Fuck this shit.. we need to ban glypohosate NOW https://t.co/h5T6GwWgkU

Saturday, March 23, 2019 04:51:17 AM from Twitter for Android

The fucking IRS didn't waste any time taking my damn money. I scheduled a payment for Monday, 3/25 and they drafted it from my account RIGHT NOW. At 2:30 AM on a Saturday #eatadick

Saturday, March 23, 2019 02:42:08 AM from Twitter for Android

@Andrew_Hopper @SamsungMobile @SamsungHelpUK @Samsung @PaulOBrien @AndroidAuth @androidcentral @verge @UnboxTherapy @MKBHD This is so damn stupid. It's more ergonomic to have the reader on the back of the phone and to use your index finger. Very poor design to have the sensor show up in bright sunlight and screen protectors can obscure it.

@madebygoogle: don't you ever pull this crap with the Pixels

In reply to @Andrew_Hopper's tweet

Friday, March 22, 2019 01:52:44 PM from Twitter Web App

I need to take a shower because I stink of that theater bitch's perfume - just from being in the seat next to her

Friday, March 22, 2019 01:02:30 AM from Twitter for Android

These guinea pigs the wife impulse purchased in 2015 really need to kick the bucket soon on the grounds that they're a pain in the ass to take care of and I have more imoirtant priorities

Friday, March 22, 2019 12:56:11 AM from Twitter for Android

If I wasn't around, the place would look like Tobacco Road, and as the dedicated housekeeper, I don't have time or patience for these rats to stink up an entire room of the house and require a 20 min cage cleaning each week

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Friday, March 22, 2019 12:59:23 AM from Twitter for Android

I didn't sign to for this shit

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Friday, March 22, 2019 01:00:13 AM from Twitter for Android

I mean... I won't hurt or neglect them... They're helpless rodents... But if they vanished, I'd be better off

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Friday, March 22, 2019 02:23:41 AM from Twitter for Android

They should make it legal to shoot a person who wears 5 gallons of perfume to a Broadway show

Thursday, March 21, 2019 09:11:06 PM from Twitter for Android

This lady next to me smells like striaght up HOOKER

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Thursday, March 21, 2019 09:11:34 PM from Twitter for Android

Absolute savage. Just took a leak and the urinal cake smells better. For fucks sake

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Thursday, March 21, 2019 09:12:10 PM from Twitter for Android

My NY asshole-ness came out real hard. Ruthless. Bet this Miss Piggy looking bitch won't be wearing perfume in public again after hearing my mouth run

In reply to @portfolioso's tweet

Thursday, March 21, 2019 09:16:09 PM from Twitter for Android

@ky9 @GovNedLamont Metro North stinks. The highways stinks. It all stinks.

In reply to @ky9's tweet

Thursday, March 21, 2019 06:59:50 PM from Twitter for Android

Welp, there goes the fuckin bracket...

Thursday, March 21, 2019 06:59:00 PM from Twitter for Android

AKA Poor Person Airfare: https://t.co/cHjBs9icQO

Wednesday, March 20, 2019 11:37:49 PM from Twitter Web App