muted) on conference calls. Every call before 1PM. Thursday, June 23, 2016 2:04:50 AMTwitter for Android
"An Ulner collateral ligament teah" https://t.co/qjn8969fbd Wednesday, June 22, 2016 9:53:34 PMTwitter for Android
No kidding. Lenovo sucks a teensy dick. Their Moto Z looks horrendous. Getting a Nexus. https://t.co/trCTQS2fAi #android #feedly Wednesday, June 22, 2016 12:20:35 AMTwitter for Android
New York city is a really bad city to drive in. Or raise a family in. Or prosper in. Or be not homeless in. Or not be a savage in. Wednesday, June 22, 2016 12:08:23 AMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da middle east https://t.co/F3y5kK4MPO Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:52:22 PMTwitter for Android
Went out for a drink tonight after work. Was going to leave at like 8.... ....annnd. I'm hammered Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:51:31 PMTwitter for Android
See.... the ladies' faucets are going off for CJ Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:40:13 PMTwitter for Android
I'm wingmaning so hard ring now. Nate and Anna better bang tonight Tuesday, June 21, 2016 11:31:13 PMTwitter for Android
Snapchat has a horse shit UI. Kids of tomorrow are gonna create apps like this? We're fucked. Tuesday, June 21, 2016 10:00:32 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew at least it's not Detroit
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Monday, June 20, 2016 8:47:50 PMTwitter for Android
Happy summer solstice full moon day! Monday, June 20, 2016 8:44:16 PMTwitter for Android
There's a '96 Ford Explorer on my block with The Club on the steering wheel. Bro. No one is gonna jack your '96 Explorer... Monday, June 20, 2016 8:17:58 AMTwitter for Android
*quickly ( I ran out of 140 characters) Monday, June 20, 2016 1:29:00 AMTwitter for Android
See, this is why I recommend never watching porn on Android. The volume controls are so fucked you can never figure out how to mute it quick Monday, June 20, 2016 1:08:25 AMTwitter for Android
PS - Totally didn't just wake the GF up by accidentally blasting the Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video at full volume #androidfail Monday, June 20, 2016 1:07:13 AMTwitter for Android
Really happy Cleveland's got more than this going for them now: https://t.co/slSg2u3hmO Monday, June 20, 2016 1:04:20 AMTwitter for Android
Pure savagery in Cleveland right now. https://t.co/BTx9svfcuX Monday, June 20, 2016 12:59:50 AMTwitter for Android
Yes. Hangouts is a piece of shit. "Weekend poll: do you think Google Allo should replace Hangouts?" https://t.co/o5qksASh7s Sunday, June 19, 2016 7:09:54 PMTwitter for Android
Tried to close my tab last night and didn't have one open Thursday, June 16, 2016 9:00:35 AMTwitter for Android
@KFCBarstool they stopped selling sausage and peppers in the 8th. Pure savagery
In reply to @KFCBarstool's tweet
Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:44:28 AMTwitter for Android
Really could have used a sausage and peppers tonight, you guys Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:36:56 AMTwitter for Android
This dude Dante at the bar claims he named the band A Perfect Circle. 😉 Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:19:54 AMTwitter for Android
We've got an AMFYOYO here Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:11:01 AMTwitter for Android
AMFYOYO: Adios motherfucker, you're on your own Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:10:26 AMTwitter for Android
"Youse got any menthols? I only got these Chinese cigarettes" this degenerate literally has Chinese cigarettes Thursday, June 16, 2016 12:08:19 AMTwitter for Android
Pretty sure the @Yankees would have gotten me a sausage and peppers Wednesday, June 15, 2016 10:29:28 PMTwitter for Android
I need to get my life together. This is the 3rd or 4th time I got belligerent over sausage and peppers. Just ask @Fantasy_Mania about Boston Wednesday, June 15, 2016 10:16:19 PMTwitter for Android
Thor blew his shutout bottom 9 with 2 outs because Citifield refused to give me sausage and peppers Wednesday, June 15, 2016 10:04:00 PMTwitter for Android
Pure savagery at Citifield for denying me sausage and peppers Wednesday, June 15, 2016 9:58:41 PMTwitter for Android
Stupid cunts had one on the grill and still would sell it to me Wednesday, June 15, 2016 9:56:19 PMTwitter for Android
For fuck's sake why does my.piece of shit phone keep autocorrecting Citifield to "CutiField" #cunts Wednesday, June 15, 2016 9:55:04 PMTwitter for Android