Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit

Goddamn it. It's 1:30 am and people are passed out already. It's a bachelor party. Stop being a buncha fuckin pussies

Every time I go to a bachelor party I end up with a new nickname. First it was Jorge. Now it's Smooth J

I'm already assigned as a driver at this bachelor party because half the guys have their licenses suspended. #degenerates

Gotta be kidding me with this invisible fucking unicode that caused all my shit to break this AM https://t.co/MIjaGfkxuO

Omg Brett.

Todd Frazier! Holy smokes. That was some Scott Brosius shit right there

I had a couple drinks you guys and was singing to my dog and was so happy because she liked it and wagged her tail. Now I'm bawling.

I just re-watched my insta story and I'm certifiably insane

Cuncel this game. Cuncel the fireworks

I see the Yanks have runners in scoring position again. Which means they won't get them in... 0- a million with risp this past week

Oh come onnnn. I screamed all rise at a kid in a judge's wig at the Jake and he ignored me.

Santa Claus over here with the baseball bat cane... This guy fucks https://t.co/YCwJrB78Te

Yanks/Indians ALCS 2017. Mark my words.

These $2 Miller lites taste like asshole. Bad batch. I'm sticking to hot dogs

Onion hot dog girl is such a sluttttt https://t.co/1sC1IT9pQw