This bed feels like it's deflating, and I'm not even on an air mattress. Heh???

Monday, July 22, 2013 11:48:09 PM from Twitter for Android

Caption contest: "Sabato?" http://t.co/TsAm2MSNUL

Monday, July 22, 2013 11:32:41 PM from Twitter for Android

SKYPE NEEDS AN INSTANT UNSEND HOTKEY on the grounds that I just IMed our new Dir. of Engineering "I was so pissed at our bathrooms today"

Monday, July 22, 2013 03:59:37 PM from Twitter Web Client

These work shitters are worse than grand central, traffic-wise. #everonegoaway

Monday, July 22, 2013 03:17:45 PM from Twitter for Android

Just wrote a script to crash our system rapidly to test our error logging and alerting. Testing against production....

Monday, July 22, 2013 01:25:15 PM from Twitter Web Client

I'd bang a Moto X

Saturday, July 20, 2013 06:28:49 PM from Twitter for Android

With buggy code on them that makes them crash. Winning

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:47:04 PM from Twitter for Android

15 minutes until I have to drunk monitor servers that handle millions of dollars of transactions per day. Pumped!

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:46:23 PM from Twitter for Android

If I had a daughter, shed never be allowed to dress like @MalJNew

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:43:46 PM from Twitter for Android

Mal is hiding my money in her breasts and telling me to find it later #wasted

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:43:06 PM from Twitter for Android

@MalJNew the most tits

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:28:33 PM from Twitter for Android

Drama queens http://t.co/ZHZCcSOeXy

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:14:55 PM from Twitter for Android

I'm on call for the servers from 4-8. Who wants to party?

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:11:56 PM from Twitter for Android

My belly is huge. I'm preggo with mimosas

Saturday, July 20, 2013 03:09:06 PM from Twitter for Android

Summer can eat my dick. Is it fall yet?

Saturday, July 20, 2013 02:58:32 PM from Twitter for Android