9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Never got bit by a dog, rat, monster or anything my whole life, but I just got bit by a @maljnew Friday, September 09, 2011 9:41:16 PMTwitter for Android
Can this fucking topheavy shitbox train rock from side to side any more violently? I'm seasick over here. Friday, September 09, 2011 9:12:11 AMTwitter for Android
Day after Labor Day = every moron is back from summer vacation. Aka jammed ass trains. Tuesday, September 06, 2011 8:51:16 AMTwitter for Android
With no error logs. At least throw an error, asswipe Monday, September 05, 2011 9:55:54 PMTwitter for Android
Why won't mother fuckin apache start on this bitch ass server? Monday, September 05, 2011 9:55:20 PMTwitter for Android
I feel so fuckin fat right now its not even funny. Today I ate more than four Ethiopians combined in a week. Need my stomach pumped. Sunday, September 04, 2011 8:20:25 PMTwitter for Android
Jeweler goes to change my watch battery (I'd do it myself but it was impossible to open) and scratched the fucking shit out of it. Asshole Saturday, September 03, 2011 4:20:49 PMTwitter for Android
Nothing more awesome than two dudes shotgunning to the O.C theme song Friday, September 02, 2011 11:22:17 PMTwitter for Android
@Onethirdof3x5 what up homeskillet? Welcome back to Twitter Friday, September 02, 2011 10:12:08 PMTwitter for Android
Hysterical. They're running New Haven line trains on the Harlem line. Tuesday, August 30, 2011 9:02:56 AMTwitter for Android
Hint: the MTA is full of shit when they say trains are running normally. Tuesday, August 30, 2011 8:58:26 AMTwitter for Android
Please explain to me why people take perfectly good pics down and replace them with nasty ones... Monday, August 29, 2011 8:35:57 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck. Now its crazy windy after the storm passed... if my internet goes out, I swear Sunday, August 28, 2011 3:59:50 PMTwitter for Android
Eastchester PD radio: sending a car to get rid of kayakers in Leewood Tunnel. Lol Sunday, August 28, 2011 3:46:38 PMTwitter for Android
Extensive damage to my backyard caused by Irene: http://t.co/QVBv0dA Sunday, August 28, 2011 2:18:23 PMTwitter for Android
Rally, bitches Saturday, August 27, 2011 2:17:46 AMTwitter for Android
I am disappointed in my body right now... not only am I huge, there was no reason for me to boot. I am fine now. Saturday, August 27, 2011 2:17:09 AMTwitter for Android
@colithika: "I just realized... you two are fat fuckin italians in wife beaters" (aka me and @sonicblur23) Saturday, August 27, 2011 1:29:38 AMTwitter for Android
"Tickle my butt box" not my quote.... Saturday, August 27, 2011 1:06:24 AMTwitter for Android
Totally heterosexual that two guys are in a car right now listening/ singing along to to "joe - I wanna know" - @SonicBlur23 Friday, August 26, 2011 10:07:47 PMTwitter for Android
Bro at 7-11 takes my ID and almost refuses to sell me alcohol because he thinks it says 98, not 88. Do I look 13? Friday, August 26, 2011 9:47:37 PMTwitter for Android
Id actually rather be at work right now... Friday, August 26, 2011 2:02:28 AMTwitter for Android
Turn ons: Ruby on Rails. Turn offs: Ruby without rails Friday, August 26, 2011 1:40:15 AMTwitter for Android
@me: *loud music stops* "I love it when they're drunk and I'm..." Friday, August 26, 2011 12:57:19 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew bars > airports
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Thursday, August 25, 2011 11:45:36 PMTwitter for Android
NY Giants waitress needs to hop in the sack right now Thursday, August 25, 2011 11:07:30 PMTwitter for Android
If they only had cloud servers that bursted under load, they wouldn't go down.... Thursday, August 25, 2011 2:06:03 AMTwitter for Android
"...and then we had to tap it and pump it" Thursday, August 25, 2011 1:34:31 AMTwitter for Android
We're doing the power hour Friday? Wednesday, August 24, 2011 10:53:04 PMTwitter for Android
I don't get this. Woman on train with like 20 yr old legs and a 50 year old face. Possibly brown baggable. Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:51:39 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew brandon totally called me out/noticed that I basically told her and a bar thats dry to blow me upside down. I was mad grumpy today.
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:49:35 PMTwitter for Android
Smokin' mad Newports 'cause I'm due in court... Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:45:20 PMTwitter for Android
Bartendress: Smoke central. Tuesday, August 23, 2011 7:23:07 PMTwitter for Android
Problem: I don't give a fuck about anything today. I'm impatient and everyone pissing me off. Go away :-) Tuesday, August 23, 2011 12:24:39 PMTwitter for Android
Cougar smokebomb dead ahead! Monday, August 22, 2011 7:54:48 PMTwitter for Android
RT @plasma2002: Just had the best idea ever... Graham cracker, marshmallow, and...... Kit-kat. Sounds like it kicks a smore's ass! #fb Saturday, August 20, 2011 8:12:05 PMTwitter for Android
AJ... go hang yourself in the clubhouse you useless fuck Saturday, August 20, 2011 8:08:33 PMTwitter for Android
This guy Burnett can go fuck himself and get the fuck off my team because he's mother fucking useless and over fucking paid Saturday, August 20, 2011 7:55:46 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 No one learns from history. That is why this country is screwed.
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Saturday, August 20, 2011 3:35:38 PMTwitter for Android
The moon legit looks like a slice of pizza right now. Not even kidding. Friday, August 19, 2011 10:34:13 PMTwitter for Android
"I got a white kid workin for me. He's a fuckin pussy though. He can't dig like a Mexican can" Friday, August 19, 2011 5:56:29 PMTwitter for Android
#firstworldproblems where the fuck did I put my bottle opener? Friday, August 19, 2011 5:14:52 PMTwitter for Android
Girl dancing in the pink..... absolute dick wrecker. I guarantee it. Friday, August 19, 2011 5:01:25 PMTwitter for Android
Bro wearing a "pour favor" shirt with a beer on it. Brilliant. Friday, August 19, 2011 2:24:14 PMTwitter for Android
This ankle is fucked. So hard. Ow http://t.co/oyGscS0 Friday, August 19, 2011 12:25:21 AMTwitter for Android
@ky9 well thars not normal....
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Friday, August 19, 2011 12:23:22 AMTwitter for Android
God damn it. @maljnew needs to not fucking bite. me Thursday, August 18, 2011 10:33:25 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella shhhh no jersey shore tweets
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
Thursday, August 18, 2011 10:17:53 PMTwitter for Android
My liver is telling me to suck a dick this week Thursday, August 18, 2011 10:11:10 PMTwitter for Android
Why are you at the bar by yourself?... That's uncalled for. Thursday, August 18, 2011 9:38:36 PMTwitter for Android
God damn right you're staring at me. I'm hotter than cobain in 92 right now. Thursday, August 18, 2011 8:39:00 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus I just fucked up my ankle Thursday, August 18, 2011 7:56:44 PMTwitter for Android
I am eddie vedder right now, circa 1994 Thursday, August 18, 2011 7:38:14 PMTwitter for Android
Want... Thursday, August 18, 2011 3:35:56 PMTwitter for Android
Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Sometimes... you just have to accept you'll never get your way. Wednesday, August 17, 2011 10:23:48 PMTwitter for Android
Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Sex Sunday, August 14, 2011 2:09:00 AMTwitter for Android
And stamford just turned all hood. Saturday, August 13, 2011 12:46:23 AMTwitter for Android
Yeah. Just park your rig in the middle of an intersection on 22. Jackasshole Friday, August 12, 2011 10:35:40 PMTwitter for Android
Our programmers are hard at work http://t.co/QV37mWN Friday, August 12, 2011 3:09:45 PMTwitter for Android
Threatened by a red headed sluttface not to post her video because her parents are lawyers. So expect it on my blog soon once I undelete it Friday, August 12, 2011 2:42:58 AMTwitter for Android
Drunk train is fuckin hysterical now. Vifeo ftw Friday, August 12, 2011 1:58:21 AMTwitter for Android
Shut the fuck up about the jersey shore on twitter. I have it DVRd... ill be home later Thursday, August 11, 2011 10:42:27 PMTwitter for Android
@shavingfoams: kelso nut brown (not to be confused with the hot sales girl) and allagash confluence (not like the wiki) Thursday, August 11, 2011 10:29:04 PMTwitter for Android
Can't check in to the bar on foursquare because my phone is being a piece of shit Thursday, August 11, 2011 2:26:35 PMTwitter for Android
@tomwcleary Both teams to playoffs means nothing. There's no way the Yanks can get by the Sox this year... its hopeless.
In reply to @tomwcleary's tweet
Monday, August 08, 2011 12:32:48 AMTwitter for Android
Yankees: Y U blow leads and lose to the Red Sox all season long? wah Monday, August 08, 2011 12:31:30 AMTwitter for Android
Wanna fuckin like... stop throwing wild pitches or something? Christ... Sunday, August 07, 2011 11:42:27 PMTwitter for Android
Dear Omar bro in the supermarket.... I don't give a fuck about your cats. Sunday, August 07, 2011 11:54:00 AMTwitter for Android
I just had a three second long fart Saturday, August 06, 2011 5:32:59 PMTwitter for Android
@Colithika while your ps3 is broken, play killing floor with all of us
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
Saturday, August 06, 2011 3:08:28 PMTwitter for Android
I need a threesome with these two dental assistants. Stat. Saturday, August 06, 2011 12:04:39 PMTwitter for Android
Conductor just had to key a bangin drunk girl out of the bathroom because she locked herself in and couldn't understand how to use the lock. Saturday, August 06, 2011 12:49:15 AMTwitter for Android
@maljnew Nah. Couldn't do it. You and your regulars will have to pop my Rudys cherry. I'd probably be lost in there. Friday, August 05, 2011 11:28:04 PMTwitter for Android
When I saw that the Mets were wearing their idiotic Los Mets jerseys, I was 100% confident the Yanks would take first place Friday, August 05, 2011 10:41:32 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 so if you need a droid 3 now, I guess its ok to get. Haha
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Friday, August 05, 2011 2:42:22 PMTwitter for Android
@SumthinEclectic should have used rackspace or slicehost
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Wednesday, August 03, 2011 7:56:48 PMTwitter for Android
Walk faster, cunts. This is new york city, not the dirty south. Monday, August 01, 2011 3:50:36 PMTwitter for Android
1) why is this train so late and 2) how is it possible for someone to be that hot? Monday, August 01, 2011 8:56:26 AMTwitter for Android
Cheers to Bill Blum and how much he's struggling this summer without me and John Saturday, July 23, 2011 11:16:52 PMTwitter for Android
"She's got them apple pie jeans. Boots with the burrs" Danny destroys lyrics Saturday, July 23, 2011 9:24:37 PMTwitter for Android
6 minutes to the power hour Saturday, July 23, 2011 8:55:03 PMTwitter for Android
Kevin Rose and Robtr Scoble are going at it on Google+. Internet argument! Saturday, July 23, 2011 5:42:39 PMTwitter for Android
Someone explain to me how its possible for this chick on this train to be so fuzzy? Like everywhere. Looks like a peach. Friday, July 22, 2011 7:50:11 PMTwitter for Android
Today's crazy fuckin NYC subway segment: two huge black lesbians going the fuck at it on the 6 train platform in Grand Central. Friday, July 22, 2011 7:43:11 PMTwitter for Android
@Waspito better to be on an island in maine than smack in the middle of NYC in 104 heat
In reply to @Waspito's tweet
Friday, July 22, 2011 3:25:17 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 I always say "youve gotta be fuckin kidding me" way too loudly in public places. Things piss me off
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Thursday, July 21, 2011 9:09:50 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella I don't buy it. You're on a different set every single day of the week and twice on Sundays. But whatever ya like, ya know...
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
Wednesday, July 20, 2011 11:41:28 PMTwitter for Android
@Novellabella stop stalking celebrities. They don't care aboit you. Make better use of your time creeper
In reply to @Novellabella's tweet
Wednesday, July 20, 2011 11:19:00 PMTwitter for Android
Can I ask why there's never any damn 3G between Crestwood and Scarsdale? I'd bet my right nut it's guaranteed to go on 1x. #Verizon3gsucks Tuesday, July 19, 2011 7:58:52 PMTwitter for Android
Just watched a shirley temple episode where black kids were cannibals and tryed to eat her.... Oh 1940s racism. Lol Sunday, July 17, 2011 11:57:11 PMTwitter for Android
No one gives a shit about women's soccer... Sunday, July 17, 2011 5:58:19 PMTwitter for Android
This bitch's giant fat ass is intruding my seat. Can't even put my elbow down. Friday, July 15, 2011 7:44:49 PMTwitter for Android
This elevator smells like greasy asshole. Friday, July 15, 2011 3:26:09 PMTwitter for Android
Can I at least bang the intern in this office while I'm on this useless call? Might put me in a better mood Friday, July 15, 2011 12:27:56 PMTwitter for Android
I want to use the cruciatus curse on these fuckers on this onference call. Friday, July 15, 2011 12:12:38 PMTwitter for Android
I'm like a grandpa in this theater Thursday, July 14, 2011 11:24:18 PMTwitter for Android
Hung out with a brit tonight... look at two tweets ago. I sound like one Thursday, July 14, 2011 10:46:06 PMTwitter for Android
About time this tuburculine mother fucker got off this train. Guy was hacking his lung out. If I get sick, i swear...... Thursday, July 14, 2011 10:27:02 PMTwitter for Android
Someone shut this mother fuckin baby up. Screaming in cold blood this asshole is Thursday, July 14, 2011 10:22:51 PMTwitter for Android
Actual quote from a girl trying to invite me to her beach house: "If you don't come, I won't have your babies" Thursday, July 14, 2011 1:06:48 AMTwitter for Android