Jeb Bush: your tie knot sucks. You're a failure at life.

Wednesday, September 09, 2015 12:28:38 AM from Twitter for Android

Dafuq is Colbert doing right now? Selling Hummus and doing weird myth shit #cuncel

Tuesday, September 08, 2015 11:52:40 PM from Twitter for Android

Get a load of this goofy ass looking search bar in the latest Google update. Phone looks like a cartoon now. http://t.co/P09N8ltnMl

Tuesday, September 08, 2015 11:42:17 PM from Twitter for Android

#lolmets with this Harvey pitch limit pussification. Yanks tried this before with the Joba Rule. That worked out swimmingly...

Tuesday, September 08, 2015 04:22:21 PM from Twitter for Android

Motherfucker's gonna cook some meth http://t.co/Tyd66VWuUK

Sunday, September 06, 2015 10:32:07 AM from Twitter for Android

It's 10am and I'm somewhere in between "fuckin hammered" and raging hangover

Sunday, September 06, 2015 10:22:58 AM from Twitter for Android

Reverend Pussy Popper

Sunday, September 06, 2015 02:27:10 AM from Twitter for Android

I'm awesome all the time... But especially after drinking.

Sunday, September 06, 2015 01:33:49 AM from Twitter for Android

"Took my tylenol off" -me. I meant tie #drunk

Sunday, September 06, 2015 01:14:02 AM from Twitter for Android

Get the fuck out of here... I was in a park in Cincinnati for a wedding and motherfuckin Paul O'Neil was at another wedding

Sunday, September 06, 2015 12:46:20 AM from Twitter for Android

Just convinced an Uber driver to fit 7 people in a Chevy Cobalt. This would never fly in New York

Saturday, September 05, 2015 11:57:25 PM from Twitter for Android

They are moshing to Andrew WK at this wedding right now. #mystatus

Saturday, September 05, 2015 09:44:02 PM from Twitter for Android

My life is a joke. You can't even make this shit up

Saturday, September 05, 2015 06:50:47 PM from Twitter for Android