9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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@Colithika uh huh. Shut up. (Remember how I always thought it was so what? Lolz)
In reply to @Colithika's tweet
Saturday, January 19, 2013 10:31:46 AMTwitter for Android
This beer's going the fuck down smooth Friday, January 18, 2013 2:36:57 PMTwitter for Android
Suck 12 dicks, cunts Friday, January 18, 2013 2:24:29 PMTwitter for Android
Let's get shitfaced tonight and make poor decisions Friday, January 18, 2013 10:45:44 AMTwitter for Android
thanks for putting the heat on 80, Metro North. Sweated out three pounds Thursday, January 17, 2013 7:57:41 PMTwitter for Android
FUCK I just broke a compact fluorescent in my room. There's mercury in that shit Tuesday, January 15, 2013 12:04:34 AMTwitter for Android
RT @NJGovChristie: Having a great time in Florida! Hey, did NJ get some flurries or something? No time to find out details; going on Mad ... Monday, January 14, 2013 11:46:03 PMTwitter for Android
Crash and burn. Won't fix Monday, January 14, 2013 11:42:28 PMTwitter for Android
Give me a reason to care. Fuckers. Monday, January 14, 2013 11:41:46 PMTwitter for Android
Samuel. I'm not trying anymore cuz you fuckers have me for free son Monday, January 14, 2013 11:39:53 PMTwitter for Android
Drunk tweets are best tweets Monday, January 14, 2013 11:36:40 PMTwitter for Android
Im not even from dirty jerz but fuck. He's a dood to cheers to. Love him or hate him. Democrat or Republican. he's so fat it doesn't matter. Monday, January 14, 2013 11:32:53 PMTwitter for Android
Vajay jay Monday, January 14, 2013 11:30:45 PMTwitter for Android
Spent my entire night cheersing to that fat fuck. Monday, January 14, 2013 11:30:35 PMTwitter for Android
Bah seriously though. This Haitian cabbie dude was the jolliest. Cheers to him and governor Chris Christie Monday, January 14, 2013 11:30:02 PMTwitter for Android
I'd be able to DDD Uus home tonight Monday, January 14, 2013 11:28:53 PMTwitter for Android
For ducks sake. Actual txt from me to my dude: "Jesus Daniel. She told you siiem dirt. Ya. Mighta been true. Was whatevsr" Monday, January 14, 2013 11:23:52 PMTwitter for Android
This isn't going to go well on the subway. Aka we might get video'd on barstool for banging Monday, January 14, 2013 9:46:28 PMTwitter for Android
Heavy drinking. This is exactly what I needed after a 2 hr. call with Alexey that accomplished absolutely nothing Monday, January 14, 2013 9:07:17 PMTwitter for Android
Do cows give birth standing up? Monday, January 14, 2013 8:39:15 PMTwitter for Android
Gonna try to poop before her roommate comes home and yells at me. #scaredshitlessofherroomie Sunday, January 13, 2013 7:37:46 PMTwitter for Android
Dem titties Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:51:16 PMTwitter for Android
90s Alternative Pandora is my fucking jam #sundayfunday Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:24:23 PMTwitter for Android
@Lennon but I'm struttin better tonight. So I'm better than him Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:22:57 PMTwitter for Android
@Lennon you just tweeted at dem jeans
In reply to @Lennon's tweet
Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:22:12 PMTwitter for Android
New business venture idea: I might invest in opening a gay bar in Astoria. Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:04:45 PMTwitter for Android
If you die first, can I play with your small intestines? Sunday, January 13, 2013 4:42:48 PMTwitter for Android
"I'll leave her tip. And I'll give her a little tip. I'm going straight" SEE. I called it! Sunday, January 13, 2013 2:52:29 PMTwitter for Android
I'd eat chicken... Live Sunday, January 13, 2013 2:46:40 PMTwitter for Android
Mikey's got a touch of the straight for our waitress. Its hysterical. Sunday, January 13, 2013 1:29:46 PMTwitter for Android
Based on @Colithika and @waspito's tweets last night, they had an awesome time in L.A (in the a) Sunday, January 13, 2013 10:41:37 AMTwitter for Android
Shiiiiiiit. Hey Arnold is on Sunday, January 13, 2013 12:11:04 AMTwitter for Android
The mom told me to shut the fuck up and raised the TV volume because I was talking during Access Hollywood. Deading her until Tuesday. Saturday, January 12, 2013 7:51:36 PMTwitter for Android
RT @Frankalankster: It's okay to drink more than you should so long as it's less than you could. Friday, January 11, 2013 10:25:31 PMTwitter for Android
🎶Mucho gusto. Me llamo Kwabi. I'm horner than Dan Chandre. And if you wanna get popped in your knee just, that look off your bati face🎵 Friday, January 11, 2013 10:20:27 PMTwitter for Android
Welp... My out of office eautoresponder said "I'll be out of the office January 2611" whoops Friday, January 11, 2013 4:50:33 PMTwitter for Android
welp... Meant to say real hardo security guy... not hard security guy. Big difference. Got yelled t for wearing a coat. Friday, January 11, 2013 2:32:24 PMTwitter for Android
Real hard security guard over at the library in the Botanical Gardens Friday, January 11, 2013 2:14:03 PMTwitter for Android
On the 4 in the BX. DAT fried chicken smell. Friday, January 11, 2013 12:07:49 PMTwitter for Android
IIS bindings and SSL can suck it the most. Wednesday, January 09, 2013 4:46:44 PMTwitter for Android
"You can bring that toilet paper to the bathroom, but leave a roll here." Me: "What are you gonna wipe your ass in bed?" Tuesday, January 08, 2013 9:15:36 PMTwitter for Android
RT @Lennon: Can we just smoke weed and drink Jameson? Then fuck? Then cuddle and order pizza? http://t.co/RlTZlLnW via @someecards Tuesday, January 08, 2013 7:53:32 PMTwitter for Android
I fart and poop a lot Tuesday, January 08, 2013 12:50:37 AMTwitter for Android
"I never liked that Twitter" -Big Ang Monday, January 07, 2013 11:39:28 PMTwitter for Android
"She's had more traffic going through her crotch than the Holland Tunnel" #mobwives Monday, January 07, 2013 11:18:34 PMTwitter for Android
FYI - did that thing I said I was gonna do yesterday on my Twitter. Enjoyyyyyy Monday, January 07, 2013 10:37:15 PMTwitter for Android
Don't they have fucking signals or some shit? They have to call a guy for permission to move the fucking train? Jesus Christ on the cross. Monday, January 07, 2013 8:09:30 AMTwitter for Android
Train is stopped waiting for some fucking fat lazy overpaid MTA bastard to answer his funcking radio Monday, January 07, 2013 8:08:20 AMTwitter for Android
Also, get out of my grillmix, you Asian woman Monday, January 07, 2013 8:01:19 AMTwitter for Android
Whoever smells like baby wipes at this station should off themselves. Monday, January 07, 2013 8:00:11 AMTwitter for Android
Never realized how much I missed my tablet until @MalJNew stole it to play angry birds :-) Monday, January 07, 2013 12:10:35 AMTwitter for Android
Mals. I'm totes allowing you to make out with Molly tonight. Duh. Not allowing. Encouraging. Sunday, January 06, 2013 12:35:23 AMTwitter for Android
Wrobs looks like Lumen on last season of Dexter Sunday, January 06, 2013 12:25:13 AMTwitter for Android
@mollycsouthern looks like sex on a stick tonight -@MalJNew Sunday, January 06, 2013 12:20:55 AMTwitter for Android
Yo. All my single dudes. Molly is fuckin bangin hot right now. Get it. PS - Happy birthday Molly! Saturday, January 05, 2013 11:57:58 PMTwitter for Android
Yo.if you order a plate of bacon at the bar, you're straight up baller, especially if you're a chick Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:58:39 PMTwitter for Android
Just drunk texted the VP of some bullshit Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:15:49 PMTwitter for Android
I'm a jungle brother. A true blue true blue Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:11:11 PMTwitter for Android
I'm gonna bang to Awolnation's Sail later. Duh Saturday, January 05, 2013 10:00:17 PMTwitter for Android
These whiskey gingers are going down wayyyy too smooth, you guys Saturday, January 05, 2013 5:43:05 PMTwitter for Android
It's not that I'm hungry. I just need something to do with my mouth... Saturday, January 05, 2013 3:48:33 PMTwitter for Android
Have become huge pussy at life. Saturday, January 05, 2013 1:05:55 AMTwitter for Android
I suck a dick at drinking Saturday, January 05, 2013 12:31:45 AMTwitter for Android
Shit I'm drunk. Maybe a little not to bad? Friday, January 04, 2013 8:49:44 PMTwitter for Android
Whoever has the weeds at suspenders. Fuckin a man Friday, January 04, 2013 7:59:15 PMTwitter for Android
Stephie is making the blackest motions. Its so great Friday, January 04, 2013 7:56:59 PMTwitter for Android
This fuckin crone showed up Friday, January 04, 2013 7:34:39 PMTwitter for Android
Tell this cunt to get out of my seat once I get back to my desk. Complete disregard. Fucking tk. Friday, January 04, 2013 12:48:30 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: For devops manager: if task is take 15 min, then first break into two 30 minute tasks then delegate. Thursday, January 03, 2013 7:16:21 PMTwitter for Android
I think its almost time for the first poop of 2013 Tuesday, January 01, 2013 1:00:10 AMTwitter for Android
"It's called Mexican women and they ride the 7 all day long" Monday, December 31, 2012 10:33:13 PMTwitter for Android
Fergie is also hammered and eye fucking the camera Monday, December 31, 2012 9:48:27 PMTwitter for Android
"Oh Dick Clark... They should have dug him up for this" -Mikey Monday, December 31, 2012 9:48:09 PMTwitter for Android
Carlie Rae Jepson EWWWWWW. She's singing call me maybe like 3 octaves lower Monday, December 31, 2012 9:38:07 PMTwitter for Android
Fergie is all fucked up on something Monday, December 31, 2012 9:06:13 PMTwitter for Android
Is that puke on my jacket Monday, December 31, 2012 4:21:15 PMTwitter for Android
Trader Joes had a line out the door to just get in. F that noise. Monday, December 31, 2012 2:44:57 PMTwitter for Android
I couldn't feel my arms on the subway this morning. Only my hands. Like they were floating Monday, December 31, 2012 12:49:45 PMTwitter for Android
I am sucking so badly at KF right now Monday, December 31, 2012 11:30:26 AMTwitter for Android
LOVE life!!! Sunday, December 30, 2012 7:15:25 PMTwitter for Android
@ky9 it was supposed to be "wonder why" but I hit the 160 character limit so I said wonda like a ghetto. Suck it
In reply to @ky9's tweet
Sunday, December 30, 2012 6:14:16 PMTwitter for Android
yes. I'm getting a 30 @MalJNew . not a six pack. The fuck have you gone soft? Sunday, December 30, 2012 6:13:04 PMTwitter for Android
OK take that back. Not drunk is probably a lie. But like. Not DRUNK sick craY Sunday, December 30, 2012 5:57:23 PMTwitter for Android
I'm about to have done this whole power hour and I'm not drunk and not about to puke. In the past week, I learned to drink better. Wonda why Sunday, December 30, 2012 5:54:45 PMTwitter for Android
Shit. If I start the power hour now, I'll be hammered Sunday, December 30, 2012 4:50:44 PMTwitter for Android
"My Godmother hooked up with the Priest at my Baptism in the apartment I now live in" -Mikey Sunday, December 30, 2012 2:39:51 PMTwitter for Android
This is the slowest fuckin deli guy ever. Sunday, December 30, 2012 1:43:02 PMTwitter for Android
RT @UberFacts: Pumbaa from "The Lion King" was the first character to fart in a Disney movie. Sunday, December 30, 2012 8:20:02 AMTwitter for Android
Omg. I want to sleep on this train and I have a loud fuckin guy babbling on español. Cállate la boca ya fuckin clown Sunday, December 30, 2012 8:19:36 AMTwitter for Android
@michellemm22 I think my cousin did, but I'll have to ask. 2nd bday party.
In reply to @michellemm22's tweet
Saturday, December 29, 2012 7:48:53 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew I'm sitting in the corner with the mover and we're both sneaking them out
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Saturday, December 29, 2012 7:19:03 PMTwitter for Android
Vito: "My doctor asked me if I want a Cialis. I said yeah but who's Alice?" Saturday, December 29, 2012 5:02:29 PMTwitter for Android
@Lennon just noticed now. Can't help it. My tweets have no filter. Didn't mean it badly Saturday, December 29, 2012 2:18:49 AMTwitter for Android
Successful night on Twitter. Reread my tweets tonight and if I were a random stranger, I'd think: "What a cool dude. I'd bang him." Saturday, December 29, 2012 2:17:15 AMTwitter for Android
North Korea is best Korea. Just like drunk tweets are best tweets. Saturday, December 29, 2012 2:00:44 AMTwitter for Android
Cisco's gf said I was funny. I asked her "whatdda ya mean funny? Funny how" #goodfellas Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:56:52 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew Get away from my man. Only I van fuck him sideways up down left and right. Not you
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:38:03 AMTwitter for Android
Just sexted @colithika: "Throw mother fuckin back. Pussy hot sluts bang bang skeet skeet" Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:37:21 AMTwitter for Android
"How does it feel?" Me: "It'll feel better when I hold you down on your bed" Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:29:58 AMTwitter for Android
To the cunt on this train who said she'd rather die than smell my McDonalds: I hope you off yourself from anorexia Saturday, December 29, 2012 1:29:39 AMTwitter for Android