I just whistled an invented guitar solo riff to Oye Como Va. Come at me

Friday, June 27, 2014 12:49:24 AM from Twitter for Android

I didn't think it would be that hard to see Sam walking away but somehow it was. Fuckin a man.

Friday, June 27, 2014 12:26:48 AM from Twitter for Android

Not to be a cocky asshole or anything but when a fly ass ex coworker texts you this, ya gotta feel some kinda awesome http://t.co/JO57kOWvjw

Friday, June 27, 2014 12:15:46 AM from Twitter for Android

"D.A.T.A.Z.Z.D.O.E" (DAT ass tho)

Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:33:11 PM from Twitter for Android

This cocksucker waiter took away the giant jenga blocks from me. Are you serious?

Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:01:45 PM from Twitter for Android

Black keys are on so I'm taking a shot. Not their pussy ass new album tho. Good old shit

Thursday, June 26, 2014 09:41:23 PM from Twitter for Android

Sam's leaving g. My company is now fucked hard. In the ass

Thursday, June 26, 2014 09:40:51 PM from Twitter for Android

Wench. Stop talking to the other fuckin bartender and bring me beers

Thursday, June 26, 2014 08:26:26 PM from Twitter for Android

IMA star son http://t.co/hYZS5QGLnD

Thursday, June 26, 2014 08:02:40 PM from Twitter for Android

Yo Dwight. Lemmie get some sliders

Thursday, June 26, 2014 07:59:17 PM from Twitter for Android

I almost just broke a tooth biting a bottle of tequila. No comment

Thursday, June 26, 2014 06:33:39 PM from Twitter for Android

Tonight is Sam's going away party. This is going to get reaaaaaallllll sloppy. If I pee on you, I apologize in advance.

Thursday, June 26, 2014 06:20:54 PM from Twitter Web Client

Am kinda bummed that I can't flash the dev preview of Android L on my 2012 Nexus 7.

Thursday, June 26, 2014 02:50:46 PM from Twitter for Android

The Windows command line is fucking convoluted. https://t.co/odTrJlwuhS Shit takes like .5 seconds in Python or bash

Thursday, June 26, 2014 01:40:22 PM from Twitter Web Client

In case you're interested in how i fixed what I was bitchin about before, https://t.co/7guW2Ltw9W

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Thursday, June 26, 2014 02:02:53 PM from Twitter Web Client