My tab tonight can completely suck my dick

Sunday, November 24, 2013 02:09:18 AM from Twitter for Android

Last train home is soooooo funny. Haven't taken this shit in years

Sunday, November 24, 2013 01:58:28 AM from Twitter for Android

Sure this wasn't you, abusers? @__JLu http://t.co/e5xnfSKa18

Saturday, November 23, 2013 11:28:43 AM from Twitter Web Client

Google's "I'm feelin' lucky radio" mix is top notch right now.

Friday, November 22, 2013 08:41:59 PM from Twitter for Android

Stein: "I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it"

Thursday, November 21, 2013 10:37:09 PM from Twitter for Android

RT @stoolpresidente: The dude at best buy who sold me this Windows 8 computer is a felon

Thursday, November 21, 2013 08:02:59 PM from Twitter for Android

Meg: "Also I have 2 questions for you because I believe you know everything" Duh. I've tweeted that I know it all before

Thursday, November 21, 2013 12:58:22 PM from Twitter Web Client

Then they wonder why I hit the bottle #booker

Wednesday, November 20, 2013 06:43:55 PM from Twitter for Android

I can't stand this fucking company

Wednesday, November 20, 2013 01:19:55 PM from Twitter Web Client

Anyone have a copy of AM New York? I need to cut out multiple copies of Chris Christie's giant face.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013 09:50:53 AM from Twitter Web Client

Dibs on a bar called "The Stiff Cheese" Fuckin baller name if I say so myself

Tuesday, November 19, 2013 10:55:14 PM from Twitter for Android

Hhhhhhhhhhh (@ Casa della rossa! w/ @maljnew) http://4sq.com/17n3pgN

Tuesday, November 19, 2013 10:52:39 PM from foursquare

That's a damn good pickle

Tuesday, November 19, 2013 10:46:51 PM from Twitter for Android

I could go for a sausage and peppers right now.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013 10:38:07 PM from Twitter for Android

Joe Stein is 100% awesome.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013 03:00:23 PM from Twitter for Android