You do realize that I basically jizz my pants every time Pearl Jam's Black comes on at the bar, right?

Thursday, May 23, 2013 09:08:26 PM from Twitter for Android

@kerbear88 fuckin shithole

In reply to @kerbear88's tweet

Thursday, May 23, 2013 07:12:32 PM from Twitter for Android

New blog post: Derek Jeter is Old as Fuck http://t.co/S0qQPrIc2d

Thursday, May 23, 2013 03:57:19 PM from Portfolioso.com Blog

Our VP of finance has the hots for me. Not sure how I feel about this since she has a son my age...

Thursday, May 23, 2013 12:48:27 PM from Twitter Web Client

#craigsagersuit

Wednesday, May 22, 2013 08:47:38 PM from Twitter for Android

@thomaswood touche.

In reply to @thomaswood's tweet

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 07:18:22 PM from Twitter for Android

Just received an amazing text from the gf: "I'm going to bang the bartender. she's that hot" Fine by me, as long as I'm invited @maljnew

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 01:18:23 PM from Twitter Web Client

Somehow, it always comes down to this http://t.co/K1DhHxwMi8

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 09:42:00 AM from Twitter for Android

Yo. I'm all about ripping ass, but putting charcol in your pants is way too far: http://t.co/VPo0xMexbp

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 09:09:34 AM from Twitter Web Client

Finally, the MTA has done something right. AC on full blast. It's an ice cube in here and I LOVE it!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 08:07:55 AM from Twitter for Android

@MalJNew I don't have a big ego. I have an awesome ego

In reply to @MalJNew's tweet

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 08:00:03 AM from Twitter for Android

@mollyCsouthern @MalJNew SUPER NOODLES!! RT @UberFacts In 2000, Japan named Instant Noodles their best invention of the 20th century.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 12:49:42 AM from Twitter Web Client

Can you believe this fuckin guy legit left me on my own for this maintenance?

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 12:48:30 AM from Twitter Web Client

I'm watching Nurse Jackie (85 others checked-in) http://t.co/dnRsaZdQfM #GetGlue @SHO_Network

Monday, May 20, 2013 11:25:46 PM from GetGlue.com

Almost just fell asleep standing on the train. Freaked then car out because I looked like I was going to collapse

Monday, May 20, 2013 06:58:45 PM from Twitter for Android