Someone get our CTO on suicide watch after our uptime dropped to 99.6 this weekend

Monday, March 27, 2017 10:19:25 AM from Twitter Web Client

It's the first Monday at work after the bachelor party weekend and I'd rather be dead.

Monday, March 27, 2017 08:29:04 AM from Twitter for Android

See, would've gotten fomo if I passed out. Instead, got fomo cause everyone else passed out and I was still awake

Sunday, March 26, 2017 04:54:27 AM from Twitter for Android

I passed out 0 times during g this shindig and yacked 0 times. The most proud of myself.

Sunday, March 26, 2017 02:42:06 AM from Twitter for Android

Protip: "Ain't nobody don't like to fuck"

Saturday, March 25, 2017 11:36:29 PM from Twitter for Android

Barclays center is weak on the sausage and peppers game, cunts

Saturday, March 25, 2017 08:58:09 PM from Twitter for Android

It's been two days and I'm taking a leak watching a video of my Luna and I miss her the most

Saturday, March 25, 2017 06:44:03 PM from Twitter for Android

Ain't nobody going to bed

Saturday, March 25, 2017 05:47:11 AM from Twitter for Android

"Political Greg sucks a dick"

Saturday, March 25, 2017 05:37:11 AM from Twitter for Android

Now we got death threats at the party. Should I be scared?

Saturday, March 25, 2017 05:02:55 AM from Twitter for Android

Bitches cray

Saturday, March 25, 2017 04:58:51 AM from Twitter for Android

What's my motha fuckin name... R.U.L.E

Saturday, March 25, 2017 01:41:50 AM from Twitter for Android

My Fitbit is telling me I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep this week, so I should even dead, but I'm alive son.

Friday, March 24, 2017 11:38:24 PM from Twitter for Android

I just got iced for the first time in my life. People still do that shit?

Friday, March 24, 2017 11:03:09 PM from Twitter for Android

This is gonna be an amazing disaster

Friday, March 24, 2017 08:18:23 PM from Twitter for Android