But I don't think you understand how amazing my girl's dinner was.

Sunday, December 01, 2013 05:42:02 PM from Twitter Web Client

@MalJNew fullashit. I have a pants tent. U ever see curb?

In reply to @MalJNew's tweet

Sunday, December 01, 2013 05:07:52 PM from Twitter for Android

Just drunk texted the gf's mom about the direction toilet paper should be rolled in. We agreed. Top down son...

Sunday, December 01, 2013 05:00:54 PM from Twitter for Android

wasted

Sunday, December 01, 2013 04:47:07 PM from Twitter Web Client

Some cracker keeps vulnerability scanning our servers. Getting mad alerts. Hammered son.

Sunday, December 01, 2013 03:49:54 PM from Twitter for Android

Squinty eyes! http://t.co/oduoHu44AY

Sunday, December 01, 2013 03:31:10 PM from Instagram

Lol. I have to see John McGivern tomorrow. I hope he choked on a dick over Thanksgiving.

Sunday, December 01, 2013 03:10:02 PM from Twitter for Android

Hughlon's jammin'

Sunday, December 01, 2013 02:54:51 PM from Twitter for Android

Ims just going to get as fucked up as possible

Sunday, December 01, 2013 02:39:53 PM from Twitter for Android

Props to chef maljnew for the stuffed pork chops, green bean casserole and mashed potatoes! I've got a… http://t.co/6gQm4j1Imv

Saturday, November 30, 2013 06:42:13 PM from Instagram

I was a little sad, and then I went to take a selfie and i look fucking ridiculous with this shitty haircut and stache. Then I smiled.

Saturday, November 30, 2013 12:53:37 AM from Twitter for Android

WTF. When I run this in a .bat file, it doesnt work but it does from the command line: curl -s -w %{http_code} http://t.co/n7C9fyrVoq

Friday, November 29, 2013 09:55:34 AM from Twitter Web Client

@Waspito Murrrrrica.... Happy Thanksgiving to you, Veronica and fam!

In reply to @Waspito's tweet

Thursday, November 28, 2013 05:18:23 PM from Twitter for Android

The fuck gave my uncle the remote? Why is this PBS shit on instead of football? http://t.co/zPONFaXrzV

Thursday, November 28, 2013 05:17:49 PM from Twitter for Android

@XtinaSchelin When I read "my hands are typing words," it reminded me of you. idk why. I can picture you saying it. Happy Thanksgiving!

In reply to @XtinaSchelin's tweet

Thursday, November 28, 2013 09:26:26 AM from Twitter Web Client