Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit

Beers go down much smoother when they're off my tab, ya heard?

I mean... At this point, she's not even getting Eiffel towered. She's getting forklifted

I judge how awesome I am based on looking at my tweets and measuring how batshit crazy they were.

Fuck off, I was in court all day

Why do I only tweet good stuff when I've been drinking? Am I that boring otherwise?

Natalia is gonna get it in tonight at this bar

And furthermore Susan, let's discuss how much of a lesbian my gf is for Rihanna.

So what's the protocol if you accidentally on purpose put drinks on your boss' tab?

Happy bday to the biggest #abuserslist I know besides myself @__JLu

God bless me

Remember how during Frozen they said all men eat their own boogers? Disney's legal team's got that handled. http://t.co/Yjzv1RbUf6

Met the best British peeps from the bar. One was Italian with a UK accent drinking Amaretto. Fascinating

If our security asshole talks about clickjacking just one more time for a server that shouldn't even be in scope... Click jackoff

What do you want from me, my hands were full of delicious Burger King. Plus he was supposed to be a chill guy, you guys

David, our doorman was NOT amused/pleased with me when I used my ass to swipe into the building (NFC in wallet in back pocket)