I respect Jeter for banging on his chest and saying yeah Jeets to video highlights. If Twitter was a sport, I'd bang my chest to my tweets

Wednesday, May 21, 2014 07:15:05 PM from Twitter for Android

Just googled " Mexican bag of chickens painting" don't ask...

Wednesday, May 21, 2014 06:50:24 PM from Twitter for Android

The golden rule to determine whether or not two coworkers are banging is: if there's the slightest suspicion, then yes, they're banging

Wednesday, May 21, 2014 05:06:16 PM from Twitter Web Client

So the frontend intern and product intern are fucking, right? My coworkers fucking radar is 100% on point.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014 05:04:52 PM from Twitter Web Client

O shit. Yanks are on? $3 Coors Lights? Never going back to the office.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014 02:46:36 PM from Twitter for Android

Foo Fighters are putting all their shit on SoundCloud. Yeah DAVE. (PS I buy foo records, so whatever) https://t.co/pf3lfnX74j

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 05:19:47 PM from Twitter Web Client

This kid's a stud. He's obviously going straight for the pussy: http://t.co/J1500tnaeI

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 04:37:43 PM from Twitter Web Client

Cut me off and shut me up? Fine. I won't talk to you the rest of the day. Fuck off

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 03:27:53 PM from Twitter Web Client

Closing out old abandoned tickets. Very tempted to close them all with "Don't give a fuck about your bitch ass request, ho"

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 12:51:17 PM from Twitter Web Client

Listening to Wasting Light and OMG DAVE GROHL. Missed this album

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 12:47:40 PM from Twitter Web Client

Colin. Shut the fuck up. Jesus Christ. Hasn't shut his trap all morning since I walked in. I don't even give a fuck about your jibber jabber

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 11:27:35 AM from Twitter Web Client

I lost by .33 points in fantasy this week. Bastards

Monday, May 19, 2014 09:17:55 AM from Twitter for Android

Two more hours I'm "on call" and by on call I mean drunk at brunch.s

Sunday, May 18, 2014 04:22:13 PM from Twitter for Android

That time when you're shitface and your mom tells you to call

Sunday, May 18, 2014 04:17:22 PM from Twitter for Android

@kerbear88 come on. This cannot be why you don't root for them

In reply to @kerbear88's tweet

Sunday, May 18, 2014 03:37:17 PM from Twitter for Android