They didn't call me Joe Spanky in college for nothin' you guys

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 10:34:41 PM from Twitter for Android

The owner of this bar reminds me of that dude from Aqua Teen Hunger Force with the hairy back

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 10:04:01 PM from Twitter for Android

Shit. Am I on call tonight?

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 09:54:37 PM from Twitter for Android

Get a load a this old fuck at bikini bar. Guys like bald and 65 mackin it on the bikini bartenders

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 09:53:21 PM from Twitter for Android

This bikini bartender is what you call a "thick girl"

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 09:49:33 PM from Twitter for Android

Stop smoking fuckin cigarettes @MalJNew

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 09:29:31 PM from Twitter for Android

Best. Photobomb. Ever. http://t.co/lwIu8XtLfx

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 08:58:27 PM from Twitter for Android

This motherfucker is on call if the system shits the bed and will be going to bikini bar next.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 08:51:34 PM from Twitter for Android

Fuck the fuckin Flyers. I hate Philly. And Philly Meg

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 08:40:51 PM from Twitter for Android

Have I mentioned lately that Firefox is a fucking piece of shit? http://t.co/hmcLGjhyj8

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 04:32:02 PM from Twitter Web Client

Our alcoholic sysops team is arguing over how the new on call schedule will fit into our drinking habits

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 02:55:51 PM from Twitter Web Client

The B.O. originating from my boss is kind of out of control for a white guy. Two cubes down.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 09:57:03 AM from Twitter Web Client

What's the over under the girl who wrote this letter has been executed? I'd say probably 80/20 http://t.co/DCILM98R53

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 09:30:59 AM from Twitter Web Client

Sorry Mals, but based on Emma Stone's Tonight Show appearance, I must cheat on you with her.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 12:10:14 AM from Twitter for Android Tablets

The grammar in this email made me cry. I judged harshly. http://t.co/OWnDal2iHx

Tuesday, April 29, 2014 09:41:45 AM from Twitter Web Client