I can spot a bad bitch from a mile away. My slutdar is top notch.

Thursday, December 26, 2013 01:00:24 AM from Twitter for Android

If you don't think I'm wearing sweatpants to the office tomorrow, then you're mistaken. Gonna be a whopping 5 people there.

Thursday, December 26, 2013 12:37:12 AM from Twitter Web Client

RT @BarstoolJJ: Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013 11:36:45 AM from Twitter for Android

As a Christmas present, I present to you all the infamous Loyola Commons roof fromble: https://t.co/BV0Xefuz8S

Wednesday, December 25, 2013 11:29:11 AM from Twitter for Android

@__JLu omg I need to put that on YouTube

In reply to @__JLu's tweet

Tuesday, December 24, 2013 11:33:56 PM from Twitter for Android

I was watching old college drunken videos and pops laughed for 30secs when someone said "don't drink and drive when you can smoke and fly"

Tuesday, December 24, 2013 11:13:24 PM from Twitter for Android

Watching Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too like a boss.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013 05:23:03 PM from Twitter for Android

!!!!!!!! https://t.co/1F3AOKS83o

Tuesday, December 24, 2013 03:11:39 PM from Vine for Android

Pearl Jam's Ten craclkin' away on Vinyl tho

Tuesday, December 24, 2013 02:49:07 PM from Twitter Web Client

My dad is so obsessed with the Sopranos he legit downloaded Tony Soprano's cell phone ringtone

Tuesday, December 24, 2013 01:11:32 PM from Twitter for Android

Just hid the stupid ass Flash copy to clipboard button on mobile devices for my twitter app. mobile doesnt have flash asswipe

Tuesday, December 24, 2013 01:36:00 AM from Twitter Web Client

When I get a dog, his or her name is going to either be Baller or Dawg

Monday, December 23, 2013 01:31:36 PM from Twitter for Android

RT @MalJNew Kevin McCallister for President

Monday, December 23, 2013 01:15:07 PM from Twitter Web Client

Have to poop and an in the middle of a rollout #ReleaseEngineerProblems

Monday, December 23, 2013 01:13:05 PM from Twitter Web Client

PJ day in the office and I'm wearing a onesie... How am I supposed to poop? Strip down in a stall?

Monday, December 23, 2013 12:38:34 PM from Twitter Web Client