I FUCKING HOPE SO TOO, DUDE http://t.co/pQvhBIQpyJ
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 09:17:12 AM from Twitter Web Client
I've got a cray
Monday, January 06, 2014 10:01:03 PM from Twitter for Android
Incorrect tweet of 2014: "I'll cut you some slack. You bleed three out of four weeks every month. Wait... I reversed that..."
Monday, January 06, 2014 09:58:26 PM from Twitter for Android
Back from vacation. Build server crashed again.
Monday, January 06, 2014 02:26:42 PM from Twitter Web Client
I want-a the mortadella sliced a thin-a
Sunday, January 05, 2014 07:46:49 PM from Twitter for Android
This little old Italian lady/ deli guy interaction would make for Oscar winning television. I'm cracking up
Sunday, January 05, 2014 07:46:09 PM from Twitter for Android
A woman just ordered half white and half yellow american cheese at the deli. Isn't it the same shit and just dyed?
Sunday, January 05, 2014 07:42:16 PM from Twitter for Android
"My mom's gonna be my maid of honor, Jeff's walking me down the isle and you gays are gonna be my bridesmaids"
Sunday, January 05, 2014 12:23:24 AM from Twitter for Android
For the record, we were talking about a rich Middle Eastern guy and I said that he had that A-Rab money. Oops @MalJNew
Saturday, January 04, 2014 08:34:25 PM from Twitter for Android
The computerized text to speech engine they use at Phoenix Sky Harbor is the same one that is used for Stephen Hawking on Family Guy
Saturday, January 04, 2014 12:49:10 PM from Twitter for Android
"Yo they look like they're related or some shit... Oh wait, we're watching Family Feud." -@portfolioso
Saturday, January 04, 2014 02:08:19 AM from Twitter for Android
Trying to play the slots ya fuckin homewrecker. #PokemonSilver #SlutLiz hitting me up all noche http://t.co/jEC5gSZ9jQ
Saturday, January 04, 2014 01:47:36 AM from Twitter for Android
Took two shits in time of peace and two in time of war. I took two shits before I took two shits, and then I took two more
Friday, January 03, 2014 09:10:08 PM from Twitter for Android