Sounds like there's a woodpecker in that Mac

Saturday, March 09, 2013 02:06:30 AM from Twitter for Android

How the fuck did the lighter get in my pants?

Saturday, March 09, 2013 02:02:22 AM from Twitter for Android

Just fixed a tech support case in about 5 minutes that out idiotic tech support reps didn't look at for 2 weeks. Fuckin slackers.

Friday, March 08, 2013 09:31:12 PM from Twitter for Android

Mal just said "ah" instead of I. Talking real hood. and she has a black ass. So legit.

Friday, March 08, 2013 08:17:28 PM from Twitter for Android

It must be easier to piss out a little rock than to drop a 9 pound human out of your box.

Friday, March 08, 2013 08:11:04 PM from Twitter for Android

Tun Tun. Stop scheduling meetings with me. I don't give a fuck about your scripts.

Friday, March 08, 2013 04:57:49 PM from Twitter for Android

These new radio firmwares for my phone are slightly better. I can now tweet from the work shitter without dropping Internets

Friday, March 08, 2013 04:54:01 PM from Twitter for Android

RT @DadBoner: If you think Kate Upton is "fat," then we're not friends anymore. Why? 'Cause you suck and you're stupid and you hate Amer ...

Friday, March 08, 2013 04:52:43 PM from Twitter for Android

Just played the illest ping pong game with Hughlon. Turned into LOBBY PONG. Where we were spiking ping pong balls across the lobby. SICK

Friday, March 08, 2013 03:45:14 PM from Twitter Web Client

Haven't been good lately about tweeting (except when im like out of my mind). Gonna try to be my old ridiculous assed self again

Friday, March 08, 2013 03:06:43 PM from Twitter Web Client

Boss man said I wasn't allowed to drink/have liquid when doing the RAM swap later on the DB server, but he said anything else was fair game

Friday, March 08, 2013 03:02:38 PM from Twitter Web Client

Sluts are always interested in taken dudes. It's how life goes.

Friday, March 08, 2013 02:54:51 PM from Twitter Web Client

BULLSHIT RT @UberFacts Men are more interested in dating women who are taken while women are more likely to respect a man’s relationship.

Friday, March 08, 2013 02:54:26 PM from Twitter Web Client

Random observation is that Polina's tits are way too big for her stick body.

Friday, March 08, 2013 11:42:56 AM from Twitter Web Client

Jesus fucking Christ, James. Go take a mother fucking English class. We hire these stupid fucks? http://t.co/G85KbD0vpF

Friday, March 08, 2013 09:11:20 AM from Twitter Web Client