I don't understand how this train has been parked in a tunnel for 5 minutes. It's 11PM. What train traffic? #TheFuckingSubway

Thursday, April 28, 2016 11:03:48 PM from Twitter for Android

I may or may not have burned my face on a taquito

Thursday, April 28, 2016 03:18:14 AM from Twitter for Android

Donald Trump: Make America... Not be like Venezuela (hopefully) https://t.co/6Dj1rzdS1d #entertainment #feedly

Thursday, April 28, 2016 02:31:50 AM from Twitter for Android

Damn auto inserting tracking hashtags from my app I forgot to delete.

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Thursday, April 28, 2016 02:33:33 AM from Twitter for Android

Because I'm a nostalgic degenerate, just ordered a Bud Light bottle at the bar because it reminded me of the Grape

Thursday, April 28, 2016 02:06:28 AM from Twitter for Android

git commit -am "Why would you ever save an nginx config with Windows line endings?"

Wednesday, April 27, 2016 01:40:07 PM from Twitter Web Client

nginx nginy nginz

Wednesday, April 27, 2016 11:14:20 AM from Twitter Web Client

One of the DBAs was just talking to me for 10 minutes and making analogies about ships and engine rooms and I have no clue wtf he was saying

Wednesday, April 27, 2016 08:33:25 AM from Twitter Web Client

The NYC subway is so bad, my hashtag #thefuckingsubway crashes my Twitter app on Android.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016 09:09:05 AM from Twitter for Android

All of the presidential candidates are brain damaged; one worse than the other.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016 09:06:04 AM from Twitter for Android

Greg Kelly basically just suggested everyone should fuck in the back seat of driverless cars while they're driving you.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016 08:41:49 AM from Twitter for Android

What kind of stupid fuckin system doesn't show you a summary of your appointment time on the thank you screen after you schedule something?

Tuesday, April 26, 2016 01:08:08 AM from Twitter Web Client

Someone's gotta move this bumblefuck train a little faster. Guys going like 10mph the whole way #thefuckingsubway

Monday, April 25, 2016 09:07:04 PM from Twitter for Android

Happy Monday! #YOLO https://t.co/jf6AdbCOKn

Monday, April 25, 2016 09:12:12 AM from Twitter for Android

The firewalls are overloaded, a CPU failed in our SQL cluster, we're doing a half assed rollout Monday night and I'm on call #fuckmylife

Sunday, April 24, 2016 08:11:56 AM from Twitter Web Client