10 mins to all my east coast crackers. I got a couple of extra hours in the 2013 this year

Tuesday, December 31, 2013 11:52:50 PM from Twitter for Android

Oh Jorge, I'm very disappointed in your test scores. Is everything alright at home?

Monday, December 30, 2013 06:52:46 PM from Twitter for Android

These motherfuckers need to get their shit together with these server alerts and instability while I'm away.

Monday, December 30, 2013 03:45:32 PM from Twitter for Android

John P. Egg sangwich. Noms

Sunday, December 29, 2013 10:09:57 AM from Twitter for Android

Man with his flaming fire has conquered the wayward breezes

Sunday, December 29, 2013 09:05:16 AM from Twitter for Android

@Waspito how does one accidentally 6 shots of vodka?

In reply to @Waspito's tweet

Saturday, December 28, 2013 10:33:53 PM from Twitter for Android

These apple pies are knocking me on my ass.

Saturday, December 28, 2013 06:45:59 PM from Twitter for Android

Its time for apple pies!

Saturday, December 28, 2013 06:10:21 PM from Twitter for Android

"I got about 1300 rounds of ammo"

Saturday, December 28, 2013 04:54:54 PM from Twitter for Android

Is it acceptable to live tweet a mass? I kinda wanna get cray and commentate...

Saturday, December 28, 2013 12:05:13 AM from Twitter for Android

"When I was trippin' one time, I was drivin'"

Friday, December 27, 2013 11:43:15 PM from Twitter for Android

I tell the judge I'm 63, fuck them.

Friday, December 27, 2013 11:39:50 PM from Twitter for Android

John P: "Once I took acid fugheddabouddit. I took acid every day after that"

Friday, December 27, 2013 11:18:59 PM from Twitter for Android

"Back in 1971..." Lol

Friday, December 27, 2013 11:13:15 PM from Twitter for Android

Told the TSA guy I had a bottle of dihydrogen monoxide on my person and he freaked out. Dumbass

Friday, December 27, 2013 12:18:50 PM from Twitter for Android