9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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My neck hurts, fuckface Sunday, April 07, 2013 10:11:54 PMTwitter for Android
@__JLu it's because I'm private. Click the icon in the top right to open it in the twitter app
In reply to @__JLu's tweet
Sunday, April 07, 2013 8:10:54 PMTwitter for Android
Get a load of this #axelrod tweet from 2009: https://t.co/4P9ECJgAsk @__JLu Sunday, April 07, 2013 7:57:13 PMTwitter for Android
My neck is crippled. I smell like a senior citizen with this menthol shit I put on it Sunday, April 07, 2013 12:54:01 PMTwitter for Android
I'm at the Met... I think it would be fascinating to bang in one of those Egyptian stone coffin thingies Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:52:54 PMTwitter for Android
Look at this stud in this Radio Flyer wagon. Dude can probably mack on any preschool chick he wants. http://t.co/fLyzMyaFoW Saturday, April 06, 2013 3:43:48 PMTwitter for Android
This conductor is a b. Kids tried to go one stop without paying which is usually easy and she came running out of nowhere to stop them Saturday, April 06, 2013 1:33:00 PMTwitter for Android
Need to wipe my phone. It's laggy as a bastard Friday, April 05, 2013 8:52:02 PMTwitter for Android
Overheard: "I was named after my mom's gynecologist's mother" Friday, April 05, 2013 8:19:26 PMTwitter for Android
Thank you, slice. Hold still... Stop wiggling! Friday, April 05, 2013 8:40:39 AMTwitter for Android
This Dr on Body of Proof should stop being a bitch and get back with this cop. He does everything for her Thursday, April 04, 2013 11:00:23 PMTwitter for Android
This Notepad++ must be an interesting lady. (And she's missing from my DB server) Tuesday, April 02, 2013 11:22:56 PMTwitter for Android
You're playing with servers. I'm playing with a black dude in a fro picking up coins Tuesday, April 02, 2013 11:21:16 PMTwitter for Android
Niraj. Go fuck yourself Tuesday, April 02, 2013 2:17:38 PMTwitter for Android
Droppin all that Easter dinner from yesterday....... Monday, April 01, 2013 10:01:57 PMTwitter for Android
Bitch you have the entire train. Back off standing next to me so closely. Or I'll pee on you. Not in a sexual way. Monday, April 01, 2013 6:47:39 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck the following: Metro North, Grand Central, people, tourists, people who bring bikes on the subway @ rush hour and crowds Monday, April 01, 2013 6:42:34 PMTwitter for Android
sanguinaccio = pigs blood and chocolate pudding. Uhhhhhmmmm Sunday, March 31, 2013 9:51:42 PMTwitter for Android
Mover just beat me 635-600 in cards. What a game. Sunday, March 31, 2013 9:44:08 PMTwitter for Android
1) Not sure how I was with it enough to make it all the way "upstate" last night 2) I sexted @Colithika the craziest shit Sunday, March 31, 2013 8:31:36 AMTwitter for Android
Her 4th chin was cool but her 5th was being a dick Saturday, March 30, 2013 6:46:00 PMTwitter for Android
Fuck off cunt. Girls a biddy Saturday, March 30, 2013 6:45:14 PMTwitter for Android
Girlies poundin chicken wings makes my dick enormmm Saturday, March 30, 2013 6:38:43 PMTwitter for Android
Oh this girl. Many months ago I tried to forgive her but she decided to still be a cunt. Saturday, March 30, 2013 2:39:41 PMTwitter for Android
Oh shit Saturday, March 30, 2013 2:27:46 PMTwitter for Android
Breakfast of champions: Champagne and Doritos! Saturday, March 30, 2013 10:31:41 AMTwitter for Android
I apologize in advance for today's future drunk tweets. Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:46:52 AMTwitter for Android
I've just been told I talk about the system in my sleep... This is quite concerning. Saturday, March 30, 2013 8:12:58 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew are ya done yet? Friday, March 29, 2013 11:03:01 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew your dick is the tiniest. Microscopic kidney bean Friday, March 29, 2013 11:01:21 PMTwitter for Android
Lol my last like 5 tweets were like... let's be honest Thursday, March 28, 2013 11:01:48 PMTwitter for Android
Hiii people :-) Thursday, March 28, 2013 11:00:38 PMTwitter for Android
Xtina is my FAVORITE lesbian ever! Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:38:20 PMTwitter for Android
Just told my old boss I felt some sort of way Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:36:58 PMTwitter for Android
Khodaja likes box Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:23:11 PMTwitter for Android
Now she's all over Mal. I mean that doesn't mean she's a lezzie because all girls wanna make out with Mals duh Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:12:07 PMTwitter for Android
This 1950s cartoon that's on at the bar is absolutely killin it Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:08:38 PMTwitter for Android
Okay.... What are two bastards taking shits... I need to piss bastards Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:01:54 PMTwitter for Android
Khodaja might be a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that. She's snuggin xtina so hard. I've seen it before. Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:54:46 PMTwitter for Android
Ever since I left college, my vagina forgot how to drink..... FML Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:52:38 PMTwitter for Android
Tell that motherfucker he sucks, then take your dick out. Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:25:39 PMTwitter for Android
This is a real frumpy motherfucker behind me. Accidentally stepped on her foot and she flipped out. eatadick.info Thursday, March 28, 2013 7:50:57 PMTwitter for Android
I'm not taking my sneakers off, I'm still sneakers O'Toole Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:09:26 AMTwitter for Android
Isn't Gmail's breakfast delicious. I mean Burger King's.... Thursday, March 28, 2013 7:28:37 AMTwitter for Android
That's the most 3D thing I've ever seen Wednesday, March 27, 2013 9:48:33 PMTwitter for Android
Halooooo Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:40:08 PMTwitter for Android
Thank you.... Sluggers. Thank you Frick. Thank you Frack Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:22:12 AMTwitter for Android
Was nice and held a door for someone. Didn't thank me. Was still behind me at a second door. Made sure it slammed in her face. Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:07:11 AMTwitter for Android
Welp, passed out at 9:30 for the first time since like 3rd grade.... Wednesday, March 27, 2013 4:20:08 AMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew @BadPointer http://t.co/F1XMkskXkV
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Monday, March 25, 2013 9:44:34 PMTwitter for Android
Two things. Not sure if the conductor checked my ticket and.. Shit I forgot Monday, March 25, 2013 9:31:16 PMTwitter for Android
JOE! You are picking at your elbow through your ripped shirt. You're a CRAY!!! -@MalJNew Monday, March 25, 2013 8:32:08 PMTwitter for Android
You know its gonna be a great day when you wake up and throw on a Zeppelin record. Then 40 Oz. to Freedom on the walk to the train! Monday, March 25, 2013 7:48:42 AMTwitter for Android
I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am Sunday, March 24, 2013 11:24:09 PMTwitter for Android
This Sudoku is driving me crazy Sunday, March 24, 2013 8:08:30 PMTwitter for Android
RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: Attention devops! Make of sure you have strong plan C. Plan A and B are never work. Sunday, March 24, 2013 2:18:15 AMTwitter for Android
OMY is on my way..... Wait... That's OMW. Ohhhhhhhhh Friday, March 22, 2013 11:12:50 PMTwitter for Android
You need to try this rice. This is pure Afghani rice. Is best in world. Friday, March 22, 2013 10:26:41 PMTwitter for Android
Portfolioso: NERSFW. (Not even remotely safe for work) Thursday, March 21, 2013 7:48:05 PMTwitter for Android
I can't take this fucking commute anymore. Wednesday, March 20, 2013 9:10:58 AMTwitter for Android
Eric you fucking moron. Read your motherless email before asking me about things I already explained. Fuckin hack. Wednesday, March 20, 2013 8:20:17 AMTwitter for Android
Just realized I have zero patience with how motherfuckers walk in crowds. Seriously? Stop short and turn around in my face? Die ya dickhead Tuesday, March 19, 2013 7:04:54 PMTwitter for Android
Also, it would help for this train to not feel like I'm riding a fucking jackhammer Tuesday, March 19, 2013 6:58:53 PMTwitter for Android
I fucking had enough of my phone. Maybe it should pick up some internet some time Tuesday, March 19, 2013 6:58:03 PMTwitter for Android
RT @ElBloombito: Esta el Feasto de Saiñto de Josepho! In honoro of el feasto, yo orderingo el ÑYPD to not que stop y frisko los personas ... Tuesday, March 19, 2013 12:07:10 PMTwitter for Android
This conductress looks like a chick who's DTF in the bathroom on the 1:56 drunk train home Tuesday, March 19, 2013 12:04:14 PMTwitter for Android
I hope this power cycling shit actually fixes my SSD Monday, March 18, 2013 8:13:13 PMTwitter for Android
My mouth is drier than TK's vagina right now Sunday, March 17, 2013 12:36:39 AMTwitter for Android
"As creepy as it sounds, my grandpas let's are so hot" Saturday, March 16, 2013 11:10:28 PMTwitter for Android
@kellyomealia @kerbear88 @scoopANDslam you bitches still out? Saturday, March 16, 2013 8:29:51 PMTwitter for Android
So basically I just learned that if a chick is biting her lip she's actually thinking how hard he wants to fuck you Saturday, March 16, 2013 2:41:23 PMTwitter for Android
Pandora spelled paddy's patty's wtf Saturday, March 16, 2013 2:30:46 PMTwitter for Android
Its almost 11 and we don't have any Jameson in us. This is a problem Saturday, March 16, 2013 10:49:09 AMTwitter for Android
I don't judge by I mean.. Shit Friday, March 15, 2013 11:11:21 PMTwitter for Android
@Lennon so turn him straight duh.
In reply to @Lennon's tweet
Friday, March 15, 2013 11:02:06 PMTwitter for Android
"Tad drunk, still at work and Natalia wanted to know if we wanted to have a sausage party" Friday, March 15, 2013 11:01:45 PMTwitter for Android
@Lennon he wanted to bang you
In reply to @Lennon's tweet
Friday, March 15, 2013 10:28:07 PMTwitter for Android
"This cray guy seems nice at least he's a smiley homeless also his voice is beautiful he should be a singer Like soul music" -@MalJNew Friday, March 15, 2013 9:11:21 AMTwitter for Android
I like how you keep your condoms in a Tiffany's bag. Klassy with a K. Friday, March 15, 2013 7:40:13 AMTwitter for Android
Primary HDD failure in my laptop. Fucking son of a bitch. $120 SSD lasted 3 months. No data loss though. My files are redundant as fuck Friday, March 15, 2013 1:19:10 AMTwitter for Android
On this bitch ass train for an hour and didn't even make it 20 miles north of NYC. Fucking MTA Thursday, March 14, 2013 10:27:06 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking MTA. Train us actually going backwards now Thursday, March 14, 2013 9:48:44 PMTwitter for Android
Fixed all of the bad dates and times over on http://t.co/J5RGCCm6QN! Thursday, March 14, 2013 1:58:06 PMTwitter for Android
It looks like I legit perioded out of my ass into the toilet. TMI? Nah son, ate mad beets yesterday. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 10:52:22 PMTwitter for Android
@maljnew after some wine: "What is he, a Norwanian?" Wednesday, March 13, 2013 8:52:09 PMTwitter for Android
@MalJNew tell her to eatadick.com
In reply to @MalJNew's tweet
Wednesday, March 13, 2013 7:16:46 PMTwitter for Android
Fucking joke. Nice to know our system crashes because our custom error handler threw an exception. Yo dawg. I heard you like errors. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 7:03:56 PMTwitter for Android
Lol no idea how I'm getting to work. All trains are fucked. Got out and started walking. Yeah exercise! Wednesday, March 13, 2013 8:51:56 AMTwitter for Android
4/5 is running like absolute horse shit today. Fuckin waste Tuesday, March 12, 2013 9:09:10 AMTwitter for Android
Barry is so legit: "Thank you tiger. Thank you, red. Thanks Spike. Thank you, Mr. And Mrs.. Don't move, stop wiggling." Tuesday, March 12, 2013 8:23:01 AMTwitter for Android
In case you haven't noticed, I'm foul today bastards Monday, March 11, 2013 6:41:07 PMTwitter for Android
Just yelled at a fuckin cop for standing there like an asshole in my way while I was trying to get my train Monday, March 11, 2013 6:40:01 PMTwitter for Android
I absolutely must have IBS Monday, March 11, 2013 12:22:22 AMTwitter for Android
My grandma just made me peppers and eggs to bring to lunch tomorrow! Sunday, March 10, 2013 10:36:28 PMTwitter for Android
The Mover: "She's got an ass, size no more" Sunday, March 10, 2013 12:59:08 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin shepherds pie, pot roast doritos and beef sticks. Nom Saturday, March 09, 2013 9:42:16 PMTwitter for Android
Nacho Slim Jims are fucking bossssss Saturday, March 09, 2013 9:40:44 PMTwitter for Android
"Hughlon gave me back door access" Wait. That sounds so gay. Saturday, March 09, 2013 5:27:40 PMTwitter for Android
CBS FM is absolutely killing it right now Saturday, March 09, 2013 4:49:33 PMTwitter for Android
That's rude. How do you have an ice cream truck playing Mr. Softee that is not branded as Mr. Softer? Saturday, March 09, 2013 3:26:07 PMTwitter for Android