This fucking security guy needs to stop walking over to look at our network diagram. He should print out his own and go away.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015 10:47:31 AM from Twitter Web Client

Called my mom... She spent 15 mins telling me about her neighbor's knee replacement. 😴💤

Saturday, October 17, 2015 10:29:19 PM from Twitter for Android

#metsaintgotnooneinrehab

Thursday, October 15, 2015 11:24:55 PM from Twitter for Android

Congrats to all my mess fans out there

Thursday, October 15, 2015 11:24:08 PM from Twitter for Android

#loldodgers

Thursday, October 15, 2015 10:06:30 PM from Twitter for Android

Pretty sure our director of architecture is a gangster

Thursday, October 15, 2015 08:49:08 PM from Twitter for Android

Said I'd only have a beer at the bar. Had 5 already and counting. Also, #lolmets

Thursday, October 15, 2015 08:38:45 PM from Twitter for Android

@MalJNew RELAX

In reply to @MalJNew's tweet

Thursday, October 15, 2015 12:13:07 AM from Twitter for Android

Makes no sense my train is going 2mph when there hasn't been one in front of it for 8 minutes. #whattraffic #mta #cunts

Tuesday, October 13, 2015 10:34:36 AM from Twitter SMS

@Fantasy_Mania Commish when his team wins? #maroon5 https://t.co/dsb6JEnD57

Monday, October 12, 2015 01:50:18 PM from Twitter Web Client

Anyone else notice that PCs (Windows 8/10) suck balls with Bluetooth devices? Like they rarely connect and always fuck up. Someone fix it.

Monday, October 12, 2015 09:59:36 AM from Twitter Web Client

Lower the fuckin heat on the subways you MTA cunts

Monday, October 12, 2015 08:51:24 AM from Twitter for Android

Jesus fucking Christ ISIS, I can assure you Allah doesn't want you going around raping people and having sex slaves http://t.co/WM3Bq6IuCv

Monday, October 12, 2015 01:03:27 AM from Twitter for Android

False alerts waking me up all night and the primary motherfucker keeps missing them. #cunts #fucksysops

Saturday, October 10, 2015 05:15:54 AM from Twitter for Android

Vinny is now speaking Italian to the cab driver

Friday, October 09, 2015 12:08:43 AM from Twitter for Android