Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit

I've gotta take a huge shit and have an hour meeting with useless VP #2

OMG. I am THIS close to telling our VP of product who asked me a stupid fuckin question to read our help site.

This might take a while. Also, there is a loud whining kid here. Someone give him an ambien

Step off the pharmacy line to grab something bc no one was at the pharmacy. Next thing you know they're helping a guy who no habla ingles.

A bunch of bumbling ijits on this call

Subway is legit parked right now. #mtaproblems

A fuckin bird just shit on my hand

That time you have to piss and you didn't even take off yet. This is why you don't get hammered before flights

Can I Seamless food to the gate at LaGuardia when I've landed? #fatfuck

Also, fuck airplane mode. The frequency phones run on won't conflict with the airplane shit. So I am tweeting this as we take off. I'll live

You've gotta be a giant vajay to be secured by a plane seatbelt.

Oh wait plane seatbelts protect you from turbulence? You ever ride the NYC subways? Shit's 95 times worse than turbulence.

Plane seatbelts are the stupidest things ever. Like... If the plane crashed, it's not going to save you.

Eli with the sizzzz pass... To the cameraman