9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Sounds like there's a woodpecker in that Mac Saturday, March 09, 2013 2:06:30 AMTwitter for Android
How the fuck did the lighter get in my pants? Saturday, March 09, 2013 2:02:22 AMTwitter for Android
Just fixed a tech support case in about 5 minutes that out idiotic tech support reps didn't look at for 2 weeks. Fuckin slackers. Friday, March 08, 2013 9:31:12 PMTwitter for Android
Mal just said "ah" instead of I. Talking real hood. and she has a black ass. So legit. Friday, March 08, 2013 8:17:28 PMTwitter for Android
It must be easier to piss out a little rock than to drop a 9 pound human out of your box. Friday, March 08, 2013 8:11:04 PMTwitter for Android
Tun Tun. Stop scheduling meetings with me. I don't give a fuck about your scripts. Friday, March 08, 2013 4:57:49 PMTwitter for Android
These new radio firmwares for my phone are slightly better. I can now tweet from the work shitter without dropping Internets Friday, March 08, 2013 4:54:01 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DadBoner: If you think Kate Upton is "fat," then we're not friends anymore. Why? 'Cause you suck and you're stupid and you hate Amer ... Friday, March 08, 2013 4:52:43 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus Fucking Christ, George. Will you turn off the fucking heat on this train? Its probably 86 in here, not exaggerating Thursday, March 07, 2013 7:48:21 PMTwitter for Android
My elbow is fuckin weird, dude. Wednesday, March 06, 2013 10:50:22 PMTwitter for Android
Fritz is a rockstar. Wednesday, March 06, 2013 10:13:31 PMTwitter for Android
Get a load of this fuckin amateur hour train operator who drove past the fucking platform Wednesday, March 06, 2013 1:46:24 PMTwitter for Android
They raised my fare 10%. The can suck it the most. Wednesday, March 06, 2013 1:25:03 AMTwitter for Android
Welp. Almost got crushed by a train door BC I ddibt realize it was my stop. Conductor screamed at me. I told him to eatadick.info Wednesday, March 06, 2013 1:24:37 AMTwitter for Android
Pockets and the entire marketing dept except Molly can suck it the most Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:39:05 AMTwitter for Android
Gave out outdated fucking old branded business cards because fucking pockets in my hood assed marketing dept is too Jew to give new ones out Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:38:18 AMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 @ky9 fucking FUSA dropping the ball again with no name assed concerts. Mirror > FUSA. (Well the Mirror we ran. New mirror sucks.)
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:38:10 AMTwitter for Android
HERP DERP: "Any downtime on production is bad" -Jeans. Ya think? Tuesday, March 05, 2013 11:45:32 AMTwitter for Android
My phone internet can http://t.co/FRIIuXuBNJ Tuesday, March 05, 2013 8:09:52 AMTwitter for Android
Gotta stop reading work emails when I get up because I want to fucking murder the entire infrastructure team. Except Kevin. He's coo Tuesday, March 05, 2013 8:05:40 AMTwitter for Android
I love to eat poop! Saturday, March 02, 2013 3:01:17 PMTwitter for Android
That time you go to the bar and every fucking person leaves you. I look so cool here alone. #eatadick Saturday, March 02, 2013 2:32:06 AMTwitter for Android
Everyone can read me like a book. If I'm pissed, there's no hiding it Saturday, March 02, 2013 2:25:38 AMTwitter for Android
When I have my millions I'm fuckin buying the watering hole. And I might open a gay bar in Astoria. They need one. It would make bank. Saturday, March 02, 2013 1:06:44 AMTwitter for Android
@BadPointer http://t.co/hBv0zVnfOQ Saturday, March 02, 2013 1:03:43 AMTwitter for Android
For the first time ever, someone else is leaking ass at this bar. Not that i do that in public. Might puke. Saturday, March 02, 2013 1:01:35 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew just caught me looking at myself in the mirror. I mean. I'm fuckin hot. And a narcissist. #blowme if you don't like it Saturday, March 02, 2013 12:38:06 AMTwitter for Android
Great crowd at Watering tonight Friday, March 01, 2013 11:26:34 PMTwitter for Android
The chef at the Watering Hole reminds me of Chalky White Friday, March 01, 2013 10:56:36 PMTwitter for Android
Yo Scott. Sorry I falsely accused you of dropping acid last time we were at Dakota Friday, March 01, 2013 9:49:56 PMTwitter for Android
That fuckin Cuban food is already going through me like shit through a goose. Friday, March 01, 2013 5:52:10 PMTwitter for Android
This dudes breath smells like a rotting fetus corpse. Thursday, February 28, 2013 7:31:28 PMTwitter for Android
But he's cool and yeah buddy!!!!! Wednesday, February 27, 2013 11:45:41 PMTwitter for Android
My new boss is the coolest bestest gayest. No wonder @MalJNew adored him instantly. He acted less gay in his interview than he actually was. Wednesday, February 27, 2013 11:45:21 PMTwitter for Android
I'm actually in awe at how fucking bad Manhattan is still destroyed by Sandy. I'm by the seaport. Place is fucked. Had no clue Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:56:25 PMTwitter for Android
Derick on me: "He's peaceful until he's drunk. Then he goes to town on ass" Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:08:32 PMTwitter for Android
Purim? Drink until you don't know the difference? Come on. I didn't know the difference between a high five and an ass slap on that barcrawl Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:03:01 PMTwitter for Android
This gentleman is bitching on the phone about his review and he wouldn't stay even if they offered him 400k Monday, February 25, 2013 6:50:08 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ.I feel like I'm back at Eastchester High School with this #jazzco Sunday, February 24, 2013 9:56:02 PMTwitter for Android
Lol everyone thinks I looks Jewish. I mean yes. I know my hair curls. Also, wanna check my penis? Sunday, February 24, 2013 9:22:53 PMTwitter for Android
Seth MacFarlane can talk like Brian to Mal and Jennifer Lawrence can shoot arrows at me (and miss on purpose) and it would be the hottest. Sunday, February 24, 2013 9:16:54 PMTwitter for Android
I made a deal. Mal can bang Seth MacFarlane if I can bang Jennifer Lawrence. He can talk Brian to her and shit Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:57:11 PMTwitter for Android
Yeah. I ate three of them. I'll be dumb ash shit in an hour Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:52:44 PMTwitter for Android
I don't even think you understand how hot Mal is right now Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:47:11 PMTwitter for Android
*Seth not set. For fucks sake I'm a little fucked up Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:40:04 PMTwitter for Android
I love how set MacFarlane doesn't give a fuck. Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:39:16 PMTwitter for Android
If you wouldn't bang Halle Berry, you are asexual Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:04:49 PMTwitter for Android
But I mean. Beer washes that shit down so well Sunday, February 24, 2013 8:01:18 PMTwitter for Android
WARNING. Don't eat that if you're not into that kind of thing. #frankie http://t.co/O7gvOdFIOM Sunday, February 24, 2013 7:45:10 PMTwitter for Android
it's like a vegetable garden! http://t.co/KdVFmig2pM Sunday, February 24, 2013 7:32:11 PMTwitter for Android
Is it acceptable yo so two rum picklebacks? I wasn't asking because I did them already so blow me Sunday, February 24, 2013 6:49:14 PMTwitter for Android
http://t.co/DNif59Nhrc I just unlocked the achievement: 'Popped 2500 Pous in Pou Popper' in #Pou! @PouAlien Sunday, February 24, 2013 5:20:33 PMTwitter for Android
Mikey: "I was secretly chasing him" Sunday, February 24, 2013 2:10:46 PMTwitter for Android
Mikey is having jack on the rocks. I'm having the rocks with a splash of jack. (I'm a pussy assed drinker) Saturday, February 23, 2013 6:59:32 PMTwitter for Android
"These aren't even normal Jack and Cokes. These are Jacqueline and Cokes" Mikey (suck it @MalJNew for tweeting this before me I Called dibs) Saturday, February 23, 2013 6:10:21 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew gigglypot Saturday, February 23, 2013 3:29:00 PMTwitter for Android
Garden State! Cheers to Chris Christie Saturday, February 23, 2013 11:24:06 AMTwitter for Android
My tweets from last night were something. I'm a cray. Saturday, February 23, 2013 10:25:47 AMTwitter for Android
Mikey "I'm doing a strongman competition at CitiField. Now... I'm not strong and I'm hardly a man..." Saturday, February 23, 2013 9:20:42 AMTwitter for Android
There's carrot bits all over my mouth. I'm not even speaking a sentence Friday, February 22, 2013 10:55:17 PMTwitter for Android
Jesus Christ. I was mid sentence and all of a sudden I forgot my whole story Friday, February 22, 2013 10:43:05 PMTwitter for Android
Before I start plaiiii-in I'm gonna finish this whole sandwich! ... I'll finish it laiiituh yaiiiiiyyyyy Friday, February 22, 2013 10:41:35 PMTwitter for Android
"I feel like I have a flipper" "You. Are. A. Ruh. Tard." Friday, February 22, 2013 10:35:07 PMTwitter for Android
Rhianna has some forehead. I can project a movie on that shit Thursday, February 21, 2013 7:21:09 PMTwitter for Android
Good guy conductor: found error in a dude's ticket. Gave him three free rides. Barry is my boy Thursday, February 21, 2013 8:09:32 AMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 the only thing the White Plains train station is good for is waking up drunk after missing your stop. It's also mad confusing
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Wednesday, February 20, 2013 9:29:45 PMTwitter for Android
Just broke the trivia machine at the bar. Looks like I somehow crashed CentOS. It is now in a bootloop http://t.co/fpWz48jMMx Wednesday, February 20, 2013 7:43:03 PMTwitter for Android
Chest out. Be proud. Wednesday, February 20, 2013 2:05:30 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew Be proud Wednesday, February 20, 2013 1:46:49 PMTwitter for Android
Should just call out sick. Wednesday, February 20, 2013 7:40:38 AMTwitter for Android
Woke up. Checked work email while still in bed. Instant bad mood / want to murder Eric. Gonna be a good day... Wednesday, February 20, 2013 7:40:20 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew your house is backwards Monday, February 18, 2013 6:14:04 PMTwitter for Android
Mal": "Oh that's an unfortunate looking child." Me: "Hey what if that was yours?" Mal: "I wouldn't photograph it" The meanest! Monday, February 18, 2013 4:16:22 PMTwitter for Android
Hwy bitch. Can you fuckin like... Watch your kid and have him walk next to you and not in my path. Because I will boot him Monday, February 18, 2013 1:58:57 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew hey
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Sunday, February 17, 2013 9:54:11 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew so good, yet so awful
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Sunday, February 17, 2013 3:20:28 PMTwitter for Android
He'll fly his astral plane... Sunday, February 17, 2013 1:41:13 PMTwitter for Android
@havinfuninnyc jelly
In reply to @havinfuninnyc's tweet
Sunday, February 17, 2013 1:12:45 PMTwitter for Android
Ya. I'm drunk Sunday, February 17, 2013 12:33:38 PMTwitter for Android
Sorry @MalJNew , I've been drinking all morning so I have a date with McDonald's Sunday, February 17, 2013 12:20:38 PMTwitter for Android
So does beer give anyone else the shits? Saturday, February 16, 2013 6:05:48 PMTwitter for Android
LEZZZ be honest. @MalJNew and AlONa are digging each other Friday, February 15, 2013 11:29:41 PMTwitter for Android
This is me jacking off the Empire State Building http://t.co/VuPI3rC Friday, February 15, 2013 11:23:20 PMTwitter for Android
Okay.. This dude is like drying his balls on the hand dryer in this bathroom. The fuck... Friday, February 15, 2013 11:17:38 PMTwitter for Android
I'm homosexual for 90s rock. Like even songs I don't recognize sound amazeballs Friday, February 15, 2013 10:53:21 PMTwitter for Android
Aeroplanes on. Reminds me of Roland's band back in college. Shit. Friday, February 15, 2013 10:42:09 PMTwitter for Android
SHIT they put on Sirius/XM Lithium? Fuckin 90s jams. RATM and fuckin Nirvana. shit Friday, February 15, 2013 10:00:24 PMTwitter for Android
WHY GO HOME? Friday, February 15, 2013 9:37:30 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin... The offspring is on here bitches #90s Friday, February 15, 2013 9:15:01 PMTwitter for Android
"This coaster smells like vagina" -@MalJNew Friday, February 15, 2013 9:08:36 PMTwitter for Android
Just sniffed in my nose to clear it and swallowed a booger you guys. Nasty Friday, February 15, 2013 8:24:07 PMTwitter for Android
Joel just gave me the BEST nickname ever: Broseph Cebroli #yolo Friday, February 15, 2013 7:22:00 PMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 @__JLu I didn't hear about it
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Friday, February 15, 2013 11:24:04 AMTwitter for Android
IDK wtf is going in but someone might actually be jacking off in the work shitter. That sound... Ew Friday, February 15, 2013 9:53:55 AMTwitter for Android
"Gio. I can't tell you how many times I got laid at a gay bar." -Mal Thursday, February 14, 2013 12:14:05 AMTwitter for Android
Whale vagina Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:25:26 PMTwitter for Android
JP Gio Mal Joe. Wrecking crew Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:20:33 PMTwitter for Android
Gio: "Within a yeah she went from... She's hot. To.. she's hot for 49 something." Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:31:22 PMTwitter for Android
Allegedly.... They're banging Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:27:30 PMTwitter for Android
Pro tip: When you stand in a group of 4 people. Don't rip ass. Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:26:02 PMTwitter for Android