I called it. I said Judge was hitting one to the moon. Next pitch. Dinger.

Friday, July 21, 2017 11:38:10 PM from Twitter for Android

Wife stole her friend's phone and is Tindering and doesn't know her left from right

Friday, July 21, 2017 10:20:24 PM from Twitter for Android

My cousin went to a Michelle Branch concert a couple days ago in Seattle and I'm like still jelly.

Friday, July 21, 2017 06:47:43 PM from Twitter for Android

I'm gonna go be wreckless so like. Bottoms up I don't get arrested or some shit. Good day.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 10:54:26 PM from Twitter for Android

Everything's a fucking disaster

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 09:22:46 PM from Twitter for Android

So can I mute GoT tweets?

Sunday, July 16, 2017 09:44:20 PM from Twitter for Android

$30 Uber home because the wife decided to drink all day long instead of not drinking all day long and picking me up instead 😎😁

Sunday, July 16, 2017 09:43:40 PM from Twitter for Android

Airplane mode is a myth made up by people who don't understand physics. If it were really that dangerous, they'd make us check our phones.

Sunday, July 16, 2017 07:42:19 PM from Twitter for Android

I didn't expect him to pop off like I usually do. I'm a cray. He looks like a gentlemanly suit type.

Sunday, July 16, 2017 07:41:12 PM from Twitter for Android

And we're both still not in airplane mode. Relax guys, everything will be fine. https://t.co/JyDXmm5C53

Sunday, July 16, 2017 07:40:28 PM from Twitter for Android

A+ move by the guy next to me who told the flight attendant to shut the fuck up under his breath when she was bitching about airplane mode.

Sunday, July 16, 2017 07:39:47 PM from Twitter for Android

Game of Thrones is so overly hyped and mainstream, that I refuse to watch it. I don't care about dragons and magic. Never saw it. Never will

Sunday, July 16, 2017 07:24:00 PM from Twitter for Android

Also, eat a dick if you're taking up seats with like the outlets but aren't using them. Sit in the non outlet seats

Sunday, July 16, 2017 07:00:14 PM from Twitter for Android

Delta doesn't have enough seats with power outlets at Logan 😒

Sunday, July 16, 2017 06:58:44 PM from Twitter for Android

You guys. I was wearing a beater as a joke all day yesterday and now I have white trash tan lines.

Sunday, July 16, 2017 08:55:36 AM from Twitter for Android