Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit

"Jesus Mary on the Christ"

The driver "You're such a fuckin pussy bitch"

Pretty sure a mother I wouldn't like to fuck is diving us

Christ. If a cop pulls us over, we're fucked

Went to close my tab. Bar said I owed nothing. Said I had three drinks for karma but like 4 peeps drank on my tab. Enjoyyyyy

Please explain how I shattered a glass while I was drinking it and didn't notice

I read some people's Twitters and they're so sad... I'm so grateful for everything. Also shouts to gma. I'm in her old hood.

Honest to God. This is more fun than I ever had at the Grape with the exception of the night of graduation

I'd probably pay $100 for a Johnny-fuck-me-up right now. Would get me wasted @MalJNew

Wait a sec. Are the girls naked in Robin Thicke's blurred lines video, or is it just because I'm at a gay bar and its acceptable?

I love the aunties!

@MichaelShatin: "Savage Garden is playing at my wedding"

Savage Garden is on? Haven't heard that since the 90s. I'm getting hammered tonight

Good thing the gf is cool. Found out I follow @JenSelter on my other twitter account and was like... I saw asses everywhere