RT @KFCBarstool: My entire life I thought the Pearl Jam lyrics were "Jeremy's Spoken" not "Jeremy Spoke In." Just found out last nite #Bars

Friday, March 14, 2014 02:16:28 PM from Twitter for Android

"I have a thing for messes. I can rehabilitate them." *pause* "...With my dick."

Friday, March 14, 2014 02:15:55 PM from Twitter for Android

Just got this beer called "Yeast..?" Ummmmm probably not the best marketing name for it. Its iight

Friday, March 14, 2014 01:46:10 PM from Twitter for Android

Please explain to me how I, a grammar Nazi, lost a match on Quizzup in the grammar category to someone in fuckin India

Friday, March 14, 2014 10:34:56 AM from Twitter for Android

Ya don't need to post 9 tbt pics in a row, fuckfaces.

Friday, March 14, 2014 01:37:03 AM from Twitter for Android

If I don't get banned from a bar in Chi city, this weekend will be a failure

Friday, March 14, 2014 12:20:02 AM from Twitter for Android

This plane is the whitest. I also guess it snowed here... Leave it up to me to fly from no snow to snowinzn the winter.

Thursday, March 13, 2014 11:44:46 PM from Twitter for Android

Chi city bound for St. Paddy's. Disaster bound

Thursday, March 13, 2014 09:10:35 PM from Twitter for Android

I've informed the pilot not to turn off our plane's transponder.

Thursday, March 13, 2014 09:09:50 PM from Twitter for Android

RT @BarstoolJJ: Thank god for Thowback Thursday or i would have forgotten how much I hated you the first time you posted that picture.

Thursday, March 13, 2014 08:19:44 PM from Twitter for Android

McGivern: Shut your whore mouth

Thursday, March 13, 2014 03:33:10 PM from Twitter for Android

McGivern is the only dick standing in the way of my 3 day weekend

Thursday, March 13, 2014 02:40:40 PM from Twitter for Android

I've beyond mailed it in over at this here Booking establishment

Thursday, March 13, 2014 12:36:15 PM from Twitter for Windows

F that noise. Glad I don't have to deal with this BS: RT @briandonathan Grand Central Terminal. #EastHarlemExplosion http://t.co/OYWxRU6aBV

Wednesday, March 12, 2014 05:46:03 PM from Twitter Web Client

When we make a one line bugfix in our app: http://t.co/A1ECzqnbhl

Wednesday, March 12, 2014 05:44:15 PM from Twitter Web Client