I'm awesome all the time... But especially after drinking.

Sunday, September 06, 2015 01:33:49 AM from Twitter for Android

"Took my tylenol off" -me. I meant tie #drunk

Sunday, September 06, 2015 01:14:02 AM from Twitter for Android

Get the fuck out of here... I was in a park in Cincinnati for a wedding and motherfuckin Paul O'Neil was at another wedding

Sunday, September 06, 2015 12:46:20 AM from Twitter for Android

Just convinced an Uber driver to fit 7 people in a Chevy Cobalt. This would never fly in New York

Saturday, September 05, 2015 11:57:25 PM from Twitter for Android

They are moshing to Andrew WK at this wedding right now. #mystatus

Saturday, September 05, 2015 09:44:02 PM from Twitter for Android

My life is a joke. You can't even make this shit up

Saturday, September 05, 2015 06:50:47 PM from Twitter for Android

Sick customer your fuckin ass. Get the asshole off the train and move along.

Friday, September 04, 2015 04:11:23 PM from Twitter for Android

@MTA cunts

Friday, September 04, 2015 04:07:23 PM from Twitter for Android

Fuck the fuckin MTA. Legit my last day in this city before vacation & they're being miserable cunts just turning fuckin local trains express

Friday, September 04, 2015 04:07:08 PM from Twitter for Android

@NYCTSubway why would you take a queens bound R train at queens plaza and turn it express? Rude.

Friday, September 04, 2015 04:01:48 PM from Twitter for Android

I've got a 10am with my VP and I usually roll in at like 10:30 son. #welpshit

Friday, September 04, 2015 12:06:44 AM from Twitter for Android

RT @sadserver: the first stage of deployment is "denial"

Thursday, September 03, 2015 10:50:43 PM from Twitter for Android

OMG. Everything was configured just fine, but it's because they merged fuckin code in from 3 versions ago and the app broke. #shitsgottastop

Thursday, September 03, 2015 05:27:58 AM from Twitter Web Client