Portfolioso's Twitter Bullshit

@Fantasy_Mania I will pour one out for you guys and eat some sausage and peppers in ol' North Caroline'

It's 8:53 am and I'm fuckin hammered right now. Fuckin Bob's moonshine...

I feel like absolute death rn

I forgot I tweeted this like two seconds ago https://t.co/FZbnOfALRC

Well shit. I'm hungover af and this isn't ideal

Well shit... Now I'm hungover as fuck

I mean, I suck balls at drinking and normally can't go hard. But if you ever think I'm the first to go to bed at a bachelor party, you're bs

I've never really done coke but I've got a guy passed out rn who said he's been on a 3 week coke bender. Liar. Get the fuck awake dude.

Goddamn it. It's 1:30 am and people are passed out already. It's a bachelor party. Stop being a buncha fuckin pussies

Every time I go to a bachelor party I end up with a new nickname. First it was Jorge. Now it's Smooth J

I'm already assigned as a driver at this bachelor party because half the guys have their licenses suspended. #degenerates

Gotta be kidding me with this invisible fucking unicode that caused all my shit to break this AM https://t.co/MIjaGfkxuO

Omg Brett.

Todd Frazier! Holy smokes. That was some Scott Brosius shit right there

I had a couple drinks you guys and was singing to my dog and was so happy because she liked it and wagged her tail. Now I'm bawling.