How you know I'm a fat fuck: I just snapped a metal wheel in two on my rolling chair because I was leaning in one direction on it.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013 01:48:31 AM from Twitter Web Client

I'm such a data nerd... My most tweets I've ever sent in one month were 304 in May 2012

Monday, February 04, 2013 08:31:24 PM from Twitter Web Client

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Just downloaded my whole tweet archive from twitter. Now to import the ones I missed into my app...

Monday, February 04, 2013 08:09:06 PM from Twitter Web Client

Is it me, or is Firefox a hideous piece of shit?

Monday, February 04, 2013 04:41:36 PM from Twitter Web Client

@kerbear88 Fuck those trains. Jammed like crazy this morning and all delayed. If you rely on the 4/5/6 trains, you made poor life decisions.

In reply to @kerbear88's tweet

Monday, February 04, 2013 10:00:11 AM from Twitter Web Client

Congrats, homeskillet. @Onethirdof3x5

Sunday, February 03, 2013 10:48:04 PM from Twitter for Android

Three halves equal a whole and a half

Sunday, February 03, 2013 10:23:03 PM from Twitter for Android

A Catholic black Irishman with the name Hassan...

Sunday, February 03, 2013 09:14:12 PM from Twitter for Android

'Murrrrrica! Second world country. Can't even keep the power in. What the F is this District 12 of the Hunger Games?

Sunday, February 03, 2013 09:08:38 PM from Twitter for Android

George W. Bush is responsible for this power outage based on his handling of Katrina.

Sunday, February 03, 2013 08:42:19 PM from Twitter for Android

I'm watching Super Bowl XLVII (27722 others checked-in) http://t.co/ZgSkWEW #GetGlue @SuperBowl

Sunday, February 03, 2013 08:34:54 PM from GetGlue.com

Yo Jeep... Fuck a war

Sunday, February 03, 2013 08:24:50 PM from Twitter for Android

RT @DadBoner: These smokin' cocoa babes are burnin' with the heat of a thousand suns.

Sunday, February 03, 2013 08:23:17 PM from Twitter for Android

DEM black asses

Sunday, February 03, 2013 08:16:51 PM from Twitter for Android

We have boys in Afghanistan why?.......

Sunday, February 03, 2013 06:23:47 PM from Twitter for Android