My tweets from last night were something. I'm a cray.

Saturday, February 23, 2013 10:25:47 AM from Twitter for Android

Mikey "I'm doing a strongman competition at CitiField. Now... I'm not strong and I'm hardly a man..."

Saturday, February 23, 2013 09:20:42 AM from Twitter for Android

There's carrot bits all over my mouth. I'm not even speaking a sentence

Friday, February 22, 2013 10:55:17 PM from Twitter for Android

Jesus Christ. I was mid sentence and all of a sudden I forgot my whole story

Friday, February 22, 2013 10:43:05 PM from Twitter for Android

Before I start plaiiii-in I'm gonna finish this whole sandwich! ... I'll finish it laiiituh yaiiiiiyyyyy

Friday, February 22, 2013 10:41:35 PM from Twitter for Android

"I feel like I have a flipper" "You. Are. A. Ruh. Tard."

Friday, February 22, 2013 10:35:07 PM from Twitter for Android

What the fuck. Is this shit? http://t.co/QMj836SeKD

Friday, February 22, 2013 03:58:16 PM from Twitter Web Client

My tamagotchi shits a lot (like it's owner)

Friday, February 22, 2013 12:18:01 PM from Twitter Web Client

Fuckin Gmail. When I click Save on the Settings page, do NOT redirect me to my inbox. What if I want to change more settings? Asshats

Friday, February 22, 2013 01:23:04 AM from Twitter Web Client

Rhianna has some forehead. I can project a movie on that shit

Thursday, February 21, 2013 07:21:09 PM from Twitter for Android

Xtina: "My fist. Your face"

Thursday, February 21, 2013 05:03:37 PM from Twitter Web Client

Fuck the California office and the Harlem Shake. It's old bro. They dont do jack shit out there. Shawn is also a smug bitch.

Thursday, February 21, 2013 02:29:48 PM from Twitter Web Client

Posting to my twitter from our test server in our booking app, cunts.

Thursday, February 21, 2013 09:37:55 AM from Booker QA

Good guy conductor: found error in a dude's ticket. Gave him three free rides. Barry is my boy

Thursday, February 21, 2013 08:09:32 AM from Twitter for Android

New blog post: Twitter App Updated http://t.co/YQbQMzcpsT

Wednesday, February 20, 2013 11:57:29 PM from Portfolioso.com Blog