I just realized it's only Monday and I'm already at the bar

Monday, July 27, 2015 09:20:34 PM from Twitter for Android

Yo barkeep. Stop talking to broad barkeep and get me a drink.

Monday, July 27, 2015 08:53:36 PM from Twitter for Android

VMWareTools is a huge pain in the fuckin ass

Monday, July 27, 2015 05:10:14 PM from Twitter Web Client

Better not disappoint. https://t.co/2A4QIMSkFE

Monday, July 27, 2015 01:35:32 PM from Twitter Web Client

Cut me off again and I'm moving to Andrew's team, cunt

Monday, July 27, 2015 11:03:40 AM from Twitter Web Client

.@NYCTSubway I can crawl backwards on broken glass faster than the southbound 4/5 in Manhattan. How dare your status says good service.

Monday, July 27, 2015 09:02:40 AM from Twitter for Android

My boy Danny's here. Borderline degenerate. It's like we're in Wildwood, except we're in Queens

Friday, July 24, 2015 09:25:46 PM from Twitter for Android

Jesus Christ, CC. You suck at life

Friday, July 24, 2015 08:29:47 PM from Twitter for Android

Can't even filter by "submitted by" for user stories in our agile tracking software. Piece of crap

Friday, July 24, 2015 01:42:22 PM from Twitter Web Client

Just crashed a taxi's point of sale by trying to pay with @googlewallet / NFC on my phone. Buggy POS (pun intended)

Thursday, July 23, 2015 11:51:12 PM from Twitter for Android

Shouldn't have had Mexican for lunch AND dinner yesterday. I'm at an all day offsite meeting. Use your imagination

Thursday, July 23, 2015 05:03:53 PM from Twitter Web Client

I fuckin hate Serge

Tuesday, July 21, 2015 10:57:07 PM from Twitter for Android

I'm not pissing next to these two suits.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015 10:37:41 PM from Twitter for Android

Let's all go to the bar and take body shots off Vinny

Tuesday, July 21, 2015 09:24:53 PM from Twitter for Android

"I take one lens out so I can wink at bitches" http://t.co/cfya7o5Ap3

Tuesday, July 21, 2015 08:32:07 PM from Twitter for Android