I fucking SUCK at beer pong holy christ

Friday, May 12, 2017 07:36:12 PM from Twitter Web Client

This is actually not satire. This is exactly how it is in real life, except we had a gong. Then I moved away. https://t.co/i3s4Xvdj1e

Friday, May 12, 2017 01:21:59 AM from Twitter for Android

♪ Cubans with the Jesus piece ♪

Thursday, May 11, 2017 06:34:44 PM from Twitter Web Client

How about CNN stealing ideas off my old tweets about old millennials not knowing how to use Snapchat? https://t.co/67kzn0Als5 #oldmillennial https://t.co/wdpaMcDmB8

Tuesday, May 09, 2017 10:08:47 AM from Twitter Web Client

No sympathy for garbage Spirit Airlines whose pilots refuse to fly. Maybe if they didn't charge you to breathe... https://t.co/8X2HgwroEK

Tuesday, May 09, 2017 09:14:01 AM from Twitter Web Client

Pup just farted in my face. Guess that's karma....

Tuesday, May 09, 2017 01:54:42 AM from Twitter for Android

You know, just debugging live in production on a casual Sunday night

Monday, May 08, 2017 12:15:21 AM from Twitter Web Client

Just heard the new Rise Against single on the radio (CBus actually has a rock station). Felt like I was in middle school all over again.

Friday, May 05, 2017 08:30:53 PM from Twitter for Android

RT @ehubbs13: What a fucking win!! The Comeback Kids strike again!! It's Cinco de Mayo Friday after beating the WS champs Lets go OFF https…

Friday, May 05, 2017 05:40:13 PM from Twitter Web Client

the MSFT Distributed Transaction Coordinator is the most fucked up convoluted shit I've ever worked with in my life

Friday, May 05, 2017 12:35:50 PM from Twitter Web Client

Hey assholes over at @Azure This is a valid cron expression, eat a dick https://t.co/ehisXZXrjf

Friday, May 05, 2017 10:31:32 AM from Twitter Web Client

Happy Friday to ya from a guy who has no idea where he is - Joe Cocker's keyboard dude live at the Fillmore East in 1970. https://t.co/Bu6rhFLfgI

Friday, May 05, 2017 09:58:09 AM from Twitter Web Client

You need a guy to rile the team up. Can't be losing to trash team Toronto https://t.co/PfxaSQaq2Q

Wednesday, May 03, 2017 09:44:26 PM from Twitter Web Client

LOVE Gardner smashing the shit out of the garbage can! That was the problem with the Yankees the past decade. No @PaulONeillYES flipping out

Wednesday, May 03, 2017 09:44:06 PM from Twitter Web Client

Hey assholes at Motorola. Still don't have Nougat on my Pure Edition you fuckin slows. And I'm rocking 12/2016 security patches. Real secure

Wednesday, May 03, 2017 06:04:48 PM from Twitter Web Client