I've got our best programmer at the bar and he's Googling "what is squirt juice?"

Tuesday, November 18, 2014 08:38:16 PM from Twitter for Android

Build failed ONE time (because of dev error) and our CGO (Chief Grandpa Officer) scheduled a meeting to discuss "improving the process."

Tuesday, November 18, 2014 02:02:26 PM from Twitter Web Client

Based on Tom's parenting stories, I've decided I'm never going to have a 14 year old daughter.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014 12:43:09 PM from Twitter Web Client

Fascinating night...

Tuesday, November 18, 2014 01:43:52 AM from Twitter for Android

⚡⚡⚡

Saturday, November 15, 2014 12:59:20 AM from Twitter for Android

Conjunction junction, what's your function?

Friday, November 14, 2014 11:14:21 PM from Twitter for Android

PS *it's for it is. I'm not a grammar idiot. Just couldn't fit the 160 chrs

Friday, November 14, 2014 10:27:30 PM from Twitter for Android

Its common sense really

Friday, November 14, 2014 09:53:39 PM from Twitter for Android

These fuckers need to stop inflating my ego and yelling me that I'm good at what I do. Its not that I'm good. Everyone else is just an idiot

Friday, November 14, 2014 09:53:14 PM from Twitter for Android

Yo India. Your mars photos suck... Look how blurry it is. Learn how to space. I thought you guys were supposed to be smart or something...

Friday, November 14, 2014 06:39:07 PM from Twitter Web Client

If @jerrythornton1's leaving Barstool, who's gonna do the sex scandal teacher blogs?

Friday, November 14, 2014 05:11:41 PM from Twitter Web Client

Woof. You ever know a really hot chick in college and then you saw her pic like 5 years later and it's like woof? Yeah that just happened.

Friday, November 14, 2014 04:15:15 PM from Twitter Web Client

Indian dude in the office gave me a cookie and I think I just ate a teaspoon of curry powder

Friday, November 14, 2014 04:11:54 PM from Twitter Web Client

Edgar: "Yo player, just file the fuckin ticket"

Friday, November 14, 2014 01:25:16 PM from Twitter for Android

Bummer. Tried to flash lollipop on my 2012 Nexus 7, but it doesn't recognize 10 USB cables in different computers. USB port is jacked.

Friday, November 14, 2014 12:12:42 PM from Twitter Web Client