I just tried to photo bomb a Snapchat and got crossed out before being sent. Little #butthurt
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 10:23:26 PM from Twitter for Android
All the hoes jockin
Alina and Pat cockblockin'
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 10:01:48 PM from Twitter for Android
Fuck you too bitch call the cops
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 09:53:29 PM from Twitter for Android
Yo @twitter. Fix the bug in your Android app where scrolling through multiple pics in one tweet lags the shit out of my phone
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 09:26:34 PM from Twitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ Tex hit a home run, didn't he?
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 09:13:22 PM from Twitter for Android
Just had my 4th mixed drink at the standard... I guess I'll need to take out a loan soon
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 09:06:20 PM from Twitter for Android
Dumb motherfuckers. Why would you EVER run SQL profiler in production. For fuck's sake.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 11:09:19 AM from Twitter for Android
Now one of my socks is inside out... I'm a hot mess.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 09:37:00 AM from Twitter for Android
This is gonna sound absolutely absurd, but I can explain. I think I left my sunglasses in the work fridge yesterday...😎
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 08:41:57 AM from Twitter for Android
Yanks are back. Going all the way to the series #positivenancy
She literally doesn't understand the concept of copying the image and pasting it into the text field
"What's NSFW?" "Not safe for work, ma" "What does not safe for work mean?" 😂
I'm on the phone trying to teach my mom how to send Bitmoji and she's taking 10 minutes to pick one...
NYC stresses me the fuck out. Wasn't even back 30 mins and the NYPD pissed me off. Protip: don't slam shit around inside a precinct.