9538 tweets posted from Twitter for Android
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Alina's mom is a smokeshow Saturday, October 05, 2013 9:35:59 PMTwitter for Android
Hmmm. Pretty sober. Wonder where my credit card is. Haven't used it in days and it's MIA Saturday, October 05, 2013 2:09:09 AMTwitter for Android
I wish there was a jerking off emoji so I can tweet it at the CTO and tell him I'm at the bar while on call. Saturday, October 05, 2013 12:14:08 AMTwitter for Android
I am soley responsible for getting jeans to the bar. Suck it @lennon Friday, October 04, 2013 11:55:18 PMTwitter for Android
Couldn't be happier Friday, October 04, 2013 11:53:53 PMTwitter for Android
We want jeans Friday, October 04, 2013 11:01:15 PMTwitter for Android
House tequila can suck my dick Friday, October 04, 2013 10:01:33 PMTwitter for Android
OMG. Old school SpaBooker. It doesn't get any better than this. Velba, @maljnew, Sam, Velba, @Lennon, Dwai, Elise #suitssuck #bookersucks Friday, October 04, 2013 9:26:08 PMTwitter for Android
What's the over/under this rat motherfucker is wearing a wire? I'd say 75% chance Friday, October 04, 2013 8:21:52 PMTwitter for Android
I'm such a fuckin alcoholic. Coupla beers at lunch within 15 mins didn't do a god damn thing Friday, October 04, 2013 2:53:04 PMTwitter for Android
"If the money doesn't show, this conversation didn't happen. And it won't ever happen again" Thursday, October 03, 2013 11:52:25 PMTwitter for Android
When the fuck is it going to cool down? At this rate, were going to have a fuckin hurricane again Thursday, October 03, 2013 7:36:36 PMTwitter for Android
Someone's gf, regarding her bf of over a year: "Yeah he might be gay, but he has such a big dick" Wednesday, October 02, 2013 8:21:51 PMTwitter for Android
"I'd like to get back to my weight back when I had hepatitis" Wednesday, October 02, 2013 8:04:42 PMTwitter for Android
Yep. Day I have a sensitive stomach, my train has a flat tire on a washboard track Tuesday, October 01, 2013 8:08:58 AMTwitter for Android
Oh God I need to make it through this train ride without yacking Tuesday, October 01, 2013 8:06:37 AMTwitter for Android
I mean... If the US government shut down, why do I have to work? Tuesday, October 01, 2013 7:58:24 AMTwitter for Android
Google voice sucks the d at transcribing messages http://t.co/b3U19WtkHZ Monday, September 30, 2013 11:13:33 PMTwitter for Android
If money smells bad then this n** biggie stinkin Monday, September 30, 2013 11:10:41 PMTwitter for Android
DLK would be spinning in his empty office at the direction this company is going in Monday, September 30, 2013 11:07:05 PMTwitter for Android
I'm 90% sure this fancy looking Asian businessman smells like weed and has an eighth on him. 90% sure... Monday, September 30, 2013 11:05:23 PMTwitter for Android
Beastie Boys are on at the bar... I'm taking a shot for DLK Monday, September 30, 2013 9:59:55 PMTwitter for Android
I hope I'm not on on call right now... #booker may be experiencing issues. But I'm with bud light and picklebacks, son Monday, September 30, 2013 9:00:13 PMTwitter for Android
RT @KFCBarstool: If the Government shuts down, I'm shutting down too. No fucking way people should have to work if the government isn't. Am… Monday, September 30, 2013 5:35:07 PMTwitter for Android
My clothes need the most febreeze.......... Sunday, September 29, 2013 2:30:57 PMTwitter for Android
I'm boombastic Saturday, September 28, 2013 5:58:08 PMTwitter for Android
My bau made a delicious beef and noodles!!! Omnomnom! Saturday, September 28, 2013 3:16:17 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da script! http://t.co/ZT23XHYwNJ Thursday, September 26, 2013 1:15:34 PMTwitter for Android
Yankees suck a mean dick Wednesday, September 25, 2013 9:31:33 PMTwitter for Android
This company makes me want to shake a bitch #booker Tuesday, September 24, 2013 12:26:34 PMTwitter for Android
Protip: no falling asleep on release calls. @XtinaSchelin will record you and post on reddit Tuesday, September 24, 2013 5:42:29 AMTwitter for Android
Happy fall! Best time of the year!🍁🍃🍂🌿 Sunday, September 22, 2013 10:48:13 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da rummy game. Mover just clipped me -70 points. Guys winning by 150 Sunday, September 22, 2013 7:50:22 PMTwitter for Android
"He's got some pair of flappers, that Posada" -My Grandpa, on Posada's ears Sunday, September 22, 2013 5:40:12 PMTwitter for Android
Cleveland and Tampa Bay winning. If the Yanks lose, they'll be 4 GB in the wild card, so they're finished. Cuncel NY sports for 2013 Sunday, September 22, 2013 4:31:16 PMTwitter for Android
This is a BULLSHIT day in NY sports. Giants choking on donkey dick and if the Yankees can't score with runners at 2nd and 3rd so CUNCEL NY Sunday, September 22, 2013 4:30:09 PMTwitter for Android
Watching the Rivera ceremony on my DVR. I miss all the old guys from the late 90s and early 2000s. Sunday, September 22, 2013 3:09:06 PMTwitter for Android
This country can suck my dick http://t.co/VfAqYUhxcr Saturday, September 21, 2013 10:42:00 AMTwitter for Android
@kerbear88 I was on a rush hour 4 to 125th st and almost had a nervous breakdown. I could bike faster
In reply to @kerbear88's tweet
Friday, September 20, 2013 7:03:20 PMTwitter for Android
"What'd I name the Chinese place in my phone? ... Oh yeah! Amanda Baker" - @MalJNew Thursday, September 19, 2013 9:48:46 PMTwitter for Android
"I'm gonna bring us some Hpnotiq and Goldschläger" Thursday, September 19, 2013 9:10:16 PMTwitter for Android
"This is like a Jew fro moustache" Thursday, September 19, 2013 8:52:17 PMTwitter for Android
My favorite tool is a needle nose pliers pliers. Legit can do anything with it. What's yours (besides my dick)? Thursday, September 19, 2013 8:04:37 PMTwitter for Android
Larry's a good time. A riot Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:02:28 PMTwitter for Android
Its like a switch flipped. Once it hits labor day, the amount if motherfuckers on this train doubles. Wednesday, September 18, 2013 8:02:35 AMTwitter for Android
Yo Eastchester.... Cut out this siren shit at 2am.... If not like anyone's on the road... Wednesday, September 18, 2013 2:01:34 AMTwitter for Android
Fox 5 news at 10 keeps ripping on China so hard, it's getting hysterical Monday, September 16, 2013 10:21:07 PMTwitter for Android
I'm a crazy assed bitch. Monday, September 16, 2013 7:56:41 PMTwitter for Android
Riding the L train bus... Saturday, September 14, 2013 6:48:26 PMTwitter for Android
Jarell llllllll Friday, September 13, 2013 10:47:24 PMTwitter for Android
Joe Stein is the legit awesome Friday, September 13, 2013 9:51:10 PMTwitter for Android
Joe Stein is a fuckin nutjob and the bomb. Com Friday, September 13, 2013 9:12:07 PMTwitter for Android
"Come on Vinny.. We're gonna Eiffel tower Elise" -me Friday, September 13, 2013 8:22:39 PMTwitter for Android
Yep. $100 on vodka red bulls. What are yes gonna do Friday, September 13, 2013 8:14:29 PMTwitter for Android
Fuckin autocorrect Friday, September 13, 2013 8:09:49 PMTwitter for Android
Come on. It's the docking iron horse. Anything goes here. Don't give me shit for pissing in the girls room Friday, September 13, 2013 7:43:51 PMTwitter for Android
This place is gonna be a problem #IronHorseNYC Friday, September 13, 2013 7:42:37 PMTwitter for Android
Where's Antonia? I need her grinding my dick stat Friday, September 13, 2013 7:11:28 PMTwitter for Android
What's the over/under I get hepatitis at the Iron Horse tonight? Friday, September 13, 2013 2:41:10 PMTwitter for Android
She's a creature of the dark. Better than the light. She should meet people in the dark Friday, September 13, 2013 1:21:11 AMTwitter for Android
My legs are like fuck you man, I'm the most relaxed Friday, September 13, 2013 1:10:39 AMTwitter for Android
@KeriAHarrison he's gonna suck balls tonight.
In reply to @KeriAHarrison's tweet
Thursday, September 12, 2013 3:26:57 PMTwitter for Android
Cuncel da Jeter Wednesday, September 11, 2013 5:09:35 PMTwitter for Android
RT @KFCBarstool: Its supposed to be 93 degrees tomorrow. Fuck that shit. I'm done with summer weather. Mother nature you fickle slut Tuesday, September 10, 2013 8:31:00 PMTwitter for Android
Yoooooooo Tuesday, September 10, 2013 8:29:18 PMTwitter for Android
"It feels like we're in Boardwalk Empire right now." Tuesday, September 10, 2013 6:56:06 PMTwitter for Android
"Joke's on you man... I'm getting you an ez-wider denim cap" -@MalJNew Tuesday, September 10, 2013 2:00:00 PMTwitter for Android
WHERE'S MY BAU? Monday, September 09, 2013 10:48:56 PMTwitter for Android
Smells like jello in this bathroom. Also looks like the chamber of secrets. Thought I tweeted this before, but guess I didnt Monday, September 09, 2013 10:45:22 PMTwitter for Android
Azarenka you dirty minx! I see you struttin dat ass, waiting for a serve. If barstool doesn't post a gif of it, I give up! Sunday, September 08, 2013 5:13:01 PMTwitter for Android
This Azarenka chick playing Serena at the U.S Open sounds like she's fucking every time she his the ball. Probably a savage in bed Sunday, September 08, 2013 5:02:44 PMTwitter for Android
Listening to Nirvana Unplugged. Fantastic album, taking a great walk. Lovin life Saturday, September 07, 2013 11:47:26 AMTwitter for Android
Gurrrrrllll. It's a crime to wear white pants after Labor Day. Derrr common sense. It's just not acceptable Saturday, September 07, 2013 1:14:27 AMTwitter for Android
Unlike #booker, my web app has 3 9s of reliability, and that's without any failover or redundancy. Booker? 97% uptime http://t.co/cpMsBI18tL Saturday, September 07, 2013 12:14:45 AMTwitter for Android
Said he had beef. Asked me if I had piece. Sure do. Two 22s in my shoes Friday, September 06, 2013 11:36:02 PMTwitter for Android
Hugs for the honeys. Pounds for the roughnecks.... Friday, September 06, 2013 11:35:28 PMTwitter for Android
Tkray deserves no less than to croak of hepatitis Friday, September 06, 2013 11:21:12 PMTwitter for Android
@Fantasy_Mania I know y'all bastards are all about football now, but make Lessard's out of office auto-reply stop spamming the wasabi league Friday, September 06, 2013 11:19:49 PMTwitter for Android
Yanks coulda come back for the wildcard but if they're gonna lose bullshit games to the Sox, I'm gonna re-cuncel DA saeson Friday, September 06, 2013 11:05:20 PMTwitter for Android
I hope TKray dies in a bus fire Friday, September 06, 2013 9:27:56 PMTwitter for Android
I might cunt punt TK Friday, September 06, 2013 9:04:18 PMTwitter for Android
Welp. Accidentally just screamed DANGER at the top of my lungs at a bouncer... Oops Friday, September 06, 2013 7:35:10 PMTwitter for Android
RT @BarstoolJJ: Eat 2 dicks “@KFCBarstool: NOTHING better than a Mariano blown save” Friday, September 06, 2013 2:42:30 PMTwitter for Android
Edgar: "I need more white friends" #ShitNoOneSays Friday, September 06, 2013 2:41:10 PMTwitter for Android
Time Waner is the absolute worst. Can't even go one night without the brand new modem needing to be reset Friday, September 06, 2013 8:16:07 AMTwitter for Android
I love Jewish holidays on the grounds that my train is deserted Thursday, September 05, 2013 8:42:54 AMTwitter for Android
You go to clown school? You go to CLOWN SCHOOL??? I call your mutha!!! @Colithika Thursday, September 05, 2013 12:22:56 AMTwitter for Android
Hands down best feature of the moto x is when you pull it out of your pocket and the screen turns on a d there's an unlock gestute Wednesday, September 04, 2013 11:53:39 PMTwitter for Android
Drinking sucks balls. I could totally replace it with.... Something else Wednesday, September 04, 2013 11:40:20 PMTwitter for Android
@KeriAHarrison the Yankees cuncelled your husband Wednesday, September 04, 2013 11:38:46 PMTwitter for Android
Might yack... Hhhh Wednesday, September 04, 2013 11:37:38 PMTwitter for Android
To catch my train, I ran faster than when Carrabotta was whipping me in high school gym class to run the mile in less than 12 minutes Wednesday, September 04, 2013 11:28:14 PMTwitter for Android
Lower Manhattan is so ethereal at night. Fuckin crowded touristy shithole during the day. Desolate by night Wednesday, September 04, 2013 10:56:59 PMTwitter for Android
Lower Manhattan Burger King... My old phone never had signal here. This has perfect service. Fuckin enjoyyyyy Wednesday, September 04, 2013 10:47:30 PMTwitter for Android
Vinny: "I'm gonna punch this Mexican in the face for 2 reasons... 1 you're Mexican. 2 when I ask you for a shot, you bring me a fucking shot Wednesday, September 04, 2013 10:11:13 PMTwitter for Android
I do shots like a pussy these days Wednesday, September 04, 2013 10:04:38 PMTwitter for Android
If you're not watching this game rooting for Mo, you are NOT a Yankee fan Wednesday, September 04, 2013 10:00:21 PMTwitter for Android
@BarstoolJJ FUCK don't put mothafuckin Hughes in
In reply to @BarstoolJJ's tweet
Wednesday, September 04, 2013 9:57:17 PMTwitter for Android
Mothafuckin Mariano golden fuckin Rivera. GOD Wednesday, September 04, 2013 9:51:35 PMTwitter for Android
Depending on how drunk I get tonight, I might un-Cuncel da Yankees Wednesday, September 04, 2013 9:46:29 PMTwitter for Android